The Office: Email Surveillance, 2.09

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The Office: Email Surveillance

Writer: Jennifer Celotta, Director: Paul Feig

Summary: Michael sets up spying on his staff’s emails, which leads him to show up to Jim’s BBQ uninvited after his improv class. Pam does a little snooping of her own into a possible romance between Dwight and Angela.

The Office Email Surveillance extras

The Office Email Surveillance quotes

Kevin: Michael, should I call the (Michael gestures maniacally to be quiet) … what?

IT Guy: What’s your password, Michael?
Michael: Um …
IT Guy (looking at post-it on Michael’s computer): Oh, 1-2-3-4.
Michael: Yes.

Dwight: You could get a brain aneurism.
Michael: I’m not going to get a brain aneurism.
Dwight: Or hit by a car. Or a bus. Or a train. Or get poisoned. Fall down a well. Step on a mine. Choke.

Michael: Try “profits.” No, try “Michael Scott.” “Michael,” “boss,” and…”funny.”

Michael: Oil can. Oil can.

Michael: You know what the problem is?
Stanley: I think I do.

Michael: The problem is that when people hear the term “Big Brother,” they immediately think it’s scary or bad. But I don’t. I think, “Wow, I love my Big Brother.”

Kevin: I gotta erase a lot of stuff. A LOT … OF STUFF.

Pam: It’s like squishing a spider under a book. It’s gonna be really gross, but I have to look and make sure that it’s really dead.

Pam: Hey, Dwight? Um, my friend is kind of into these two girls that he works with.
Dwight: Nice.
Pam: One is tall and brunette. And the other one is short and blond and perky and kind of judgmental. Who do you think he should choose?
Dwight: Does he have access to their medical records?

Dwight: There are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we’re down river from that old bread factory.

Michael: Wonder where my Evite-tation is.

Michael: But maybe I need to be even approachabler.

Michael: Hangin’ with my crew. Crew that I am one of. Hanging with my Cup of Noodles. This is a meal in a cup, right here. Hot, tasty. Reminds me of college. Lived on this stuff. Brain food.

Jim: It’s true. I’m having a party. I’ve got three cases of imported beer, karaoke machine, and … I didn’t invite Michael. So … three ingredients for a great party. And it’s nothing personal, I just think that if he were there, people wouldn’t be able to relax and you know, have fun. And my roommate wants to meet everybody. Because … I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m making Dwight up. He is very real.

Jim: So Dwight thinks that tonight is a surprise party for Michael.
Pam: Really? That’s great. Maybe we can get him to hide and wait somewhere.

Michael: What?
Jim: I think Stanley just coughed.

Michael: Hey, Pam. Do you need me to walk you to your vehicular transport?
Pam: No thanks.

Dwight: I have to go to practice. Soccer practice.
Michael: I didn’t know you played soccer, Dwight.
Dwight: Clarinet.
Michael: You too, Dwight?

Dwight: Jim, do you really think this is a good idea? Huh? A “hide a key” rock?
Mark: Hey, you must be Dwight.

Mark: Hey, I love the Birkenstocks.

Michael: What is the most exciting thing that can happen on TV or in movies or in real life? Somebody has a gun. That’s why I always start with a gun, because you can’t top it. You, you just can’t.

Michael: Detective Michael Scarn. I’m with the FBI!

Improv instructor: Michael, I want you to give me all the guns you have.

Jim: Um, you know what? Let’s just leave that image out of it. Because this is a happy place. Happy thoughts, Pam. Happy thoughts.

Pam: You were so dorky!

Jim: Chicken, hot dog, burger.
Angela: I’m a vegetarian.
Jim: There’s soda inside.

Angela: Um, I think it’s alright. I mean, Jesus drank wine.

Kevin (slapping Ryan’s hand away from the grill): Not so fast, Fire Guy.

Michael: Nice job, Bill. Not.

Phyllis: Here I go again on my own. Going down the only road I’ve ever known.

Pam: Just because two people are hanging out, it doesn’t mean that they’re together … you know? Like people can just be friends. And I think that it was really unfair of us to assume that there was anything else going on.

Michael: Who opened the morgue for this thing?

Michael: He is a good guy. Not a terrorist.

Michael and Jim (singing): Islands in the stream, that is what we are …

Deleted scenes

IT Guy: Do you have a question or something? About my turban, maybe?
Michael: Nope. No. I actually wear a turban sometimes. Wanna see it? (Puts on turban.)
IT Guy: Why do you have that?
Michael: Comedy. It’s funny. It’s Johnny Carson, Karnac. It’s um … did you have Johnny Carson in your land?
IT Guy: In Pittsburgh? Yeah, but I never really watched him.
Michael: Oh. You were forbidden.
IT Guy: No … I just am younger than you. I watched Conan.

Kevin: Hey Fire Guy, maybe we should burn Jim’s house down.
Ryan: That’s really funny.
Kevin: Hey Kelly, I called him Fire Guy.
Kelly: Good one, Kev.
Kevin: Hey Stanley.
Ryan: He called me Fire Guy.
Stanley: Oh … good one.
Kevin: Oh … never gets old.
Ryan (shaking head): Never gets old.

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