Caption Distraction — VP Edition

The Office

In the spirit of bipartisanship, I present to you this special vice-presidential edition of the OfficeTally caption contest.

(Actually, this is just a distraction from the fact that we don’t get to watch a new episode of “The Office” tonight.)

UPDATE: here are some of my favorite entries. In some cases, I slightly reworded entries to make them fit or read better, but the credit is still yours. WINNERS — patrick, nicole, and little fish in the big apple! Congrats!

Sarah Palin

Joe Biden

What to do: fill in what Senator Biden and Governor Palin are saying! Text must be inspired by something said on “The Office” — is an awesome source for every line ever said on the show. Oh and I’m sure tonight’s vice presidential debate will give you some good ideas, too. ;)

Check out a couple of examples here.

To submit an entry: add a comment to this post with your text. You can submit a caption for Biden, Palin, or both.

Rules: 20 word limit per bubble. U.S. only, ONE ENTRY PER PERSON, must be Office-related, must use correct spelling/punctuation/grammar, valid email address required.

Prize: I’ll pick three winners to receive Target Office goodies.

Deadline: 6pm PT tomorrow, October 3rd. You only have 24 hours! CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED TO NEW ENTRIES.

Related link: results of Say What #1

A Tan Monster/Matt Collins Joint


  1. Pallin: And that is why our nation must change over our currency to Schrute Bucks.

    Biden: They got engaged where? In what? Wow!

  2. Palin: On one hand, our healthcare plan is not as affordable as the Democrats’, but we cover everything- even countchoculitis.

  3. Palin: What’s the difference between a pitbull and a hockey mom?
    Biden: A hockey mom has a vagina!
    Palin: It’s a joke, Joe. Not a sex ed class.
    Biden: But I’m right.
    Palin: Yeah, you’re right about the difference between a pitbull and a woman, but not about the punch line to the joke, right? The difference between a pitbull and a hockey mom is… boobs!

  4. Palin – Abraham Lincoln once said, if you are a Democrat, I will attack you with the North. I hope to bring those same principles with me, to the White House.

  5. Palin: How many times have I told you? I’m the safety officer, not you.

    Biden: I… you know, as that was coming out of my mouth, I knew that it was wrong.

  6. Biden: “What’s up ma’ nerds!”

    Palin: “Beyonce; pink, the color; Pink, the person; hot dogs… basically, anything that is awesome. Snow cones…”

  7. Pallin – Wow! That is really hard. You really think you can go all day long? Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling, so…
    Biden: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAIDYou’ve always left me smiling and satisfied

  8. Mr. Biden: (cement face print/lower tax rates) i… LOVE IT!!!!!

    Mrs. Palin: Which is my horrible segway into this debate….

  9. Biden: “It’s so freakin’ hot in there. Now I know what Bob Hope was going through when he performed in Saudi Arabia. Man!”

    Palin: “Guys are usually my best customers, they buy the high end stuff like the beads and the sequins and stuff. For gifts, you know? They don’t know what they are looking at. So I make suggestions.”

  10. Biden- Ooh! It’s pretzel day!

    Palin- I, the delegate from Iceland, officially open these Flonkerton games.

  11. Palin: “So here’s Russia, so…such a short distance has given me so much foreign policy experience that…it’s really incalculable.”


  12. Palin: You ask me how I sleep at night? Let me turn this question over to my dear friend, Miss Angela Martin.

    Biden: I don’t know ANYTHING about a raccoon in a car.

  13. Biden – WHOA!!! This is not my Batman glass.

    Palin – You’ll win this lovely new CAR!!!

  14. Palin: No, you said that I’d be conducting the interview when I walked in here. Now exactly how much pot did you smoke?


  15. Palin: “I don’t have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once. But by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor’s dog.”

    Biden: “Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you have to just be the boss of dancing.”

  16. Palin: We usually marry standing in our own graves. Makes the funerals very romantic, but the weddings are a bleak affair.

  17. Palin: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me.

    Biden: What has two thumbs and hates the War in Iraq? This guy!

  18. Palin: FACT: Biden eats beets.
    Biden.Beets.Battlestar Gallactica.

    Biden: What has two thumbs and is running for Vice President? …This guy!

  19. Palin: “That’s Tina Fey! That’s Tina Fey from Saturday Night Live!”

    Biden: “Oh my God. Huge!”

