W: Lee Eisenberg and Gene Stupnitsky, D: B.J. Novak
Summary (NBC): Michael is forced to face the music after he realizes he can’t keep a promise he made to a group of kids 10 years ago. Meanwhile, Jim starts an employee of the month program to increase employee morale.
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Andy: Would you rather me say, “Hey guys, my irritable bowel syndrome is flaring up”?
Andy: Things can get real adult real fast.
Michael: You can’t be a baby in the office. It makes me look like I hire babies.
Michael: And for what it’s worth, I think your baby voice is tops.
Andy: Dr. Tuna M.D., I have some terrible news.
Andy: The entire office has come down with a pernicious case of the Mondays.
Erin: There’s about 30 news alerts for “nip slip.”
Michael: What if I told you I had done the worst thing ever? Would you still want to be my friend?
Michael: Lurk much?
Michael: I miss Pam.
Michael: Is that what we’re going for now, “okay”? We used to go for “pretty good.”
Erin: We’ve already rescheduled seven times.
Pam: Michael, this is a terrible, terrible thing you’ve done. It’s terrible. Just … terrible.
Michael: I’ve made some empty promises in my life, but hands down, that was the most generous.
Dwight: I bet if you tried, you could grow the best beard of anyone in this office.
Dwight: In an ideal world, I would have all ten fingers on my left hand, so my right hand could just be a fist for punching.
Jim: If it’s all the same to you, I’m just going to take away “Survival Skills” and “Self Defense.”
Scott’s Tots: Hey Mr. Scott, what you gonna do, what you gonna do, make our dreams come true?
Teacher: You are a dream maker. And I thank you.
Dwight: Five minutes ahead of schedule. Right on schedule.
Phyllis: In your perfect world, only you get money.
Michael: Who here has done something stupid in their lives?
Michael: Tuition is very valuable. But you know what’s invaluable? Is intuition.
Michael: Some people have evil dreams, some people have selfish dreams, or wet dreams.
Michael: Hold on, they’re lithium!
Creed: Guys, I’m starting to think Pam’s not even pregnant.
Phyllis: No offense, Pam, but how the hell is that possible?
Dwight: This is Stanley Hudson. Jim Halpert is a menace.
Michael: I can give you an extra laptop battery. Not everyone took one.
Dwight: I know how it happened.
Michael: You’re what, like 12?
Michael: You know when I hired Kevin, he was actually applying for a job in the warehouse.
Michael: I have a feeling about you, too.
Ryan: I know about your Diabolical Plan.
Ryan: I want the same thing you want. I want to take Jim Halpert down. I want in.
In a poll conducted December 3-7, Tallyheads rated this episode: 6.61/10