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SPOILER WARNING! Videos and subsequent comments will contain spoilers.
Note: Here are transcripts, thanks to volunteerduty.
Michael Acts Like “Baby” for Office Staff
Hannah (Breast Pump Lady) is holding her baby by her desk. Pam approaches.
Pam: Oh, she’s absolutely adorable!
Pam: Oh, sorry. He’s — he’s dressed all in pink.
Hannah: That’s his favorite color.
Pam: Oh. That’s fun for him.
Stanley walks by and mutters something I can’t understand. Michael approaches.
Michael: Oh, wow, look at that! How cute!
Hannah: Thank you.
Michael: Oh, may I?
Hannah (smiling): Oh, sure.
Michael walks past the baby and gets under Hannah’s desk.
Michael (entertainer voice): Hey, look at me, I’m a baby! I’m one of those babies from Look Who’s Talking. What am I thinking? (laughs) Look at all those staplers! What’s a stapler? I don’t even know, I’m a baby!
Pam, Phyllis, and Martin walk away in disgust.
Michael (continued): Hey, Mom, I’m thirsty! I’m thirsty, Mama! I want some milk.
Hannah walks away.
Michael (continued): And you know where milk comes from! Breasts. (laughs)
Michael Gets Some Bad News
Angela, Kevin, Pam, and Michael are in the conference room on speaker phone with Jan.
Angela: We have a rebate from the Federal Work Opportunity Program and no one knows what that means.
Jan: We get that money for hiring an ex-convict.
Michael: I didn’t hire an ex-convict. Unless they mean Toby.
Andy Asks Jim to Rate “Office” Ladies
Andy calls Jim from his desk by Angela. Jim answers.
Jim: Jim Halpert.
Andy: I am so horny.
Jim turns and looks at Andy.
Jim: Okay, I can’t help you with that.
Andy: Oh, I think you can, Big Tuna. Tell me about that Indian chick, Kelly. She seems pretty slutty. Good for a romp in the sack.
Jim (without looking at Kelly): She is dating Ryan, I think.
Andy: Oh, and I care why?
Jim: She’s high-maintenance.
Andy: Next. How about … (tilts his head toward Angela and mouths her name) Blondes are more fun. C’mon, trust me on that.
Jim (without looking at Angela): Yeah, trust me, that would be fun for no one.
Andy: Okay, fine.
Andy: Pam, the receptionist. Pam. Should I go for it?
Jim turns in his chair and looks at Pam. Pam notices and smiles at him. Jim turns back around with a tight smile on his face and the clip abruptly ends.
Dwight Not a Fan of Ex-Cons
Michael and Dwight are talking in the hallway right outside the office’s interior front door.
Michael: Try to be cool.
Dwight: I am cool.
Michael: Okay, are you cool, really?
Dwight: I’m cool, I’m cool, I’m so cool. Tell me what is going on.
Michael lets out a breath.
Michael (slowly): Um … Martin from Stamford was at one time in prison.
Dwight pauses, then lunges into the office. Michael pulls him back.
Michael: No, Dwight! Be cool.
Dwight (talking head in the hallway): I am greatly concerned about having a convict in the office. And I do not care if that convict is white, black, Asian, German, or some kind of halfsy. I do not like criminals.
Dwight walks to the shelves by Martin’s desk with dollar bills prominently hanging out of his left back pocket. He bends down with his rear to him pretending to look at a binder from a lower shelf while Martin looks on, confused.