The Office: Stairmageddon, 9.19

Thursday, April 11th, 2013 | 141 comments


The Office: Stairmageddon

Writer: Dan Sterling, Director: Matt Sohn

Summary (NBC): Everyone is upset when the elevator goes out of service — “Stairmaggedon” strikes the office when the elevator goes out and everyone is forced to take the stairs. Dwight forces Stanley to do an important sales call. Pam and Jim find comfort in talking with Nellie and Toby about marital troubles. Meanwhile, Angela stands by her man. Guest stars: Roseanne Barr, Paul Feig.

Icon provided by pessimistreader.

The Office Stairmageddon extras


In a poll conducted April 11-15, 2013, Tallyheads rated this episode: 6.91/10

The Office Stairmageddon quotes

Manually transcribed by tanster. :)

Erin: It’s a “Mageddon”!

Stanley: They’re making me climb Stair Mountain!

Oscar: When something as routine as elevator maintenance happens, and people are forced to expend cardiovascular effort, we have to compare it to the end of time.

Nellie: “There’s Kevin Malone, the Falstaffian accountant.”

Andy: I wanted to be my generation’s Lisa Loeb.

Erin: I bet it’s Katie Couric. I’ve been saying this for years.

Stanley: Who do I look like, Jackie Joyner-Kersee?

Pete: Your morning 3 by 5! Coming right up.

Nellie: Marriage counseling. Did you know that is the only kind of counseling I have never had.

Toby: Let’s do it. Let’s get personal.

Jim: We’re just starting couples counseling. Which doesn’t sound any better.

Toby: Kelly called it. 2013.

Andy: Hello, William Morris Agency. I need to speak to your best agent, who represents your biggest stars.

Angela: If I have to be the good wife, I’ll be the best damn wife there is. Correction. Best darn wife. Sorry. I’m a better wife than that.

Andy: Directory? Movie star department. Back. Directory.

Dwight: Now, it’s all about my instincts.

Dwight: Stanley, one way or another, you are going to come with me to make this sale.

Dwight: Nothing to be alarmed about. It’s just a man pointing a bull tranquilizer at a co-worker.

Dwight: It’s alright. Andy approved it.

Meredith: Man, he’s really in twinkle town now.

Dwight: He’s like a manatee.

Dwight: No wonder my elevator cables are under such strain.

Clark: Any good weekend plans?

Clark: Well, if I may, you’re a natural.

Dwight: I know. Evel Knievel.

Dwight: Just use your hands and blunt his descent, okay?

Toby: You’re really there to talk to each other.

Jim: If I didn’t do certain things without telling Pam, she’d be married to Roy.

Toby: Well, what’s a little while?

Kevin: There’s Angela! I work with her.

Andy: I mean, she can’t sing or act, so. It’s actually kind of insane.

Andy: We get it, Phyllis. She looks like a freaking movie star!

Senator Lipton: As my long suffering wife can attest, I am gay.

Reporter: Question for the senator’s beard…

Senator Lipton: It wasn’t until my marriage to Angela, that I realized how charmless I find the female body.
Meredith: It always hurts to hear that one.

Kevin: I kept the secret. I kept the secret so good.

Creed: Wesley Silver’s gay?

Dwight: The bubble wrap is the only thing that’s stopping his suit from getting wrinkled.

Clark: If only there was any other use or situation for that kind of knowledge.

Paul Feig: I have an act. Dog Cat Mouse.

Paul Feig: You go through a lot of mice.

Paul Feig: It really doesn’t make sense to name the mice. They’re kind of like cannon fodder, you know? You’re not one of those PETA guys, are you?

Clark: Just say arms and legs, okay? That’s the vernacular that I’m comfortable with.

Stanley: Pigeons.

Pam: I am not moving our family to Philly.

Jim: If Pam says she won’t go, then we’re going to need a lot more than counseling.

Nellie: They deserve each other, that’s for sure.

