The Office: The Return, 3.14

Thursday, January 18th, 2007 | 533 comments


The Office The Return

W: Gene Stupnitsky, Lee Eisenberg, and Michael Schur,
D: Greg Daniels

Summary (NBC): Oscar returns from his long vacation with mixed emotions on whether or not he still wants to be a part of the office. Meanwhile, Andy takes advantage of recent events to get closer to Michael. Jim turns to Karen and Pam for help to stage a prank on a new target.

Icon courtesy of pessimistreader.


The Office The Return quotes

Dwight: For your convenience, I’ve broken it down into three parts — professional resume, athletic and special skills resume, and … Dwight Schrute trivia.

Dwight: I am ready to face any challenges that might be foolish enough to face me.

Dwight: How would I describe myself? Three words — hardworking, alpha male, jackhammer. Merciless. Insatiable.

Dwight: There’s nothing on my horizon except everything. Everything is on my horizon.

Andy (looking at Ryan): Big Turkey.

Andy: So here’s to the future. Andy and The Tuna.

Jim: I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win.

Andy: Addition by subtraction.
Michael: What does that even mean. That is impossible.

Michael: Addition by addition.

Kevin: Oh, hello Oscar. How was your gay-cation?
Oscar: That’s very funny.
Kevin: Yeah, I thought of that like two seconds after you left.

Andy: Gonna go home, get my beer on, get my Lost on.

Andy: Well, then I’ll take that as a “maybe.”

Andy: Things are going pretty good. Getting a lot of face time with the boss.

Angela: Certain events have transpired, and I’ve thought about certain things, and I’m sorry for the way those certain events transpired, and I would just like to make some changes about certain things, and certain situations, and certain accountants …

Kevin: Can I join, too?
Angela: Never.

Pam: Oh that wasn’t the night crew. That was Dwight.

Andy: Feel ya, dawg.

Michael: Love that Andy, right? Solid fellow, seems smart enough. Likes me a lot. A lot. Too much. Like a crazy person a little. Not super crazy, just … there’s something about him that creeps me out. I can’t really explain it. He’s always up in my bidness. Which is Ebonics for “being in my face and annoying the bejesus out of me.” I don’t understand how someone could have so little self-awareness.

Michael: Your gayness does not define you. Your Mexican-ness is what defines you. To me. And I think we should celebrate Oscar’s Mexicanity.

Michael: So Phyllis, I want you to go find firecrackers and a chihuahua. Pam, in the frozen food section, Swanson makes a delightful chimichanga.

Oscar: Why don’t you have me riding in on a donkey, into the office, like Pepe?
Michael: Ah, a burro, of course. If Oscar wants a donkey, let’s get him one.

Dwight: I will literally be standing right here if you need anything at all.

Andy: I think I could go for some tuna fish right about now.

Jim: Encourage him? I’m the victim, okay? He’s fishing for me.

Karen: … each file is password-protected with a different mythical creature …

Jim: Party pooper.

Michael: Who’s that sportscaster that bit that lady? Marv something? Andy is like Marv something. Great sportscaster, big weirdo creep.

Jim: Hey, Ryan. Do you want to pull a prank on Andy?
Ryan: Not right now. But ask me again ten years ago.
Jim: I liked you better as the temp.
Ryan: Me too.

Michael: Have any of you talked to Dwight?
Stanley: Oh sure, we talk all the time.
Michael: Really?
Stanley: No.
Michael: Don’t do that. It’s not nice.

Phyllis: Dwight had a big personality and I have a big personality, and a lot of times, when two people like that get together, it can be explosive.

Dwight: Have you heard of paper?
Staples Girl: It’s gonna be like that, huh?

Dwight: I have snow tires and chains. Plus exceptional hand-eye coordination.

Staples Girl: I don’t like him, his giant head, or his beady little eyes. That’s all I got to say on the matter.

Jim: Would you like to pull a prank on Andy?
Pam: I’m kind of in the middle of … yes, please.

Andy: Large Tuna, have you seen my cell phone device?

Andy: Where is my freaking phone?

Jim: You know what? Maybe it’s in the ceiling.
Andy: You know what? Maybe you’re in the ceiling!

Andy: I don’t trust you, Phyllis.

Andy: I forgot to tell you the plan for this Saturday: you, me, bar, beers, buzzed. Wings, shots, drunk. Waitresses, hot. Football, Cornell/Hofstra, slaughter. Then quick nap at my place, and we hit the tiz-own.
Michael: No. I don’t want to do any of that.

Andy: Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship.

Andy: That was an overreaction.

Dwight: That question is meaningless. Just go with the copy paper. It’s your funeral. See how that works out for you.

Michael: It takes a big man to admit his mistake. And I am that big man.

Michael: So maybe you should come back. You should come back. Please.
Dwight: I don’t want to do your laundry anymore.
Michael: We can talk about that.

Jim: Omigod. That’s half-inch drywall.
Pam: I think we broke his brain.

Michael: Ladies and gentlemen, may I present, Mr. Dwight Schrute!

Angela: Welcome back.

Michael: Okay, Dwight, you can let go of her hand. You’re going to break it.

Karen: Do you still have feelings for her?