  20. Palin: From here on out… we can no longer be friends. And when we talk about things here, we must only discuss work-associated things. And, uh, you can consider this my retirement from comedy.

    Biden: Wow! That is really hard! Do you really think you can go all day long?

  21. Palin: Yeah I have a lot of questions, number one, how dare you?

    Biden: You don’t call retarded people retards…that’s bad taste…you call your friends retards when they’re doing something retarded

  22. Palin: Look, if we were in a bar right now, there’d be two punches: me punching you, you hitting the floor.

    Biden: I would like to state that in this situation, I took a very hands-free approach. …that’s what she said.

  23. Palin: Thank you. Thank you very much. OK. Thanks for filling these out and I promise this’ll be quick. Our philosophy in this campaign is all about honesty and positive expectations. We believe that 99% of the problems in this country arise simply out of ignorance.

    Biden: I learned that Governor Palin broke her left leg twice in one year. I learned that she’s allergic to sesame seeds. I learned that she has read “Lonesome Dove” three times.
    And that her butt refuses to quit!

  24. Palin: John and I are great together, both in leadership and loyalty. The only thing that would make our duo better is ice cream.

    Biden: ICE CREAM?! WHERE?

  25. Biden: What?! The Office isn’t on tonight… and it’s because of us?!
    Palin: Yup. Beer me five.

  26. Palin: So you see my fellow Americans, the contest between Wet Tuna and Dry Tuna are where the problems in our country truly lie…and I can see Russia from my house!

    Biden: Her butt refuses to quit!

  27. Palin: “I hear the Democratic National Convention will have double-fudge brownies. It will also have Democrats. Double fudge…Democrats…double fudge…Democrats…hmmm”

  28. Palin: Terrorists, terrorists are no fun. Terrorists, terrorists hurt someone.

    Biden: Where is my FREAKING phone?!

  29. Biden: Sara, I know that the color red represents Republican, but I was thinking orange streamers might look nice at the debate.

    Palin: Orange is whoreish, John. That is a terrible idea… you should leave.

  30. Palin: For the competitions, you will be divided into four tribes. Each tribe will have a leader that I will pick randomly off the top of my head without thinking. Jim, Biden, Andy and Stanley.

    Biden: YES!

  31. Palin:”But I’m allergic to dairy”

    Biden:”Mint Chocolate Chip! Mint Chocolate Chip!”

  32. Palin- If I get into the White House, my party planning beeyotches are gonna be right there with me…pulled off an amazing 80s party last year. Off the hook!

    Biden- You’re never gonna believe this- the girl in that sexual harassment video they made us watch the other day? McCain banged her!!

  33. Sarah Palin- You know, the Office isn’t on tonight.

    Joe Biden- Oh HELL no! My TiVo’s set!

  34. I’m Canadian but I thought I’d give it a try!

    Palin: I do have experience with foreign affairs. Russia is really close but it’s really hard to get in!

    Biden: That’s what she said!

  35. Palin: It was obvious.

    Biden: Did you check it’s breathing? No. you’re not a veterinarian! You don’t know ANYTHING!!

  36. Biden: How many times do I have to tell you Palin, mercy is for girl babies.

    Palin: Drill baby, drill.
    That’s what she said.

  37. Palin:Drill baby drill! or double fudge brownies…

    Biden: I thought my debate was going to be against Palin, not Jack Bauer…

  38. Palin: You have to ask questions to whoever’s next, you can’t just ask a question to whoever you’re sleeping with that week.

    Biden: Looks like someone took the slow train from Philly.

  39. Palin: Number 14, declining to speak first. Makes them feel uncomfortable, puts you in control. That’s ‘what happened’ with the Katie Couric interview.

    Biden: Holy crap! Barack hired a hooker!

  40. Palin: Question-Why are you the way that you are?

    Biden: If someone asks me that again, I’m going to lose my FREAKING mind!

  41. Palin – I’m an early bird, and I’m a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.

    Biden – Pippity poppity, give me the zoppity.

  42. Palin: The only thing more dangerous than bear attacks? Wolves. They must be shot from airplanes. I’d like to introduce the leader of my Wolf Taskforce, Dwight K. Schrute.

    Biden: No Dwight, when raising the roof its: “udtss, udtss, udtss, udtss”

  43. Palin: I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. As governor of Alaska, I don’t have a butler.
    Biden: I prefer waking up to the smell of butter. I have Country Crock!

