The Office: New Guys, 9.01

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The Office: New Guys

Writer: Greg Daniels, Director: Greg Daniels

Summary (NBC): The office begins its final season. Jim and Dwight are thrown off balance by the arrival of two young employees (Clark Duke and Jake Lacy) that the others dub “the new Jim” and “Dwight, Jr.” Andy comes back from Outward Bound leadership training with a desire for vengeance on Nellie (Catherine Tate). Will Oscar adopt Angela’s cat? Kevin saves a turtle.

The Office New Guys extras

The Office New Guys rating

In a poll conducted September 20-24, 2012, Tallyheads rated this episode: 7.89/10

See all The Office Season 9 ratings.

The Office New Guys quotes

Erin: Andy’s coming back today!

Dwight: I invented a new power drink made out of beet run-off.

Kevin: What a summer. An emotional rollercoaster.

Jim: Watch this guy make a billion dollars off my idea.

Pam: He said if it takes off, he’s going to buy us a new car.
Jim: An Altima or better.

Kelly: I am going to Miami, beeyotches, to hang with Lebron James and Gloria Estefan.

Ryan: They call it the Silicon Prairie.

Camera man: We’re more following you guys to see how you turn out.

Pam: Nothing interesting’s going to happen to us for a long, long time.

Toby: Just three single guys… getting into trouble.

Stanley: They’re like the new Jim and Dwight.

Meredith: Hey, New Jim, come sit on my face.

Jim: No. Pete is not the new Jim. The only thing we have in common is that neither of us wants to sit on Meredith’s face. And if that makes him the new Jim, then every human being in the world is the new Jim.

Andy: I had this really funny dream during Outward Bound that you died.
Nellie: Brilliant!

Andy: You will be called Plop.

Dwight: In a way, it’s like I have a son. And who knows, maybe someday they’ll hire someone who looks like a younger version of him. And then I’ll have a grandson.

Kevin: But you can’t eat cats. You can’t eat cats, Kevin.

Angela: If you pray enough, you can change yourself into a cat person.
Oscar: Those guys always turn back, Angela.

Toby: I took a course at the Weintraub Memory Academy.

Andy: Now I know why Michael hated you so much.

Clark: Body by Cheez-It.

Dwight: I got a couple of tickets to the Slayer concert ten months from now. You interested?

Dwight: You have a beautiful round head.

Dwight: What kind of farming you into? More of a fruit man or a root man?

Clark: Is this code for like gay stuff?

Dwight: A pudgy 22-year-old is trying to take my job!

Dwight: Yeah. There is a shark hiding inside that adorable little cherub.

Jim: Did you know there was a belt above black?

Angela: Listen, you’re in this, but you need to wow me, okay?

Andy: I don’t like to throw around the “b” word, but I’m going to be a huge bitch to you.

Andy: If you Toby out, then you’ll feel like a real Nellie.

Jim: Team sports?
Pete: NASCAR. The Amazing Race.

Jim: I have nothing in common with Plop.

Darryl: This seems like the kind of thing white people with dreadlocks do.

Clark: I’ve always been good at anything that required balance. My doctor says I have gigantic inner ears.

Dwight: Let me show you how a real man walks across a flaccid cord.

Andy: Who ordered the hot apple fail?

Andy: It’s official: old Dwight is lame and new Dwight is cool.

Dwight: This is a stupid activity. I would be embarrassed to be good at it.

Pete: I want to start my own business. I want to be a millionaire. Lots of things. Travel, make the world a better place, earn an MBA at night.

Jim: Oh, come on, Pete. God, that’s just sad. If he doesn’t watch himself, he’s going to be here for years. Doing nothing. Wow, maybe Pete is the new Jim.

Dwight: I can’t use Phyllis. Are you kidding me? The moment she steps off this bar, I’ll be launched into space. God, you’re so insensitive!

Angela: It’s the only time I’ve seen him cry other than our wedding night.

Oscar: You know what? I will take Comstock.

Angela: Please don’t teach the cat French.

Jim: I’m in. Yeah, yup, I’m all in.

Creed: In the parking lot today, there was a circus. The copier did tricks on the high wire. A lady tried to give away a baby that looked like a cat. There was a Dwight impersonator and a Jim impersonator. A strong man crushed a turtle. I laughed and I cried. Not bad for a day in the life of a dog food company.

Andy: There are two things that I am passionate about — recycling and revenge.

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