Dwight: I think we should consider injecting him with bull tranquilizer on a daily basis.

Andy: At the risk of sounding arrogant, I did drive myself here.

Andy: My exact age is 28 to 34, so basically, just send me out on whatever Jake Gyllenhall is going out on.

Carla Fern: Can you juggle and crap?
Andy: Yes… and yes.

Carla Fern: Pay Todd on your way out.

Dwight: We need a winch and a hoist.


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  1. 141. Amy  

    Hi all – quick question… maybe I missed an episode, but I don’t understand why Jim was in Scranton talking to Toby. Shouldn’t he have been in Philly? I feel really dense asking, but I haven’t watched the whole season (only the last few episodes) so maybe I just missed something that explains why he would be at DM. Thanks. :)

  2. 140. Maureen  

    Sometimes reasonable people sound unreasonable because they can’t quite articulate what’s upsetting them. Maybe Pam doesn’t mind Jim working for Athlead so much as his transformation into someone who seems to care more for his work than his family, who’s always stressed, who’s replaced a sense of humor with a short temper. Maybe Pam doesn’t fear moving to Philly so much as moving to Philly only to be as much a de facto single parent there as she is in Scranton–just without the logistical support she currently gets from her mom.
    The Halperts’ situation is tricky because Jim didn’t just take a job out of town, he started a business there. Never mind how tough it can be to get a start-up started. Running a business can be a huge time commitment over the long haul, far more than 40 hours/week. Did Jim fully understand this before he joined Athlead?
    Jim clearly loves his wife, and should be able to pursue his dream, but he needs to strike a better balance.

  3. 139. Toby the Evil Snail  

    It was an alright episode. One of the better ones for this season but for the series overall it was lackluster (no real shock), I’m really despising the Jim-Pam fighting and I really hope it’s resolved in some way at the end.

    Best scene was DEFINITELY Kevin! “I knew it the whole time!” Hilarious!! I can always count on him for a laugh when everyone else drops the ball!

  4. 138. dmdcash  

    @136 Say What? Pam isn’t making Jim give up his dream? Look down at the quotes….I quote Pam “I am NOT moving our family to Philly”. Yes she is ATTEMPTING to make him give up his dream. at least for now.

  5. 137. lynn  

    One thing that I wished had developed more naturally from the story arcs this year is the desire to go back and look at where these characters began with each other in Seasons 1 – 3.

    The tension and strain between Jim and Pam this far into the final season has led to speculations about divorce. It feels too much like their romantic union is falling apart with no time left to build up to a believable reunion.

  6. 136. Taylor  

    @134 – …Pam isn’t demanding for Jim to give up his dream?? She’s asking for a little honesty and self-respect and communication. If you remember the first episode where Jim told her about the entire thing, her only response in the talking head was “I still can’t believe he didn’t tell me.” She didn’t say “Oh man, Jim needs to give up his dream, I’m not doing this!” For her, the WHOLE issue is about the honesty. Other issues have stemmed from that, but that’s the main problem.

  7. 135. JP  

    @96 I was not pointing to Dwight regarding the Scranton Strangler, but rather Toby. There are at least teasers that exist, I’m not saying it’s going to happen. Of course, it’s not one of the main characters, but Toby has a fuse underneath, and it would be a very interesting swerve.

    @104, yes he said he was injured, but was he? Or could he have told the convicted Strangler that he was innocent and he lost his mind, and took it out on Toby.

  8. 134. Roy's Mugshot  

    @134 You mean when she made her own choice and not because Jim demanded she give it up? Remember when he encouraged her to stay to repeat the course and didn’t demand she come back to Scranton?

  9. 133. Taylor  

    @133 And as far as Pam’s “dream” goes, how did that turn out again? Oh right, she went to New York, tried it out, and still picked Jim over it. Interesting, right?