  44. Palin: Beyonce, pink the color, Pink the person, hotdogs, basically anything that is awesome.

  45. Palin- you shouldn’t bring your purple belt to the debate cause someone might steal it… oh crap where’s it go?!

    Biden- Oh no you didn’t! Give that back to me right now!

  46. Palin: Hey… It was only five dollars. What did you expect? Lobster?

    Biden: We declare BANKRUPTCY!!!

  47. Biden- OMG! Is that Tina Fey?!

    Palin- Really everyone do we really look that much alike? Okay yeah we do…

  48. Palin: “I read Small Business man. I also uh, subscribe to USA Today and American Way Magazine. Why do you ask?”

    Biden: “In the wild, there is no health care. So what’s the big deal man?”

  49. Palin: Certain topics are off-limits to politicians, JFK, AIDS, the Holocaust. The Lincoln Assassination just recently became funny.
    Biden: I need to watch this debate like I need a hole in the head!

  50. Biden: “Scranton is great, but Washington D.C. is like Scranton on acid, no on speed, no on steroids.”

    Palin: I never considered myself beautiful until people started pointing it out… So that’s why… wait, Gwen, what was your question?”


    Palin: Hey, I just wanted you to know that you can’t just say vice presidency and expect anything to happen.

  52. Palin: Me and my fellow Hockey Moms are the best for the president’s party planning committee.

    Biden: Whoa, I do NOT have spontaneous dental hydroplosion!

  53. Palin: Attention earthlings. I have some news. Beep beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep beep.

    Biden: I hate so much about the things you choose to be.

  54. Palin: “This is my office…and this is my workspace!”
    Biden: “Samuel, you are such an idiot, you are the worst assistant ever. And you’re disgusting, Dwigt.”

  55. Palin: You know, I never even considered myself beautiful until people started pointing it out to me. You know, “Sarah, wow, you are so much more beautiful than Miss Alaska.”

    Biden: Dancing babies!

  56. Biden – Woah! Um, who is that fine older gentleman in the corner?

    Palin – Uh, that is my running mate, John McCain. He has four toes and he fought in the Civil War.

  57. Palin: It’s a little stuffy in here so we have decided to move the debates to…

    Biden: CHILI’S!!

    *side note, #64 gave me a good laugh!

  58. Biden- Let’s get the party started. Not the way I taught you!

    Palin- Hi, fellow Americans. I’m Sarah Palin, and… I…am in charge of this place… ahh, what’ll make you…understand…I am…like Superman, and the people who work here are like citizens of Gotham City.

  59. Biden: And we also need to….that’s Tina Fey. That’s Tina Fey from Saturday Night Live. Oh…ok, I thought that was. She looked a lot like Tina Fey

  60. Palin: I never even considered myself beautiful until people said, “Sarah, wow, you are so much more beautiful than Miss Alaska.”

    Biden: Dancing babies!

  61. Palin: …and now I give you, Mr. & Mrs. Halpert!

    Biden: I just sat on Dwight’s stun gun!

  62. Palin: “McCain used me as an object.”

    Biden: “I know the answer but I’m not going to say it because you guys are all jerks who didn’t watch the Vice-presidential candidate debat!”

  63. Palin: In the Palin family, we like to say, “Looks like someone took the slow train from Philly.”

    Biden: You know what you should do to be hilarious? Wear your wedding dress. It would be a great icebreaker.

  64. Biden: I’m a pretty normal guy. I do one weird thing. I like to go number two in the women’s room. I’ve been caught several times and I have paid dearly.

    Palin: We must deceive America so as not to hurt them, and in that way, we honor them.

  65. Palin: A govenor’s salary isn’t just about money, it is about perks. If… for example, every year I get a $100 gas card… Can’t put a price tag on that.

  66. Palin: Who we talking about here? The Russians? The Latin Kings? Newsies?

    Biden: Sarah, in serious political world, we use something called Fluffy Fingers!

  67. Palin: “I can’t say whether our politics is less flammable, but I can assure that it is certainly not more flammable.”

    Biden: “Well see, um… in the world of politics, we use something called Fluffy Fingers”

  68. Biden: That’s what she said.

    Palin: …and then Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? They had a baby, too, and they named it Shiloh. And both babies are amazing!

