Writer: Michael Schur, Director: Tucker Gates
Summary (NBC): When Jan tells Michael that the Scranton Branch will be shutting down, Michael strives to keep his staff’s spirits up.
The Office Branch Closing extras
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The Office Branch Closing quotes
Jim: I don’t have a ton of contact with the Scranton branch, but, before I left, I took a box of Dwight’s stationery, so, from time to time, I send Dwight faxes. From himself. From the future. (Reading fax) “Dwight, at 8am today, someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, Future Dwight.”
Michael: There she is. Jan Levinson.
Michael: First thing in the morning. Love to start my morning with a hearty bowl of Jan.
Michael (singing): Just call me Levinson in the morning, baby …
Jan: I am here to tell you that we are closing the Scranton branch.
Michael: I don’t understand.
Jan: The boarded voted last night to close your branch.
Michael: On whom’s authority?
Jan: The board’s.
Jan: I’m very sorry. I don’t relish telling you this. You’ve been a big part of this company, and the board asked me to thank you for your years of service.
Michael: You’re welcome.
Jan: A small number of people will be transferred to the Stamford branch, and the rest will be getting severance packages.
Michael: Am I a small number person or a severance package person?
Jan: Well, we haven’t made final decisions about personnel yet. But you’re a severance package person.
Jan: Our CFO believes that Josh is going to play an important role in our company’s future.
Michael: Oh really, what role is that? King of the stupid universe?
Michael: I know you’re mad, but don’t do this to me. I know I hurt you, but please do not do this to me. Don’t hurt me like I hurt you.
Michael: It is an outrage, that’s all. They’re making a huge, huge mistake. Let’s see Josh replace these people. Let’s see Josh find another Stanley. You think Stanleys grow on trees? Well they don’t. There is no Stanley tree. Do you think the world is crawling with Phyllises? Show me that farm. With Phyllises and Kevins sprouting up all over the place. Ripe for the plucking. Show me that farm.
Michael: Just do your work … while you still can.
Dwight: When you become close with someone, you develop a kind of sixth sense. You can read their moods like a book. Right now, the title of Michael’s book is, “Something Weird is Going On.” Colon, “What Did Jan Say?” “The Michael Scott Story.” “By Michael Scott … With Dwight Schrute.”
Andy: Scranton branch is closing? In your face.
Michael: Best physical condition of my life.
Michael: It’s over. We are screwed. Dunder Mifflin Scranton is being shut down.
Michael: Traitor. You are a traitor.
Michael: Omigod. You walk so slowly.
Angela: I don’t want to blame anyone in particular. I think everyone’s to blame.
Kelly: If I get to stay, and Ryan is laid off, I will kill myself. Like “Romeo and Juliet.” The Claire Danes one.
Jim: I worked in Scranton for a really long time. And it’s going to be weird that it’s all disappearing. I mean I always knew that the branch would shut down someday, I just figured it would be because Michael sold the building for some magic beans.
Jim: I think it would be kind of weird if everyone from Scranton came here. It would be like, going to your high school reunion, and you saying, “Hey, I missed you guys,” and then they’re all like, “Oh, don’t worry about it, we’re all going to move in with you! — forever!”
Meredith: I know you’re seeing someone, but I’m still willing if you are.
Michael: Day just gets worse and worse …
Pam: It’s a blessing in disguise. Actually, not even in disguise. In my fantasy, I always thought I would slap someone, make a big speech, and storm out forever. But this is good, too.
Pam: It’s a blessing in disguise. Actually, not even in disguise. Sometimes at home, I answer the phone, “Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.” So, maybe that’ll stop now.
Angela: Don’t worry, you’re going to be fine, Roy. You’re very … strong. And capable.
Roy: You know that Cinderella song, ‘You Don’t Know What You Got Til It’s Gone’? That pretty much says it better than how I know how to say it in words.
Roy: I don’t want to work here without Pam. It would just be like loading trucks without any meaning. You know?
Stanley: I really couldn’t be happier.
Michael: Don’t worry about me.
Darryl: I wasn’t.
Michael: This is my house. The CFO is taking away my house and giving it to Josh. And Josh is giving the garage to Bob Vance.
Michael: Alright, listen up. Some of you may have heard some rumors about the branch closing.
Stanley: Like when you said the branch was closing?
Pam: Oh good, you’re bringing Dwight.
Dwight: Can I drive?
Michael: No. Way.
Michael: No, there’s no one else.
Dwight: Still …
Ryan: This kind of worked out perfectly for me. I got some good experience, Michael’s going to write me a great recommendation, and as far as me and Kelly goes, I think it’s for the best.
Michael: I can’t say I was a big fan of “Bowling for Columbine.” Because I thought it was going to be a bowling movie. Like “Kingpin.” And it wasn’t. It was something else.
Jim: Say what you will about Michael Scott, but he would never do that.
Michael: Let’s start again. Just be more scared of me, okay? Don’t touch me this time.
Kelly: Pam, would you please sign my company directory?
Dwight: Was he enjoying a delicious hot beverage? Or … disguising the scent of cocaine from drug-sniffing dogs? It’s a nice house.
Angela: No seafood!
Dwight: Here, replenish your fluids.
Random guy: Four hundred for the CPU.
Phyllis: We know the branch is closing. Michael told us.
Pam: Is it because of Michael? Did he actually do something?
Andy: Will Big Tuna be transferring to Scranton?
Jim: Where did you go to college?
Jim: Oh. That’s good.
Kelly: I’m so happy! We don’t have to break up now, Ryan! It is the best day of my whole life.
Ryan: I don’t know. Can’t explain it.
Stanley: Oh well. What can you do. It was nice to have those few hours, when I thought it was over. Now, I have something to look forward to.
Meredith: Hey Creed, congratulations.
Creed: Thank you. Made like twelve hundred bucks.
Meredith: Can you be at my place in twenty minutes?
Pam: There are reasons to stay.
Michael: Favorite moments in Dunder Mifflin history. Go.
Dwight: My first day when you hazed me by spraying me with a fire extinguisher.
Michael: That was hilarious. The foam …
Dwight: My first sale, my promotion to assistant regional manager, our basketball game, when you took me to the hospital, and told me that you cared about me.
Phyllis: Hey, I hear Jim’s coming back.
Karen: Yeah, I’m happy he said that. I mean, I don’t think he’s into me or anything, but, I’m kind of into him. So … there you go.
Michael: I am such a stupid idiot. I let everybody down. Everybody hates me. I lost everybody’s jobs. Nobody likes me anymore!
Michael: How did we do it?
Dwight: I don’t … have no idea.
Michael: I don’t understand.
Toby: Well for a minute there, I saw myself selling my house, moving to Costa Rica, learning how to surf. But … Costa Rica will still be there. When I’m 65.
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