The Office: The Alliance, 1.04

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The Office: The Alliance

Writer: Michael Schur, Director: Bryan Gordon

Summary (DVD): In an attempt to raise everyone’s dwindling spirits, Michael insists on planning a birthday party, even though the closest birthday is weeks away. As rumors of downsizing continue to circulate, Dwight suggests to Jim that they form a protective, strategic alliance.

The Office The Alliance quotes

Michael: I think the main difference between me and Donald Trump is that, uh, I get no pleasure out of saying the words, “You’re fired.” (Impersonating Trump) “Yuh fi-yuhd … uh … yuh fi-yuhd.” He just makes people sad. And an office can’t function that way. No way. “Yuh fi-yuhd.” I think if I had a catchphrase, it would be, “You’re hired, and you can work here as long as you want.” But that’s unrealistic, so …

Dwight: It’s a real shame, because studies have shown that more information gets passed through watercooler gossip than through official memos. Which puts me at a disadvantage, because … I bring my own water to work.

Michael: No captain, no signs of life down here. Just a wet blanket named Pam. (Chortles at his own joke) Star Trek.

Pam: How ’bout green?
Angela: I think green is kind of whorish.

Pam: This was tough. I suggested we flip a coin. But Angela said she doesn’t like to gamble. Of course by saying that, she was gambling that I wouldn’t smack her.

Jim: At that moment, I was just … so happy. I mean, everything Dwight does, annoys me …

Jim: … and I spend hours thinking of ways to get back at him, but only ways that would get me arrested, and then here he comes, and he says, “No, Jim, here’s a way.”

Pam: An alliance?
Jim: Oh yeah.
Pam: What does that even mean.
Jim: I think it has something to do with “Survivor,” but I’m not sure. (Pam laughs) Um…I know that it involves spying on people, and we may build a fort.

Michael: Generosity and togetherness and community all convalescesscens into … morale, that’s what I say, so …

Jim: That was beautiful. All her idea, too…awesome. She’s so … great.

Dwight: I’m a deer hunter. I go all the time with my dad. One thing about deer, they have very good vision. One thing about me, I am better at hiding than they are … at vision.

Dwight: Can I trust Jim … I don’t know. Do I have a choice? — no, frankly, I don’t. Will I trust Jim, yes. Should I trust Jim … you tell me.

Michael: Y’know what, if I were allergic to dairy, I’d have to kill myself.

Michael: How many miles did he do last year?
Oscar: Last year he walked 18 miles.
Michael: Son of a bitch … that is impressive, good for him.

Meredith (reading card): This is from Michael … “Meredith, let’s hope the only downsizing that happens to you is that someone downsizes your age.”
Michael: Because of the downsizing … rumors. And because you’re getting old.
Meredith: No I … I get it.

Michael: I want it to be like, hey, who donated that hospital wing that is saving so many lives? Um, well, I … I don’t know, it was anonymous. Guess what, that was Michael Scott. But … uh … it was anonymous, how do you know? Because I’m him.

Toby: Really, today?
Ryan: Yeah.
Toby: Oh, happy birthday.
Ryan: Thanks.
Toby: I could say something …
Ryan: Don’t … do that.

Deleted scenes

Dwight: Good. Excellent. And file sharing off. And … done. Security software, 128-bit encryption, firewalls, get all that installed on your computer.
Jim: No thanks.
Dwight: Stupid. Identity theft happens all the time. I could become you (snaps fingers) like that. But no one can become me.
Jim: No one wants to be you, Dwight.
Dwight: Not true. And if they did, they couldn’t, because I’m password-protected.
Jim: What’s your password, “frodo”?
Dwight: No. (Changes password.)
Jim: Did you just change it to “golum”?
Dwight: No. (Changes password again, while Jim smiles to himself.)

8 comments

  1. Loved Michael’s little Star Trek routine using his cell phone as the scanner.

    And Michael, with a mouth full of cake, telling Meredith how freaked out she was when everyone yelled surprise.

  2. It killed me that it actually was Ryan’s birthday. Hilarious. Michael must not have access to the temp’s info – or he was too lazy to check.

  3. This is probably mentioned elsewhere, but has anyone noticed on the DVD, the episode summary for this episode says, “As rumors of downsizing continue to circulate, Dwight suggests to JOHN that they for a protective, stategic alliance”

  4. My season one dvd has the regular episode where the deleated scenes should be. Does anyone else out there have season one with this problem? Does anyone have a seaon one dvd that does have deleted scenes on it for “The alliance”? I just want to see every second of the office ever made,and was wondering if I need to buy a new on.

  5. JACKPOT!! This was the first Office episode to totally rock. Dwight gets trapped in a box. Pam contemplates smacking Angela. And Oscar learns that generosity and togetherness and community all convalescences into morale.

    The only good deleted scene in this episode is the one where Jim guesses Dwight’s passwords. If you want to spend $20 to see that, well…

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