The Office: The Secret, 2.13

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The Office: The Secret

Writers: Lee Eisenberg and Gene Stupnitsky
Director: Dennie Gordon

Summary: To keep him from spilling the beans about his crush on Pam, Jim agrees to have lunch with Michael at Hooters. Unfortunately, Michael can’t keep the secret for long.

The Office The Secret extras

The Office The Secret quotes

Dwight: Where is Oscar?
Angela: He’s out sick.
Dwight: That’s unacceptable.
Angela: I agree, it’s unacceptable.
Kevin (as he watches Dwight and Angela stare at each other): Whaaaat are you guys doing?

Michael: If you do your spring cleaning in January, guess what you don’t have to do in the spring? Anything.

Michael (to Oscar on phone): You know it’s cleaning day here today? Could have used some of that famous Hispanic cleaning ethic.

Pam: I bought my veil.
Kelly: Omigod, that is so exciting. Can I be a bridesmaid?

Dwight: Listen, temp, I am conducting a little investigation, so I am no longer gonna head up spring cleaning. Do you think you can handle it?
Ryan: Yeah, I think I can handle it.
Dwight: Do you think, or do you know?
Ryan: I think.

Michael: Peach iced tea. You’re gonna hate it.

Michael: It’s GRAAAAAPE! Soda.
Jim: Tony the Tiger.
Michael: Yeah.
Jim: You don’t hear that much anymore.
Michael: Not so much.

Michael: Oh man … you should order milk. Get it?

Michael: Tell me, Dana, how is your chicken breast?
Dana: Oh, it’s great, it’s served with our world-famous wing sauce.
Michael: Mmm, sounds yummy, I will have the chicken breast, hold the chicken. Michael chortles while Jim groans.
Dana: Is that what you really want?
Michael: No, I’m gonna have the gourmet hot dog.
Dana (clearly disgusted as she’s walking away): Great.

Dwight (shaking out the candy jar, as he clearly chews on a mouthful of black jellybeans): Who took all the black ones?

Pam: Um, how many different ways are there to sniffle?
Dwight: Three.
Pam: Okay, it was the second one.
Dwight: Okay, good, thank you. That wasn’t so hard, now was that?
Pam shakes her head, dumbfounded.

Ryan: If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds, and nobody would ever know I had ever been here. And I’d forget, too. (Sighs.)

Kevin: Michael, is that a wig?

Michael: I put a cigarette through a freaking quarter!

Kevin: Jim has got it bad for Pam.
Creed: Which one is Pam?

Kevin: Hey Michael, so do you think Jim will try to break up the wedding?
Michael: You know what, Kevin, Jim is a friend of mine. So the only people that this crush really concerns is Jim and Pam. And me.

Kelly: Jim, why didn’t you tell me that you had a crush on Pam?!

Jim: Well, the cat’s out of the bag. I used to have a crush on Pam, and now, I … don’t. Riveting.

Pam: So are you going to be, like, totally awkward around me now?
Jim: Oh yeah. Yeah.
Pam laughs.
Jim: Hope that’s okay.
Pam: Mmm hmmm.

Dwight: Guess what I found out about Oscar tonight? He was lying about being sick!

Dwight: Otherwise, it’s just malfeasance for malfeasance’s s-sake.

Michael: I don’t want to live like that. I like it here. I don’t want to be Shyla. I like being Michael Scott.


  1. Michael is wearing a magic gag thumb when he talks about having his credit card taken because he bought magic tricks with it. Caught it the second time I watched the episode.

  2. Michael(upon seeing Pam with her hair down): “Mikey Likey”

    Makes me laugh out loud every time I watch it.

  3. I watch this episode again and I found the gag thumb. I love how there are so many sight gags in The Office. It’s part of why it’s such a good show!

  4. my mom just bought a box of peach iced tea mix. I always think of what Michael told Stanley in this episode. So I wrote “you’re going to hate it” on the box

  5. Jim & Pam’s interaction in this episode was just…magical. Maybe it’s my imagination, but I swear during Jim’s 1/2 confession to Pam, I saw a twinkle in Pam’s right eye. They have such awesome chemistry.

  6. this is one of the best episodes. I can relate so much to how clingy Michael gets to Jim, this used to happen to me all the time with different people who decided that we were friends. Love Dwight’s cluelessness about Oscar’s sexuality, the way the title of the episode has two meanings, “I put a cigarette through a freaking quarter”, “Mikey likey”, everything Kevin says. The episodes from this season are just brilliant throughout.

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