The Office: The Return, 3.14

Thursday, January 18th, 2007 | 533 comments


The Office The Return

W: Gene Stupnitsky, Lee Eisenberg, and Michael Schur,
D: Greg Daniels

Summary (NBC): Oscar returns from his long vacation with mixed emotions on whether or not he still wants to be a part of the office. Meanwhile, Andy takes advantage of recent events to get closer to Michael. Jim turns to Karen and Pam for help to stage a prank on a new target.

Icon courtesy of pessimistreader.


The Office The Return quotes

Dwight: For your convenience, I’ve broken it down into three parts — professional resume, athletic and special skills resume, and … Dwight Schrute trivia.

Dwight: I am ready to face any challenges that might be foolish enough to face me.

Dwight: How would I describe myself? Three words — hardworking, alpha male, jackhammer. Merciless. Insatiable.

Dwight: There’s nothing on my horizon except everything. Everything is on my horizon.

Andy (looking at Ryan): Big Turkey.

Andy: So here’s to the future. Andy and The Tuna.

Jim: I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win.

Andy: Addition by subtraction.
Michael: What does that even mean. That is impossible.

Michael: Addition by addition.

Kevin: Oh, hello Oscar. How was your gay-cation?
Oscar: That’s very funny.
Kevin: Yeah, I thought of that like two seconds after you left.

Andy: Gonna go home, get my beer on, get my Lost on.

Andy: Well, then I’ll take that as a “maybe.”

Andy: Things are going pretty good. Getting a lot of face time with the boss.

Angela: Certain events have transpired, and I’ve thought about certain things, and I’m sorry for the way those certain events transpired, and I would just like to make some changes about certain things, and certain situations, and certain accountants …

Kevin: Can I join, too?
Angela: Never.

Pam: Oh that wasn’t the night crew. That was Dwight.

Andy: Feel ya, dawg.

Michael: Love that Andy, right? Solid fellow, seems smart enough. Likes me a lot. A lot. Too much. Like a crazy person a little. Not super crazy, just … there’s something about him that creeps me out. I can’t really explain it. He’s always up in my bidness. Which is Ebonics for “being in my face and annoying the bejesus out of me.” I don’t understand how someone could have so little self-awareness.

Michael: Your gayness does not define you. Your Mexican-ness is what defines you. To me. And I think we should celebrate Oscar’s Mexicanity.

Michael: So Phyllis, I want you to go find firecrackers and a chihuahua. Pam, in the frozen food section, Swanson makes a delightful chimichanga.

Oscar: Why don’t you have me riding in on a donkey, into the office, like Pepe?
Michael: Ah, a burro, of course. If Oscar wants a donkey, let’s get him one.

Dwight: I will literally be standing right here if you need anything at all.

Andy: I think I could go for some tuna fish right about now.

Jim: Encourage him? I’m the victim, okay? He’s fishing for me.

Karen: … each file is password-protected with a different mythical creature …

Jim: Party pooper.

Michael: Who’s that sportscaster that bit that lady? Marv something? Andy is like Marv something. Great sportscaster, big weirdo creep.

Jim: Hey, Ryan. Do you want to pull a prank on Andy?
Ryan: Not right now. But ask me again ten years ago.
Jim: I liked you better as the temp.
Ryan: Me too.

Michael: Have any of you talked to Dwight?
Stanley: Oh sure, we talk all the time.
Michael: Really?
Stanley: No.
Michael: Don’t do that. It’s not nice.

Phyllis: Dwight had a big personality and I have a big personality, and a lot of times, when two people like that get together, it can be explosive.

Dwight: Have you heard of paper?
Staples Girl: It’s gonna be like that, huh?

Dwight: I have snow tires and chains. Plus exceptional hand-eye coordination.

Staples Girl: I don’t like him, his giant head, or his beady little eyes. That’s all I got to say on the matter.

Jim: Would you like to pull a prank on Andy?
Pam: I’m kind of in the middle of … yes, please.

Andy: Large Tuna, have you seen my cell phone device?

Andy: Where is my freaking phone?

Jim: You know what? Maybe it’s in the ceiling.
Andy: You know what? Maybe you’re in the ceiling!

Andy: I don’t trust you, Phyllis.

Andy: I forgot to tell you the plan for this Saturday: you, me, bar, beers, buzzed. Wings, shots, drunk. Waitresses, hot. Football, Cornell/Hofstra, slaughter. Then quick nap at my place, and we hit the tiz-own.
Michael: No. I don’t want to do any of that.

Andy: Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship.

Andy: That was an overreaction.

Dwight: That question is meaningless. Just go with the copy paper. It’s your funeral. See how that works out for you.

Michael: It takes a big man to admit his mistake. And I am that big man.

Michael: So maybe you should come back. You should come back. Please.
Dwight: I don’t want to do your laundry anymore.
Michael: We can talk about that.

