The Office: Lice, 9.10

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The Office: Lice Meredith

Writer: Niki Schwartz-Wright, Director: Rodman Flender

Summary (NBC): The office is infested with lice — Pam accidentally brings lice into the office and lets Meredith take the fall, while Dwight vows to destroy the parasites. Meanwhile, Jim has a fantastic day in Philly wooing a potential business associate. Guest star: Julius Erving.

The Office Lice extras

The Office Lice rating

In a poll conducted January 10-14, 2013, Tallyheads rated this episode: 7.47/10

See all The Office Season 9 ratings.

The Office Lice quotes

Manually transcribed by tanster :)

Jim: How would I feel if I was at home stuck with the kids, while she was go-karting with John Stamos?

Pam: People scratch their heads when they’re confused. Not always like an ape, the way Meredith just did, but it happens.

Erin: Between the foster homes and the orphanage, I had lice 22 times.

Angela: Did you not sign a pledge to shower?

Dwight: Lock the doors, we’re on full quarantine!

Dwight: Of all the vermin in God’s great green kingdom, lice are the ones I detest the most.

Dwight: For 15 years, they called me freak and four eyes and sci-fi nerd and girl puncher, all because I had lice when I was 7.

Erin: This is the cleanest scalp I’ve ever seen.

Angela: This is an office. It’s not one of your bean bag orgies.

Oscar: Apparently, none of that’s protection enough. Not when it comes to Meredith.

Dwight: If you don’t hear from me by lunch, call me. I might want lunch.

Pam: That is how wars get started. Fine, I’ll tell her it was me.

Dwight: Scalp leeches. Skull vampires. Follicle gypsies. Hair lawyers. One thing is clear: it’s kill or be killed!

Dwight: I’m not going to lie. Lye!

Meredith: Sha-boom! How you like me now?

Creed: Bald people make me sick.

Meredith: I’m the only one with the balls to show them lice who’s boss.

Erin: If everybody just follows my instructions, then nobody else needs to end up bald.

Erin: You look like a baby who suddenly aged 50 years. A cute baby. But something sucked the life force out of it.

Meredith: I’ll take a pack of Nicorette gum and a pack of Kools.

Kevin: I think he needs some hugs and maybe some chocolate cake.

Erving: Halpert’s got game!

Creed: Five dollar tip, you unclog my ears, okay?

Pete: We promised each other if we ever got lice, we’d buddy up.

Creed: Oh god. Stuck with the weirdo.

Angela: Who knows where those bugs will end up.

Nellie: Let me tell you what real life is like. The men dry up and the nights get lonely. The only calls on your machine are from collection agencies about that pair of motorcycle boots you’ve never even worn. You buy a diamond ring for yourself, wear it on your right hand, and tell yourself, “You’re all you need!” One day, you’re alone, tired, at your feet, a dying bird. Where did it come from? Why did you kill it? Is it because, in some strange way, it is you?

Kevin: I’m free, literally, forever.

Val: I was kind of feeling good re-entering the dating pool, and then Kevin asked me out.

Meredith: Shave. Her. Head!

Angela: She’s a monster.

Meredith: Who’s the one that didn’t bring lice into the office? Meredith. Sure, I gave everybody pink-eye once, and my ex keyed a few of their cars, and yeah, I BMed in the shredder on new year’s, but I didn’t bring the lice in. That was all Pam.

Dwight: I’m going to count down from 10. Nine, yellow, cold, sad, purple…

Erin: Wow. He got to purple.

Oscar: You’re waterboarding me!

Erin: You do kind of look like Elvis. But we should probably wash all the dead lice out.

Val: I believe in us.

Darryl: I’m back together with Val. Yay.

Dwight: Lice, if you are watching, I am ready for you, anytime, anywhere.

Meredith: Let’s go. You’re buying.

Meredith: I’m going to take that freak to bone town before the night is over.

Icon provided by pessimistreader.


  1. This looks like it will be an amazing episode!

    Looks like Andy is still gone, I wonder how much longer that will be.

  2. This looks good! I wasn’t sure where to add this “wish list” comment. It would be incredible if Harold Ramis directed another episode of The Office. Tanster, have you heard any news whether or not this is planned? He directed A Benihana Christmas, Beach Games, Safety Training and The Delivery – truly classic episodes. I don’t think the Farewell Season of The Office will be complete without him.

    [ from tanster: no, i haven’t heard anything, but i wouldn’t be surprised! i would also love to see paul feig and ken kwapis return to direct. ]

  3. Andy should just quit at this point. He should go into a different career and say how he was tired of working in an office or something. I don’t feel his character anymore. I’m interested in Jim’s business, who the camera people are, who the strangler is..and I want to see some more characters come back from the past.

  4. My theory is that Andy will be gone for so long that David Wallace is going to end up firing him and bring Michael back. That is, if the producers and Steve Carell can work out a schedule.

  5. It’s Julius Erving, Jennie. [from tanster: thanks! now fixed.] I’m glad to hear that Jim’s new venture is getting off to a good start. Plus nice to see Meredith get a little more screen time near the end. Hopefully we’ll get that for others.

