The Office: Christmas Wishes, 8.10

Thursday, December 8th, 2011 | 84 comments

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The Office: Christmas Wishes

Writer: Mindy Kaling, Director: Ed Helms

Summary (NBC): Andy grants everyone’s holiday wishes — Andy tries to make this year’s Christmas the best ever by granting each person’s holiday wishes. Meanwhile, Robert California tries to drown his sorrows at the office party.

Icon provided by pessimistreader.

The Office Christmas Wishes extras

Rating

In a poll conducted December 8-12, 2011, Tallyheads rated this episode: 8.30/10

The Office Christmas Wishes quotes

Quotes manually transcribed by tanster. :)

Stanley: I’ve been here 18 years and have suffered through some weird thematic Christmases. A Honolulu Christmas, a Pulp Fiction Christmas, a Muslim Christmas, Moroccan Christmas, Mo Rocca Christmas, I don’t want it. Christmas is Christmas is Christmas is Christmas!

Jim: I got Stanley tickets to see Lewis Black for his birthday. Might not have been the best idea.

Creed: Hey, what’s Ruth’s deal, man?
Andy: Totally out of your league.

Andy: Mistletoe is not an excuse for sexual assault.

Erin: We don’t even need to meet, you know? I already love you. Stay home.

Robert: Happy Pancha Ganapati.

Robert: I feel like a kitten being cradled by a gorilla.

Robert: I’m so tired of the Black Eyed Peas. It’s rock and roll for people who don’t like rock and roll. It’s rap for people who don’t like rap. It’s pop for people who don’t like pop.

Jim: Kathy wants to leave our clump?

Dwight: The weak always bully the strong. Contrary to what you see in the media.

Andy: I’m going to speak in a language you both understand. Monet.

Andy: You need consequences. I want you both walking on eggshells.

Andy: My ex is meeting my sex. Which is always scary.

Andy: I hope you’re not talking about my penis.

Andy: I want you to meet Jessica. She is an assistant cross country coach at Bryn Mawr.

Andy and Jessica: Spontaneous scoliosis.

Val: Isn’t that just for popsicles?
Darryl: Popsicles?
Val: Yeah, upstairs people, ’cause you got a stick up your butt.

Nate: You had me at cookies. I can’t wait to find out what they are!

Jim: Dwight really wants my bonus. He’s trying to entrap me. Oh god, now I can’t drink at this thing. I get really pranky when I drink.

Erin: Jiminy Christmas!

Darryl: I meant dressed up compared to normal. You usually dress like a ghost buster.

Darryl: It’s good for people to get to know you.
Val: As a contestant on ‘Dancing with the Stars’ maybe.

Erin: I want my sugar-free cookie. And then I want a sugar cookie. And then I want my nap.

Toby: This sounds a lot like the premise of my latest Chad Flenderman novel. A Murder For Framing.

Toby: Chad Flenderman. Just an easygoing black guy who knows the streets. Yet he also went to Oxford. Just as comfortable on a motorcycle as he is on Air Force One. He’s also the world’s leading Egyptologist.

Angela: No. Porcupines don’t have souls. They’re like dogs.

Jim: Were you quilled?
Dwight: Yes, I was quilled.
Jim: And what’s its name?
Dwight: Henrietta.

Erin: I’m going to go do another reverse spit. That’s how the cool kids say “get a drink.”

Kevin: I don’t want to put you out, but if someone’s making oatmeal, I’ll take an apple cinnamon and a maple brown sugar in one bowl with whole milk.

Erin: I said I wish Jessica was dead. I wish she was in a graveyard. Under the ground. With worms coming out of her mouth.

Erin: So which one are you? A murderer or a liar?

Kevin: Hey. So there was talk of oatmeal.

Andy: Do you think two friends who are not sleeping together can stay friends?

Andy: Christmas miracles do happen.
Jim: Yes, they totally do.

Ryan: You can’t click on these Kardashian links. That’s why you have so many viruses.

Erin: Kelly.
Kelly: Yo.
Erin: Game on.
Kelly: On it.

Kelly: Jessica, did you just fart?

Kelly: And that is how it’s done.

Erin: I would like another alcohol.

Oscar: Oh, this is daunting. I need a mortar, pestle, muddler. Does anyone have any chocolate shavings?

Creed: Whoa. We got a real Clarence Thomas here.

Dwight: What are we going to do with all that bonus money, Henrietta, huh?

Andy: Meredith, shut your drunk hole right now.

84 comments

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  1. 84. FlonkertonChamp  

    robert – regarding gestation… yes you can absolutely conceive in february and deliver in december. babies can be overdue. exactly 40 weeks from 2/14/11 is 11/21/11, but many women can go up to 2 weeks “overdue”, which pushes (no pun intended) the pregnancy into december. a good friend of mine conceived shortly after valentine’s day this year, and she gave birth to her baby on december 5.

    just sayin’.


