Comments on: ‘Real Life Michael Scott’ Contest

By: MeetMyEyelineJim

MeetMyEyelineJim — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 05:59:25 +0000

My “Michael” doesn’t have that offensive comedic gift, but he definitely has other Michael Scott-ish traits. Many of us employees try to make our way past his desk quietly after clocking in, in hopes of not getting pulled aside for the thirty-minute briefing of whatever is on his mind. We are highly discouraged from talking amongst ourselves, even when doing the most mundane tasks set out by “Michael”, who believes they are of utmost importance. However, if “Michael” becomes bored of playing solitaire on the computer or writing people emails full of random facts he thinks they’ll enjoy, he’ll come over to try and converse with us. If you try and present a point of view that doesn’t agree with his, you are told to quit talking and get back to work. “Michael” also prides himself as being the consummate boss, promising to deal with any concerns that you may have over pay concerns, screwed up work priorities and the like, but as soon as he comes under pressure from anyone above, he crumbles. Sound familiar? But, like the Dunder Mifflin employees we feel he comes from a good place in his heart and we put up with it.

By: Bozagaz

Bozagaz — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 02:27:30 +0000

I wish 200 words were enough to fully capture the man who we call ‘Megaphone.’ The loudest person in the history of the world, each day brings a slew of verbal blunders that can only be matched by professional writers preparing dialogue for one Michael C. Scott. With a less-than-firm grasp on today’s lingo, he’ll often ask, “What’s the download?” So confused is he by speaking that he continually calls his own employees by incorrect names – as Rodgers instead of Rodger and Bowzer instead of Brauzer. Recently, Megaphone changed his desktop wallpaper – to a photo of his wife in a bikini stretched out on a motorcycle. The bootylicious – trust me on that one – photo is see by all passerby. Clients, co-workers, business partners – it matters not to Megaphone who wants to show the world what he “gets to go home to every night,” as he puts it. His complete lack of appropriates was perhaps best reflected when, during the viewing of a “love scene” in a movie being viewed by several employees at an office outing, he walked in during the steamy scene and said “that’s exactly what my wife and I just finished doing.” You, sir, are amazing.

By: CFO (not my initials)

CFO (not my initials) — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 00:13:59 +0000

“Michael’s” Birthday:
To parallel my real life with a favorite episode:

My boss wanted a surprise birthday party for herself. She called her #2 into her office and gave her specific instructions on how we should surprise her:

1. Specific colored (white & pink) streamers purchased new
2. White Cake, White Frosting, Sprinkles on top.
3. We must decorate after she leaves so it will be a “surprise” when she comes in on her birthday.

We followed these instructions and thought we’d get off easy because she was going out of town at lunchtime on her birthday. But no, a ½ day celebration was not good enough (including singing “Happy Birthday”).
We had to save the cake (uncut) and leave up the decorations for five days while she was gone.
On her return we had to sing “Happy Birthday” again, and finally were able to cut the cake. Everyone got a small piece, and when a coworker asked for seconds was told “No”. She put the lid on the cake & took it to her office, saying she was taking it home…she is single, with no kids…BUT, her greatest ambition in life is to get married and have many kids.

By: Totally Jam

Totally Jam — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 00:11:15 +0000

The president of a company I worked for was quite Michael Scottish.
-He had a life size cut out of himself made and placed in the lobby.
-He had an exercise bike put into his office and kept asking people to come check it out.
-He paraded the skinniest girl in the office around in front of the larger people in the office to show “what a good workout can do”.
-He frequently ate from other people’s plates, including licking someone’s ice cream cone.
-He hosted an extravagant birthday party each year for himself.
-He had is secretaries keep track of anytime someone got new office supplies to see if they personally thanked him.
-He took candy from worker’s personal candy jars and then handed them out to other people and expected to be thanked.
-He told my sixty year old co-workers that she was wearing “sexy pants” one day.

By: Kristin Murdock

Kristin Murdock — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 22:59:31 +0000

Pulled me into his office to talk about our co-workers and tell us who he liked and disliked, as well as what everyone thought of me.

Sent me to Nordstrom to get as many cologne samples as I could for his date that night.

Informed us that there was no money for raises although he drove a new Mercedes and lived in a multi million dollar home.

Playing and re-playing e-cards on his computer loud enough for everyone in the office to hear.

Called me and whispered into the phone to schedule a top secret meeting that wound up being about spa treatments.

Scheduled a meeting with co-worker to tell her she was “bitchy.”

Used the company card for 50+ mile taxi trips when he was drunk on the weekends.

Pulled co-worker and I into his office to discuss how the female VP was in love with him and it killed her to see him with any other woman at company events. This was also his explanation for why he never brought a date.

Pulled co-worker and I into his office to ask how we felt about the rumored affair between him and my co-worker.

I really wish these weren’t true, but hey, at least it makes for funny stories now! :)

By: Sherry

Sherry — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 22:52:36 +0000

I used to work for a “Michael Scott” who was the vice-principal of the school I taught at some years ago. On Parent-Teacher Night, he walked over to my desk (while a parent was waiting to talk to me no less) and said, “Hi! You’ve lost some weight, haven’t you? You look really good…I mean, really, REALLY good…what you’ve lost on your chest you make up for with the rest! Then he winked at me and walked away.

