Summary (NBC): Michael gets his heart broken by girlfriend Carol. Andy takes Michael out drinking with Dwight and Jim. Tensions on the party planning committee cause rival parties to form. Hour-long episode.
Dwight: Don’t worry, she’s dead … oh wait… he’s dead.
Dwight: I accidentally ran over it. It’s a Christmas miracle!
Dwight: Do we have any cayenne pepper in the kitchen?
Dwight: And circle gets the square.
Dwight: So can you watch this? I’m gonna get my carving knife out of the trunk.
Dwight: Once I brought in a duck to prepare for lunch and people got upset. Apparently they got attached to the duck and didn’t want to see it killed.
Dwight: He was already dead, and we Schrutes use every part of the goose. The meat has a delicious smoky rich flavor. Plus, you can use the molten goose grease and save it in the refrigerator, thus saving you a trip to the store for a can of expensive goose grease. Jim: Wow. Win-win. Dwight: Exactly, thank you, Jim. Phyllis: I like goose. If it’s already dead, is it so crazy if we eat it? Creed: That’s crazy. It’s crazy.
Toby: Clean it in your car. Pam: I would like it off my desk. Dwight: Oh, Pam. Take a chill pill.
Michael: Hey! I would like a nice slice of Christmas Pam. Side of candy Pams. And perhaps some Pam chops. With mint … Pam: Can I help you Michael? Michael: I’m looking for the toy drive box. Pam: It’s behind you. Michael: Okay … well, I need to put this bike in there. I hope it’ll fit, with all these little knickknacks …
Jim: Is that your old bike, Michael?
Michael: This is going to be the best Christmas ever. My girlfriend Carol is coming to our party tonight, and I have a little surprise for her. (Singing) I’ve got two tickets to paradise! Pack your bags, we’re leaving day-after-tomorrow! Um, taking her to Sandals, Jamaica, all-inclusive. All-inclusive. You know what that means. Right? Yeah. (Leers)
Jim: Oh, I think you’re supposed to put a toy in the box, Creed.
Michael: A Christmas Carol.
Michael: You’re about five hours early to the party. Oh, you’re such a blonde.
Michael: This is my girlfriend, Carol. This is just the front of her.
Michael: Ski-son’s Greetings.
Carol: This is so weird.
Jim: It’s a bold move to Photoshop yourself into a picture with your girlfriend and her kids on a ski trip with their real father. But then again, Michael’s a bold guy. Is bold the right word?
Michael: You need to think this through in Jamaica’s largest freshwater pool.
Michael: You walk out that door, and it is over. Carol: I know.
Jim(reading Dwight’s file): “Last year, my boss, Michael Scott, took a day off, ‘cuz he said he had pneumonia, but really, he was leaving early to go to magic camp.”
Pam: You get to decide what his top secret mission is. Sorry I didn’t wrap it.
Jim: I feel like there’s a chance for me to start over. And if I fall back into the same kind of things I used to do, then … what am I doing?
Michael: I’d like everybody’s attention. Christmas is canceled.
Michael: Jim, take New Year’s away from Stanley.
Michael: Carol and I split up. Amicably.
Jim: Will they still air ‘Rudolph.’
Michael: It hurts my heart. It hurts my stomach. It hurts my arms.
Dwight: It appears we’re one bathrobe short. Michael: Take it from Toby.
Angela: Phyllis, I need you to pick up green streamers at lunch. Phyllis: I thought you said green was whorish. Angela: No, orange is whorish. Karen: Uh, so I had a couple of ideas to make the Stamford people feel more at home. Each year we have a Christmas raffle … Angela: It would never work here. Karen: Ok … um, another idea was karaoke … Angela: No. Karen: A Christmas drinking game … Meredith: Yes. Angela: God help you. Karen: What? Angela: These are all terrible ideas … and none of them are on the theme of “A Nutcracker Christmas.” I think you should leave. Karen(laughing tentatively): You’re kidding. Angela: You tried this out, and it’s clearly not for you. It’s time to go.
Dwight: Why don’t you just buy the whole song?
Michael: I don’t need to buy it, I just want to taste it.
Karen: Does anyone ever stand up to Angela? Pam: I think one of her cats did once. She came in with scratches all over her face.
Pam: If you’re interested in the way more fun party, all the info can be found here on our more brightly colored flyer.
Kevin: I didn’t see where it was.
Jim: Could you please keep it down? I’m in session. I’ve determined this committee’s valid.
Dwight: Permission to join the Validity Committee. Jim: Permission denied.
Andy: I can’t concentrate when I know you’re in pain, man.
Michael: C’mon, we’re going to Asian Hooters.
Ryan: I’m not feeling so well. I’ve got a ton of work to do here. MSG allergy, peanut allergy, I just ate there last night.
Jim: Wow, thanks for taking all the excuses, dude. Ryan: Doctor appointment, car trouble, plantar warts, granddad fought in World War II. Use your head, man. I keep mine in here. Look alive, Halpert. Welcome back.
Michael: Bros before hos.
Michael: And then … and then suddenly she’s not yo’ ho no mo’.
Dwight: How can I be there for Michael if I’m here for Michael.
Angela: Pam, don’t tell her what to do! Phyllis.
Kevin: I think I’ll go to Angela’s party, because that’s the party I know.
Ryan: I miss the days when there was only one party I didn’t want to go to.
Angela: Your paychecks will be arriving as scheduled on Friday. And they will be in the correct amount that they are normally in.
Angela: Meredith, if you don’t come to my party, you will be very, very sorry.
Kevin: I hear Angela’s party will have double-fudge brownies. It will also have Angela.
Angela: Brownies. Cupcakes. Kevin: Don’t push it.
Karen: Are we taking this too far? You know what, I don’t think we’re taking this far enough. (Looking at Pam) What? Pam: I got goosebumps.
Angela: I don’t back down. My sister and I used to be best friends, and we haven’t talked in 16 years. Over some disagreement I don’t even remember. So … yeah. I’m pretty good.
Everybody: Darryl! Darryl! Darryl!
Cindy: Is he the hot one or the giant baby?
Angela: I don’t walk into your house and steal your Hello Kitty backpack.
Pam: In the name of Nutcracker Christmas.
Michael: My little gal over there. Babe-alectable.
Michael: You know how all waitresses look alike.
Michael: Are you going to tell me that Stevie Wonder doesn’t love his wife just because he’s not sure what she looks like?
Michael: Is she in the fridge? Where is she hiding?
Dwight: Monkey, this is Possum. Do you copy? Angela: Copy, Possum. What’s your twenty?
Cindy: No … I have school.
Michael: I can’t believe I gave her my bike! Jim: Yeah.
Jim: You just had a rebound. Michael: A rebound. Jim: Yeah. Which, don’t get me wrong, can be a really fun distraction, but, when it’s over, you’re left thinking about the girl you really like, the one that broke your heart.
Michael: Domo arigato, Mr. Scott-o.
Michael: It’s all-inclusive.
Oscar: Too soon.
Dwight(reading text message): “You have been compromised. Abort mission. Destroy phone.”