3.09: The Convict
Thursday, November 30th, 2006 | 356 comments
Written by: Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant
Summary (NBC): Michael tries to be supportive after learning that one of the new employees is an ex-convict, but gets upset when the staff starts to compare the office to prison. Meanwhile, Jim “coaches” Andy when he decides to make a play for Pam.
Icon courtesy of imaclanni at LiveJournal.
Tidbits
- NBC videos: 2-Minute Replay
Deleted scenes: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 - Blogs: John the prop guy’s MySpace blog | Kate’s TV Guide blog
- Video of Andy singing ‘The Rainbow Connection’
- Reviews: TV Guide | Entertainment Weekly | Northern Attack
- Buy The Convict at the iTunes Store
Favorite quotes
Pam: Oh, she’s absolutely adorable!
Hannah: He.
Pam: Oh, sorry. He’s — he’s dressed all in pink.
Hannah: That’s his favorite color.
Pam: Oh. That’s fun for him.
Stanley: Fantastic.
Michael: Hey, look at me, I’m a baby! I’m one of those babies from “Look Who’s Talking.” What am I thinking? (Laughs) Look at all those staplers! What’s a stapler? — I don’t even know, I’m a baby! Hey, Mom, I’m thirsty! I’m thirsty, Mama! I want some milk. And you know where milk comes from! Breasts.
Michael: I didn’t hire an ex-convict. Unless they mean Toby. Convicted rapist.
Michael: You are such a racist.
Kevin: Wait, why am I a racist?
Michael: Because you think he’s black.
Kevin: He is black … right?
Michael: Why did the convict have to be a black guy? It is such a stereotype. I just wish Josh had made a more progressive choice. Like a white guy. Who went to prison for … polluting a black guy’s lake.
Angela: Sure. Let’s protect the convicts. At the expense of the general feeling of safety in the workplace. As a 90-pound female that sits in an ill-lit, rarely-visited corner of the office, naturally I agree with that.
Jim: Jim Halpert.
Andy: I am so horny.
Jim: Okay, I can’t help you with that.
Andy: Oh, I think you can, Big Tuna. Tell me about that Indian chick, Kelly. She seems pretty slutty. Good for a romp in the sack.
Jim: She is dating Ryan, I think.
Andy: Oh, and I care why?
Jim: She’s high-maintenance.
Andy: Next. How about … (motions toward Angela). Blondes are more fun. C’mon, trust me on that.
Jim: Yeah, trust me, that would be fun for no one.
Michael: Just … try to be cool.
Dwight: I am cool.
Michael: Okay, are you cool, really?
Dwight: I’m cool, I’m cool, I’m so cool. Tell me what is going on.
Dwight: I am greatly concerned about having a convict in the office. And I do not care if that convict is white, black, Asian, German, or some kind of halfsy. I do not like criminals.
Jim: Frisbee-based competitions …
Andy: Are you kidding?
Jim: She …
Andy: I started the main Frisbee golf club at Cornell. Where I went to college. I live to frolf.
Jim: Lead off with that. She loves hunting. She also loves the ads for Six Flags, with the old guy. Also, do you speak pig latin?
Jim: Jonas Salk.
Michael: Who?
Jim: Justin Timberlake?
Michael: Yo, that’s shizzle.
Michael: Surprised? Well shame on you.
Kevin: I had Martin explain to me three times what he got arrested for, because … it sounds an awful lot like what I do here … every day.
Kevin: You got outdoors time?
Kevin: I would so rather be in prison.
Michael: This place is not prison. It’s way better than prison.
Creed: Oh it’s okay. I’ve got tons of them.
Andy: Listen, you’re cute. There’s no getting around it.
Andy: Utway ooday ooyay inkthay, Ampay?
Pam: Wow. I …
Pam: Wow. That was … wow.
Michael: I am instituting some changes to make this more like prison.
Phyllis: I can’t feel my toes.
Michael: I’m not going for bulk, I’m going for tone.
Stanley: I’m going back inside. It’s freezing.
Michael: These people don’t realize how lucky they are. This office is the American Dream. And they would rather be in the hole.
Jim: Quick question — do you play the guitar.
Andy: I play the banjo.
Jim: Hold on, let me think about that, yes, that’ll work. But can you sing in a sexy high falsetto voice?
Andy (singing): You know I can, my man.
Andy: I’m gonna go get my banjo out of my car.
Michael: Do you really expect me to not push you up against the wall, beeyotch?
Michael: I am here to scare you straight!
Michael: You, my friend, would be da belle of da ball.
Jim: That is quite the rap sheet, Prison Mike.