  69. Palin: “I can’t say whether our politics is less flammable, but I can assure that it is certainly not more flammable”

    Biden: “Well see, um… in the world of politics, we use something called Fluffy Fingers”

  70. Palin: And for only $10,000, you could become a co-owner of “Serenity by Jan”


  71. Palin-I can’t say whether politics is less flammable, but I can assure that it is certainly not more flammable.
    Biden-Well see, um… in the world of politics, we use something called Fluffy Fingers”

  72. Palin: This job will get hard, but I am commited to help our president get through it.


  73. Palin: I wonder what people like about me, probably my jugs!

    Biden: Welcome one and all to the world premiere of corporate crap fest! “i declare bankruptcy!”

  74. Palin: Yah know, come visit Alaska! We’ve got untapped natural resources and hey…to my left you can even see Russia!

    Biden: Oh No! Who scheduled the debate on the same night as the Office? It’s BANANAS! Beer me ten Obama!

  75. BIDEN: Scranton What? The electric city.

    PALIN: Sometimes, the clothes at GapKids are just too flashy. So I’m forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls.

  76. Palin: A governer’s salary isn’t just about money, it is about perks. It… for example, every year I get a $100 gas card… Can’t put a price tag on that.

    Biden: Secrets, secrets are no fun. Secrets, secrets hurt someone

  77. Palin: I think green is whorish.

    Biden: Let’s get the party started. Not the way I taught you! (*raises the roof)

  78. Palin: Sorry Biden but we have to push the debate to a later time. I’m having dinner with McCain at 5pm.

    Biden: Wow! That’s early for dinner. I’m just saying.

  79. Palin: “I have this little vacuum cleaner that’s broken. If the election doesn’t work out, maybe that could be president.”

    Biden: “I’m going to reorganize and restructure the physical layout of the country to maximize everything!”

  80. Palin: I’m not gaining anything from this debate. I’m a professional woman. The governor of Alaska… I just think it’s insulting that the US thinks we need this.

    Biden: It’s McCain versus Obama, and it is the clash of the titans. In one corner, you have McCain, and he is mad. And then, in the other corner, you have Obama, and HE’S mad. So that’s about it.

  81. Palin: All right, Joe Biden everyone.

    Biden: Blood alone moves the wheels of history! Have you ever asked yourselves how long we have been striving for greatness?

  82. Palin: Welcome to the America Room at Shrute Farms.

    Biden: Seriously Kelly, that tapeworm Creed sold me got this big!

  83. Palin: I’ve debated before. You’re hardly my first, babe.

    Biden: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!! Babe!

  84. Biden: Regarding Obama, Abraham Lincoln once said that “If you are a racist, I will attack you with the North,” and those are the principles I carry with me in the workplace.

    Palin: What are some of my morals? Retaliation. Tit for tit.

  85. Palin: Biden said these glasses are cool. He said I look like Lisa Loeb or Tina Fey or someone. I’ll definitely wear them all the time.

    Biden: Guess who just became the cutest Vice Presidential candidate?

  86. Palin: I wonder what people like about me? Probably my jugs.

    Biden: Palin, these are SPOOOOOOOONS.

  87. Palin: Hey, hey, you, you! I don’t like your running mate! Cuz, cuz, cuz, cuz, cuz he sucks at ping-pong!

    Biden: You know what? I’m sick of this! Let’s go, you and me! Let’s go. Pick up a paddle.

  88. Palin: I wonder what people like about me? … Probably my jugs.

    Biden: I’m going to win this vice presidency in 6 weeks. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake. I’m always thinking one step ahead. Like a carpenter that makes stairs.

  89. PALIN – I’ll tell ya what, as far as drilling goes, we have to keep it up.

    BIDEN – That’s what she said!

  90. Palin: “When Levi told us that Bristol was pregnant, he led us to believe that he was the father. By telling us that he was the father.”

    Biden: “You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? “Raging Bull.” Pacino. Oh, I want that footage.”

  91. Palin: Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica. Dwight was right! Alaska rules!

    Biden: The $5 footlongs at Subway are totally worth it! That’s What She Said!

  92. Palin: Poop is raining from the ceiling! POOP!

    Biden: Ain’t no party like a Scranton party ’cause a Scranton party don’t stop!

  93. Palin: You have 700 billion dollars…you can have anything from the top row.

    Biden: Wait, back up. Do you think I’m retarded?!

  94. Palin: Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television, North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe.

