The Office: Crime Aid, 5.05

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The Office Crime Aid

Writer: Charlie Grandy, Director: Jennifer Celotta

Summary (NBC): After the office gets robbed, Michael decides to hold an auction to raise money for all the items lost. Michael helps Pam get a part time job at corporate so she can afford to go to art school.

The Office Crime Aid extras

Writer Charlie Grandy answers fan questions in the Crime Aid Q&A.

The Office Crime Aid rating

In a poll conducted Oct. 23-27, Tallyheads rated this episode: 8.35/10

See all The Office Season 5 ratings.

The Office Crime Aid quotes

Michael: Pam-oh-laaaaaa!

Holly: I’m free tonight. Is that too eager? I don’t care. I’m free tonight.

Michael: Tonight’s no good. Because I am busy taking you out.

Michael: If she starts having sex with me, I’ll know for sure.

Andy: I am right in assuming that Dwight is short for D-Money.

Dwight: You set a date?

Phyllis: You’re making a knife with a knife?

Dwight: I know none of that. And if I did, you’d be the last to know.

Holly: Hell, yeah.

Michael: Probably get soup. Or something light.

Dwight: She introduced me to so many things. Pasteurized milk. Sheets. Monotheism. Presents on your birthday. Preventative medicine.

Dwight: Why is she marrying Andy?

Phyllis: Angela’s not really a risk taker. And Andy’s not really a risk.

Dwight: That’s really fattening.

Holly: Oh, after vous.
Michael: Thank vous.

Michael: Now they can’t hear us at all.

Angela: I need to cancel checks from 10,001 to 90,000.

Kevin: Yeah, well, they stole my surge protector. I’m now going to be prone to surges.

Dwight: Bravo, Watson.

Dwight: Looks like a classic seven-man job.

Dwight: Motives — financial, or possibly vintage HP computer collectors.

Michael: So much for sex without consequences.

Jim: The future mother of my children.

Andy: You’re always safe with me. I’m a very good screamer.

Creed: The last person to do this disappeared. His name? Creed Bratton.

Michael: It’s like Farm Aid. But instead of farms fighting against AIDS, it is us fighting against our own poverty.

Jim: Do you need us for any of this?

Holly: The boss scored The Boss.

Holly: He knows how to get things. He got me.

Dwight: Or you can say goodbye to this.

Dwight: You have until 6:14 pm.

Michael: Crime Reduces Innocence. Makes Everybody Angry. I Declare.

Michael: There is no Wikipedia entry for office robbery statistics.

Michael: Lights, camera, auction!

Darryl: And my personal favorite, Short People.

Michael: It squeaks when you bang it. That’s what she said.

Michael: It just says Creed.
Creed: Yeah, that’s all-inclusive.

Kevin: Federal and state.

Michael: I would appreciate it if people would stop storming off the stage.

Dwight: Okay, fine, I’ve moved on. Now how do I get her back?

Dwight: And you slap like a girl.

Jim: She’s engaged, um … to me.

Roy: I thought you were a friend.

Dwight: Three hundred … and one penny.

Jim: I’m not that guy. And we are not that couple.

Holly: A lot of Michael seems too good to be true. So far, it’s all true.

David: No. I did not know Michael was dating Holly.

Icon by pessimistreader.

253 comments

  1. I think this was the best episode of the season so far. Michael and Holly were hilarious and cute, Dwight and Phyllis was so sweet, and Jim was as usual adorable. Everything about it was great :)

  2. Yes, I loved the Dwight-Phyllis and Michael-Holly dynamic. These were both brilliantly written! (Especially Dwight bidding on a hug at the end and letting Bob Vance pay 1000 for it). I just hope Dwight comes up with a successful master plan! We finally saw his sweet side tonight (or at least for the last couple minutes).

  3. This episode was brilliant!
    I’m Happy for Dwight. He doesn’t need Angela, he can find better. And I love his “alliance” with Phyllis! This episode really made me love Phyllis more! She deserves more hugs. Her and Dwight need to interact more. They’re great together.
    But on a darker note, we only have one more episode left with Holly. ='(
    Oh I hope they bring Holly back!!

  4. I loved all the little things with Phyllis and Dwight, but by far my favorite part of this episode was Creed’s talking head – “Only one person has done this before, and he disappeared. His name? Creed Bratton.” XD So creepy and hilarious.

  5. The most satisfying episode of the season so far. Who knew Jen Celotta was such a good director? The Phyllis/Dwight stuff was inspired and the Michael thing in the conference room where he kept going on had me laughing out loud. Poignant end with Jim too.

  6. 1-5, I agree! Loved it! It was the best, sweetest, funniest episode this season by far. Huzzah!

  7. It was a pretty good episode!! I ADORED the Michael and Holly stuff, but I felt SO bad for Dwight and I HATE what they’re doing with JAM!! I don’t like that they’re changing Pam like that!! It makes me sad!! I’m glad that Jim has enough confidence in their relationship, because right now, I’m not sure if I do!! They better not screw up my favorite couple!! I just want there to be ONE happy couple in the history of television!! Is that too much to ask?!

  8. I really liked this episode. It was great to see Roy again. Also i love the fact that Michael and Holly are together, plus the whole Phyllis Dwight thing was really cute. But i Wonder what is going to happen with David Wallace seeing Michael and Holly Kiss? Hmmm. All in all this was a really great episode!!

  9. I was SO happy with this episode! I loved that David made an appearance, and it’s great that he didn’t know about Holly and Michael- I was really curious to see where the writers were going to take it…
    I was a little disappointed that the Roy, Jim and Pam storyline wasn’t fleshed out…but that just gives me something to look forward to!

  10. Absolutely one of the best of the season so far!!! The vibe of the Holly/Michael relationship is fantastic. Jim turning around during his trip to NYC was just great. Dwight was awesome this episode and the whole Crime Aid auction was SO classic Office. BRAVO and BRAVA to all involved!

  11. PERFECT episode! Dwight is being so amazing this season, and I’m going to be CRUSHED when Holly has to leave. CRUSHED. Michael is so happy with her. And also, I’m happy Roy’s part wasn’t dramatic, and that Jim turned around.

  12. Fantastic episode! I loved everything about it. I really felt bad for Dwight and Phyllis was just so cute in everything she did.

    Best line of the night: “It squeaks when you bang it–that’s what she said.” I’m still laughing about that! :)

  13. Amy Ryan, I miss you already! And $1k for a hug from Phyllis is a steal. Well, not really.

  14. Pam’s drunken phone call was hilarious! “I am not drunk…I don’t sound like that!” I loved Michael and Holly’s talking head when she said he got her–twice!! Oh my!! Andy’s dancing. Michael suggesting selling people and Stanley’s reaction! David Wallace being there–yay! The things Dwight learned from Angela. “I am not that guy, and we are not that couple.”

    …these are a few of my favorite things…!

  15. Amazing episode!!! So many laugh out loud moments and the plot was also amazing. I must say that it was one of the best episodes of The Office ever!!

    P.S. David Wallace is the cutest CEO ever, to go to Scranton for some lame auction and sincerely want to help out like that…SO CUTE!

    [from tanster: andy buckley will be happy to read that. :) ]

  16. Loved Michael and Holly!!! i’m a little worried now that David saw the two of them kissing. The Dwight/Phyllis scenes were awesome!!!! At this point i really don’t care what they do with the JAM situation. If they are going to be together then they need to quit letting stupid stuff happen. They’ve dragged it on for over 4 seasons and it’s time to stop. I’m a Molly and Dwangela fan anyway. I love JAM don’t get me wrong, but i don’t like their story line at all!!

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