Michael: Gruel. Sandwiches. Gruel omelettes. Nothing but gruel. Plus, you can eat your own hair.
Michael: The worst thing about prison was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place, and they were scary. And they’d come down, and they’d suck the soul out of your body, and it hurt.
Karen: Dementors like in Harry Potter?
Michael: No, not Harry Potter.
Martin: There were certain elements of what you performed, I’ve seen on television.
Michael: They are such babies!
Toby: Hey Pam. Where are you calling from?
Toby: Michael, why is everyone locked in the conference room?
Toby: They’re teasing you. To be funny.
Michael: Okay nut cases. Get out of there. Good work!
Michael: Time off for good behavior!
Andy (singing): So we’ve been told, and some choose to believe it, I know they’re wrong, wait and see, cause one day we’ll find it, the ainbowray onnectionkay, the lovers, the dreamers, and me …
Deleted scene #9
Kelly is holding Hannah’s baby near Ryan’s desk.
Ryan: You have something you want to say to me about the baby?
Kelly: No.
Ryan: Okay.
Kelly: Omigod, Ryan, babies are so cute and I want one right this instant!
Ryan: Yeah, babies are cute. You know what’s not cute — the fact that Kelly forgets to take her birth control pills on purpose.
Ratings
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Those deleted scenes are great…just another reason why the show needs to be one hour! Keep them in!
I love love the Ryan/Kelly deleted scene. I’d love it if Kelly got pregnant, and I wouldn’t have any sympathy for Ryan about it. If he knows Kelly isn’t being responsible about birth control- he should do it.
I wish that was in the episode!
I loved the Ryan cut scene. But I don’t get why Ryan doesn’t just break up with her, especially if she’s doing stuff like not taking birth control pills. Scary!
Scene 8: Love to witness Michael getting short with Dwight …Michael’s chastising, no matter how blunt, always seems to go right over Dwight’s head.
Scene 9: Funny!! Pure chemistry.
A shame these were cut…
i just laughed for like, half an hour. and then i got detention. kids, don’t watch the office in school.
How could they leave the Ryan scene out!?
That was great!
haha jim, ryan’s talking head…so funny!
what? Birth control pills? Eww Ryan and Kelly are having sex? Man ryan, ur a shallow man.
OMG what if Kelly and Ryan had a baby. OMG funniest thing ever! She’d probably want a name like Shiloh Suri in honor of Brad and Angelina and Tom and Katie.
lol.
“You know whats NOT funny…”
you know whats not cute?
kelly forgets to take her birth control pills on purpose.
ahaha
No office this week, and I went without power for over a week from the ice storm (hey, let’s move to St. Louis, the weather’s great!). So, I’m just now getting around to my thoughts:
1.) Love the JAM moments. (and that’s what they were, like it or not!). One so easily forgets the chemistry John and Jenna have until they share a scene.
2.) Don’t like Michael right now. Up to this point, I could always just think he was sort of goofy or innocent, but after what he did to Martin, I just don’t like him very much.
3.) Ed Helms is not God. He’s close. Sort of up there with Chuck Norris. Just never thought I would see a guy who could steal a scene better than Rainn.
And yet another deleted scene is now available! And again it is Dwight-centric. I didn’t quite understand watching the episode last week why Martin quit. Now seeing the deleted scenes with all the abuse he got from Dwight, I can see why he turned in his resignation.
Newbie,I totally agree w/you.If he didn’t have feelings for Pam,he of course would have let Karen in on the prank.
So what did they take all the Dwight scenes and just throw them in the trash? What the dealio? Those are some quality bits!!
Looky at all the snow! John the prop guy & his team did an awesome job. Wow. Shame it didn’t air.
I really hope that we can watch these scenes where they we intended to go on the dvd, I really think more Dwight would have improved this episode. All these Dwight scenes are great especially the one with Dwight and Angela!
oh my god that 6th scene was hilarious.
“Goodbye meredith” ahhaa
and dwight started to write the Michael scott book, by michael scott.
with dwight schrute.
Wow, I really love that sixth deleted scene!! It’s hilarious! Haha…
Dwight: “He caught me.”
Angela: “I saw”
Ok now, after reading much of the Convict comments I must share my revelation regarding JAM/Karen. I think that the reason why he didn’t let Karen in on the Pam prank is that he probably didn’t want her to find out exactly how much he knows about Pam and her likes and dislikes. His deep knowledge of Pam is what made the prank work. How could he explain that to Karen without her realizing how much feelings he must have for Pam.
hahahahah
I’m going to punch you!.. in the tooth!