The Office: Christmas Wishes, 8.10

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The Office: Christmas Wishes

Writer: Mindy Kaling, Director: Ed Helms

Summary (NBC): Andy grants everyone’s holiday wishes — Andy tries to make this year’s Christmas the best ever by granting each person’s holiday wishes. Meanwhile, Robert California tries to drown his sorrows at the office party.

The Office Christmas Wishes extras

The Office Christmas Wishes rating

In a poll conducted December 8-12, 2011, Tallyheads rated this episode: 8.30/10

See all The Office Season 8 ratings.

The Office Christmas Wishes quotes

Quotes manually transcribed by tanster. :)

Stanley: I’ve been here 18 years and have suffered through some weird thematic Christmases. A Honolulu Christmas, a Pulp Fiction Christmas, a Muslim Christmas, Moroccan Christmas, Mo Rocca Christmas, I don’t want it. Christmas is Christmas is Christmas is Christmas!

Jim: I got Stanley tickets to see Lewis Black for his birthday. Might not have been the best idea.

Creed: Hey, what’s Ruth’s deal, man?
Andy: Totally out of your league.

Andy: Mistletoe is not an excuse for sexual assault.

Erin: We don’t even need to meet, you know? I already love you. Stay home.

Robert: Happy Pancha Ganapati.

Robert: I feel like a kitten being cradled by a gorilla.

Robert: I’m so tired of the Black Eyed Peas. It’s rock and roll for people who don’t like rock and roll. It’s rap for people who don’t like rap. It’s pop for people who don’t like pop.

Jim: Kathy wants to leave our clump?

Dwight: The weak always bully the strong. Contrary to what you see in the media.

Andy: I’m going to speak in a language you both understand. Monet.

Andy: You need consequences. I want you both walking on eggshells.

Andy: My ex is meeting my sex. Which is always scary.

Andy: I hope you’re not talking about my penis.

Andy: I want you to meet Jessica. She is an assistant cross country coach at Bryn Mawr.

Andy and Jessica: Spontaneous scoliosis.

Val: Isn’t that just for popsicles?
Darryl: Popsicles?
Val: Yeah, upstairs people, ’cause you got a stick up your butt.

Nate: You had me at cookies. I can’t wait to find out what they are!

Jim: Dwight really wants my bonus. He’s trying to entrap me. Oh god, now I can’t drink at this thing. I get really pranky when I drink.

Erin: Jiminy Christmas!

Darryl: I meant dressed up compared to normal. You usually dress like a ghost buster.

Darryl: It’s good for people to get to know you.
Val: As a contestant on ‘Dancing with the Stars’ maybe.

Erin: I want my sugar-free cookie. And then I want a sugar cookie. And then I want my nap.

Toby: This sounds a lot like the premise of my latest Chad Flenderman novel. A Murder For Framing.

Toby: Chad Flenderman. Just an easygoing black guy who knows the streets. Yet he also went to Oxford. Just as comfortable on a motorcycle as he is on Air Force One. He’s also the world’s leading Egyptologist.

Angela: No. Porcupines don’t have souls. They’re like dogs.

Jim: Were you quilled?
Dwight: Yes, I was quilled.
Jim: And what’s its name?
Dwight: Henrietta.

Erin: I’m going to go do another reverse spit. That’s how the cool kids say “get a drink.”

Kevin: I don’t want to put you out, but if someone’s making oatmeal, I’ll take an apple cinnamon and a maple brown sugar in one bowl with whole milk.

Erin: I said I wish Jessica was dead. I wish she was in a graveyard. Under the ground. With worms coming out of her mouth.

Erin: So which one are you? A murderer or a liar?

Kevin: Hey. So there was talk of oatmeal.

Andy: Do you think two friends who are not sleeping together can stay friends?

Andy: Christmas miracles do happen.
Jim: Yes, they totally do.

Ryan: You can’t click on these Kardashian links. That’s why you have so many viruses.

Erin: Kelly.
Kelly: Yo.
Erin: Game on.
Kelly: On it.

Kelly: Jessica, did you just fart?

Kelly: And that is how it’s done.

Erin: I would like another alcohol.

Oscar: Oh, this is daunting. I need a mortar, pestle, muddler. Does anyone have any chocolate shavings?

Creed: Whoa. We got a real Clarence Thomas here.

Dwight: What are we going to do with all that bonus money, Henrietta, huh?

Andy: Meredith, shut your drunk hole right now.

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