The Office: WUPHF.COM, 7.09

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The Office Wuphf

Writer: Aaron Shure, Director: Danny Leiner

Summary (NBC): More than money is at stake as Michael helps charm people into investing in Ryan’s internet company. Dwight capitalizes on both the Thanksgiving holiday and his childhood memories by creating a hay festival in the parking lot, while Jim discovers that a new Dunder Mifflin policy prevents him from earning commission. Guest stars: Kathy Bates, Jack Coleman. Part of NBC’s Green Week November 14-21, 2010.

The Office WUPHF.COM extras

The Office WUPHF.COM rating

In a poll conducted November 18-22, 2010, Tallyheads rated this episode: 7.66/10

See all The Office Season 7 ratings.

The Office WUPHF.COM quotes

Dwight: Everyone, follow me to the shelter. We’ve got enough food for 14 days. After that, we have a difficult conversation.

Michael: Okay, moving backwards, our IT guys have been Glasses, Turban, Ear Hair, Fatty 3, Shorts, Fatty 2, Lozenge, and Fatso.

Kevin: Big Boobs?
Meredith: Drama Queen?
Angela: Nosy?

Dwight: Try “big boobs” with a “z.”

Ryan: When you send a Wuphf, it goes to your home phone, cell phone, email, Facebook, Twitter, and home screen. All at the same time.

Erin: I don’t want to be a lousy snitch.

Pam: Hey, I married Jim, I’ve done my part for the nice guy. Now I want a bedroom set.

Michael: Don’t you work here full time?

Dwight: This is good hay. Yeah. This is the good stuff. Mattress quality.

Dwight: Every fall, growing up, my Uncle Eldred used to build us a maze out of hay bales for us kids to play in. We called it Hay Place. Eldred called it Hay World.

Dwight: Welcome to Hay Place. A place for hay.

Dwight: The petting zoo closes at 2 and the goat roast is at 3!

Angela: I’m kind of in the mood for a roll in the hay.

Dwight: I’ve got half an hour during lunch in between the historical reenactment of the Dunmore farm slaughters and the onion boil.

Dwight: Those are show bales, not play bales!

Jim: If I can make mushed carrots seem better than a boob, I can pretty much sell anything.

Kevin: I’m pretty sure I timesed it right.

Jim: A commission cap takes away my incentive to sell.

Gabe: When you’re dealing with a large organization, sometimes you have to put up with policies you don’t like. I wish my gym didn’t allow full nudity in the locker room. Seeing these old guys walking around naked feels almost passive-aggressive. But I deal with it. ‘Cause it’s policy.

Gabe: Think about your commission cap as a naked old man in a gym locker room.

Kevin: You had me at sex.
Michael: Pervert.

Stanley: Yes, I have a dream. And it’s not some MLK dream for equality. I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there’s a button that I can press. And launch that lighthouse into space.

Phyllis: Oh god. Hold on to your wallets, ladies.

Ryan: It’s not a digital rape whistle. WUPHF is about fun! Fun, communication, connection.

Dwight: I always wanted to be Hay King. But the world shines on Mose.

Ryan: What’s up with all the hotties in the WUPHF shirts?

Ryan: The first lesson of Silicon Valley, actually, is that you only think about the user. The experience. You actually don’t think about the money. Ever.

Ryan: I help you with your things, and you help me with my things.

Angela: Instead of Hay Place, it should be Pay Place.

Angela: We can celebrate Thanksgiving-Me-Your-Money Day.

Michael: Can’t talk, saving the planet, saving the planet.
Pam: Oh, we don’t recycle.
Michael: We don’t? Well why have I been separating the trash into whites and colors?

Michael: You may be right. I may be crazy.
Pam: Don’t.

Meredith: Hey, back off. It’s Solitaire.

Creed: How far can you reach those lovely long arms of yours?

Creed: How long can you hold that pretty little breath of yours?

Ryan: I have nothing but ideas.

Ryan: I know I’ve tapped you so hard.
Michael: Yes, you have tapped this. Hard.

Dwight: I am your Hay King. All hail your Hay King!

Dwight: Did I truck 300 bales of hay to a parking lot to rectify some childhood disappointment? Yes.

Darryl: Consider it a WUPHF in person.

Darryl: It’s not that we don’t believe in the company. We don’t believe in you.

Michael: I do not agree to sell, which is to say, nay.

Darryl: What is wrong with you? What happened to you in high school?

Michael: I would rather go broke betting on my people than get rich all by myself on some island like a castaway. And there is no middle ground.

Michael: The world sends people your way. Ryan came to me through a temp agency. Andy was transferred here. No idea where Creed came from. The point is, you just have to play with the cards that you’re dealt. Jim, that guy is an ace. Dwight is my king up my sleeve. Phyllis is my old maid. Oscar is my queen. That’s easy. Give me a hard one. That’s what Oscar said. Toby is the instruction card you throw away. Pam’s a solid seven. And yeah, you know what? Ryan is probably, like a two. But sometimes twos can be wild. So watch out. I am obviously the joker.

Ryan: Decided to sell company. Thanks, bro. Hell of a ride.

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