Jim: Omigod. That’s half-inch drywall.
Pam: I think we broke his brain.

Michael: Ladies and gentlemen, may I present, Mr. Dwight Schrute!

Angela: Welcome back.

Michael: Okay, Dwight, you can let go of her hand. You’re going to break it.

Karen: Do you still have feelings for her?

Michael: I don’t want somebody sucking up to me because they think I’m going to help their career. I want them sucking up to me because they genuinely love me.

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  1. 453. Kirsten  

    What if Pam and Jim did get together and it didn’t work out?

    You never know…

  2. 452. SPTS  

    They’ve made sure Karen is likable, and we know they can’t/won’t make Jim & Pam look too bad. So how does all of this get resolved without anyone looking too bad?

    I know she’ll bow out gracefully. But will she actually be one to tell them to get their #&*$ together already and do something about it? Or at least be the one to break the news to Pam that Jim still has feelings for her?

  3. 451. dinkin flicka  

    I totally think the office should be in hour long segments – i’m watching the producer’s cut and it’s hilarious

  4. 450. rhy  

    rofl Angie (442), i didn’t notice the lyrics thing before either.

    i don’t think jim or pam necessarily _have_ to have new love interests. i’d prefer them to both be single for a while and let their friendship (and more than that) blossom again. i can’t wait to see what happens next!

    what happened to kevin’s gf btw? he’s made some passing references on his myspace but there hasn’t really been anything on the show.

  5. 449. Mapples  

    Forgot one:
    “I have snow tires, chains and excellent hand eye coordination”

  6. 448. Corporate Booty (formerly littlekidlover)  

    last season was 22 episodes
    so… there are prob only around 9 shows left for this season =(

  7. 447. Rita  

    Exactly Corporate Booty (god, I love that…)…I think that this show is not like ones before it. Jenna and John are AMAZING actors and I can’t believe their chemistry….it is beyond words. Sometimes I wonder what Jenna’s husband thinks…he he.

    Anyway, it certainly won’t kill the show, if anything, it will make it better. I mean, if JAM is together and happening…then we can see more Creed and Toby and other faves…

  8. 446. Corporate Booty (formerly littlekidlover)  

    I’m with you Rita…
    allot of people think that the show would die as soon as Pam and Jim get together, because that’s what has happened for previous shows, but why wouldn’t it be interesting to see Pam & Jim deal with issues that everyday couples deal with. the writers are so brilliant. they could find ways to keep it funny and intelligent

    also alittle PDA from Pam and Jim wouldn’t be so bad..

  9. 445. Rita  

    I disagree that if JAM were a couple that the show would lose something. Yes, the tension between them is great….but think of all the tension-filled moments a couple can have? Plus, I think the writers can do it and do it well.

    What doesn’t work (for any show) is to have two people do the will they/won’t they forever….people lose interest.

    to Angie…I think that Jim was realizing it for the first time too….and I think that simple “Yes” and John’s facial expressions speak to his unbelieveable ability as an actor. Where is his emmy?:)

  10. 444. LazyScranton  

    So, Knot4ewe, care to enlighten those of us who are not in sales what the term “Ben Franklin” means?

  11. 443. Knot4ewe  

    ANyone else here in sales? Anyone else familiar with the term “Ben Franklin” as it relates to selling techniques?

    I think the “Ben Franklin” title will have more to do with Jim/Pam/Karen than anything related to who Michael brings to an engagement party for Phyllis.

  12. 442. lola  

    i *got it* sorry about that!

  13. 441. lola  

    its up on itunes, i about 2 hours ago, and its the producer’s cut

  14. 440. Corporate Booty (formerly littlekidlover)  

    prisonmike – the summary for the next new episode has Karen in it. So I’m pretty sure her (and or Andy) are still on the show

  15. 439. fleece it out  

    i apologize for a repeat here if it is one, but, we have seen pam and roy laughing alot lately…its not entirly out of the question that they have started talking again, especially after pam’s heart was broken a couple eps ago…who knows

  16. 438. crentist  

    Why can I download last nights Scrubs but Itunes STILL dosen’t have the new office up yet!!!!!

  17. 437. God  

    The important thing is I learned something.
    I don’t want somebody sucking up to me because they think I am going to help their career.
    I want them sucking up to me because they genuinely love me.

  18. 436. Angie  

    Was it just me or did the way Jim said yes sound like he was almost just realizing it for the first time? That he in fact does still have feelings for her. Or at least the first time in a while admitting it to himself?

  19. 435. prisonmike  

    k so is andy and karen gonna be in new episodes? because there not really needed anymore…michael hates andy, and jim has feelings for pam not karen..

  20. 434. Elspeth  

    I loved how Phyllis was using gloves when she pulled out the frozen Chimichangas. I don’t think there are usually rubber gloves sitting around when you cook for your coworkers, or at work or at home! I can’t wait to see the cut on the website!

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