The Office: Dunder Mifflin Infinity, 4.03-04

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The Office

Writer: Michael Schur, Director: Craig Zisk

Summary (NBC): Ryan returns to the Scranton branch of Dunder Mifflin to bring the company into the digital age. Angela is still upset about her cat. One-hour episode.

The Office Dunder Mifflin Infinity extras

The Office Dunder Mifflin Infinity rating

7.65/10

See all The Office Season 4 ratings.

The Office Dunder Mifflin Infinity quotes

Michael: Is this about me and Jan in my office?

Michael: What I think you should do, is roll up the memo, real tight …

Angela: For the record, I have never been involved with anyone at work, in any capacity.

Pam: Toby, was this your fun little way of congratulating us?

Michael: Everyone, this is a day that will live in infamy. Because today is the day that Jim and Pam become one.

Michael: Let the bells of Dunder Mifflin chime out your love.

Michael: My heart soars with the eagle’s nest.

Dwight: I don’t see it. I think they both could do better.

Angela: It’s not a surprise to me. Pam is the office mattress.

Andy: Guess who just became the best-looking single guy in the office?

Michael: Hey. Can you make that straighter? That’s what she said.

Pam: You should put your mouth on that. How can you even use that one naturally?

Michael: Only thing that could make this day better is ice cream.

Angela: I don’t want Garbage! I want Sprinkles!

Toby: So if it’s just a casual thing, there’s no need, really.

Toby: Let’s just wait and see what happens, you know.

Michael: All grown up and no place to go. Hello, Mr. Sonny Crockett. I’m Tubbs.

Michael: Fire Guy — don’t start any fires, Ryan.

Michael: You are so mature and old and little man now.

Michael: I don’t swing that way.

Michael: I think Ryan has a gay crush on me.

Michael: Yeah, Ryan snapped at me. But there was this twinkle in his eye that I picked up on which said, “Dude, we’re friends. I’m doing this for appearances. I am the big boss now. And I have to seem like an ogre. But you know me and you trust me. And we like each other. And we’ll always be friends. And I would never take you for granted in a million years. And I miss you, man. And I love you.” His words.

Dwight: What if we don’t want to use a Blackberry because they are stupid and pointless?

Andy: You should call it Dunder Mifflinfinity. You know, push the words together.

Kelly: Can we speak privately about our relationship?

Michael: I am not old. You are old. You are, like, 100.

Creed: I’m telling you, this kid is the Grim Reaper.

Jim: Oh my god, this is going to make your brain explode.

Jim: We should have started dating, like, a long time ago.

Phyllis: I couldn’t see your hands.

Phyllis: It’s great that you’re dating. But when a new client calls, you just have to randomly assign them to a salesperson. You can’t base who gets new clients on who you’re sleeping with that week. Okay?

Jim: And … that is why we waited so long to tell people.

Ryan: We’re throwing out the entire playbook. We’re starting from scratch.

Ryan: Michael, I know exactly how much time and manpower are wasted in this branch.

Michael: We had a foreign exchange student live with us when I was young. And we called him my brother. And that’s what I thought he was. Um, then he went home to what is now formerly Yugoslavia, taking all of my blue jeans with him. And I had to spend the entire winter in shorts. That is what Ryan is like. A fake brother who steals your jeans.

Kelly: I am dating a lot of guys. A lot. Black guys mostly.

Stanley: It’s too little! Use the phone.

Kelly: I want you to tell me that you care about me. That is what I want.

Kelly: Oh big strong man. Fancy new whatever.

Kelly: I hope you’re still committed, because I’m pregnant. And guess what, buddy. I am keeping it.

Kelly: We have a date!

Dwight: Let me cook for you. Cauliflower and noodles. Baked potato on the side.

Ryan: So, elephant in the room, I have your old job.

Ryan: Scranton suits you.
Jan: Best decision I ever made.
Ryan: You were let go.
Jan: You know what? Love the beard. Keep it forever.

Michael: What is the actual deal, with these things in terms of testicles?

Michael: I don’t want to grow weird sperm in case we ever wanna have kids.

Jan: He’s such a snake. I hope he gets hit with an ageism suit.

Creed: I’m 30. Well, in November I’ll be 30.

Michael: Still my office, Ryan.

Michael: New ideas are fine. But they are also illegal. Because they are a form of ageism. What? Yes, I am right.

Michael: Hey, shut up, Toby.

Michael: Who is this old fart? Did you just stagger off the street? Out of a box or something? Who’s this worthless bag of bones?

Michael: Still sends his own proxy. Good for you.

Michael: We have learned that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Because it’s illegal. And you will go to jail.

Ryan: Well, today was a fantastic waste of time.

Angela: How’s your meat?
Dwight: Dry. Delicious.

Angela: I heard a joke today.
Dwight: Oh, that’s funny.
Angela: Yes. It was.

Angela: Every time I look in your eyes, I see Sprinkles’ stiff, lifeless body.
Dwight: Then don’t look in my eyes. Look right here. It’s an old sales trick.

Dwight: No, please don’t do this, monkey.
Angela: I will leave your toothbrush on top of your tire tomorrow morning.

Michael: That smells like good business to me.

Michael: I think he is forgetting about the original instant message. Letters attached to baskets of food.

Dwight: I just wanna be friends. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.

Jim: I just have to ask, now that we’re public, um, is the magic gone?

Pam: I now find you … repulsive?

