The Office: Stairmageddon, 9.19

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The Office: Stairmageddon

Writer: Dan Sterling, Director: Matt Sohn

Summary (NBC): Everyone is upset when the elevator goes out of service — “Stairmaggedon” strikes the office when the elevator goes out and everyone is forced to take the stairs. Dwight forces Stanley to do an important sales call. Pam and Jim find comfort in talking with Nellie and Toby about marital troubles. Meanwhile, Angela stands by her man. Guest stars: Roseanne Barr, Paul Feig.

The Office Stairmageddon extras

The Office Stairmageddon rating

In a poll conducted April 11-15, 2013, Tallyheads rated this episode: 6.91/10

See all The Office Season 9 ratings.

The Office Stairmageddon quotes

Manually transcribed by tanster. :)

Erin: It’s a “Mageddon”!

Stanley: They’re making me climb Stair Mountain!

Oscar: When something as routine as elevator maintenance happens, and people are forced to expend cardiovascular effort, we have to compare it to the end of time.

Nellie: “There’s Kevin Malone, the Falstaffian accountant.”

Andy: I wanted to be my generation’s Lisa Loeb.

Erin: I bet it’s Katie Couric. I’ve been saying this for years.

Stanley: Who do I look like, Jackie Joyner-Kersee?

Pete: Your morning 3 by 5! Coming right up.

Nellie: Marriage counseling. Did you know that is the only kind of counseling I have never had.

Toby: Let’s do it. Let’s get personal.

Jim: We’re just starting couples counseling. Which doesn’t sound any better.

Toby: Kelly called it. 2013.

Andy: Hello, William Morris Agency. I need to speak to your best agent, who represents your biggest stars.

Angela: If I have to be the good wife, I’ll be the best damn wife there is. Correction. Best darn wife. Sorry. I’m a better wife than that.

Andy: Directory? Movie star department. Back. Directory.

Dwight: Now, it’s all about my instincts.

Dwight: Stanley, one way or another, you are going to come with me to make this sale.

Dwight: Nothing to be alarmed about. It’s just a man pointing a bull tranquilizer at a co-worker.

Dwight: It’s alright. Andy approved it.

Meredith: Man, he’s really in twinkle town now.

Dwight: He’s like a manatee.

Dwight: No wonder my elevator cables are under such strain.

Clark: Any good weekend plans?

Clark: Well, if I may, you’re a natural.

Dwight: I know. Evel Knievel.

Dwight: Just use your hands and blunt his descent, okay?

Toby: You’re really there to talk to each other.

Jim: If I didn’t do certain things without telling Pam, she’d be married to Roy.

Toby: Well, what’s a little while?

Kevin: There’s Angela! I work with her.

Andy: I mean, she can’t sing or act, so. It’s actually kind of insane.

Andy: We get it, Phyllis. She looks like a freaking movie star!

Senator Lipton: As my long suffering wife can attest, I am gay.

Reporter: Question for the senator’s beard…

Senator Lipton: It wasn’t until my marriage to Angela, that I realized how charmless I find the female body.
Meredith: It always hurts to hear that one.

Kevin: I kept the secret. I kept the secret so good.

Creed: Wesley Silver’s gay?

Dwight: The bubble wrap is the only thing that’s stopping his suit from getting wrinkled.

Clark: If only there was any other use or situation for that kind of knowledge.

Paul Feig: I have an act. Dog Cat Mouse.

Paul Feig: You go through a lot of mice.

Paul Feig: It really doesn’t make sense to name the mice. They’re kind of like cannon fodder, you know? You’re not one of those PETA guys, are you?

Clark: Just say arms and legs, okay? That’s the vernacular that I’m comfortable with.

Stanley: Pigeons.

Pam: I am not moving our family to Philly.

Jim: If Pam says she won’t go, then we’re going to need a lot more than counseling.

Nellie: They deserve each other, that’s for sure.

Dwight: I think we should consider injecting him with bull tranquilizer on a daily basis.

Andy: At the risk of sounding arrogant, I did drive myself here.

Andy: My exact age is 28 to 34, so basically, just send me out on whatever Jake Gyllenhall is going out on.

Carla Fern: Can you juggle and crap?
Andy: Yes… and yes.

Carla Fern: Pay Todd on your way out.

Dwight: We need a winch and a hoist.

Icon provided by pessimistreader.


  1. I’m assuming this means that Nellie and Toby are finally together. And Angela standing by her man can go either way, but I’m assuming since Dwight is busy with Stanley, she’s still with the Senator. UGH. Thankfully we know that Angela x Senator will end soon.

  2. Stairmageddon…Two thoughts.
    1) Cartoony. I like cartoony, so that’s good.
    2) Exaggeration of normal office things, similar to the first seasons.
    This will hopefully be a good episode.

  3. Oh yes! Out of all the million fav quotes I have, STAIRMAGEDDON makes me think of the great Nard Dog saying, “I am always thinking one step ahead, like a carpenter,,, that makes stairs”!

  4. I’m thinking talking to Toby and Nellie will be a good thing for JAM. I can’t see Pam or Jim wanting to end up like them.

  5. Now this sounds like a good episode format – comedy based around something that could actually happen IN an office, instead of ridiculous scenarios that take everyone out of the office like in Work Bus or Gettysburg. Classic Office returns, just in time! (I hope…)

  6. Just realized something. Could the stairs issue be a partial callback to when the parking spaces were filled? “Chair Model”, I believe? Kevin was hilarious in that episode. I also predict a callback to Stanley’s weight-loss attempts in “Weight Loss.”

  7. several of my own predictions for this final season have happened, but in no scenario were nellie and toby giving marital advice to ANYONE… never mind “soulmates” – jim and pam. (according to jenna, she kept her engagement ring as a souvenir. soooo touching and sweet.) have to agree with the NON-fans of roseanne. NOT on my list of “faves”. angela and dwight – too quirky for me to figure out, but they’ll end up together. would love to see kevin end up with a SI swimsuit model or elisha cuthbert (cover of maxim). he cracks me up …a lot!!

  8. I think this is probably the first ‘fancy’ title for an Office episode. I had read somewhere that they have a no-frills title policy.

  9. @16 Based on the promo, this might be an episode that moves forward Stanley’s storyline. I’m thinking about little bits from Promos that could lead into something bigger for him. Also, this is an episode where Dwight & Stanley interact — I can think of an episode in an early season where Dwight’s actions led to Stanley’s great distress. I wonder if this is a call back to that, but it’s only a guess.

  10. Am I the only one that thinks of “Stormageddon” from Doctor Who when reading the episode title. That being said, this looks like it will be a great episode!

  11. @18 Ashley, I totally read the same exact thing and had to reread it! I was like WHAT? Doctor Who and The Office crossover? Be still my nerdy two hearts. ;)

  12. I love Roseanne and think this is a perfect character for her. And the idea of her and Andy interacting is perfect – he does so well with strong women… not.

    Mostly I’m just really curious to see how the different storylines move forward – Can’t wait for tonight! (Please, winter storm, do not knock out my satellite feed.)

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