The Office: New Guys, 9.01

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The Office: New Guys

Writer: Greg Daniels, Director: Greg Daniels

Summary (NBC): The office begins its final season. Jim and Dwight are thrown off balance by the arrival of two young employees (Clark Duke and Jake Lacy) that the others dub “the new Jim” and “Dwight, Jr.” Andy comes back from Outward Bound leadership training with a desire for vengeance on Nellie (Catherine Tate). Will Oscar adopt Angela’s cat? Kevin saves a turtle.

The Office New Guys extras

The Office New Guys rating

In a poll conducted September 20-24, 2012, Tallyheads rated this episode: 7.89/10

See all The Office Season 9 ratings.

The Office New Guys quotes

Erin: Andy’s coming back today!

Dwight: I invented a new power drink made out of beet run-off.

Kevin: What a summer. An emotional rollercoaster.

Jim: Watch this guy make a billion dollars off my idea.

Pam: He said if it takes off, he’s going to buy us a new car.
Jim: An Altima or better.

Kelly: I am going to Miami, beeyotches, to hang with Lebron James and Gloria Estefan.

Ryan: They call it the Silicon Prairie.

Camera man: We’re more following you guys to see how you turn out.

Pam: Nothing interesting’s going to happen to us for a long, long time.

Toby: Just three single guys… getting into trouble.

Stanley: They’re like the new Jim and Dwight.

Meredith: Hey, New Jim, come sit on my face.

Jim: No. Pete is not the new Jim. The only thing we have in common is that neither of us wants to sit on Meredith’s face. And if that makes him the new Jim, then every human being in the world is the new Jim.

Andy: I had this really funny dream during Outward Bound that you died.
Nellie: Brilliant!

Andy: You will be called Plop.

Dwight: In a way, it’s like I have a son. And who knows, maybe someday they’ll hire someone who looks like a younger version of him. And then I’ll have a grandson.

Kevin: But you can’t eat cats. You can’t eat cats, Kevin.

Angela: If you pray enough, you can change yourself into a cat person.
Oscar: Those guys always turn back, Angela.

Toby: I took a course at the Weintraub Memory Academy.

Andy: Now I know why Michael hated you so much.

Clark: Body by Cheez-It.

Dwight: I got a couple of tickets to the Slayer concert ten months from now. You interested?

Dwight: You have a beautiful round head.

Dwight: What kind of farming you into? More of a fruit man or a root man?

Clark: Is this code for like gay stuff?

Dwight: A pudgy 22-year-old is trying to take my job!

Dwight: Yeah. There is a shark hiding inside that adorable little cherub.

Jim: Did you know there was a belt above black?

Angela: Listen, you’re in this, but you need to wow me, okay?

Andy: I don’t like to throw around the “b” word, but I’m going to be a huge bitch to you.

Andy: If you Toby out, then you’ll feel like a real Nellie.

Jim: Team sports?
Pete: NASCAR. The Amazing Race.

Jim: I have nothing in common with Plop.

Darryl: This seems like the kind of thing white people with dreadlocks do.

Clark: I’ve always been good at anything that required balance. My doctor says I have gigantic inner ears.

Dwight: Let me show you how a real man walks across a flaccid cord.

Andy: Who ordered the hot apple fail?

Andy: It’s official: old Dwight is lame and new Dwight is cool.

Dwight: This is a stupid activity. I would be embarrassed to be good at it.

Pete: I want to start my own business. I want to be a millionaire. Lots of things. Travel, make the world a better place, earn an MBA at night.

Jim: Oh, come on, Pete. God, that’s just sad. If he doesn’t watch himself, he’s going to be here for years. Doing nothing. Wow, maybe Pete is the new Jim.

Dwight: I can’t use Phyllis. Are you kidding me? The moment she steps off this bar, I’ll be launched into space. God, you’re so insensitive!

Angela: It’s the only time I’ve seen him cry other than our wedding night.

Oscar: You know what? I will take Comstock.

Angela: Please don’t teach the cat French.

Jim: I’m in. Yeah, yup, I’m all in.

Creed: In the parking lot today, there was a circus. The copier did tricks on the high wire. A lady tried to give away a baby that looked like a cat. There was a Dwight impersonator and a Jim impersonator. A strong man crushed a turtle. I laughed and I cried. Not bad for a day in the life of a dog food company.

Andy: There are two things that I am passionate about — recycling and revenge.

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135 comments

  1. “Kevin saves a turtle” LOL
    I was just watching some Kevin bloopers online when I read this and I couldn’t stop laughing. And Greg is writing this so I think he can pull this off without making it look stupid.

  2. I was wondering how the Jim-Dwight rivalry would go on after Dwight leaves (assuming the spinoff is picked up). I was worried Nellie would assume a Dwight-like role, but luckily Greg seems to have better ideas…

    Also, will we find out the paternity of Angela’s baby? Does the paternity test result have something to do with Oscar adopting her cat? (Remember, Jack Coleman said that Oscar will call the Senator.)

    Also, why is this episode airing on a Tuesday rather than the usual Thursday? I thought NBC confirmed earlier this summer that the Office would remain Thursdays @ 9?

  3. @remember to call
    It’s not on a Tuesday… for some reason it just says Tuesday, September 20, 2011. It’s not 2011, either. It should be Thursday, September 20, 2012.

    And super excited! I hope they really give this last season all they’ve got!

  4. @ #7 The date above is listed as Sep. 20, 2011. Probably just an oversight. As far as I’m aware, it still airs on Thursdays @ 9pm.

    [from tanster: wordpress doesn’t show posts from dates in the future. so i pre-date them until the day of airing. :) ]

  5. So happy Daniels is back. Really hoping the premiere is solid! From the synopsis alone, this feels like it’ll be a classic Office episode.

  6. With Greg back in full-capactiy, this is gonna be awesome, I can tell. I hope they dial down the stupid, though. Just make this fun and believable!

  7. Nooo! Does this mean than Nellie will be in Season 9? I absolutely love The Office, but Nellie does not fit with the Office’s original style and downgrades the comedy. I hope that Nellie is dealt with in episode 1 and will not be see again. Imagine saying goodbye to our favourite characters in a big sentimental finale with Nellie in it!

  8. So I’m guessing the new guys replace Kelly and Ryan? They ought to make Dwight leave at some point, and then Jim should become a sports writer. Stanley should retire. I want to know who the Scranton Strangler was, who’s filming the characters and why, more background on Creed, status of Michael and Holly…

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