The Office: Michael’s Birthday, 2.19

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Writers: Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg
Director: Ken Whittingham

Summary (NBC): In celebration of his birthday, Michael takes the Dunder Mifflin gang ice skating, while Kevin nervously waits for some medical test results.

The Office Michael’s Birthday extras

  • The song that Dwight performs on his recorder is “The Longest Time” by Billy Joel.
  • Michael receives Night Swept cologne as a gift from the entire office. Do you remember the episode in which Night Swept was introduced? — Season 1’s Hot Girl, when Ryan helps Michael clean out his car!
  • Michael’s realtor, Carol, is played by Steve Carell’s real-life wife, Nancy Walls. Her first appearance was in Office Olympics.
  • Read James’ Northern Attack recap.
  • Photos from Michael’s Birthday.

The Office Michael’s Birthday quotes

Michael: Calling cards are the wave of the future.These things sell themselves.

Oscar: It sounds like a get rich quick scheme.
Michael: YES! Thank you! You will get rich quick. We all will!
Toby: Didn’t you lose a lot of money on that other investment, the one from the email?
Michael: You know what, Toby, when the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help! His father ran the freaking country, okay?

Michael: Today is my b-day. And people around here just go crazy for it. I don’t know why. Oh, fun fact — I share my birthday with Eva Longoria. So I have a perfect icebreaker if I ever meet Teri Hatcher.

Dwight: That suit is amazing.
Michael: Thank you very much. It is from Italy. Actually no, Bulgaria.
Dwight: Mmm, maybe I should get one.
Michael: Good luck, one of a kind.
Dwight: Ebay.

Michael: The party planning committee is all over it, they’ve been working 24/7 all day yesterday.

Angela: I’m sorry, are we boring you?

Jan: Hello Michael.
Michael: Hey you.
Jan: I’m returning your call. You said it was urgent.
Michael: It is urgent. I just wanted to call and wish you a happy birthday.
Jan: Well today is not my birthday, so …
Michael: Really? Cause I thought we had the same birthday.
Jan (after long pause): Happy birthday, Michael.
Michael: Thanks.
Jan: Am I on camera?
Michael: Nope. Totally private. (Ryan shakes his head.) You can say whatever is in your heart.
Jan hangs up.
Michael: You can take a five if you want.

Jim: Man, I’m so sorry. When do you find out?
Kevin: They said this afternoon. They’re waiting on a second opinion.
Jim: Oh, okay.
Kelly: Second opinion on what?
Kevin: Um, I might have skin cancer.
Kelly: Oh no. I was watching Grey’s Anatomy, and there was a lifeguard on it, and he had skin cancer, too …
Jim (shaking head): Kelly, you know what …

Kelly: I never really thought about death, until Princess Diana died. That was the saddest funeral ever. That and my sister’s.

Toby: Who brought in doughnuts?
Michael: Somebody got doughnuts for my birthday.
Toby: Happy birthday!
Michael: You didn’t know it was my birthday.
Toby: I guess I forgot.
Michael: Well I guess I forgot to give you a doughnut. (Closes lid on doughnut box.)
Toby: You’re serious?
Michael: Mmm.

Oscar: Skin cancer is treatable.
Kevin: Right.
Oscar: It’s going to be okay.
Angela: You don’t know it’s going to be okay. Don’t give him false hope. (Oscar and Kevin stare at Angela) It’s probably nothing though.

Michael: When I was seven, my mother hired a pony and a cart to come to my house for all the kids. And … I got a really bad rash. From the pony. And all the kids got to ride the pony. And I had to go inside, and my mother was rubbing cream on me, for probably three hours, and I never came outside. And by the time I got out, the pony was already in the truck and around the corner. So that was my worst birthday.

Michael (while Dwight is playing the recorder): Stop it. Stop! What is that?
Dwight: It’s “For the Longest Time” by William Joel. It’s your favorite song.

Michael: Apparently my mother is the only one that cares enough to send me anything.
Dwight: I probably care more than she does.
Michael: You’re making it worse. (Pointing to James Dean poster) I bet Luke Perry’s friends don’t treat him like this.