  6. Meredith takes the fall, Dwight takes charge: her head is getting bagged again!


  7. Don’t think negatively about Andy, people. He’ll be back, of course. That depends how long his boat trip is. And, even if he’s annoying, I support him every time.

  8. Dr. J!!! As a true basketball fan I can’t wait to see what’s going to happen between Julius Erving and Jim.

  9. Yeah, I take back what I said about this episode.
    It had some funny bits, but it wasn’t in the style of The Office. Everyone seemed out of character.

  10. It’s an incredibly small detail, but I love that Jenna Fisher’s hair at the end was her natural, curly hair. That’s rarely seen on TV. Even season 1 Pam’s hair was frizzed for effect. Tonight, though, that was healthy, natural curls.

  11. Did Meredith really shave her head in this episode? It looks like she really did, and I have to say, I love it!

  12. The chemistry/tension between Pete and Erin was electrifying tonight. It was akin to the same between Jim and Pam on the Casino Night episode…the one in which Jim revealed his feelings to her. Great episode! I love that there has now been a Meredith centric episode. What’s with Kev kissing everyone European style? And wow, every time I want to like Darryl, he does yet another jerky thing. He’s not a very nice guy. Extremely selfish. Remember him selling his daughter’s Christmas gift, the Princess Unicorn doll, to Toby? He’s pretty much stayed true to that character.

  13. I felt this episode was disappointing. I especially didn’t like how Darryl made such a big deal about Val at the end of season 8, and now it’s like he doesn’t care about her. I thought they were a good couple. Also don’t like Jim & Pam bring apart. I hate seeing Pam alone/sad. However, this episode did have some good laughs. Meredith’s outburst, Dwight, just being CLASSIC Dwight, but Kevin putting bubblewrap in the bailer had me in tears. The highlight of the episode!

  14. Season 9 is proving to be one of my favorites. If Kate did really shave her head kudos to her. I agree she looks pretty good.
    Jim sure was enjoying his time away. I think we might have a little tension coming between him and Pam.

  15. A little disappointing. I feel like the ‘tension’ between Jim and Pam has gone stagnant, and is just dragging down the comedy of the show. I’d rather there be no ‘tension’ between the two, but that’s just me. Ended awkwardly. I hope next episode is better.

  16. It should have been gross, but it was so funny! And I don’t often say that about this show. Loved the huge focus on Pam, and thought the undercurrent of sadness re: Jim’s absence was perfect – not devastating, just enough to tug at your heartstrings. Loved Pam bonding w/ Meredith at the end, too.

  17. @ #3 holly flax-scott.

    i disagree about andy, but i think he was good in moderation and when he wasn’t in charge. his stupidity is pretty funny when he’s trying to sound smart.

    as for erin/pete i’m just not getting it, andy’s backstory to the bahamas or whatever was so poorly written and the fact that he completely neglected erin is mind boggling. and don’t even get me started on him just disappearing without notice…

  18. I missed part of the cold open, and only caught Jim storming off- what happened? I liked this episode a lot! Pam looked like she did in the first few seasons and acted like it, especially when she was out with Meredith! :)

  19. This episode was kinda boring but I really loved the ending with Pam and Meredith at the bar! One of my favorite moments in a long time.

  20. I loved Pam in this episode — so like she was in Season 2&3. I loved her curly hair — and that she stayed out and partied with Meredith. I like that Jim is happy with his new venture — he looked really good in that limo. I hope that Jim and Pam can find a way to keep it together…..:-)

  21. So now Darryl is being made into a out-of-character jerky boyfriend too? Meh.

    The continued absence of Andy “Ulysses” Bernard is really starting to bother me. I mean, he’s not been seen since the beginning of November. Who is managing the office while he is away? The voyage storyline is a bit silly. He could have been written-out in a more believable way.

  22. I felt Darryl should have at least given a reason why he doesn’t like Val anymore. This was more confusing than funny. It seems no one can just be a happy couple this season. Doesn’t seem fitting for the end of a series.

  23. My kids got lice while my husband was on a man-cation, and then the following year, whilst also on man-cation, the kids and I ended up with the flu and were snowed in. So, I disagree that Pam was sad; she was pissed but trying to be supportive. I also had to go to work after being up all night many times because my husband was away on business. And my hair looked a lot like that.

  24. Loved it.. does Andy have to come back? He brings Erin and the whole show down. He can stay in Bermuda as far as I am concerned.

  25. I really liked this episode. I think it had more content than people might give it credit for. I thought it was so funny how Erin is typically a loveable idiot, but in this episode she was the expert – on lice! I liked seeing Pam so raw, and seeing Jim happy at work! I love Pam & Jim, but it was really nice to see them function (or dysfunction) as their own individual selves, and even though Pam was drowning, she let Jim have his moment. Bravo writers!

  26. Was anyone else super excited to see the Baler make an appearance in the warehouse? Everytime I see it or hear about it, I think of “Michael: Heart disease kills more people than balers. Lonny: That’s called having a fat butt, Michael.”

