The Office: Stairmageddon, 9.19

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The Office: Stairmageddon

Writer: Dan Sterling, Director: Matt Sohn

Summary (NBC): Everyone is upset when the elevator goes out of service — “Stairmaggedon” strikes the office when the elevator goes out and everyone is forced to take the stairs. Dwight forces Stanley to do an important sales call. Pam and Jim find comfort in talking with Nellie and Toby about marital troubles. Meanwhile, Angela stands by her man. Guest stars: Roseanne Barr, Paul Feig.

The Office Stairmageddon extras

The Office Stairmageddon rating

In a poll conducted April 11-15, 2013, Tallyheads rated this episode: 6.91/10

See all The Office Season 9 ratings.

The Office Stairmageddon quotes

Manually transcribed by tanster. :)

Erin: It’s a “Mageddon”!

Stanley: They’re making me climb Stair Mountain!

Oscar: When something as routine as elevator maintenance happens, and people are forced to expend cardiovascular effort, we have to compare it to the end of time.

Nellie: “There’s Kevin Malone, the Falstaffian accountant.”

Andy: I wanted to be my generation’s Lisa Loeb.

Erin: I bet it’s Katie Couric. I’ve been saying this for years.

Stanley: Who do I look like, Jackie Joyner-Kersee?

Pete: Your morning 3 by 5! Coming right up.

Nellie: Marriage counseling. Did you know that is the only kind of counseling I have never had.

Toby: Let’s do it. Let’s get personal.

Jim: We’re just starting couples counseling. Which doesn’t sound any better.

Toby: Kelly called it. 2013.

Andy: Hello, William Morris Agency. I need to speak to your best agent, who represents your biggest stars.

Angela: If I have to be the good wife, I’ll be the best damn wife there is. Correction. Best darn wife. Sorry. I’m a better wife than that.

Andy: Directory? Movie star department. Back. Directory.

Dwight: Now, it’s all about my instincts.

Dwight: Stanley, one way or another, you are going to come with me to make this sale.

Dwight: Nothing to be alarmed about. It’s just a man pointing a bull tranquilizer at a co-worker.

Dwight: It’s alright. Andy approved it.

Meredith: Man, he’s really in twinkle town now.

Dwight: He’s like a manatee.

Dwight: No wonder my elevator cables are under such strain.

Clark: Any good weekend plans?

Clark: Well, if I may, you’re a natural.

Dwight: I know. Evel Knievel.

Dwight: Just use your hands and blunt his descent, okay?

Toby: You’re really there to talk to each other.

Jim: If I didn’t do certain things without telling Pam, she’d be married to Roy.

Toby: Well, what’s a little while?

Kevin: There’s Angela! I work with her.

Andy: I mean, she can’t sing or act, so. It’s actually kind of insane.

Andy: We get it, Phyllis. She looks like a freaking movie star!

Senator Lipton: As my long suffering wife can attest, I am gay.

Reporter: Question for the senator’s beard…

Senator Lipton: It wasn’t until my marriage to Angela, that I realized how charmless I find the female body.
Meredith: It always hurts to hear that one.

Kevin: I kept the secret. I kept the secret so good.

Creed: Wesley Silver’s gay?

Dwight: The bubble wrap is the only thing that’s stopping his suit from getting wrinkled.

Clark: If only there was any other use or situation for that kind of knowledge.

Paul Feig: I have an act. Dog Cat Mouse.

Paul Feig: You go through a lot of mice.

Paul Feig: It really doesn’t make sense to name the mice. They’re kind of like cannon fodder, you know? You’re not one of those PETA guys, are you?

Clark: Just say arms and legs, okay? That’s the vernacular that I’m comfortable with.

Stanley: Pigeons.

Pam: I am not moving our family to Philly.

Jim: If Pam says she won’t go, then we’re going to need a lot more than counseling.

Nellie: They deserve each other, that’s for sure.

Dwight: I think we should consider injecting him with bull tranquilizer on a daily basis.

Andy: At the risk of sounding arrogant, I did drive myself here.

Andy: My exact age is 28 to 34, so basically, just send me out on whatever Jake Gyllenhall is going out on.

Carla Fern: Can you juggle and crap?
Andy: Yes… and yes.

Carla Fern: Pay Todd on your way out.

Dwight: We need a winch and a hoist.

Icon provided by pessimistreader.


  1. Enjoyed the episode, but can’t tell you how disappointed I am with JAM. All those wonderful storylines we fell in love with – the buying of the house, etc., we now find out Pam didn’t love after all. Jim changed her for the better, that’s what I believed. Jim is right – she’d still be with Roy if he didn’t gently pursue those changes, but I guess in the end, the writers are trying to change that history. Wow, heartbreaking.

  2. I know this is an Office fan site and I need to limit any criticism, so I’ll say two positive things:

    1) the reaction from the recurring security guard was funny

    2) this episode was slightly better than the Farm episode, which was my 190th favorite to date.

