The Office: Lice, 9.10

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The Office: Lice Meredith

Writer: Niki Schwartz-Wright, Director: Rodman Flender

Summary (NBC): The office is infested with lice — Pam accidentally brings lice into the office and lets Meredith take the fall, while Dwight vows to destroy the parasites. Meanwhile, Jim has a fantastic day in Philly wooing a potential business associate. Guest star: Julius Erving.

The Office Lice extras

The Office Lice rating

In a poll conducted January 10-14, 2013, Tallyheads rated this episode: 7.47/10

See all The Office Season 9 ratings.

The Office Lice quotes

Manually transcribed by tanster :)

Jim: How would I feel if I was at home stuck with the kids, while she was go-karting with John Stamos?

Pam: People scratch their heads when they’re confused. Not always like an ape, the way Meredith just did, but it happens.

Erin: Between the foster homes and the orphanage, I had lice 22 times.

Angela: Did you not sign a pledge to shower?

Dwight: Lock the doors, we’re on full quarantine!

Dwight: Of all the vermin in God’s great green kingdom, lice are the ones I detest the most.

Dwight: For 15 years, they called me freak and four eyes and sci-fi nerd and girl puncher, all because I had lice when I was 7.

Erin: This is the cleanest scalp I’ve ever seen.

Angela: This is an office. It’s not one of your bean bag orgies.

Oscar: Apparently, none of that’s protection enough. Not when it comes to Meredith.

Dwight: If you don’t hear from me by lunch, call me. I might want lunch.

Pam: That is how wars get started. Fine, I’ll tell her it was me.

Dwight: Scalp leeches. Skull vampires. Follicle gypsies. Hair lawyers. One thing is clear: it’s kill or be killed!

Dwight: I’m not going to lie. Lye!

Meredith: Sha-boom! How you like me now?

Creed: Bald people make me sick.

Meredith: I’m the only one with the balls to show them lice who’s boss.

Erin: If everybody just follows my instructions, then nobody else needs to end up bald.

Erin: You look like a baby who suddenly aged 50 years. A cute baby. But something sucked the life force out of it.

Meredith: I’ll take a pack of Nicorette gum and a pack of Kools.

Kevin: I think he needs some hugs and maybe some chocolate cake.

Erving: Halpert’s got game!

Creed: Five dollar tip, you unclog my ears, okay?

Pete: We promised each other if we ever got lice, we’d buddy up.

Creed: Oh god. Stuck with the weirdo.

Angela: Who knows where those bugs will end up.

Nellie: Let me tell you what real life is like. The men dry up and the nights get lonely. The only calls on your machine are from collection agencies about that pair of motorcycle boots you’ve never even worn. You buy a diamond ring for yourself, wear it on your right hand, and tell yourself, “You’re all you need!” One day, you’re alone, tired, at your feet, a dying bird. Where did it come from? Why did you kill it? Is it because, in some strange way, it is you?

Kevin: I’m free, literally, forever.

Val: I was kind of feeling good re-entering the dating pool, and then Kevin asked me out.

Meredith: Shave. Her. Head!

Angela: She’s a monster.

Meredith: Who’s the one that didn’t bring lice into the office? Meredith. Sure, I gave everybody pink-eye once, and my ex keyed a few of their cars, and yeah, I BMed in the shredder on new year’s, but I didn’t bring the lice in. That was all Pam.

Dwight: I’m going to count down from 10. Nine, yellow, cold, sad, purple…

Erin: Wow. He got to purple.

Oscar: You’re waterboarding me!

Erin: You do kind of look like Elvis. But we should probably wash all the dead lice out.

Val: I believe in us.

Darryl: I’m back together with Val. Yay.

Dwight: Lice, if you are watching, I am ready for you, anytime, anywhere.

Meredith: Let’s go. You’re buying.

Meredith: I’m going to take that freak to bone town before the night is over.

Icon provided by pessimistreader.


  1. This looks like it will be an amazing episode!

    Looks like Andy is still gone, I wonder how much longer that will be.

  2. This looks good! I wasn’t sure where to add this “wish list” comment. It would be incredible if Harold Ramis directed another episode of The Office. Tanster, have you heard any news whether or not this is planned? He directed A Benihana Christmas, Beach Games, Safety Training and The Delivery – truly classic episodes. I don’t think the Farewell Season of The Office will be complete without him.

    [ from tanster: no, i haven’t heard anything, but i wouldn’t be surprised! i would also love to see paul feig and ken kwapis return to direct. ]

  3. Andy should just quit at this point. He should go into a different career and say how he was tired of working in an office or something. I don’t feel his character anymore. I’m interested in Jim’s business, who the camera people are, who the strangler is..and I want to see some more characters come back from the past.

  4. My theory is that Andy will be gone for so long that David Wallace is going to end up firing him and bring Michael back. That is, if the producers and Steve Carell can work out a schedule.

  5. It’s Julius Erving, Jennie. [from tanster: thanks! now fixed.] I’m glad to hear that Jim’s new venture is getting off to a good start. Plus nice to see Meredith get a little more screen time near the end. Hopefully we’ll get that for others.

  6. Meredith takes the fall, Dwight takes charge: her head is getting bagged again!


  7. Don’t think negatively about Andy, people. He’ll be back, of course. That depends how long his boat trip is. And, even if he’s annoying, I support him every time.

  8. Dr. J!!! As a true basketball fan I can’t wait to see what’s going to happen between Julius Erving and Jim.

  9. Yeah, I take back what I said about this episode.
    It had some funny bits, but it wasn’t in the style of The Office. Everyone seemed out of character.

  10. It’s an incredibly small detail, but I love that Jenna Fisher’s hair at the end was her natural, curly hair. That’s rarely seen on TV. Even season 1 Pam’s hair was frizzed for effect. Tonight, though, that was healthy, natural curls.

  11. Did Meredith really shave her head in this episode? It looks like she really did, and I have to say, I love it!

  12. The chemistry/tension between Pete and Erin was electrifying tonight. It was akin to the same between Jim and Pam on the Casino Night episode…the one in which Jim revealed his feelings to her. Great episode! I love that there has now been a Meredith centric episode. What’s with Kev kissing everyone European style? And wow, every time I want to like Darryl, he does yet another jerky thing. He’s not a very nice guy. Extremely selfish. Remember him selling his daughter’s Christmas gift, the Princess Unicorn doll, to Toby? He’s pretty much stayed true to that character.

  13. I felt this episode was disappointing. I especially didn’t like how Darryl made such a big deal about Val at the end of season 8, and now it’s like he doesn’t care about her. I thought they were a good couple. Also don’t like Jim & Pam bring apart. I hate seeing Pam alone/sad. However, this episode did have some good laughs. Meredith’s outburst, Dwight, just being CLASSIC Dwight, but Kevin putting bubblewrap in the bailer had me in tears. The highlight of the episode!

  14. Season 9 is proving to be one of my favorites. If Kate did really shave her head kudos to her. I agree she looks pretty good.
    Jim sure was enjoying his time away. I think we might have a little tension coming between him and Pam.

  15. A little disappointing. I feel like the ‘tension’ between Jim and Pam has gone stagnant, and is just dragging down the comedy of the show. I’d rather there be no ‘tension’ between the two, but that’s just me. Ended awkwardly. I hope next episode is better.

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