Pam: If I knew I had a week to live, I would probably go to Europe. And South America. And the Grand Canyon. And I would want to see the Pacific Ocean. It would be a pretty busy week.

Dwight: Listen up, everyone! It is 11:23 exactly. The exact moment when you emerged from your mother’s vaginal canal.

Pam: I feel like we should go get Kevin something. Do you think we can sneak out of here?
Jim: Maybe, but … you know we’re going to need someone to create a diversion and …

Dwight: Happy birth moment, Michael.

Dwight: Okay, that is not an 8-foot sub.
Delivery guy: Um, we don’t make an 8-foot sub. This is eight 1-foot subs.
Dwight: F …

Dwight: Why tip someone for a job I’m capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist. Because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.

Michael: Get whatever you want. And choke on it.

Michael: When I was 16, I was supposed to go out on a date with a girl named Julie. But there was another Michael in the class, that she apparently thought the date was with. So she went out with him. On my birthday. And, she got him a cake at the restaurant. And it wasn’t even his birthday. But I heard about it the next day in school, so … that was the worst birthday I think I ever had.

Jim: So … we got Kev some stuff. Um, party bag of M&Ms, his favorite candy. A DVD of “American Pie 2” which is his favorite movie, and he lent it to Creed, so I can guarantee you he won’t get that back.
Pam: 69 Cup o’ Noodles.
Jim: Which we realize sounds crass, but it is his favorite number.
Pam: And his favorite lunch.

Dwight: What about that meeting … later? (Glancing at Ryan) To discuss finances?
Angela: Yes. But don’t expect any cookie.
Dwight: But what if I’m hungry?
Angela: No cookie.

Jim: What?
Pam: You use fabric softener?
Jim: Yeah, you don’t?
Pam: No, I do.
Jim: Okay.

Angela: No one cares about your birthday. Kevin’s waiting to hear if he has skin cancer.
Michael: That sucks. Great. Wow. That’s good timing.

Jim: I dare you to make an announcement.
Pam: You dare me? How old are you?
Jim: Just … quit stalling.
Pam: Luke … this is your father … come set the table for dinner.
Jim (laughing): Such a dork.
Pam: Jim Halpert, price check on fabric softener, the kind with the …
Store lady: Ma’am, please don’t touch that. That is not a toy.
Pam: I’m sorry. I’m sorry …
Jim (shaking head): How old are you?
Pam (laughing): I hate you.

Michael: You know what they say the best medicine is.
Kevin: Well the doctor said a combination of interferon and dacarbazine.
Michael: And … laughter. Also.

Michael: I think you should just go home. Take the rest of the afternoon off. Take a sick day.
Kevin: If I go home now, I’ll just drive myself crazy.
Michael: Well you’re pretty much driving everybody else here crazy. Crazy with worry.

Dwight: Where have you been? And don’t say the bathroom cause I kicked in all the stalls.
Jim: Well that’s an invasion of privacy, so I’m going to tell MIchael.
Dwight: Please … don’t.
Jim: You owe me.

Michael: Yeah, I’ve been pretty much skating my whole life. I thought about playing in the NHL, but you’re on the road so much, you have no time to spend with your wife and kids. And I really want a wife and kids.

Michael: Hey Pam, all this stuff with Kevin, um, it’s pretty scary. And I’m thinking uh the next time you’re in the shower, you should check yourself out. You know, give yourself an exam. Those things are like ticking time bags. Alright? Think about it.
Jim: Something to think about.

Michael: Well apparently in the medicine community, negative means good. Which makes absolutely no sense. In the real world community, you, that would be chaos.

Pam: Michael’s birthday was actually pretty cool. It was a good day. I don’t know. It was a good day.

