W: Michael Schur, D: Greg Daniels
Summary: Michael and Jan attend a meeting in New York, while back in Scranton, some experience Valentine’s Day disappointment while others delight in bobbleheads and giant teddy bears.
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The Office Valentine’s Day trivia
The Office Valentine’s Day quotes
Dwight: Question: Will you be seeing Jan when you’re in New York?
Michael: I probably will. Why do you ask?
Dwight: Well, it’s Valentine’s Day. And you guys, you know …
Dwight: … screwed.
Michael: What is your problem.
Michael: It’s New York, City of Love.
Michael: Hey Pam, you heart NY, right?
Michael: Dude, I’m going to nail it. Me in New York? Oh, I own that city. Fuggedaboudit!
Michael: New York, New York. The city so nice, they named it twice.
Dwight: It’s me. I’m the bobble-head. Yes!
Michael: … right here is my favorite New York pizza joint. And I’m gonna go get me a New York slice. (Michael walks toward Sbarro.)
Kelly: So in my head, I was like, Ryan, what’s taking you so long? And then he kissed me. And I didn’t know what to say. So I said, “Ryan, what took you so long?” I mean, I just said it to him. Can you believe that?
Kelly: Oh my God, Jim. Is that embarrassing? I’m embarrassed.
Jim: No, don’t be.
Kelly: Oh, thank God. Because I was nervous, Jim. You will not believe.
Jim: I bet.
Kelly: I was so nervous. But now — now I have a boyfriend!
Ryan (anguished): I hooked up with her on February 13th.
Michael: Here it is. Heart of New York City. Times Square. Named for the good times you have when you’re in it.
Michael: Great places to eat. (Pointing down the street) We have Bubba Gump Shrimp, Red Lobster down there. You know. This is, this is the heart of civilization right here.
Michael: Everybody takes the subway in New York. It’s fast, it’s efficient, gets you there on time. It’s a way to — (rushing back upstairs) okay, there’s a guy pooping in a cardboard box down there.
Michael: This is the world-famous Rockefeller Center. Founded, of course, by Theodore Rockefeller. This is the skating rink. And I think the Rangers practice there sometimes.
Michael: I thought that was Tina Fey, but it wasn’t. Are you serious? He was here? When? When I was talking to the fake Tina Fey? Come on!
Dwight: Hello, Angela. Did you hear? Somebody totally rocked the house and got me the best present I’ve ever gotten.
Angela: Really? I wouldn’t know anything about that. But I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Dwight: Oh, I did. I did.
Angela: I didn’t get anything for Valentine’s Day.
Dwight: Oh, I bet you will before the day is over.
Angela: Really? Well, I hope I do.
Michael: Scranton is great, but New York is like Scranton on acid. No, on speed.
Nah. On steroids.
Michael: There is a lot of pressure on me right now. It’s like Michael Jordan in the NBA finals, or, like, Stormin’ Norman Schwarzkopf. And this presentation is Desert Storm. And as soon as it’s over, we will not have to deal with those Iraqis anymore.
Kevin: Man, that thing’s bigger than I am.
Delivery guy: No, it’s not.
Kevin: Oh, zip it.
Dwight (whispering): Pam, hi. How you doing? Good. Listen, uh, may I speak with you … privately?
Pam: You can’t fire me, Dwight, just ’cause Michael’s not here.
Dwight: … the reason I didn’t get anything for this particular person — who shall remain nameless — is that she’s not really the kind of person you’d think would be into Valentine’s Day. She’s kind of …
Pam: Tightly wound?
Dwight (smirking): Exactly.
Pam: Okay. Well, sometimes the gift is really about the gesture, you know, like what it means instead of what it is.
Dwight: You mean, like a ham?
Pam: No. Not like a ham. It’s about doing something so that the person knows that you really care about her. That you remember her.
Dwight: Okay, I get it. That’s great. Okay, shut up.
Craig: I don’t work for that bitch.
Josh: You hooked up with Jan?
Kelly: I don’t know what he’s thinking, but I would just be so psyched if we just dated forever.
Kelly (to Ryan): Hey, so … do you want to … do something tonight? Or …
Jim (under breath): Oh, no, not while I’m here.
Jan: Nervous? No, I’m not nervous. Well, I mean, I guess I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was a little nervous. Um, the new CFO is judging me on this too. And, well, it is Michael. So (pauses), yeah, I’m very nervous.
Michael: Life moves a little slower in Scranton, Pennsylvania. And that’s the way we like it. ‘Cause at Dunder Mifflin, Scranton, we’re not just in the paper business, we’re in the people business.
Michael: Yeah, I shot a bunch of footage around the office, edited it together on my Mac. Was thinking about entering it in some festivals. Probably won’t. You know, not what this is about.
Michael: And finally, Pam Beesly. Look at her. Look how cute. Not bad at all. As the receptionist, Pam is truly the gateway to our world. Well, I hope this gave you a little taste of what life is like here at Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. What it’s like to walk a mile in Oscar’s shoes. Or try on Phyllis’ pants. Next time you’re in town, give us a call. Stop on by. I’m sure you’ll be greeted by a big smile and a “How you doing, pal?” Maybe even one of Angela’s famous brownies. And you’ll know that you’re home.
Michael: Great Scott!
Pam (delivering plant to Oscar’s desk): Oscar.
Angela: Nothing for me?
Pam (walking away): Join the club.
Jim: So you just gotta suck it up. You just gotta move on. Try to have some fun. Come to my poker game tonight.
Kelly: Okay, cool. Is it okay if I invite Ryan?
Craig: I did not understand this was supposed to be a full on like report or whatnot.
Michael: I’m sorry. I’ll … fix this. I’ll … talk to him. I’ll talk to David.
Jan: Surely, you cannot be serious.
Michael: I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley. Airplane.
Dwight: Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. You have to snare it. And then you have to tame it. Keep it happy. Care for it. Feed it. Lovingly, the way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving.
Pam: I mean, I know that we said no big gifts, but I was kind of hoping you’d get me something for Valentine’s Day.
Roy: Well, Valentine’s Day isn’t over. Let’s get you home, and you are gonna get the best sex of your life.
Michael: And Craig, you saw him, he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. Although he is a tool.
Michael: Oy vey … schmear.
- Read more about Valentine’s Day in Jenna’s TV Guide blog, Jenna’s MySpace blog and Angela’s MySpace blog here and here!
- You can find the “Faces of Scranton” video here.
- In Dwight’s MySpace blog (before he took it down), he named ItsYouSmall.com as the maker of Dwight’s bobblehead.
- Read James’ Northern Attack recap.