  27. Did anyone else catch Oscar’s comment…”Toilet seat covers? Yes, thank you, even when I pee.” haha

  28. I LOVED this episode – one of the best of the season for me. Pam and Meredith were both wonderful throughout. And Darryl was completely in character for me – just like his break-up with Kelly – he’s a player – this time he just lost the game! Loved snarky Angela, militant Dwight, crazy Creed, shirtless Pete. Covered all the bases for me!

  29. I liked this episode. The cold open was lame even though I love Jim. I like Erin with Pete way more than Andy. I hope Jim and Pam find their way, they need to be together. I do like Angela being a bitch to Oscar though. Not loving Darryl’s attitude, I was hoping he was better than that.

  30. Kudos for getting Dr. J as a guest star, but thought the cameo didn’t come across as part of a story. Why was Jim meeting with him? Every time they showed Jim they were playing around, so did they even ‘talk shop’? Was Jim trying to get him as a client to be represented by Jim’s new company? I guess I just wanted to know more…more than that Dr. J has lots of Nikes and likes smoothies. What is Jim going to be doing? Give me more of that please.

    Dwight coming out in the hazmat suit reminded me of Re-cyclops. :) Nice to have Erin be confident in something and not be so silly. Agree that the Darryl/Val breakup was handled oddly.

  31. Will the writers reveal that Pete was also raised in foster homes and orphanages, unbeknownst to Erin? Something has to happen to shake Erin’s natural loyalty regarding Andy. I think she will walk away at the end of the season choosing neither of them.

    Great episode last night.

  32. It seems I’m kind of alone on this one, but my reaction to this episode was “What was *that*?!?” It just wasn’t at all funny to me! So, now, Darryl is the next one (after Andy) they’re retconning into being a jerk to his girlfriend(s)? This season has had its moments, but everything seems so *off* to me!

  33. I disagree with folks saying “Lice” had the worst cold open. For me, that title would go to Season 8’s finale, when Robert California hijacked Oscar’s “It Gets Better” video. That might have been funny if it had been made a year earlier – when most folks were making those vids – and hadn’t featured Robert California.

  34. Another not bad episode. It still doesn’t have that old Office feel about it, and a little too much sitcom in the mix, but still better than a lot of last season.

    Pam was good in this. But I agree with the previous post – any developing tension between Jim and Pam seems to have evaporated back to the old status quo.

    Will Andy ever return? I’m starting to miss the guy despite them turning him inexplicably into a jerk.

    Pete actually is getting a little creepy as someone said, even Erin seemed creeped out, but it seems to be his only purpose on the show (and Jim could be a bit creepy too in the early seasons). The Darryl/Val thing has devolved into a pointless rerun of the Darryl/Kelly relationship way back, but Val was only ever a plot device to begin with.

    But overall an okay episode.

  35. What is going on with the guy they lent out to Jan ? He was funny. I am rooting for Jim and Darryl to have something terrible happen to them both in Philly, Jim seems like a lying ass these days and I can’t stand him.

  36. Best episode ever! And people in the office start to bond…since this show is gonna end.
    And I think Erin doesn’t end up with Andy or Pete.

  37. I agree with other people about Pam’s hair. It looks way better with the natural curls. The cold open was weird, but I still thought it was funny! Pete is getting really creepy though and I much prefer Erin with Andy.

  38. Meh, I didn’t care for this episode. It was as if a series of sight gags was the basis for the plot rather than the plot driving good dialogue. The shame of it is that the group discomfort of having lice spread in the office could have been funny. I also dislike stunt casting and guest appearances – those gimmicks interfere with the realism that used to be the hallmark of the show.

  39. Am i the only one who hated this episode? the season’s been getting better and then this was probably worse than season 8!

    it was like a cartoon (meredith shaving her head, dwight dropping insecticide bombs, office staff attacking each other) and what was up with darryl dumping val for no reason? especially after all the boring shmaltz they went through with him trying to woo her. and jim’s bit with julius erving, what was the point of that?? it had no point whatsoever.

    don’t think I laughed once :/

  40. Least favorite of the season for me and barely found any laughable moments.

    Cold open: loved the exposure of the camera crew interview at the end when Jim slams down the mic in frustration (I guess he was just overwhelmed and pushed over the edge by their questions to him ?)

    How has there been no mention of Andy ? When Michael left, his seat was quickly filled by Angelo until they found a permanent replacement, but I’m surprised that corporate did not assign someone to take Andy’s place during his hiatus. (That actually would have been fun to see maybe Jimmy Fallon or Jason Bateman take that role).

    Don’t like Darryl’s attitude at all about Val. Okay, so she didn’t work out, but I’m really disappointed in his playing misleading games with her.

    Closing moment of bonding between Pam and Meredith was sweet.

  41. Loved this episode. Lots of laughs and no Andy works for me. Season 8 wishes it had a single episode even 50% as good as this one.

  42. Thought this episode was hilarious. The cold open not so much, but the rest was great. I agree the plot lines were poor and maybe a little “out there”. But let’s be honest, hasn’t that been the case A LOT of times since about Season 4?

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