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27 comments

  1. What an episode! The Kevin fiasco throughout the show was very “compelling.” Also, the Jam scenes in the store showed how the two act together outside the office for once. Now we must wait another month for a new episode. :( :(

  2. This was a really good episode.

    Highlights for me were:

    The Pyramid Scheme

    Michael doesn’t know James Dean from Luke Perry

    Ryan’s one on one–His silence spoke volumes

    Michael and the Delivery girl

    Michael’s one on one after learning ‘Negative’ can be a good thing. Typical Michael.

    Jim & Pam–Good interactions

  3. This show was great!!! It really showed that Michael really does care about his office workers. He was so caught up with his birthday that at first he didn’t seem to concerned with Kevin’s call from the doctor. But when he thought “negative” meant “bad”, when he hugged Kevin and said that they would get through this together, it was a very touching moment. Watching all of them skate was really fun to watch. All of the actors on this show are great, and it seems that with every show, they get closer and closer. What a GREAT show!!! I love it!!!

  4. I enjoyed the episode.

    Ryan’s talking head aws amazing! Kevin was good. The Jam scenes were great and I loved their “gifts” for Kevin.

    And I loved the little “April Fools” ads on NBC throughout the night with the office cast. They cracked me up, especially the ones with BJ in ’em.

  5. One of my favorite episodes in a while: Ryan’s look of horror after witnessing Dwight and Angela’s not so suttle hints, the PSAs, and you gotta love the JAM action.

  6. Absolutely hysterical. Every episode gets better and better! I peddle the show to everyone that I think is remotely intelligent.

    (P.S. Dwight’s rendition of the “William Joel” song was one of my favorite moments. That and the cookie exchange.)

  7. Ryan’s face was one of the best things I’ve ever seen! Just a great show! It’s all gold.

  8. Maybe I’m just a softie, but I think my favorite part (out of so many WONDERFUL moments) was when Michael took the realtor’s kids for a ride on his hockey stick, which sounds terrible when you actually say it out loud or write it out, but that’s what he called it – a ride. It wasn’t hilarious, but it was sweet. To be honest, Michael has never been one of my favorite characters, but at that moment he was just so sweet and genuine and not being an ass and I didn’t really feel bad for him at all. I was just happy for him. That’s a RARE Michael moment and I think it should be appreciated.

  9. The intro was awesome. Jennie – I would consider changing my vote in your teaser poll when you re-run it.

    “Raise your hand if you want to get rich.”

  10. Great episode. Is it possible for me to make this sixth in my top five list?

    So many great scenes (others have listed them here before me). I love how Michael redeems himself in the last two minutes after being an ass for the first 20 minutes of the show. Am I “koo-koo for cocoa puffs,” but isn’t Michael’s real estate agent at the end actually Steve Carell’s wife? Could those kids actually be Steve’s too?

  11. Ping, yes that was indeed Steve Carell’s real-life wife, Nancy Walls. That *was* a lovely scene with the kids, wasn’t it?

    Yes, I wonder, too, if those were Steve’s real kids. Does anybody know?

  12. David, I will probably re-run the teasers poll once Season 2 ends.

    Did you notice what was written on the whiteboard?

    It said:

    $3300 = $1,250,000
    Ask Tell your friends
    – Under two hours a week
    – Be your own boss
    – X = Y not

    X = Y not — too funny!

  13. I don’t think those were their real life kids.
    They have a daughter whose 3 or 4 and a son who is just under 2

  14. pam and jim at the store…too adorable!

    and not another new episode till april the 27th? is that correct?! this is gonna suck.

    but at least we got to see a little clip of the new episode when jenna was on leno last night :)

  15. Melody, ‘fraid so. :(

    No ep at all next week, followed by two reruns, “The Dundies” and “The Fight”, and then the new ep “Conflict Resolution” on the 27th.

    It’s torture, isn’t it?

  16. God, this was one of the funniest episodes yet. I nearly fell out of my chair at Ryan’s speechless talking head. Absolutely one of the best scenes on television.

    Counting down the days until April 27th…

  17. just wanted to say that this is one of the best shows on tv. the writing is great and Steve really sells his character. everyone is great on the show and Dwight makes me laugh every time he’s on. way to go “OFFICE”

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