The Office: Classy Christmas, 7.11-7.12

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The Office Classy Christmas Snowmen

Writer: Mindy Kaling, Director: Rainn Wilson

Summary (NBC): Michael could not be happier when Toby has to take a leave of absence and corporate sends Holly Flax to cover for him. Pam is forced to do a second Christmas party after Michael wants the party to be on the day Holly returns to Scranton. Meanwhile, Jim regrets agreeing to a snowball fight with Dwight. One-hour long. Guest star: Amy Ryan.

The Office Classy Christmas extras

The Office Classy Christmas rating

In a poll conducted December 9-13, 2010, Tallyheads rated this episode: 8.93/10

See all The Office Season 7 ratings.

The Office Classy Christmas quotes

Manually (and lovingly) transcribed by tanster. :)

Kevin: What if all the boys are on one side, all the girls are on the other, the boys are like, “why I oughta…,” and the girls are like, “let’s go shopping!”

Dwight: This is a store-bought camera. This isn’t one of those special military-grade cameras that will be able to capture that.

Andy: If we all jump really high, we’ll be in the air longer.

Oscar: Here’s a question nobody’s asking: is this worth it?

Pam: I shut it down. At its worst, it was a toxic political club used to make others feel miserable and left out. At its best, it planned parties.

Michael: Did anyone get drunk already?
Meredith: Not yet.

Michael: So Stanley, how big is the bug up your butt today?

Michael: My kids are growing up. As a boss, I look at that and I say, great. It’s exactly what a boss would hope would happen because that’s what I want. That’s what every boss wants, is a wonderful Christmas with no drama.

Kelly: Oh, yes, perfect, thank you, Kelly. Finally, something for you to do.

Kelly: It’s a Hello Kitty laptop sleeve.

Kelly: I wonder if these presents would be under as much scrutiny if I were white. (Everybody groans.) I said “I wonder.” I didn’t say “I think.”

Kelly: Blankets? What am I, five?

Gabe: Yes, Erin and I are still dating. Why do you ask me so often if we’re still dating?

Darryl: My little girl, Jada? It’s my turn to have her for Christmas this year.

Darryl: iCarly… you know what’s funny on that show? The friend with the video camera? He’s got a nice way of talking.

Dwight: Omigod! It’s the first snowfall of Christmas. Is that just so magical for you, little girl? Can you not wait to have a hot chocolate and cuddle up with papa and tell him about all your Christmas dreams? Hmm? It’s not even a real snow. Look, it’s a dusting. Pitiful.

Dwight: Dammit, Jim, you cannot throw snowballs in here!

Dwight: Look at that. There’s a pebble in there. You could have killed me!

Stanley: Who’s the little girl now?

Dwight: It’s a snowball fight. It’s not fun. Go get your own thing. Beat it.

Kevin: That would be impressive, if anyone knew what a comptroller was.

Angela: Do you have any idea how many photographers there are at a ribbon cutting ceremony? I do. Two.

Toby: I’ll be taking a leave of absence starting next week.
Michael: Oh because you’ve been on the lam? Because the Boring Police have been after you, and they finally caught up with you?

Michael: The case of the horrible redheaded sad sack. And the verdict: it was Toby. And the sentence? Death. Death to Toby. Death to Toby!

Dwight: Is it the middle school teacher who tried to turn her foreign exchange student into a sex slave?
Meredith: Was it the post office guy who rubbed his penis all over the mail?

Michael: How do you describe somebody who is at the same time an old friend, and was a lover, and was a complicated part of my past, and maybe, just maybe, a part of my future?

Creed: She’s one sassy black lady.

Pam: I honestly think you’re idealizing people here again, Michael.

Michael: Thank you, Scranton Strangler, I love you. You just took one more person’s breath away.

Michael: The name is Bond. Santa Bond. I’ll have an eggnog shaken, not stirred. Classic Brosnan.

Angela: Stop moving your calves so much while you’re talking!

Michael: The food is going to be austere.

Michael: Could he help us with some parking tickets?
Angela: I don’t think that’s appropriate.
Michael: Well, then he’s not a senator.

Pam: I’ve been working forever on Jim’s present. He always gives me the best Christmas gifts. He’ll take a memory or a private joke and he’ll create something totally unique. I love them. So this year, I made him something. A comic book. It stars Jimmy Halpert, a mild-mannered paper salesman who, while riding his bike through the forest, is bitten by a radioactive bear. Becomes Bear Man. Wreaks havoc on the office. It’s really good.