By: dinkin flicka

dinkin flicka — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 19:53:31 +0000

My old boss was obsessed with “The Secret.” Everyone was forced to watch the movie one morning. “The Secret” preaches the power of positive thinking. One day a receptionist needed to leave her shift early but she could not get in touch with another replacement. Her response: “Hang up this phone and just think about a car coming here with your replacement. Don’t call me back until that car shows up and someone comes in to help you. Just keep imagining it!”

I had to call every blockbuster in town and see which one carried “Mr Holland’s Opus” for a “motivational movie” session!

She made everyone talk to a stuffed parrot that would repeat back anything you said!

She told us she wanted a puppy, but her husband would not let her buy one. Our CEO even said she wouldn’t be allowed to bring one into the office. One day I overheard this:
Boss: “I want you to meet Olivia, say hello!”
Employee: “OHHHhh, Hellooo Olivia.” (Like Holly to Kevin).
I thought Olivia was a new employee. Not at all! She later introduced me to “Olivia,” a stuffed dog she carried around in her coat from that day forward!

By: Postal Dwight

Postal Dwight — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 19:26:55 +0000

#30 is perfection mon’!!!!!

By: Name Withheld

Name Withheld — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 16:38:24 +0000

1 To impress new female coworkers or visitors to the office, my boss would keep a pair of rolled up socks in his drawer to stuff in his pants
2 Had a daily ‘seminar time’ in our break room to discuss hot issues such as celebrity divorces
3 Thought putting ‘Kick Me’ signs on people’s backs was the height of hilarity (seriously)
4 Signed up for the Big Brothers/Sisters program because *he* wanted a Big brother (again, seriously)
5 Ate nothing but cereal the whole time I knew him. He would actually walk around with a bowl all the time, dripping milk. He left the empty bowls in his office, so the sour milk smell eventually kept everyone far away.
6 Didn’t realize the sweatpants with words across the butt were for primarily women, and owned 3 or 4 pairs which he wore on casual Fridays
7 In true M.S. fashion, EVERYTHING he said or did was a reference to a movie or TV show. All his jokes were stolen directly from stand-up comedian’s routines. Would become extremely upset when someone said ‘Isn’t that George Carlin’s bit?’
8 Was in love with Marisa Tomei, and constantly brought us letters he said she’d written him. Until we found them saved on his computer.

By: Courtney

Courtney — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 15:48:43 +0000

My old boss was the walking example of the “I know I’m funny and my co-workers must know that, too!” part of Michael Scott’s personality. He would address everyone as various impersonations, most common would be his “New York Accent,” which actually is just adding ‘s’ to everything. He also loves Quagmire from Family Guy, and instead of “That’s what she said” he substitutes the more obnoxious “Heh, Heh, Aallriiighhtt” when any kind of possible innuendo arrises. On my very first day of work, he detailed in length the entire plot of “Snakes on a Plane”, which he had recently seen, while I stood unresponsively for the entire length of that one-sided conversation. He sometimes made up nicknames, but I was usually just “babe.” In addition to his comedic talents, he has the same social desperation. Any time I made small talk about my weekend with a friend, he would ask “Did you talk about me?” creating the most awkward situation possible. His idea of flirting is to engage in conversation longer than the other person feels comfortable. In fact, when it comes to awkward moments, I would rank my old boss over Michael Scott for his ability to create them.

By: Lauren

Lauren — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 14:58:21 +0000

My boss, Rick, is Michael Scott personified. On one of my first days at this job he told me, “My pants are like Burger King…home of the Whopper.” Besides his use of sexually explicit “humor,” he’s a total racist, but he seems completely unaware of that notion. On Martin Luther King Day, he repeatedly told me that he preferred to call the holiday, “James Earl Ray Day.” He presents himself as being incredibly important. He was a Michigan state police detective, and now he’s a forensic fire investigator, and he’s always telling me how he’s “known” all over the world. He literally said, “People know me.” He once said, “I’ve burned over 60 houses and 120 cars.” Also, whenever I ask him what he’s doing, his reply is always the same, “secret squirrel shit.” He just comes off so smug, but at the same time, I think he means well. I guess it’s hard to tell. Perhaps he’s just a mental manic in sheep’s clothing. He’s my real live Michael Scott.

By: WiseWithWorms

WiseWithWorms — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 04:06:19 +0000

Oh man, I will have fun reading all these tomorrow on my dinner break. Must sleep now.

By: shan21

shan21 — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 02:53:15 +0000

My boss last summer wasn’t as bad as Michael, but there were some definite similarities. Case in point:

Michael: Hey, you gotta help me with this.
Me: Is this an email forward?
Michael: Yes. It’s a riddle! Help me!
Me: Um. Okay, send it to me. I’ll work on it at my desk.

