The Office: Michael’s Birthday, 2.19

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Writers: Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg
Director: Ken Whittingham

Summary (NBC): In celebration of his birthday, Michael takes the Dunder Mifflin gang ice skating, while Kevin nervously waits for some medical test results.

The Office Michael’s Birthday extras

  • The song that Dwight performs on his recorder is “The Longest Time” by Billy Joel.
  • Michael receives Night Swept cologne as a gift from the entire office. Do you remember the episode in which Night Swept was introduced? — Season 1’s Hot Girl, when Ryan helps Michael clean out his car!
  • Michael’s realtor, Carol, is played by Steve Carell’s real-life wife, Nancy Walls. Her first appearance was in Office Olympics.
  • Read James’ Northern Attack recap.
  • Photos from Michael’s Birthday.

The Office Michael’s Birthday quotes

Michael: Calling cards are the wave of the future.These things sell themselves.

Oscar: It sounds like a get rich quick scheme.
Michael: YES! Thank you! You will get rich quick. We all will!
Toby: Didn’t you lose a lot of money on that other investment, the one from the email?
Michael: You know what, Toby, when the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help! His father ran the freaking country, okay?

Michael: Today is my b-day. And people around here just go crazy for it. I don’t know why. Oh, fun fact — I share my birthday with Eva Longoria. So I have a perfect icebreaker if I ever meet Teri Hatcher.

Dwight: That suit is amazing.
Michael: Thank you very much. It is from Italy. Actually no, Bulgaria.
Dwight: Mmm, maybe I should get one.
Michael: Good luck, one of a kind.
Dwight: Ebay.

Michael: The party planning committee is all over it, they’ve been working 24/7 all day yesterday.

Angela: I’m sorry, are we boring you?

Jan: Hello Michael.
Michael: Hey you.
Jan: I’m returning your call. You said it was urgent.
Michael: It is urgent. I just wanted to call and wish you a happy birthday.
Jan: Well today is not my birthday, so …
Michael: Really? Cause I thought we had the same birthday.
Jan (after long pause): Happy birthday, Michael.
Michael: Thanks.
Jan: Am I on camera?
Michael: Nope. Totally private. (Ryan shakes his head.) You can say whatever is in your heart.
Jan hangs up.
Michael: You can take a five if you want.

Jim: Man, I’m so sorry. When do you find out?
Kevin: They said this afternoon. They’re waiting on a second opinion.
Jim: Oh, okay.
Kelly: Second opinion on what?
Kevin: Um, I might have skin cancer.
Kelly: Oh no. I was watching Grey’s Anatomy, and there was a lifeguard on it, and he had skin cancer, too …
Jim (shaking head): Kelly, you know what …

Kelly: I never really thought about death, until Princess Diana died. That was the saddest funeral ever. That and my sister’s.

Toby: Who brought in doughnuts?
Michael: Somebody got doughnuts for my birthday.
Toby: Happy birthday!
Michael: You didn’t know it was my birthday.
Toby: I guess I forgot.
Michael: Well I guess I forgot to give you a doughnut. (Closes lid on doughnut box.)
Toby: You’re serious?
Michael: Mmm.

Oscar: Skin cancer is treatable.
Kevin: Right.
Oscar: It’s going to be okay.
Angela: You don’t know it’s going to be okay. Don’t give him false hope. (Oscar and Kevin stare at Angela) It’s probably nothing though.

Michael: When I was seven, my mother hired a pony and a cart to come to my house for all the kids. And … I got a really bad rash. From the pony. And all the kids got to ride the pony. And I had to go inside, and my mother was rubbing cream on me, for probably three hours, and I never came outside. And by the time I got out, the pony was already in the truck and around the corner. So that was my worst birthday.

Michael (while Dwight is playing the recorder): Stop it. Stop! What is that?
Dwight: It’s “For the Longest Time” by William Joel. It’s your favorite song.