    Biden: Biden started the fire!

  95. Palin: I work all day. I like knowing there’s going to be a break. Most days I just wait for break.

    Biden: The Bidens like saying, “Looks like someone took the slow train from Alaska.” That’s code for, “Check out the Republican.”

  96. Palin: I’m from Alaska, ever heard of it?

    Biden: I wrote a speech. It’s really long. But I left it in my office. The last word is “seagulls.” I borrowed a lot from other speeches.

  97. palin:”Sittin in alaska with a plate of grilled bacon, call my man Joe just to see what was shakin”

    biden: “yo Sarah your town’s so dope and pretty, i wanna check out how you live in a real cold city!”

  98. Palin – I never said that pink was whorish, I said that false change was whorish.

    Biden – Lincoln once said “If you’re a racist, I will attack you with the North,” this is my platform.

  99. Palin: I support Afghanistanis with AIDS.
    Biden: I think you mean the aid to Afghanistan, or is it Afghani… but that’s a dog. Afghans? Afghanistananies? hmm.

  100. Biden: Whoa, god, yuck, yuck, what happened in here, there is stink in there!

    Palin: Hey guys, somebody making soup?

  101. Biden: Whoa, god, yuck, yuck, what happened in here, there is stink in here!

    Palin: Hey guys, somebody making soup?

  102. Palin: The term chanted at rallies was actually “Drill, Baby, Drill.”

    Biden:…That what she said.

  103. Palin: Who is this old fart? Did you just stagger off the street? Out of a box or something? Whos this worthless bag of bones? It’s John McCain.

    Biden: NARDDOG!

  104. palin – I wonder what people like about me? … Probably my jugs.

    biden – Let’s get the party started. Not the way I taught you!

  105. I’m a Kiwi, can I please play too?!



    Palin: I hear Joe’s party will have double-fudge brownies. It will also have Joe. Double fudge… Joe… double fudge… Joe

  107. Palin: Yeah, he looks like Hillary Clinton.

    Biden: I made one tiny mistake. I wore womens clothes.

  108. Palin: I hear Joe’s party will have double-fudge brownies. It will also have Joe. Double fudge… Joe… double fudge… Joe


  109. Palin: Why do you think Obama should be president Because you think he’s black?

    Biden: He is black, and Abraham Lincoln once said, “If you are a racist, I will attack you will the North.”

  110. Palin: “Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling!”

    Biden: “That’s what she said!”

  111. Palin: We’re all homo’s… homo sapiens.

    Biden: Why do I like Hooters? Well, I will give you two reasons… the boobs and the hot wings.

  112. And my one for Palin:

    Amerrrica is facing five Goliaths: Al-Qaeda, global warming, sex predators… mercury poisoning.

  113. Palin: I wonder if Jim likes Hockey Moms?

    Biden: He’s engaged.

    Palin: BFD. Engaged ain’t married.

  114. Palin: I rescheduled the debate to be held at Chili’s. Chili’s is the new golf course. It’s where business happens. Who’s got two thumbs and can still balance a loaded tray. This lady!

    Biden: That was an awesome debate! With extra awesome. I want my baby back, baby back, baby back-

  115. Palin: “You don’t call retarded people ‘retards’. You call your friends ‘retards’ when they’re acting retarded.”

    Biden: “I think I cut my penis!”

  116. BIDEN: “I. Declare. Bankruptcy!”

    PALIN: I shoot a moose and field-dress it. That’s how I sleep at night.

  117. BIDEN: “Here’s a little newsflash! It’s not funny! In fact, it’s pretty freakin’ unfunny!” (Punches desk hard) “That was an overreaction…”

    PALIN: “I shot a werewolf once. But when I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor’s dog.”

  118. Palin: I’m a hockey mom. Do you know what the difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull is? Lipstick!

    Biden: You know what? The only thing I’m worried about is getting a boner.

  119. Biden: I declare BANKRUPTCY!

    Palin: When Pam gets Michael’s old chair, I get Pam’s old chair. Then I’ll have two chairs. Only one to go.

  120. Biden: I declare BANKRUPTCY!

    Palin: I will quit. As God as my witness, I will quit if this is not fixed.

  121. Biden: There’s a decision that needs to be made, and I’m having an unbelievably busy day. So I’m going to let you pick a health care plan for our country and then explain it to your fellow Americans.