  10. 132. Roy's Mugshot  

    @131 Lying to her so much? Are we watching the same show? He took the job without telling her true, but she went along with it when he did tell her. Now that it looks like it might actually succeed, she’s withdrawing her support for his dream. How did Pam enjoy it when Roy crushed her dream for essentially the same reasons?

  11. 131. Taylor  

    @130 – Haha okay even if she was his fiancee, it’s not much different. AGAIN, she is perfectly allowed to go drink with friends from school — just because she’s engaged doesn’t mean she can only spend time with Jim. She went to art school for three months. Three. Months. Not exactly a permanent decision that affects everyone, including children.

  12. 130. Taylor  

    @128 – Right now she’s sacrificing a lot. She’s raising two kids practically on her own in between work and the art job she’s doing. If that’s not a sacrifice, I don’t know what is. It’s not like she isn’t trying. Uprooting a family is a really big decision and Jim has made it completely on his own, so he should’ve expected consequences.

    Look, I agree that they both have their faults. Pam should have communicated about her feelings sooner if she wasn’t okay with it, but the fact is she isn’t okay with it and she doesn’t have to be, not when Jim has been lying to her so much.

  13. 129. Joel  

    @ 127
    Not disagreeing with you but she was his fiancee at that time( Jim proposed in episode 1 of season 5), so it’s a little different.

  14. 128. LovesItalianFood  

    Even though this show is a comedy, I am glad they are showing JAM having some marriage difficulties.
    But I wish the writers worked out some of this difficulties early in the series.

    Right now, Jim and Pam would be great hosts for Dinner Party v2.0 :)

  15. 127. Roy's Mugshot  

    @123 And I still reply, if she was upset about him buying the house five years ago without discussing it with her, then she should have brought it up sooner. If the compromise is Jim returning to Scranton then he has made the far greater sacrifice than Pam would have if they moved to Philly. Besides Roy, what has Pam ever sacrificed for Jim?

  16. 126. Taylor  

    @124 – And by the way, did you seriously use her drunk dialing him as an example of him supporting her? Seriously? Oh, is Pam not allowed to have other people in her life besides her boyfriend (and yes, he was just her boyfriend at the time)? Come on now. She went to school for a few months. AND came back because she missed HIM. How was that selfish?

  17. 125. Taylor  

    @124 …You have to take into consideration the fact that they have two small children, a mortgage and job security right now. Jim has essentially decided to uproot the family without even really giving any fair warning about it.

    I’m sorry, but I’m really getting sick and tired of the senseless Pam hate when they both have equal blame and Jim is the one who did all of this WITHOUT telling Pam. She always communicated with him. She isn’t being selfish.

    I read a great article/commentary about this situation, I suggest you read it.

  18. 124. iheartDwight  

    I think we like Clark and how he interacts with Dwight because we miss Jim.

    Clark works like Jim used to, plays along with Dwight just to see where he might go with a situation, but ultimately saves/helps Dwight out because he actually cares.

    This is what much of the love for The Office is built on, and I think the writers know it too otherwise we probably wouldn’t have a Clark. I just wish the foundation of this season was still Jim & Dwight, not Dwight & Replacement.

    How is it a main actor/character in the show now only appears for 1-4 minutes an episode? Sigh…

  19. 123. dmdcash  

    @123 Taylor I still ALWAYS come back to JIM has supported EVERYTHING Pam ever wanted, he supported her while she was unhappy with Roy, he was her life crutch, he sat there and supported her when she was in school, when she drunk dialed him while out screwing off with friends–reliving her childhood while Jim worked away. NOW that it is finally Jim’s turn to do something he enjoys AND SOMETHING that could be GREAT for the family? Good old Pam is only thinking of herself. again.

  20. 122. Taylor  

    @117…Again, my response to that would be the same thing in my last comment. It’s not the house she’s upset about, or the “purchase” of it. She was just stating another time when he wasn’t totally honest with her.

    And let’s keep in mind Jim also said “if she doesn’t want to move, we’re going to have bigger problems”. That’s not petty or selfish? Talk about not willing to compromise.

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