Dwight’s post-it note to Jim: “It is time. Parking lot at noon.”

Michael: Somebody from New Hampshire looks at that and thinks it’s a burning cross.

Michael: There’s nothing classier than boring jazz music.

Michael: What’s better, hiring an entire quartet for half an hour or one bassist for the entire day?

Andy: My ‘brid, my hybrid, my Prius hybrid won’t fit a tree, which is ironic, considering how many trees it saves.

Andy: I do, however, have a hookup with a dude who has a pickup.

Darryl: I thought I was enough family for my daughter.

Darryl: No. Thank you for your interest in my truck.

Erin: I’ve looked her up online. There’s nothing about her. She’s made no impression on the Internet.

Meredith: What does the strangler look like? Is he gorgeous? He looks gorgeous in the drawings. That scowl.

Toby: I know people are only this excited to talk to me because of the trial. But, they talk to me for awhile, and maybe people realize, I have something to say. And then, one day, we’re just talking.

Dwight: I have no feeling in my fingers or penis. But I think it was worth it.

Jim: I was laying on the ground, defenseless, and he just kept throwing them, until he exhausted himself.

Dwight’s text to Jim: “How about icing it? Lol. Dwight”

Erin: I’m really sorry, I can’t help you. I’m waiting for my boss’ pretty friend to arrive.

Holly: Well, well, well. If it isn’t Michael Scott, you old bastard.

Jim: Okay… Holly’s back.

Holly: Oh, huggy monster!

Holly: Would you put those out?
Erin: To throw out? Or put out, like, six pieces for everyone?

Holly: It looks beautiful in here. It’s super classy. It’s like a party for limousine drivers.

Holly: Watch out for my guns, they’re both loaded.

Michael: And… you have a Woody.

Michael: You know who my favorite character in Toy Story is? Andy’s mom.
Holly: Why?
Michael: Because without Andy’s mom, there’s no plot, and without any plot, there is no movie.

Holly: A.J. said he hadn’t seen any of the Toy Story movies.

Michael: What a douchebag.

Michael: How did A.J. get in your house?
Holly: We live together.

Andy: Christmas tree, Christmas tree, won’t you be my Christmas tree?

Andy: I don’t have kids or anything, but if my grandmother ever dies, I’m going to kill myself.

Pam: You’ll be Mr. Christmas by the end of the night.

Andy: Nobody hug me, I’m covered in tree sap.
Oscar: Why would someone hug you.

Pam: Who told you that?
Michael: Nora Ephron. In every romantic comedy ever made.

Erin: I don’t get it! I’m sorry. I just, I don’t get it.

Kelly: Ultimatums are key. Basically nobody does anything for me anymore unless I threaten to kill myself.

Dwight: Yes, I have a wig for every single person in the office. You never know when you’re going to need to bear a passing resemblance to someone.
Jim: I just want it to stop.

Meredith: Maybe your senator boyfriend has a blanket in his car. For screwing Americans.

Michael: The shards of glass would’ve shaved her face off. And yes, it might have been funny. But it also would have been incredibly tragic.

Jim: What are you talking about? You’re the one terrorizing me.

Holly: I’m really surprised at you guys. Last time I was here, you were both best friends.

Michael: You know who gave me this? My girlfriend Tara, who lives in New York City.

Michael: I’m a man in my mid-40s and I still get zits. I think that’s pretty interesting.

Holly: I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.
Michael: I do. She is.

Michael: It seems to me that there is a person sitting out there in the annex who still has feelings for Michael G. Scott. And it ain’t Tara.

Kevin: Toy Story is all about toys that come to life, when people aren’t looking. You don’t think, it’s not possible, that Woody did this to himself?

Jim: Why are we discounting this whole Woody came to life thing so quickly?

Jim: Fake girlfriends are always wrong.

Kevin: Nothing is ever your fault! Just like when you ate those maple candies that you brought for us!

Erin: Is she an amazing cook or something?

Jim (reading gift tag): “Hey, Pickles, Merry Christmas. Open immediately! Love, Swiss Cheese.”

Dwight: Didn’t think your affectionate nicknames would be your undoing, did you, Jim? Let that be a lesson to you all.

Stanley: To get to go sit in an air conditioned room downtown, judging people, while my lunch is paid for. That is the life.

Andy: You must answer topical political questions. How many congressmen is the state of Pennsylvania guaranteed? And what other state has the equal number?