  3. That was an awesome episode!!! My mom and I watched it together and it even had her laughing!

  4. One of the funniest episodes I’ve seen in awhile! Wow, I’m excited about the rest of the season.

  5. Seriously Pam? You are throwing out the HOUSE now?–blaming Jim on that also?? Are you telling me you both never talked about it? You are stomping your foot saying you are NOT moving even though you admit Athlead will probably succeed? I can’t believe I am saying this, but I hope Jim just dumps her….this is beyond old…

  6. This episode made me feel really strange. I’ve never been this mad at Pam; she’s always been one of my favorites (I mean, who can’t say that?). But I can’t believe she’s outright saying, “I won’t move.” I’m sorry, I haven’t been married, but… I think it’s a little ridiculous. I can’t believe she’s making Jim give up his dreams when he’s been waiting for years at a job he cares nothing about for HER.

    Other than that, it was funny. The Dwight/Stanley storyline was, surprisingly, entertaining, though I thought it’d be cartoony. Well, it was, but I did like it. And nice, how they did the Toby/Jim/Nellie/Pam thing.

  7. Much funnier episode than the last. I’ve had more than enough Jim/Pam drama.

    While I appreciate that the writers desire to showcase the “reality” of relationships with JAM’s recent rough patch, tonight’s episode makes it clear that “reality” isn’t their biggest concern. Stanley shot with bull tranquilizers, wrapped in bubble wrap, and slid down a cardboard ramp? Yet we had to have 19 episodes – and counting -of discomfort? It’s no longer a “story arc”… this is the character development they’ve chosen to go with.

    Seinfeld’s theory was: Be funny with every scene. I’d love for that to be employed with the little time we have left with this wonderful show.

  8. Only part I enjoyed was the Senator’s press conference. Dwight shooting Stanley with bull tranquilizers was a bit much, even for him.

  9. My fears are becoming realized….JAM are SO SCREWED UP that there is NO WAY that I can swallow everything will be magically fixed just by watching old videos of themselves…they are fundamentally broken now….and I see no way it can be fixed easily….so of course I expect it to wrap up cleanly with a stupid video. gag.

  10. I welcome the Jim/Pam conflict; I’ve been wanting to see this for a while because they clearly have issues. But I DO have problems with the way the writers have been handling this delicate issue. Everything about their future and Jim’s job…it all absolutely makes sense for that to be the source of their conflict. But that throwaway line about the house really bugged me. Because while I see how that could be lumped in with “Jim making decisions without Pam,” the writers have established ZERO ground for Pam ever being upset with that decision. It’s just really frustrating because they are one of my favorite couples on tv and this is a storyline they deserve and it deserves far better writing than this.

  11. So, originally people were complaining that Jim and Pam never fought and always had a happy relationship, now everyone is annoyed when their relationship gets strained. I will admit, I myself am getting annoyed of it, as well.

  12. Awful. Why didn’t they end this show right before Jim and Pam got married? Those two totally ruined the show. My office is more entertaining than this show has been since season 4.

  13. Overall, this was an okay episode. It was funny, although the humor was just a little too outlandish at times. Dwight shooting Stanley with bull tranquilizers and launching him down a cardboard ramp with Plop? The senator saying he was gay in Spanish, to make sure the Latinos understood him? Being a loyal fan of the show, though, I’m obviously interested in the Jim and Pam drama. The marriage counseling sub-plot was interesting, and should have, in my opinion, gotten a little more screen time.

  14. So, having watched this 40 minutes ago, i somehow decided it would be therapeutic to watch old JAM videos (in other words, Pam Pong on repeat).

    And then I started crying just a bit. I really hope they resolve this soon. I miss Pam and Jim the way they used to be… and I’m not usually one that complains about “the good old days” being gone. But Pam. Please get over yourself. And soon.

  15. I really never thought it would come to this… I’m becoming so disillusioned and heartbroken by the JAM storyline that I’m starting to tell myself things like “Don’t worry about it, it isn’t real, they aren’t real, it’s just a dumb old TV show.” Sigh.

  16. Usually I find the overly comical slapstick style comedy annoying and unbelievable, but Dwight with the tranquilizers seemed plausible to me, Stanley’s reaction was too fake though. I’m also concerned that Jim and Pam are going to split, which might ruin the show for me forever.

  17. The way JAM is being portrayed, you almost get the sense that Jim would’ve been better off taking the NYC job (obviously by now he’d be at another company, or perhaps Athlead would’ve come to fruition long ago) and staying with Karen (who Jim now more resembles, career-driven etc.), and Pam would be where she is, comfortable and in cruise control (nothing wrong with that) but with Roy (who knows if Roy would’ve become the success that he is if married to Pam). In a way we saw a sort of “wistful” or “why couldn’t he have been like that with me” Pam at Roy’s wedding. Perhaps we might see a “what if” Jim regarding Karen before the end? Toby was cracking me up. The “I wanna kill him” line about Clark and the “Kelly predicted this would happen in 2013” line were great. Interesting episode, for sure.

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