Michael: Apparently my mother is the only one that cares enough to send me anything.
Dwight: I probably care more than she does.
Michael: You’re making it worse. (Pointing to James Dean poster) I bet Luke Perry’s friends don’t treat him like this.

Pam: If I knew I had a week to live, I would probably go to Europe. And South America. And the Grand Canyon. And I would want to see the Pacific Ocean. It would be a pretty busy week.

Dwight: Listen up, everyone! It is 11:23 exactly. The exact moment when you emerged from your mother’s vaginal canal.

Pam: I feel like we should go get Kevin something. Do you think we can sneak out of here?
Jim: Maybe, but … you know we’re going to need someone to create a diversion and …

Dwight: Happy birth moment, Michael.

Dwight: Okay, that is not an 8-foot sub.
Delivery guy: Um, we don’t make an 8-foot sub. This is eight 1-foot subs.
Dwight: F …

Dwight: Why tip someone for a job I’m capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist. Because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.

Michael: Get whatever you want. And choke on it.

Michael: When I was 16, I was supposed to go out on a date with a girl named Julie. But there was another Michael in the class, that she apparently thought the date was with. So she went out with him. On my birthday. And, she got him a cake at the restaurant. And it wasn’t even his birthday. But I heard about it the next day in school, so … that was the worst birthday I think I ever had.

Jim: So … we got Kev some stuff. Um, party bag of M&Ms, his favorite candy. A DVD of “American Pie 2” which is his favorite movie, and he lent it to Creed, so I can guarantee you he won’t get that back.
Pam: 69 Cup o’ Noodles.
Jim: Which we realize sounds crass, but it is his favorite number.
Pam: And his favorite lunch.

Dwight: What about that meeting … later? (Glancing at Ryan) To discuss finances?
Angela: Yes. But don’t expect any cookie.
Dwight: But what if I’m hungry?
Angela: No cookie.

Jim: What?
Pam: You use fabric softener?
Jim: Yeah, you don’t?
Pam: No, I do.
Jim: Okay.

Angela: No one cares about your birthday. Kevin’s waiting to hear if he has skin cancer.
Michael: That sucks. Great. Wow. That’s good timing.

Jim: I dare you to make an announcement.
Pam: You dare me? How old are you?
Jim: Just … quit stalling.
Pam: Luke … this is your father … come set the table for dinner.
Jim (laughing): Such a dork.
Pam: Jim Halpert, price check on fabric softener, the kind with the …
Store lady: Ma’am, please don’t touch that. That is not a toy.
Pam: I’m sorry. I’m sorry …
Jim (shaking head): How old are you?
Pam (laughing): I hate you.

Michael: You know what they say the best medicine is.
Kevin: Well the doctor said a combination of interferon and dacarbazine.
Michael: And … laughter. Also.

Michael: I think you should just go home. Take the rest of the afternoon off. Take a sick day.
Kevin: If I go home now, I’ll just drive myself crazy.
Michael: Well you’re pretty much driving everybody else here crazy. Crazy with worry.

Dwight: Where have you been? And don’t say the bathroom cause I kicked in all the stalls.
Jim: Well that’s an invasion of privacy, so I’m going to tell MIchael.
Dwight: Please … don’t.
Jim: You owe me.

Michael: Yeah, I’ve been pretty much skating my whole life. I thought about playing in the NHL, but you’re on the road so much, you have no time to spend with your wife and kids. And I really want a wife and kids.

Michael: Hey Pam, all this stuff with Kevin, um, it’s pretty scary. And I’m thinking uh the next time you’re in the shower, you should check yourself out. You know, give yourself an exam. Those things are like ticking time bags. Alright? Think about it.
Jim: Something to think about.

Michael: Well apparently in the medicine community, negative means good. Which makes absolutely no sense. In the real world community, you, that would be chaos.

Pam: Michael’s birthday was actually pretty cool. It was a good day. I don’t know. It was a good day.

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