    Palin:Yeah. I just don’t think this is the kind of task, that I… am going to do. You know who would be great for this?

  122. Palin: “Why should I be promoted to VP? I’m Glad you asked. Take a look at my name, SARAH:
    Agile worker
    Really good worker
    Hot Worker.”
    Biden: “Yeah, I did one too. JOE:
    Oh, I’m Joe.
    Everyone calls me Joe.”

  123. Palin: If this doesn’t work, I’ll try being a Chair Model

    Biden: I saw a beet at Schrute Farms this big!

  124. Palin: We have a plan to lower taxes and put more McCain Bucks into the wallets of the American people!

    Biden: We’ll lower taxes and put billions of Obama Nickles into the wallets of the American people if you and McCain step down and never talk again.

  125. Palin: How can I get McCain to do what I want… I know, I’ll sleep with him.

    Biden:(To Palin) You my friend are a gentleman and a scholar..

  126. Palin: I’m sorry, Senator, are you not worried about a terrorist attack on U.S. soil?

    Biden: You know what? The only thing I’m worried about… is getting a boner. Good work today, everybody.

  127. Biden- We got exposed wires up there. You can actually hear them sparking, okay? I said “Gimme a budget for repairs,” they said “Fix it yourself.” And we got metal beams touching metal shelves. First rainstorm it’s gonna be a warehouse full of dead people up in here. [Kevin sneaks through warehouse and out the back door] What the hell?

    palin-Yeah, small. I’m buying it and I’m not renting it. So, it’s still an upgrade. He doesn’t know anything about property ownership. Kind of an idiot. I can see alaska from my house.

  128. Palin: America, we didn’t lose your sale today, did we? Excellent. OK. Let me just get your… what’s that? No, we didn’t close last time. I just need your… Oh. W-What code were you given? Oh, OK. That’s actually another politician here. I can redo it if you want to do that. Oh, he gave you a discount? No, I don’t blame you.

    Biden: (pops open a mini bottle of bubbly)

  129. Palin: This is Obama’s choice for vice president Joe Biden, if you think he’s cute now, you should have seen him a few years ago.

    Joe Biden: That crosses the line! Attractiveness should not be brought into this. This debate is a welcoming environment and you should just get the hell out of here!

  130. Palin: Here comes Katie. Hand me my gun.

    Biden: I have to debate her? I am sooooooooooooo scared. NOT.

  131. Biden: Yes! Funtivities! I knew it wasn’t just a trip to the beach.

    Palin: I knew you were saying sabotage. I will misunderstand everything that Biden says until he goes insane.

  132. Palin: Table making never seemed so possible.

    Biden: There are too many people on this earth. There needs to be a new plague.

  133. Palin: Beer me that flag.

    Biden: Ain’t no party like a Scranton party cuz a Scranton party don’t stop!

  134. Palin: Debates are awesome… and there’s food… and there’s going to be dancing… and… Oh! I got the raddest outfit. Beer me five!

    Biden: No! That is the fun of this place. I call everybody “republican”. Why would anybody find that offensive?

  135. Biden: That’s what she said! No time! But she did! No TIME!

    Palin: And they’re like, so smart, I don’t even know what they mean half the time.

  136. Palin: Well, here is the emergency disaster mode for the Alaska org chart. This gives me full authority over every single moose in the state.

    Biden: The problem is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition won’t receive the care they need, because someone is coming up with all this ridiculous stuff, like “Count Choculitis”!

  137. Palin: We hockey moms don’t approve of this, Joe. Y-you only had the budget for one tax break a year, so…

    Biden: You’re dropping an A-Bomb on me here!

  138. Biden: “I changed my mind… So sue me! No, dont sue me. Thats the opposite of the point Im trying to make.”

  139. Biden: “Ahh, come on! What is wrong with me today?!?! Usually hit those.”

    Palin: “I want to thank God, because God gave me this flag, and I feel God at this debate tonight. Woohoooo!”

  140. Palin: You want to feel free to do your thing…and no one gets me. They put up these walls…and I just keep breaking them down. Breakin’ down barriers. That’s my day.

    Biden: Um, It’s called politics, baby. It’s about getting what you can out of people and then destroying them.

  141. Palin : Biden tried to kiss me. And I didn’t tell anyone because I’m not really sure how I feel about it.

    Biden : That is not true. Redact it! Question. When a name is withdrawn, does that also apply to the permanent misbehavior file in Washington?

