The Office: Goodbye, Michael, 7.22

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The Office: Goodbye, Michael

Writer: Greg Daniels, Director: Paul Feig

Summary (NBC): Michael, about to leave for Colorado, wants a day without drama to say his goodbyes to each co-worker. Deangelo and Andy scramble to keep Michael’s biggest clients. Supersized to 53 minutes. Guest stars: Will Ferrell, Amy Ryan.

The Office Goodbye Michael extras

  • Video: Promos
  • Photos: Promos
  • Michael’s last Dunder Mifflin newsletter
  • Michael’s goodbye emails to the staff
  • The royal wedding’s frowning flower girl responds
  • Paul Lieberstein’s real-life brother Warren plays Toby’s brother Rory Flenderson.
  • An extended producer’s cut of this episode aired May 26, 2011.
  • From New York Magazine‘s interview with Jenna Fischer, regarding filming the last scenes at the airport with Steve Carell: “That was really emotional. They said, “You know what, Jenna? Just say whatever you would want to say to Steve. Just say goodbye and we’ll tape it and when you’re finished, just give each other a hug and go your separate ways.” And it was actually a challenge because every time I got down there I would start to cry right away, and I had to try to hold that in a little bit. We did so many takes of that goodbye and I cried every single time. I even got choked up just telling the story right now.”

The Office Goodbye Michael rating

In a poll conducted April 28-May 2, 2011, Tallyheads rated this episode: 9.01/10

See all The Office Season 7 ratings.

The Office Goodbye Michael quotes

Quotes manually transcribed by tanster. :)

Michael: Just up here getting used to the altitude.

Dwight: They’re bull testicles! I cut them off fresh this morning!

Dwight: After what you did, you expect to be buttled?

Dwight: Where did you hear that? Obvious XM Radio?

Michael: Maybe I should keep a salami in my pocket in order to feed the bears.
Dwight: Great idea, especially if you think that life would be better without legs.

Dwight: So if you were thinking about outrunning them on a horse, I would try a cheetah.

Dwight: You, in tight pants, Michael, are a salami, to a black bear. You’re like a giant walking salami.
Michael: Okay, so no salami in the pants. How about a pepperoni?

Deangelo: Can I have this little truck?

Michael: Take my favorite truck, sure.

Deangelo: Dead man walking.

Michael: I don’t leave until tomorrow. Tomorrow I will be a wreck.

Gabe: I’ve seen some horrible things, I own over 200 horror movies.

Jim: You guys are filming people when they go to the bathroom now?

Angela: The Dream Team. And Meredith.

Michael: What do you like, Pam?
Pam: What?
Michael: What kind of topping would you like?
Pam: Hot fudge?
Michael: Sounds good. Fudge it up.

Michael: I still need something to drink out of, though.

Phyllis: I thought he knew about the baby I gave away.

Phyllis: It’s almost done, but you can’t get them wet, and they can’t be dry cleaned either. You have to hand wash without water, wring dry gently, and use a hair dryer on cool.

Michael: May you never lose the fun-loving quality in life.
Stanley: Where’s the rest of it, it’s got no balls.

Michael: You’re the best salesman on the inside.
Phyllis: What does that even mean.

Michael: You sold us all on Andy, a product that nobody wanted.

Michael: Just do your best. I have faith in you.

Dwight: I’ve given up expecting Michael to do the right thing. Or the decent thing. Or even the comprehensible thing.

Deangelo: Once you’ve conquered obesity, everything else is easy.

Deangelo: I’m not saying I’m Superman, but let me just put it this way. If I were shot in the head, I’m pretty sure everything would be fine. I almost welcome it.

Michael: Don’t be a caricature, Kevin. Never be a caricature.

Michael: You will be thin. You won’t drool over pizza like an animal anymore.

Michael: You should never settle for who you are.

Michael: Oscar, you are very smart, and you have a gigantic education. And I think of you as my scarecrow. Because you gave me a brain.

Michael: It looks like it was made by a two-year-old monkey. On a farm!

Michael: He has the lowest opinion of me of anybody!

Michael: Was it just me or did you think we were going to have sex at some point?

Angela: Oh that’s Thomas. Robert’s aide.

Deangelo: Let’s rip it up, homes.

Gabe: Walk away, bitch.

Wallace: Colorado’s one big REI store.

