W: Mindy Kaling, D: Victor Nelli, Jr.
Summary: Michael makes a new friend, Pam shares the joys of shredding, Ryan experiences a different side of Stanley, and Phyllis gets mistaken for Mother Goose.
Take Your Daughter to Work Day quotes
Pam: I am actually looking forward to “Take Your Daughter to Work” day. I am not great with kids, but I want to get better. Because I’m getting married. So I put out a bunch of extra candy on my desk so the kids will come talk to me. Like the witch in “Hansel and Gretel.”
Michael: Listen, I like kids. But this is not a kids’ environment. This is like HBO, no limits. Who knows what I’m going to say, crazy stuff, and it is R-rated, it is not rated G. I am like Eddie Murphy in “Raw,” and they are trying to make me into Eddie Murphy in “Daddy Daycare.” Both great movies, but still.
Michael: I am … like Superman. And the people who work here are like citizens of Gotham City.
Jim and Dwight (in unison): That’s Batman.
Michael: Okay, I’m Aquaman. Where does he live, guys?
Jim: The ocean.
Michael (under his breath, as he walks into his office): I work with a bunch of nerds.
Dwight: Mmmm. Hello tiny one.
Toby (to Sasha): C’mon.
Dwight: You are the future!
Kevin: Abby is my fiancee Stacy’s daughter. I think she’ll have a good time. I just hope she doesn’t look on my computer. Actually I better go check … (leaves abruptly).
Michael: It’s not that children make me uncomfortable. It’s just that, why be a dad when you can be a fun uncle? I’ve never heard of anyone rebelling against their fun uncle.
Meredith: I got permission to bring Jake into work. Which is great, because he got suspended this week, and now I don’t have to pay for a sitter.
Toby: Okay, tell them what you wanted to say.
Sasha: Do you need any help?
Angela: No, thanks. We’d have to explain everything, it’s probably just easier if we do it ourselves.
Toby (to Sasha): Alright, I wasn’t expecting that. Let’s uh, let’s go draw.
Kelly: Oh my god, she is so cute, I want to die. Don’t you just love kids, Angela?
Angela: I guess I wouldn’t mind a pair of small, well-behaved boys.
Ryan: Kelly and I both agreed that we would just have fun. And I’m learning that fun for Kelly is getting married and having babies. Immediately. With me.
Pam: I only have one goal today. To make one kid like me. Just one.
Jim: You don’t want to help me with some of my sales, do you? Cause … I’m kind of swamped.
Jim: Yes. And you’re Abby, right?
Jim: I’m Jim. (Jim and Abby high-five.) And … let’s sell some paper.
Abby: All right.
Jim: Let’s start with … your mom.
Dwight: Little girl, come over here. Shake my hand. C’mon, I don’t have all day. (Abby shakes his hand.) I don’t feel anything. Nothing. (To Jim) You’re so weak.
Dwight: You can refer to me as Mr. Schrute.
Jake: That’s your name?
Jake: Mr. Poop?
Dwight: Schrute. Mr. Schrute.
Jake: Sure, Mr. Poop.
Dwight: Schrute. (Jim and Abby giggle.)
Sasha (to Phyllis): Are you Mother Goose?
Stanley: That little girl is a child! I don’t want see you sniffing around her anymore this afternoon, do you understand? Boy, have you lost your mind, cause I’ll help you find it, whatcha looking for, ain’t nobody gonna help you out there, Jesus could come through that door, he’s not going to help you, if you don’t stop sniffing after my child!
Ryan: Stanley yelled at me today. That was one of the most frightening experiences of my life.
Dwight: That was Greensleeves, a traditional English ballad about the beheaded Anne Boleyn.
Sasha: What’s a Nazi?
Michael: Who likes Dane Cook?
Michael: Children cannot lie. They are innocent, and they speak the truth. And out of the mouths of babes, Michael Scott is freaking cool.
Angela: You know, I never misbehaved in front of my father. Because he was a very strict disciplinarian. I can only hope my mate has some of those same qualities.
Michael: This is Creed, and he is in charge of … something.
Creed: That is correct.
Creed: You ever seen a foot with four toes?
Creed: The hair covers it up, most of it.
Michael: Thank you, Ryan. Good attitude. Hottest in the office.
Michael: I don’t get why parents are always complaining about how tough it is to raise kids. I joke around with them, you give them pizza, you give them candy, you let them live their lives. They’re adults, for godsake.
Michael: That is Miss Trudy. Can’t tell from her costume, but she had an amazing body.
Darryl: Checkin’ in with Chet. Doppler 7.
Edward R. Meow: So tell me, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Michael: I want to be married and have a hundred kids, so I can have a hundred friends, and no one can say no to being my friend.
Melissa: Did you get married?
Michael: Uh … no.
Abby: Why not?
Michael: Uh … just never happened.
Sasha: So, do you have any kids?
Michael: Uh … nope.
Jake: Do you have a girlfriend?
Michael: I do okay.
Melissa: Was Chet Montgomery cool back then?
Jake: Even I have a girlfriend …
Michael: Okay, alright, okay.
Sasha: So you didn’t get to be what you wanted to be.
Michael: I guess not.
Jim: Can’t believe his mom dressed him like that. That’s the real tragedy.
Jake: Mr. Poop, I have to tell you something.
Dwight: Uh okay, but first, that’s not my name.
Jake: You’re ugly. (Laughs)
Dwight: Well at least I’m not a horrible little latchkey kid who got suspended from school, so … (looks at Jake menacingly)
Jake (running away): Meredith!
Dwight (imitating Jake): Meredith! (Angela gives Dwight an approving smile, and then realizes the camera is on her, frowns, and turns away.)
Michael: You know, sure, playing the field is great, don’t get me wrong, but there’s more to life than notches on my bedpost. (Toby snickers quietly.) Tell me something honestly, do you … think that it is too late for me to have kids.
Toby: Well, you, you need a wife first, or at least girlfriend.
Michael: What about …
Toby: Not Jan.
Michael: Jan, okay.
Toby: If you really want to have kids, I, I guess you could, somehow … foster parent, or something …
Michael: Or biologically.
Michael: Yes, it is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a user name, and, I have a great one. Little Kid Lover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.
Jim: Why does he own a guitar if he doesn’t know how to play?
Pam: I think he thought his ukelele skills would transfer.
Dwight: The Schrutes consider children very valuable. In the olden days, the women would bear many children, so we would have enough laborers to work the fields. And if it was an especially cold winter, and there weren’t enough grains or vegetables, they would eat the weakest of the brood. (Laughs) They didn’t eat the children. It never came to that.
- Read more about Take Your Daughter to Work Day in Jenna’s TV Guide blog!
- Abby is reading From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, which won a Newbery Medal in 1967.
- Dwight starts to read the children a story called “The Story of Little Suck-a-Thumb” from “Der Struwwelpeter” by Heinrich Hoffmann. Truly terrifying. More info
- According to Meredith’s MySpace blog, Abby was played by executive producer Greg Daniel’s daughter, Haley, and Sasha was played by set dresser Sean Farrell’s daughter.
- The song that Michael and Dwight sing at the end of the episode is “Teach Your Children” by Crosby Stills and Nash.
- Read James’ Northern Attack recap.