  142. Palin: I get my news from Wikipedia, it’s the best ever. Anyone can write anything on any subject.

    Biden: It’s time for our first debate, so pack a swimsuit, a toothbrush, rubber-soled shoes, and a ski mask.

  143. Palin: Do you really not know how Netflix works, Joe? You’re such a ditz.

    Biden: Barack, would you please tell Sarah that this is not a womans suit.

  144. Palin: People underestimate McCain. There are many things that he is well above average at…

    Biden: My My My Turn! My My My Turn!My My My My Turn!

  145. Palin:Sarah Palin…is the name…of me.
    Biden:Someone replaced my pens with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert.

  146. Palin: One thing about deer, they have very good vision. One thing about me, I am better at hiding than they are… at vision.

    Biden: DID I STUTTER?

  147. Palin: I thought about playing in the NHL, but, you’re on the road so much. I would never see my family.

    Biden: Shout-out to my hometown of Scranton! There ain’t no party like a Scranton party, ’cause a Scranton party don’t stop!

  148. Palin: Executive experience. Beer me five.

    Biden: Do you really expect me to not push you up against the wall, beeyotch?! I AM HERE TO SCARE YOU STRAIIIGHT!!

  149. Palin: Wait, back up. Do you think that I am retarded?

    Biden: Oh, you guys, that is very offensive.

  150. Palin: This is an environment of welcoming…and you should just get the hell out of here!

    Biden: Plan a debate, Biden! Oh! And the entire world will see it. Oh! And here are idiots who’ll do nothing but weigh you down. Oh. And your cat’s still dead.

  151. Palin:Hey, did you watch The Apprentice last night?
    Biden: Yeah, I can’t believe who they kicked out!

  152. These quotes are bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

    Everyone is so clever and funny. Good luck in being the decider, Tanster! :)

  153. Palin- I want to name my baby Usher Jennifer Fey Palin.

    Biden- Don’t you see why that’s insane?!

    Palin- Oh so I’m crazy now?

  154. Palin: I am so excited! I can’t wait to be the Vice President of The United States!

    Biden: You will never be the Vice President! You wouldn’t even make a good Assistant To The President!

  155. Palin: “These are due back by Thursday”

    Biden: Palin has been cruisin’ for a bruisin’ and I am now her cruise director, and my name is Captain Bruisin’.

  156. P:”Here in my hand I have the ‘invisible voodoo doll’ that keeps away evil spirits!”

    B:”But I have two invisible hand puppets! Look! They’re scary ghosts! WOOOOOOOOO!”

  157. Biden: Sarah, if I step on a mine in Scranton, Pennsylvania, and die, you can have my job.

    Palin: The process began with McCain asking me what my hopes and dreams were, and ended with him telling me he could benchpress 190 pounds. So I don’t really know what a VP does.

  158. Palin: What’s the difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull?

    Biden: The same difference between unicorns and leprechauns.

  159. Palin: Joe, this is from Congress. How many times have I told you? There’s a special filing cabinet for things from Congress. It’s called the wastepaper basket!

    Biden: If you think she’s cute now, you should have seen her a couple of years ago.

  160. Palin: I believe that John is going to play an important role in our country’s future.

    Bidenl: Oh really, what role is that? King of the stupid universe?

  161. Potential Post-election quotes:

    Palin: Umm… Inaugural Balls are awesome… and there’s food, and there’s going to be dancing, and oh! I got the raddest outfit. It has, um, sparkles.

    Biden: John McCain is g-gone!!! Hes gone, I miss him so MUCH!! OOH, I cry myself to sleep!!! John!! False. I do not miss him.

  162. Biden: Where is my FREAKIN’ phone? … I’m becoming a republican.

    Palin: I think we broke his brain.

  163. Palin: And over here we have my collection of Dwight Schrute bobbleheads. They’re the first in the White House, don’tcha know?

    Biden: I hope this job isn’t too hard. THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!

  164. Palin- as we say in Alaska “you’re hardly my first”
    Biden- that’s what she said!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  165. Biden: Blood alone moves the wheels of history! Have you ever asked yourselves in an hour of meditation, which everyone finds during the day, how long we have been striving for greatness?

    Palin: ….

  166. Biden: Im thinking the next time youre in the shower, you should check yourself out. You know, give yourself an exam. Those things are like ticking time bags.