Darryl: And the game’s over. Seconds later.

Angela: Hey everybody, this is my boyfriend, Senator Robert Lipton.

Oscar: Robert seems great. He’s very handsome. Firm handshake. He’s gay. Good sense of humor.

Michael: I am dead inside.

Oscar: A real David and Goliath story.

Ryan: An F Train to Brooklyn. Extra bitters.

Pam: I don’t think he’s in the ceiling, babe.

Michael: I read this story about a woman who slipped on some black ice and she hit her head and went into a coma forever. And then every day, her husband went and visited her in the hospital until she died.

Michael: I can tell you confidently that it is not going to be okay.

Pam: A.J. won’t commit to Holly. And she’s going to tell him that if he doesn’t propose to her by the end of the year, it’s over.

Pam: I don’t know a lot of happy marriages that start off with an ultimatum, do you?

Dwight: I do not accept your surrender. There’s only one way that I would ever relent. You hit Pam in the face with a snowball while I watch.
Jim: You’re a psychopath.

Michael: A Hostess apple pie! This is my favorite breakfast, how did you know that?

Michael: Are you sure you don’t want a pony? You want a real horse.

Dwight: In the end, the greatest snowball isn’t a snowball at all. It’s fear. Merry Christmas.

Christmas presents exchanged

  • Kevin gives Oscar UGG boots
  • Phyllis gives Ryan a homemade embroidered iPad case
  • Angela gives Creed a six-pack of deodorant
  • Erin gives Andy a card “How to Quit Biting Your Nails”
  • Jim gives Pam a bracelet
  • Pam gives Jim a personalized comic book

Icon provided by pessimistreader.

210 comments

  1. Yay Holly’s back! How many jokes are they going to make about her name because it’s a Christmas episode?

  2. I seem to be the only person who doesn’t like the Holly/Michael pairing. I just felt that they never had any real chemistry, and that her dorky moments were forced. She seems too sophisticated for Michael. Many moments between them were very awkward and lacked the ease of Jim and Pam’s interactions. Also, Michael seemed to be interest in her for shallow reasons, like just her body. And if she was the love of his life why didn’t he move from Scranton with her, when Karen was willing on moving to NY just to be with Jim?

  3. Wow. This episode has WIN written all over it: Mindy Kaling wrote it, Rainn Wilson directed it AND Amy Ryan finally returns onscreen. Bring it on!

  4. @11: You’re not alone! Michael and Holly drive me crazy when they’re together. It’s awkward and dorky … but not funny. I guess I just don’t get all the hype. The characters seem perfect for each other on paper, but it just doesn’t work for me.

    Plus, in terms of her coming back, I kind of feel like she’s been away too long. Out of sight, out of mind. I’m not super excited about seeing her again.

    I am, however, excited about the prospect of a Dwight/Jim snowball fight. :)

  5. I am so looking forward to the Dwight/Jim snowball fight. How could that not be amazing? Right now that’s all i want to see.

    And you can never go wrong with Mindy writing.

  6. I LOVE Michael and Holly! I hope that’s how Michael leaves the show, to be with Holly. I think they are perfect together.

  7. This has the potential of being the best episode yet. Super excited, especially about the snowball fight. And Michael and Holly are soupsnakes.

    [from tanster: yes they are soupsnakes. Always and forever.]

  8. I’m with 9, 11, 13 and 14. Not a Holly fan. We already have a Michael, and the second is redundant. Plus, I plain don’t get why she’s his soupsnake (bleah) when she dumped him for her job, and then got engaged to another guy immediately thereafter, and then went on to break his heart over and over again, the last time telling him they were a fling. Not my definition of a soupsnake. Or maybe it is. It’s pretty snake-y to say the least. I’d rather see Michael exit on his own, finally happy with himself, than chasing someone who does him like that. Cute does not = nice.

  9. Who thinks Jim vs Dwight snowball fight may end up like Michael vs Dwight in ‘The Fight’? Or Andy vs Dwight in ‘The Duel’?

    Dwight has been trash-talking and baiting Jim a bit this season. I hope he takes it to the Next Level! – The Kelly Level.

    “Were Jim’s parents first cousins who were also bad at ping pong?”

  10. yaya!!! can’t wait for this episode of the office!! Holly’s back, it’s Christmas, and surprises are in the air!! :) I hope that this is the beginning of “Holly’s return” ;p CAN’T WAIT!

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