Michael: I can’t do it this. All the channels are going to be different there. I’m not going to be able to find my shows. I am not going to start improv at level one. I don’t think my credits are going to transfer. And you know what? I just figured out where I was supposed to go to vote.

Holly: My mom’s looking at me like she has no sense of humor.

Michael: Yeah, so I know I told everybody that tomorrow is my last day, but I’m gonna be leaving tonight. I head to the airport at 4.

Toby: I have a brother in Boulder. Rory Flenderson. You should look him up.

Michael: If I just went away right now, would that be the best gift that I could give you?
Kelly: Yes, please, please go away and stop using that weird slow voice.

Michael (looking at St. Pauli Beer sign): She was once my girl and she is your girl now.
Ryan: Wow.
Michael: Yeah.
Ryan: This is totally unnecessary.
Michael: You’re not prone to seizures?
Ryan: No.

Michael: Truthfully? I just didn’t want to pack it.

Angela: You can’t let a stray dog into the house.

Meredith: Over here, the only opportunity they have is to be erotic bakers. Lucky us.

Pam: Okay, don’t turn this into some feminist issue.

Phyllis: As a person who buys a lot of erotic cakes, it just feels good to be represented on one.

Kelly: I am one of the few people who looks hot eating a cupcake.

Gabe: Someday, you are going to tell our grandchildren about how their grandfather won you back in a women’s room.

Rory: Does he like jams? My shelves are overflowing with preserves.

Darryl: Everybody likes the guy who offers them a stick of gum.

Michael: Darryl, I have one last wish. I would like to use the baler.

Michael: Catch you on the flippity flip!

Deangelo: Let’s get psyched! Is there an animal shelter on the way?

Deangelo: Ani-ani-shelto.

Michael: You don’t need a mom, because you have my number and you can call me at any time.

Michael: From now until 4, your priority is knitting.

Dwight (reading Michael’s letter of recommendation): “The dictionary defines ‘superlative’ as ‘of the highest kind, quality, or order, surpassing all else or others; supreme.’ I define it as Dwight Schute. As a sales executive, as a leader, as a man, and as a friend, he is of the highest kind, quality, and order; supreme.” Lots more like that. Really repetitive.

Dwight (reading card): “2:45, behind the building, paintball.”

Deangelo: You ever play Russian Roulette? Time to spin the chamber, Boris.

Ryan: I just feel that cake is so Norman Rockwell.

Meredith: What if I told you you could have a cake that is delicious, and also sexy as hell?
Darryl: I’m listening.
Angela: No smut cakes!

Michael: Whether you’re scared of dying, or dying alone, or dying drunk in a ditch, don’t be. It’s going to be okay.

Michael: There’s not enough time in the day to have a special moment with everybody.

Michael: A little cover up on your Adam’s apple will make it appear smaller, which will make you look less like a transvestite.

Michael: Power through the arthritis, Phyllis, you can do it.

Michael: Hi, everybody! It’s Ping!

Jim: It’s just that sometimes, goodbyes are a bitch.

Michael: T-shirt idea: goodbyes stink.

Jim: And then tomorrow, I can tell you what a great boss you turned out to be. Best boss I ever had.

Creed: See ya tomorrow, boss.
Michael: Later, guys.

Michael: Holly’s my family now. She’s my family. And the babies that I make with her will be my children. The people that you work with are just, when you get down to it, your very best friends. They say on your deathbed, you never wish you spent more time at the office. But I will. Got to be a lot better than a deathbed. I actually don’t understand deathbeds. I mean, who would buy that?

Michael: Hey, will you guys let me know if this ever airs?

Michael: This is going to feel so good getting this thing off my chest… (inaudible) that’s what she said.

Oscar: Michael once asked me if gay guys squeeze each other’s boobs. I’ll never forget that.

Deangelo: I don’t even want it. I had cake for lunch. No, I’ve been good, I deserve this. What am I doing?

Michael’s gifts to the staff

  • Phyllis: chattering teeth
  • Stanley: mini pool table, no balls
  • Andy: ten most important clients
  • Kevin: a ripped up drawing of a Kevin pig caricature eating pizza
  • Oscar: a scarecrow doll that “looks like it was made by a two-year-old monkey on a farm”
  • Kelly: going away
  • Ryan: St. Pauli Girl sign
  • Darryl: “Somehow I Manage” draft
  • Dwight: letter of recommendation

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