    Palin: Joe cannot speak until he buys me a coke. Those are the rules of Jinx, and they are unflinchingly rigid.

  167. Palin: We have a lot of angry Americans out there. This puts us at threat level midnight!

    Biden: We need two men on this. That’s what she said. No time! But she did. NO TIME!

    (hopefully this one hasn’t been done already) :)

  168. Palin: What? Why are you suprised? I’m only a governor!
    Biden: Oh, those press bells are going to go … ringie-dingie-ding!

  169. Palin: How would I describe myself? Three words. Hockey Mom, Pit Bull, Jackhammer, Merciless, Insatiable.

    Biden: I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.

  170. Palin: Specifically, Katie? I read American Way, the inflight magazine…told me where Doris Roberts eats when she’s in Phoenix. Illuminating.

    Biden: What’s my type? Moms. Soccer moms, NASCAR moms. Any type of mom, really. I really like Hockey moms. Wait, no…

  171. Palin: Would I rather be feared or loved? Um, easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me. And I think I proved that today at the debate.
    Biden: Oh, big strong Alaskan, fancy new whatever. I don’t think you ever cared about this country!”

  172. PALIN : Look in that window, Joe. I can see the Russians building their bombs!

    BIDEN : Oh, no! Alarms bells are kinda going off. RINGY DINGY DINGY!

  173. Biden: Hey Big Govna. Beer me 35 years of foreign policy experience. Raddadadadadoooo!

    Palin: Describe myself in 3 words? Hard-working, Alpha male, Jackhammer, Merciless, Insatiable.

  174. Palin: I am a great interviewee. Why? Because I have something no one else has: my brain.

    Biden: No. AIDS is not funny! Believe me, I have tried.

  175. Palin: Joe, did you know that I can see Russia from my house?
    Biden: BFD! I can see Poor Richard’s from mine!

  176. Palin: I love debating. I really think I could go all day long.
    Biden: That’s what she said!!

  177. Well I entered one already (#94), but that was for Palin. So I’m hoping I can enter this one for Biden and they can both be eligible.

    BIDEN: What up my nerds?!

  178. Palin: Ive been McCains #2 guy for 5 weeks. Were a great team. He’s like Mozart, and I’m like, Mozart’s friend.

    Biden: You gotta have the hilarious black guy in the Oval Office!

  179. Palin: A woman shouldn’t have to be hit by a car to learn she has rabies. But that’s where we are in America.

    Biden: I want people making out in closets… hanging from the ceilings, lampshades on heads… I want it to be a Playboy Mansion party!

    [went over the 20 word limit by 2-3 words :( but many of the words are 2-3 letters only, so they’ll fit in the bubble]

  180. Palin: You know what they say about a car wreck where it’s so awful you can’t look away? The debates are like a car wreck that you want to look away, but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.

    Biden: The debates? Now I know what Bob Hope felt like while performing in Saudi Arabia.

  181. Palin : You know what they say about a car wreck, where it’s so awful you can’t look away? The Debates are like a car wreck that you want to look away from but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.

    Biden : The Debates? Now I know how Bob Hope felt performing in Saudia Arabia.

  182. Palin: No! You do not talk to him like that! He is not an idiot! President Bush is mentally challenged. But he’s doing a super job here.

    Biden: Assistant TO the President.

  183. Palin: Katie Couric and me did not get off to a great start.

    Joe Biden: No, I am not going to tell them, as a president wouldn’t tell his country when they were in a state of emergency until it was too late.

  184. Palin: America…declares…BANKRUPTCY!
    Biden: Okay, you know, Sarah, you can’t just say “bankruptcy” and expect anything to happen.

  185. Palin: I can field dress a moose. I once shot a vampire, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbors dog.

  186. #13 is the only one that made me burst out laughing. It was great–the only line from The Office which directly relates to the election right now.

  187. I love #13… the amount that Tina Fey and Sarah Palin look alike is constantly blowing my mind.

  188. Biden: Times have changed a little…I am a VP candidate now, and it would be inappropriate for me to take a bath with Gov. Palin. As much as I might want to.
    Palin: He said what?!

  189. You know, these actually don’t sound that funny one after another. But they do deserve it, though…

  190. Oh man I just thought of one for Biden! Wish I thought about it the other night before I turned mine in.

    Biden: “It’s Pretzel Day!”

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