The Office: Classy Christmas, 7.11-7.12

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The Office Classy Christmas Snowmen

Writer: Mindy Kaling, Director: Rainn Wilson

Summary (NBC): Michael could not be happier when Toby has to take a leave of absence and corporate sends Holly Flax to cover for him. Pam is forced to do a second Christmas party after Michael wants the party to be on the day Holly returns to Scranton. Meanwhile, Jim regrets agreeing to a snowball fight with Dwight. One-hour long. Guest star: Amy Ryan.

The Office Classy Christmas extras

The Office Classy Christmas rating

In a poll conducted December 9-13, 2010, Tallyheads rated this episode: 8.93/10

See all The Office Season 7 ratings.

The Office Classy Christmas quotes

Manually (and lovingly) transcribed by tanster. :)

Kevin: What if all the boys are on one side, all the girls are on the other, the boys are like, “why I oughta…,” and the girls are like, “let’s go shopping!”

Dwight: This is a store-bought camera. This isn’t one of those special military-grade cameras that will be able to capture that.

Andy: If we all jump really high, we’ll be in the air longer.

Oscar: Here’s a question nobody’s asking: is this worth it?

Pam: I shut it down. At its worst, it was a toxic political club used to make others feel miserable and left out. At its best, it planned parties.

Michael: Did anyone get drunk already?
Meredith: Not yet.

Michael: So Stanley, how big is the bug up your butt today?

Michael: My kids are growing up. As a boss, I look at that and I say, great. It’s exactly what a boss would hope would happen because that’s what I want. That’s what every boss wants, is a wonderful Christmas with no drama.

Kelly: Oh, yes, perfect, thank you, Kelly. Finally, something for you to do.

Kelly: It’s a Hello Kitty laptop sleeve.

Kelly: I wonder if these presents would be under as much scrutiny if I were white. (Everybody groans.) I said “I wonder.” I didn’t say “I think.”

Kelly: Blankets? What am I, five?

Gabe: Yes, Erin and I are still dating. Why do you ask me so often if we’re still dating?

Darryl: My little girl, Jada? It’s my turn to have her for Christmas this year.

Darryl: iCarly… you know what’s funny on that show? The friend with the video camera? He’s got a nice way of talking.

Dwight: Omigod! It’s the first snowfall of Christmas. Is that just so magical for you, little girl? Can you not wait to have a hot chocolate and cuddle up with papa and tell him about all your Christmas dreams? Hmm? It’s not even a real snow. Look, it’s a dusting. Pitiful.

Dwight: Dammit, Jim, you cannot throw snowballs in here!

Dwight: Look at that. There’s a pebble in there. You could have killed me!

Stanley: Who’s the little girl now?

Dwight: It’s a snowball fight. It’s not fun. Go get your own thing. Beat it.

Kevin: That would be impressive, if anyone knew what a comptroller was.

Angela: Do you have any idea how many photographers there are at a ribbon cutting ceremony? I do. Two.

Toby: I’ll be taking a leave of absence starting next week.
Michael: Oh because you’ve been on the lam? Because the Boring Police have been after you, and they finally caught up with you?

Michael: The case of the horrible redheaded sad sack. And the verdict: it was Toby. And the sentence? Death. Death to Toby. Death to Toby!

Dwight: Is it the middle school teacher who tried to turn her foreign exchange student into a sex slave?
Meredith: Was it the post office guy who rubbed his penis all over the mail?

Michael: How do you describe somebody who is at the same time an old friend, and was a lover, and was a complicated part of my past, and maybe, just maybe, a part of my future?

Creed: She’s one sassy black lady.

Pam: I honestly think you’re idealizing people here again, Michael.

Michael: Thank you, Scranton Strangler, I love you. You just took one more person’s breath away.

Michael: The name is Bond. Santa Bond. I’ll have an eggnog shaken, not stirred. Classic Brosnan.

Angela: Stop moving your calves so much while you’re talking!

Michael: The food is going to be austere.

Michael: Could he help us with some parking tickets?
Angela: I don’t think that’s appropriate.
Michael: Well, then he’s not a senator.

Pam: I’ve been working forever on Jim’s present. He always gives me the best Christmas gifts. He’ll take a memory or a private joke and he’ll create something totally unique. I love them. So this year, I made him something. A comic book. It stars Jimmy Halpert, a mild-mannered paper salesman who, while riding his bike through the forest, is bitten by a radioactive bear. Becomes Bear Man. Wreaks havoc on the office. It’s really good.

Dwight’s post-it note to Jim: “It is time. Parking lot at noon.”

Michael: Somebody from New Hampshire looks at that and thinks it’s a burning cross.

Michael: There’s nothing classier than boring jazz music.

Michael: What’s better, hiring an entire quartet for half an hour or one bassist for the entire day?

Andy: My ‘brid, my hybrid, my Prius hybrid won’t fit a tree, which is ironic, considering how many trees it saves.

Andy: I do, however, have a hookup with a dude who has a pickup.

Darryl: I thought I was enough family for my daughter.

Darryl: No. Thank you for your interest in my truck.

Erin: I’ve looked her up online. There’s nothing about her. She’s made no impression on the Internet.

Meredith: What does the strangler look like? Is he gorgeous? He looks gorgeous in the drawings. That scowl.

