OfficeTally

Written by: Mindy Kaling

Summary: Humiliation abounds at the annual Dundie Awards. When Roy abruptly leaves, Pam decides to have her fun anyway with multiple alcoholic beverages, a stirring acceptance speech, and an exuberant kiss.

Favorite quotes

Michael: A lot of the people here don’t get trophies very often, like Meredith or Kevin, I mean who’s going to give Kevin an award, Dunkin’ Donuts? Plus, bonus, it’s really really funny. So I, you know, an employee will go home, and he’ll tell his neighbor, “Hey, did you get an award?” And the neighbor will say, “No man. I mean I slave all day and nobody notices me.” Next thing you know, employee smells something terrible coming from the neighbor’s house. Neighbor’s hanged himself, due to lack of recognition.

Pam: You know what they say about a car wreck, where it’s so awful you can’t look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away, but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.

Michael: TMI? — “Too Much Information.” Uh, it’s just easier to say TMI. I used to say “don’t go there,” but that’s lame.

Michael (singing to the tune of Lou Bega’s “Mambo No. 5″): A little bit of Pam all night long, a little bit of Angela on the thing, a little bit of Phyllis everywhere, a little bit of Roy eating chicken crispers, a little bit of Jim with some ribs …

Dwight: That is defacement of company property. So you better tell me. Kelly, if you tell me, you’ll be punished less.

Michael: Just a little character I like to do, it is, uh, loosely based on Karnac, one of Carson’s classic characters. Here we go. The PLO, the IRA, and the hot dog stand behind the warehouse. (Opening envelope and reading card) “Name three businesses that have better health care plans than Dunder Mifflin.”

Dwight: Excuse me, everyone, could I have your attention please. I just wanted to say that the women in this office are terrible. Especially the ones who wrote that stuff about Michael on the bathroom wall. Having a bathroom is a privilege. It is called a ladies room for a reason. And if you cannot behave like ladies, well then you are not going to have a bathroom.
Pam: You’re taking away our bathroom?
Dwight: We are going to have two men’s rooms.
Phyllis: But where would we … go?

Michael: The Dundies are about the best in every one of us.

Oscar: The Dundies are kind of like a kid’s birthday party, and you go, and there’s really nothing for you to do there. But the kid’s having a really good time, so you’re, you’re kind of there. That’s, that’s kind of what it’s like.

Michael (rapping to Naughty by Nature’s “O.P.P.”): You down with the Dundies?

Stanley: You said, we could bring our families.
Michael: I did. And why didn’t ya, Stanley?
Stanley: I did, my wife’s name is Terri.
Michael: Well, I’m looking forward to meeting Terri.
Stanley: It’s this person whose hand I’m holding, Michael.

Phyllis: This says “Bushiest Beaver.”
Michael: I told them busiest … idiots.
Phyllis: It’s, it’s fine.
Michael: Well, we can fix it. We’ll fix it up. You don’t have to display that.

Ryan: What am I going to do with the award? (Makes a face) Nothing. I, I don’t know what I’m going to do. That’s the least of my concerns right now.

Michael: And the “Tight Ass” award goes to Angela. Not only because she is everybody’s favorite stickler, but because she has a great caboose. So come on down.
Angela: No.

Jim: I think those might be empty.
Pam: No, no cuz the ice melts, and then it’s like, second drink!

Michael: The “Spicy Curry” award goes to our very own Kelly Kapoor! Get on up here. Here you go.
Kelly: “Spicy Curry,” what’s that mean?
Michael: Um, not everything means something, it’s just a joke.
Kelly: Yeah, but why’d you give it to me?
Michael: I don’t know, it’s just …
Kelly: This is a bowler …
Michael: I know. It’s ju … they didn’t have any more businessmen. So …
Kelly: Yeah, but everyone else …
Michael: Just sit down, Kelly.

Michael: It is so freakin’ hot in there. Now I know what Bob Hope was going through when he performed in Saudi Arabia.

Michael (singing to the tune of “Tiny Dancer” by Elton John): “You have won a tiny Dundie …”

Michael: This last Dundie is for Kevin, this is the “Don’t Go In There After Me” award. It’s for the time that I went in the bathroom after him and it was really, really smelly.

Pam: I have so many people to thank for this award. Okay, first off, my Keds. Because I couldn’t have done it without them. Thank you. Let’s give Michael a round of applause for emceeing tonight because, this is a lot harder than it looks. And also because of Dwight too. Um, so, finally, I want to thank God. Because God gave me this Dundie. And, I feel God in this Chili’s tonight. WOOOOOOO!

Jim: What a great year for the Dundies! We got to see Ping, and we learned Michael’s true feelings for Ryan, which was touching, and, we heard Michael change the lyrics to a number of classic songs, which for me, has ruined them for life.

Michael: Was this year’s Dundies a success? Well, let me see. I made Pam laugh so hard, that she fell out of her chair, and she almost broke her neck. So I killed. Almost.

Pam: Oh my god. I just want to say that this was the best Dundies ever! WOOOOOOO!

Tidbits

• Read more about The Dundies at Jenna’s TV Guide blog and at B.J.’s TV Guide blog!
• At the beginning of the Dundies presentation, Michael attempts to rap to Naughty by Nature’s “O.P.P.”
• Read James’ Northern Attack recap.

Posted in The Office Quotes, The Office Season 2