[10 minutes later]

Michael: Did you do it?
Me: Oh, uh, the riddle?
Michael: Yeah!
Me: No. I was working.
Michael: What?! No, no, no! This is priority one! We have to figure this thing out!
Me: O…kay.
Michael: It said if I forwarded it to 15 people the answer would magically appear. But it didn’t magically appear.
Me: Oh.

By: Extra Awesome

Extra Awesome — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 02:52:02 +0000

I am a receptionist. Here’s my boss:

1)When his assistant told him she was looking for a new job, his reaction was that it was “bad timing” with his 2 week vacation coming up (he also takes off every other Friday).
2)Answered his phone “Wuz Uuuup”.
3)When looking over someone’s resume, told her to “take off management, because you didn’t manage people, only coordinated them”.
4)He’s obsessed with all his male assistants.
5)Told me he had a “project” for me. This project was to find all the IMAX’s theater’s in our area that were showing Dark Night.
6)Has been in the same job for many years without a promotion.
7)Got jealous when the President of the company took me to a big event without inviting him.
8)Makes his assistant or receptionist run out to get his lunch.
9)Shows us his clothes and asks what we think of them.
10)He LOOKS like Michael Scott.

Anyone want to give me a new job? If he reads this, I might need one…

By: Oodles of Noodles

Oodles of Noodles — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 22:48:03 +0000

My current boss is a real life Michael Scott.
-He is obsessed with fad diets. In order to avoid all calories, he just comes around to our desks, sticks his nose all over our lunches, and “just smells” the food. Now he’s into cauliflower-and-laxative shakes, and he’s even more into telling us all about the “after-effects.”
-He refers to an employee he’s attracted to as “that blonde lusty h*ssy.”
-He was supposed to give a presentation to visiting instructors on homeschooling, but instead changed it at the last minute (without notice) to vasectomies, complete with visual aids of a certain part of the male anatomy from a website called Big Biker B*lls dot com. He is no longer allowed to give presentations.
-He will randomly materialize from nowhere and STARE at you for several minutes without speaking before walking away.
-He tries to micromanage everything without knowing ANYTHING.
-He’s obsessed with Latinos, and tries to speak in a Spanish accent to them. He is not even remotely Latino.
-When he gets frustrated, he will pull his own hair and bang things against his head.

By: Joe

Joe — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 20:12:19 +0000

I definitely had many “Michael Scott” moments over the years with a former boss. To think of just one has been quite a challenge.

My old boss was quite fond of sharing the intimate details of the challenges he and his wife were having trying to conceive. One day over lunch, out of the blue, he started talking about his wife’s mucus levels and how they were using ‘predictor sticks’ to tell when the best time to try to conceive would be. Needless to say, that cleared the lunch room out.

He also was a huge fan of children’s cartoons and loved Weird Al. Sounds like a “Michael Scott” to me!

By: Pants Fashioned Into Hat

Pants Fashioned Into Hat — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 19:13:02 +0000

LOL at #10 on 55′s entry.

By: Becca

Becca — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 17:48:37 +0000

This is a no brainer! I used to work for a divorced science teacher at a middle school as an assistant,(assistant to the teacher). He was the most unusual inappropriate man I have ever met! During class whenever we were supposed to be watching national geographic or some kind of science video, he would change the channel to Jerry Springer or put last nights “Cheaters” episode (NOT JOKING)..he would also ask the female students if they needed rides home and when they would say yes I would try my best to make sure they got home… SAFELY! He once also told me he squeezed womans arms when he got horny… I once saw him doing that to the principal…and before you know it they are happily married with 2 kids!

By: Office_Fan_9802

Office_Fan_9802 — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 17:30:38 +0000

My old boss is a lot like Michael Scott. I was (un)fortunate enough to have to go on a trip with him and another colleague. It turned out to be the funniest time I’ve ever had.

The morning went well enough and we took our first break; most everyone headed straight to the restrooms. I finished up pretty quickly and waited outside for my co-workers. My friend, who I’ll call Benny, came out of the men’s room almost dying from trying to hold back his laughter…”You’ll never guess what “Michael” is doing in there… he’s going to the bathroom (sitting down) with the stall door open.”

The next morning we met in the lobby to go to class and “Michael” says to us, “You’ll never guess what happened to me this morning. I went to the door to get my paper and didn’t see one there, so I leaned out of the door to see if anyone else had gotten theirs and the door shut on me.” Haa haa, Benny and I laughed but that’s not the best part. He had to go to end of the hallway in his underwear to call the front-desk to let him in.

By: Sunny

Sunny — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 16:27:16 +0000

I worked for a boss who had been recently divorced. As a result, he was dating again, and he was a big fan of online dating. I am a woman, and I was the receptionist. My boss had his own assistant, who was another woman. Every day, he would call us into his office to go through the mail. One day, he had printed off the online profiles of all the women he was interested in and put them all in a folder that he carried with him in his briefcase. He showed his assistant and I the women he liked and asked us questions like, “which one do you think is cuter?” and “how heavy do you think she is in real life?” It was unbelievable! He eventually suggested to me that I start online dating, and would ask me frequently if I was seeing anyone, and offered to set me up several times. He made various other inappropriate comments – he even made the women wear skirts every day because it was supposedly more “professional.”