  2. 83. crystalrain  

    LOVED Robert California in this one – first episode I thought his character was exactly right. Jim/Dwight antics are always awesome…in fact, the only complaint I have is that the drunken confrontation went on a little too long. Other than that, far and away my favourite of the season. I’m in a really Christmassy mood now. :)


  3. 82. Roy's Mugshot  

    “No chemistry between Erin and Andy? Why would you say that? Chemistry does not have to be boring.”

    Ummm, because they don’t and have never had any chemistry? You’re right though, chemistry shouldn’t be boring. Unfortunately, Andy and Erin together define boring.


  4. 81. Lor  

    “Who’s the actress that played Jessica?”

    Eleanor Seigler. She is credited at the very end.


  5. 80. diahern  

    I missed Pam. Stanley’s ranting and raving in the cold open was pretty funny. The anti-pranking thing was a nice subplot. Meh…


  6. 79. Fixticks  

    The Xmas song that Dwight played was theeeeee sh*t. Toooooo baaaaaaad. sing that aloud while listening. already got myself the song.


  7. 78. joe  

    Great episode! just wondering who played Jessica in the episode?


  8. 77. pete  

    No chemistry between Erin and Andy? Why would you say that? Chemistry does not have to be boring. Awkward chemistry is more fun. Bring it on!


  9. 76. Robert  

    It was ok. I really liked the anti-pranking as I’ll call it. I can’t fathom why they didn’t bother to mention Phillip being born. The blog was released Thursday saying she was in the hospital two days. So at the very latest he was born Tuesday. But the math works much better if he was born between Gettysburg and Mrs. California. And Jim said “maternity leave”. Where I work she’d have to already have the baby to take maternity leave. She could be on some other type of leave if she were still pregnant. Add that you can’t conceive in February and deliver in December. Even as late as after Gettysburg is difficult to believe. Need Pam back ASAP.


  10. 75. Angie  

    What a great episode!! With one of the best pranks ever. And i laughed a lot.

    I will say i hope they tone down the whole Erin and Andy thing, they tried, it didn’t work. No chemistry there. There doesn’t have to be another will they won’t they love story on the show. Keep Andy and Erin apart and i have no problem with them at all.


  11. 74. Dina C  

    In spite of missing Pam, this was a funny episode. I loved the little throw-away lines from the ensemble. Like Oscar listing all the things he needs in order to bartend! Hilarious! Or Kevin with his complicated oatmeal request.(Sounds like something one of my kids would ask me for!) Robert California’s comment about the BEPs was funny, but then it became even funnier when we see Ryan taking it in as if it was an epiphany. Another great Mindy Kaling written episode.


  12. 73. Marie  

    I miss Pam! TO is not the same without her. JAM are the heart and soul of the show!
    I hope the Andy/Erin “tension” dissolves soon. They are not the new JAM. Michael was right to set up Kevin and Erin, they are as alike as Michael and Holly! Erin and Kevin are best in small doses. Though I like Andy as RM, I’d like his screen time to be scaled back a tad to allow other characters to shine.
    Personally I’m rooting for team Dwangela. I hope they reunite soon.


  13. 72. Tyler  

    Easily one of the best office episodes of all time for me. I would have given it a 10 out of 10, but it was only a half hour :( should have kept every deleted scene.


  14. 71. Renee  

    I really liked this episode! Considering there was no Michael or Pam, very good episode!


  15. 70. Duxfever  

    @69: Christmas must mean snow. Always.
    Even if it isn’t Christmas.


  16. 69. steve  

    Good episode, but it seems like they cheaped out. No hour long Xmas episode, and did anybody notice the lack of snow outside?


  17. 68. pete  

    Best Christmas episode! With the best Halloween episode as well this season is on track to be the best.

    They really need to add Ellie to the main cast.

    I definitely agree that Mindy is a great writer. Carrie is very good too.


  18. 67. Joshua Hayes  

    Very good (not great)episode with some laughs, but a few lackluster moments, too. The orchestra song felt so out of place IMO, but in a weird way, I still liked it. Beyond that, I agree Pam’s character has weakened over the years. Likewise, they should slow down Erin and Andy. That’s all opinion. Except for one thing: JIM’s BEST PRANK EVER? Not telling Dwight something is his best ever? Did you miss the magic beans? The CIA? The Benihana? Anything before s.6?


  19. 66. Danielle  

    It might be possible Pam hasn’t given birth yet. Some mothers go on maternity leave before they actually have the child, especially if there’s potential complications. Plus Jim’s little speech with Cece’s picture, I feel like he’d have mentioned he had TWO kids had Pam given birth.


  20. 65. Nate  

    @55 Abbey, I think they intentionally picked a more distant location to explain why she hasn’t been around the office yet.

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