Michael: Ever since I was a kid, people have been telling me I can’t do things. You can’t be on the team. You can’t move on to second grade. Well, now they’re telling me I can’t win back clients using old-fashioned business methods. We’ll see about that. And FYI, I eventually aced second grade. And I was the biggest kid in class.

Michael: Why don’t we just go as teams to demonstrate our teamsmanship.

Michael: Gift baskets are the essence of class and fanciness. They are the ultimate present that a person can receive.

Jim: What about a gift basket full of cash?
Andy: Yes! Cash basket! Nice work, Tuna.

Michael: Then godspeed. To both of us.

Michael: I would love to see a website deliver baskets of food to people.

Creed: Sometimes a guy’s gotta ride the bull. Am I right? Later, skater.

Andy: Dude, you are so money. But you don’t even know it. But you do.

Kevin: How awesome is Ryan now?
Jim: Yeah. He’s definitely … something.

Andy: He has a killer job. He’s rich. He smells like what I think Pierce Brosnan probably smells like. He wears really cool rich guy clothes.
Kevin: And he can get any girl that he wants.
Andy: So sorry, Tuna, but if you don’t know why that’s awesome, then you need awesome lessons.

Michael: Have you ever tried focaccia crisps?

Pam: Yeah, I’m going to do some mock-ups, and then turn those into thumbnails, maybe do some splash frames? I don’t know what I’m talking about. But I’m excited.

Michael: I have a few of my own that I want someday.

Michael: Don’t let Emily have any of the Cajun almonds. She’s allergic.

Dwight: This is the lake! This is the lake!

GPS: Make a u-turn. If possible.

Jim: I guess he can’t get any girl he wants.

Michael: Where are the turtles? Where are the turtles?!

Dwight: Hand over the turtles now!

Dwight: We’ll bill you.

Michael: I just drove my car into a lake.

Michael: A machine told me to drive into a lake.

Michael: Those gift baskets never endangered anybody’s lives.

Michael: Game, set, match. Point. Scott. Game over. End of game.

Michael: Everyone always wants new things. Everybody likes new inventions, new technology. People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me, the choice is easy.

Ryan: I’m not saying I had a meteoric rise. But I did. And if they knew how much I was paying for my haircut now, they wouldn’t be giving me a noogie. It was $200.

Icon courtesy of pessimistreader.

474 comments

  1. Sorry Tanster, I clicked tab a couple times too many, so there’s a blank comment by mistake.

    Anyways, yes, Garbage was hilarious.

    I’m in love with The Office, of course, but I’m kind of happy The Office isn’t usually a 1 hour show.

    Supersized just works better, just 30 minutes instead of 22.

  2. I loved Garbage! And I liked the premiere better too.

    In two hours all the JAMmers will be overanalyzing the “magic” convo. I can’t wait for all the hundreds of comments and the posters named “Garbage” and “Hand over the Turtles.” Godspeed Tanster, for both of us. Mostly you.

    Don’t drive your car in the lake while you’re updating this site on your blackberry.

  3. I thought it was a cute episode with Jim’s “I guess he can’t have every girl he wants” and Dwight’s “She’s wonderful”

    But on the other hand…driving into a lake? Really. Even Michael would not be that stupid. It would have been more believable if the GPS led them through some random back roads or something…but a lake?

  4. Ryan asked out Pam! I thought it was surprising because he always ignored her in the past. But i loved how he was all embarassed when Pam shot him down. Serves him right.

  5. I really loved the episode (Jim and Pam are so friggen cute!) However, I thought it was a little weird that they kept on bringing up old episodes in a really awkward way. Like when Pam mentions Jim’s BBQ. We fans knew that Pam knew about Dwight/Angela during that episode. She didn’t need to spell it out for us. (How would Jim remember that one barbeque that happened 2 years ago anyway?) Other than that, another great episode. These hour-longs are really spoiling me!

  6. I’m confused. The promo for this episode that the ending would be “Big”. What was so big about it? Michael driving into the lake???

  7. 6/10. Though I liked the first half and parts of the second half. But Michael driving his car into the lake was too far-fetched for me. One of those moments where the show loses that element of reality…

  8. Great episode…way better than last weeks, in my opinion. The on-screen chemistry between John and Jenna is great, too.

  9. Personally, I really liked this episode! Much better than the premiere. Definitely will be watching it again tomorrow on NBC.COM.

  10. The reason I like this show is because it is usually at least moderately realistic. The whole part with the car, lake and gift baskets was terrible. None of that is even close to reality.

    Who really intentionally drives a car into a lake? Not even the Michael Scott’s of the world.

    Who goes back into a business they gave a gift basket to and acts like that? Not even Dwight or Michael.

    Everything just felt forced, out of character, and not funny.

    I did like the Ryan and Pam thing, and most of the beginning. The Creed part was good too.

  11. Sprinkles: You are right about Toby.. I felt bad for him at first but he really was being a jerk about the whole thing. Plus, when Pam asked him if the memo was Toby’s cute little way of congratulating them.. he caved rather than standing by the memo. I wonder Toby’s jealousy will be a recurring thing..

  12. That could have possibly been the worst office out of all of the seasons. The writing was completely out of character.

  13. I just think it would have been a great episode if it had been 30 minutes. I was a HUGE advocate for hour-longs during contract negotiations last year, but this is the best proof yet of why the show needs to stick to a half hour format. It would’ve been great if it had just been a cold open outing Jam, bringing back Ryan, Jan’s reappearance and intro to idea of ageism, the ageism seminar with Dunder, and a conclusion with Kelly saying she’s pregnant but the last line being her euphoric, “We have a date!”

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