Toby: I know people are only this excited to talk to me because of the trial. But, they talk to me for awhile, and maybe people realize, I have something to say. And then, one day, we’re just talking.

Dwight: I have no feeling in my fingers or penis. But I think it was worth it.

Jim: I was laying on the ground, defenseless, and he just kept throwing them, until he exhausted himself.

Dwight’s text to Jim: “How about icing it? Lol. Dwight”

Erin: I’m really sorry, I can’t help you. I’m waiting for my boss’ pretty friend to arrive.

Holly: Well, well, well. If it isn’t Michael Scott, you old bastard.

Jim: Okay… Holly’s back.

Holly: Oh, huggy monster!

Holly: Would you put those out?
Erin: To throw out? Or put out, like, six pieces for everyone?

Holly: It looks beautiful in here. It’s super classy. It’s like a party for limousine drivers.

Holly: Watch out for my guns, they’re both loaded.

Michael: And… you have a Woody.

Michael: You know who my favorite character in Toy Story is? Andy’s mom.
Holly: Why?
Michael: Because without Andy’s mom, there’s no plot, and without any plot, there is no movie.

Holly: A.J. said he hadn’t seen any of the Toy Story movies.

Michael: What a douchebag.

Michael: How did A.J. get in your house?
Holly: We live together.

Andy: Christmas tree, Christmas tree, won’t you be my Christmas tree?

Andy: I don’t have kids or anything, but if my grandmother ever dies, I’m going to kill myself.

Pam: You’ll be Mr. Christmas by the end of the night.

Andy: Nobody hug me, I’m covered in tree sap.
Oscar: Why would someone hug you.

Pam: Who told you that?
Michael: Nora Ephron. In every romantic comedy ever made.

Erin: I don’t get it! I’m sorry. I just, I don’t get it.

Kelly: Ultimatums are key. Basically nobody does anything for me anymore unless I threaten to kill myself.

Dwight: Yes, I have a wig for every single person in the office. You never know when you’re going to need to bear a passing resemblance to someone.
Jim: I just want it to stop.

Meredith: Maybe your senator boyfriend has a blanket in his car. For screwing Americans.

Michael: The shards of glass would’ve shaved her face off. And yes, it might have been funny. But it also would have been incredibly tragic.

Jim: What are you talking about? You’re the one terrorizing me.

Holly: I’m really surprised at you guys. Last time I was here, you were both best friends.

Michael: You know who gave me this? My girlfriend Tara, who lives in New York City.

Michael: I’m a man in my mid-40s and I still get zits. I think that’s pretty interesting.

Holly: I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.
Michael: I do. She is.

Michael: It seems to me that there is a person sitting out there in the annex who still has feelings for Michael G. Scott. And it ain’t Tara.

Kevin: Toy Story is all about toys that come to life, when people aren’t looking. You don’t think, it’s not possible, that Woody did this to himself?

Jim: Why are we discounting this whole Woody came to life thing so quickly?

Jim: Fake girlfriends are always wrong.

Kevin: Nothing is ever your fault! Just like when you ate those maple candies that you brought for us!

Erin: Is she an amazing cook or something?

Jim (reading gift tag): “Hey, Pickles, Merry Christmas. Open immediately! Love, Swiss Cheese.”

Dwight: Didn’t think your affectionate nicknames would be your undoing, did you, Jim? Let that be a lesson to you all.

Stanley: To get to go sit in an air conditioned room downtown, judging people, while my lunch is paid for. That is the life.

Andy: You must answer topical political questions. How many congressmen is the state of Pennsylvania guaranteed? And what other state has the equal number?

Darryl: And the game’s over. Seconds later.

Angela: Hey everybody, this is my boyfriend, Senator Robert Lipton.

Oscar: Robert seems great. He’s very handsome. Firm handshake. He’s gay. Good sense of humor.

Michael: I am dead inside.

Oscar: A real David and Goliath story.

Ryan: An F Train to Brooklyn. Extra bitters.

Pam: I don’t think he’s in the ceiling, babe.

Michael: I read this story about a woman who slipped on some black ice and she hit her head and went into a coma forever. And then every day, her husband went and visited her in the hospital until she died.

Michael: I can tell you confidently that it is not going to be okay.

Pam: A.J. won’t commit to Holly. And she’s going to tell him that if he doesn’t propose to her by the end of the year, it’s over.

Pam: I don’t know a lot of happy marriages that start off with an ultimatum, do you?

Dwight: I do not accept your surrender. There’s only one way that I would ever relent. You hit Pam in the face with a snowball while I watch.
Jim: You’re a psychopath.

Michael: A Hostess apple pie! This is my favorite breakfast, how did you know that?

Michael: Are you sure you don’t want a pony? You want a real horse.

Dwight: In the end, the greatest snowball isn’t a snowball at all. It’s fear. Merry Christmas.

Christmas presents exchanged

  • Kevin gives Oscar UGG boots
  • Phyllis gives Ryan a homemade embroidered iPad case
  • Angela gives Creed a six-pack of deodorant
  • Erin gives Andy a card “How to Quit Biting Your Nails”
  • Jim gives Pam a bracelet
  • Pam gives Jim a personalized comic book

Icon provided by pessimistreader.