The Office: Traveling Salesmen, 3.13

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The Office Traveling Salesmen

Writers: Michael Schur, Lee Eisenberg, and Gene Stupnitsky
Director: Greg Daniels

Summary (NBC): Michael has staffers team up for sales calls, leading to some interesting moments in the field. Dwight attempts to cover for Angela after she misses an important deadline.

The Office Traveling Salesmen extras

The Office Traveling Salesmen quotes

Harvey: I am Harvey, a computer. Jim sucks.
Jim: Zing!

Harvey: Pam, you look very hot today.

Harvey: Me so horny. Me love you long tim.

Pam: Who’s Long Tim?

Harvey: Me lobe yoy long time.
Jim: Well Yoy should bring Long Tim in one day.

Harvey: Get out of my off-five.

Harvey: Boobs.

Angela: Is it a big deal? Is it, Kevin?

Andy: I’m not falling in a chocolate river.

Andy: Hey, Dwight, pass the tardy sauce.

Michael: Next up, the Super Fly himself, Stanley.

Stanley: I’ll take the kid.

Ryan: I’m very flattered. I was his second choice, after “pass.”

Jim: Oh young Jim, there’s just so much I need to warn you about. And yet, tragically, I cannot.

Andy: Sebring, by Chrysler. A heck of a motor carriage.

Dwight: You want shirts on hangers?

Michael: And you guys are the gay couple.

Michael: It’s Amazing Race, Phyllis, okay?

Michael: I am now having him do my laundry as punishment.

Andy: I used to work at Abercrombie, so … pretty good folder.

Karen: Why are we turning in here? This is a beauty salon.

Dwight: Leave the keys.

Michael: Hawkman.

Andy: I have walked two marathons, so …

Michael: The men’s room was disgusting.

Dwight: I never let anyone walk behind me. Seven out of ten attacks are from the rear.
Jim: Ok, well, that still leaves a 30% chance that I will attack you from the front.
Dwight: Uh, yeah, but it will be easier to stop. I can always block the blow. I can counter it with… [Jim slaps Dwight]

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Andy: I caught an 80-pound shark off Montauk.

Andy: Sniped it with a rifle from the crow’s nest.

Andy: Okay, this is the classic undersell.

Andy: Man, that is like poetry. I swear, this guy could sell paper to a tree.

Andy: Oh man, talk about your classic lame-dash-o.

Pam: Angela, you seem so happy. I bet you wish you were like this all the time.

Andy: I really Schruted it.

Michael: Who knows how words are formed?

Stanley: And you just said, “Hi. Hi. Hi.” You sounded like my niece. And she’s six months old!

Kelly: Omigod, Jim, how are you?!

Dwight: Here’s my card. It’s got my cell number, my pager number, my home number, and my other pager number. I never take vacations, I never get sick, and I don’t celebrate any major holidays.

Phyllis: He was hung up on Pam for such a long time. I didn’t think he’d ever get over her.

Phyllis: You can pay me back later for the makeover.

Andy: Why would Dwight go to New York without telling anyone?

Andy: Someone told me a story about this, with, like, laundry and betrayal.

Michael: Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice, strike three.

Dwight: I like Karen. She’s pretty. Appears intelligent.
Jim: Well, I like pretty women who have the appearance of intelligence.

Dwight: She could be a model. Or a college professor.

Jim: We should go on a double date.

Jan: And where it asks you to state your business, he wrote, “Beeswax Not Yours, Inc.”

Andy: Ooooh, doggy.

Dwight: I overslept. Damn rooster didn’t crow.

Michael: Why do you lie, liar?

Michael: I want you to think about it long and hard.
Dwight: That’s what she said.
Michael: Don’t you dare. I want to know what you were doing this morning by the end of the day.

Dwight: I’ll just stand up in front of the office, and reveal our true love.

Angela: I hate those two people more than anything in the entire world!

Karen: Did you ever have a thing for Pam?

Dwight: It’s been a pleasure working with some of you, and I will not forget those of you soon.

Dwight: While today it is me, we all shall fall.

Dwight: In other words, I’m quitting.

Andy: Oompa loompa, doompadee dossum, Dwight is now gone, which is totally awesome. Why was he gone, he was such a nice guy. No, he was not, he was a total douche. Doompadee doom.

Ryan: Dwight will be missed. Not by me … so much, but he will be missed.

Dwight: One of my life goals was to die right here, in my desk chair. And today, that dream was shattered.

Karen: What happened on your sales call?

Andy: Am I happy about the way things turned out? Well, happy’s such an ugly word.

Additional scenes from the newpeat aired on March 15, 2007

Pam (on phone): Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. This is Pam. I did? (Talking head) Yeah, I did a watercolor of Francis Willard Elementary School for a contest they were having. They were calling with the results. And I won. I won! My painting won. So I’d like to thank my mom, for always encouraging me. And I’d like to thank my dad, for buying me my first set of art pencils. And I’d like to thank the sixth grade class that picked me.

Pam: Hey Kev, guess what? I won an art contest today.
Kevin: How much did you win?
Pam: Hundred dollars.
Kevin: I won four hundred bucks on the Celtics game last night.
Pam: Cool, congratulations.
Kevin: Thanks. So sweet.

Pam: Hey, Angela. I got good news today, too. I won an art contest.
Angela: That’s great, Pam. I like having these little moments with you. You know what? Sprinkles recently had kittens.
Pam: Oh!
Angela: I would like to offer you the dominant male. His name is Ash.
Pam: Oh! Hmm. I don’t think so. But thanks. My … building manager is … you understand.
Angela: Well then. Have a nice day.

Jim: Beesly, coffee?
Pam: No, thanks, I had some already.
Jim: All right.
Pam: But hey, Jim …
Jim: Yeah.
Pam: I won an art contest today.
Jim: No way! All right Pam, congratulations! (Jim and Pam high-five.)
Pam: Thanks.
Jim: Which one was it?
Pam: I sent in one of my watercolors.
Jim: Cool.
Pam: It was a new one I did.
Jim: Oh nice.
Karen: You ready, Jim?
Jim (to Karen): Yeah. (To Pam) Can I see it when I get back?
Pam: Yeah.
Jim: Congratulations!
Pam: Thanks.
Jim: Big deal.

Icon courtesy of un_den_iable.


  1. Probably my favorite episode of all time. Everyone had a moment. As sad as I was to see Dwight go, I want to see Angela get her revenge. Plus, I think the Dwangela romance is better as their twisted little secret.

    I love Andy, but he’s causing too much rancor. Loved everyone’s sales calls. Phyllis’ and Jim’s were brilliant.

  2. I feel so sad. Two blows to the heart- Dwight and Jim/Karen.

    He’ll be back. He can’t leave. He makes the show complete. (the look on Angela’s face at the end was priceless!)

  3. AAAAAh Dwight can’t leave!

    Let’s see, I thought it was a good episode overall, especially with poor Ryan.
    “What have you got for us, Ryan?”

    And could Andy be a worse salesman?!

    Michael with “Harvey” was really funny!

  4. ok c’mon guys, why do you think next weeks episode was changed from “oscars return” to “The Return” use ur brains!

  5. I wonder if Karen saw through Jim’s lie about Pam…
    They really need to end that relationship. Pam and Jim belong together.
    And Dwight needs to come back, pronto. I think Michael was actually getting annoyed at Andy today, so that is a good sign.

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