Michael: I don’t want somebody sucking up to me because they think I’m going to help their career. I want them sucking up to me because they genuinely love me.

Pages: 1 2


Pages: « 27 [26] 25 24 231 » Show All

  1. 513. Todd F. Packer  

    Hey Jamican Jan Sun Princess R2D2 The Office Lover and Jam PEarl arent you all the same person

  2. 512. R2D2  

    I loved the part when the klingon shot the ork in the face… Uber Pownage!!!

  3. 511. The Office Lover  

    you should probably go back and watch seasons 1 @ 2 on dvd because it would give you a more understanding of what’s going on.

  4. 510. Jamaican Jan Sun Princess  

    shush your face Todd F. Packer
    that’s not very nice…

    so far i love the office
    I grew up in the Bronx and never had a television until about 2 months ago- and I just got into the office. My favorite episode (and the only one i’ve ever seen) is Back from Vacation

  5. 509. Todd F. Packer  

    Do you know what the F stands for in my name hahaha

  6. 508. JamPearl  

    It’s ok – we forgive you

  7. 507. scarninator  

    OOOOOOO – that is completely my bad

    i redact it
    im sorry!

  8. 506. Allan  

    Scarninator, they’re both white. The question was about the older woman shopping in Staples, not the black woman who was Dwight’s co-worker for a day.

  9. 505. The Scarninator  

    no – the woman who tolled pam to stop using the microphone in the supermarket was white…

  10. 504. Helen  

    I have only read up to #44 and I feel that I have really missed out on a very great show. I took my sister to Baltimore to visit my niece and missed the show. Can’t wait until Thursday night. I will continue reading the comments, thanks everybody!!!!

  11. 503. Urkelgrue  

    Does anyone else think that when Phyllis was talking about her and Dwights personalities that she was slyly referencing back to the episode where they are discussing office romances and she asks if it was ok if it was a one night stand?

  12. 502. OfficeTally Fan  

    The woman in Staples that Dwight offers to help is indeed Charlotte Stewart who played Miss Beadle, the school teacher on Little House on the Prairie. Her name appears in the credits at the end of the PC version of the Office episode. Another note of trivia: Melora Hardin (Jan) was also on LHOTP, playing the minor character Belinda Stevens.

  13. 501. Allan  

    Right, I remember that scene now. I went back and looked at the “Michael’s Birthday” ep and it’s *not* the same lady. This one is younger and has dark hair. The one in Staples was elderly and gray. That was a funny scene in the Rite Aid store.

    Pam says, “Luke, this is your father. Come set the table for dinner.” Jim shakes his head and says, “Such a dork.” And then she says, “Jim Halpert, price check on fabric softener…” That’s when the woman says, “Please don’t touch that. That is not a toy.” (Thought you’d like this little reminder. :-)

  14. 500. Nick  


    It was Michael’s Birthday when Jim and Pam go to get gifts to cheer Kevin up because of the possible skin cancer.

  15. 499. Matt  

    My wife is convinced that it is Miss Beetle from Little House on the Prairie.

  16. 498. Allan  

    I think the woman Nick was talking about in #513 was the one that Dwight offered to help (and wouldn’t budge lest she need him!). This was an older white woman.

    What episode was it with the woman and Pam from last year, Nick?

  17. 497. SPTS  

    Dwangela Makes me Laugh: I couldnt agree more!!!

  18. 496. Dwangela Makes me Laugh  

    Ok so call me old fashioned but…
    I think the one thing i really like about the Jim/Pam relationship is that it’s more involved with caring for the person. They’re not sleeping together, for obvious reasons -i know-, but i really appreciate that. Now that i’ve said this of course that will all change =[ But it’s just been nice to see something on t.v. that is about a relationship and not just about sex. I really get annoyed when that’s the only plot on t.v. anymore.

  19. 495. thebiggestofficefan  


    they are two completly different ppl. the staples girl was black and the grocery woman was white. )plzzzz………. no offense intended.

  20. 494. Agent Michael Scarn  

    Another good episode.

    Some random thoughts and observations:

    -Definitely missed Dwight, although I knew he was coming back.

    -Andy is a total a-hole at this point. But he had me dying a couple of times.

    -Where was Kelly?

    -Jim can be rather passive aggressive. Rather might be an understatement.

    – Wow Staples. Dwight definitely likes to keep himself busy. When I heard he was going to be working for Staples I assumed he would be working in their paper sales department not in an actual store. Pretty funny.

    -When Michael went to Staples to talk to Dwight was any one else reminded of that famous scene in “An Officer and a Gentleman”? I was. The cheesy music in the back that sounded like “Up where we Belong,” added to that effect. Maybe not a coincidence from the writers.

    – Dwangela is pretty cool.

    – Karen is as direct as they come, she doesn’t waste any words or actions huh? Total opposite of Pam in that sense. Can’t wait to see what happens in the next episode. Really, I can’t wait. I’m going to freak out.

Pages: « 27 [26] 25 24 231 » Show All

  • Advertisement

  • Welcome

    Welcome to OfficeTally, the top fansite for NBC's hit comedy, 'The Office.'

  • The Office Store

    • The Office The Complete Series DVD
  • OfficeTally on Twitter

  • Search