Creed’s desk drawer must-haves

ipod-giveawayFrom Conflict Resolution:

Michael: Okay, Ryan, you told Toby that Creed has a distinct old man smell?
Creed: I know exactly what he’s talking about. I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious, but they smell like death.

This week’s iPod Giveaway question is:

Besides mung bean sprouts, what else do you think Creed keeps in his desk drawer and why?

You have until Tuesday, August 1st at 11:59pm Pacific Time to add a comment. Please follow the rules!

P.S. To see past weeks’ iPod Giveaway entries, click here.

56 comments

  1. An acrostic poem for Creed:

    P eople think I’m
    O nly about
    T hings that are
    P utrid
    O r nasty. Not true. I keep fragrant dried flowers
    U nder the fish oil found in my top
    R ight-hand desk drawer.
    R hododendron is my favorite. Sometimes, even
    I grow tired of my usual old-man stench.

  2. Creed has in his desk some very potent laxatives, cause you got to control your flow and you never know when that piping gets clogged.

  3. Besides the normal “desk drawer” things like paperclips and pens, Creed likes to keep the things he’s casually stolen over the years in his desk. Creed has quite the collection of things from the vending machine as well as a jar full of M&M’s he’s lifted off Kevin’s desk. Every time he walks by Kev’s desk, he grabs a handful and puts them into the jar in his desk. Creed also has many guitar picks and old things to remind him of his days back when he was in a band.

  4. Creed keeps those mung bean spouts in his drawer for a reason. Something has to cover the smell of that Northern Lights Cannabis Indica he has tucked neatly in the back. (Quality Assurance is a very stressful job, you see, and a man has to unwind somehow.) A closer look at Creed’s drawer also reveals a tattered photo of him in a Hong Kong bar, smiling with his arm around a pretty girl. I feel nostalgic when I look at it, and I imagine he does too. He seems happier than I have ever seen him… but perhaps he was just high. Beneath a scattering of stolen items from the office, lies a book of food stamps, as well as a handwritten menu of all the soups served at various soup kitchens in Scranton. I see he has circled “Thursday – Pea Soup!” at the downtown kitchen. This is a man who likes his soup, and he likes it free. However, perhaps most striking was a hand-drawn map of the Dunder Mifflin complex, highlighting escape routes and exits. I’m not sure what he’s planning, but at least we know Creed can be organized when he has to be.

  5. Creed has stolen many things over the years and keeps them in his desk. Creed has stolten a couple of Michael’s toys and certificates to make him paranoid. He has some lotion to make it easier to get his arm into the vending machine to get candy. The candy is in his desk. He has albums from the 1960’s and 1970’s that he likes to listen to. He also has marijuana in his desk. He likes to take a long break on bad days and make the day better by smoking the marijuana.

  6. Ah… what hits the spot better than mung bean sprouts? Creed would have to say chocolate covered rice. Shipped from China, he traveled 15 miles to meet a man hidden in the shadows. It was difficult for him, considering his lacking of all 10 toes, but he managed, and in the man’s trenchcoat lied all the wonders of Chinese food- food you’ve never seen in the typical Chinese restaurant. Creed bowed to the man, gave him a kick to the groin (thank you Dwight for the secret martial arts turtoring after work hours), caught a chocolate covered rice where his missing toe used to be, and stow away with the rest of the secret trenchcoat man’s belongings. In his desk, these treasures lie. Along with a pack of condoms he found by Kevin’s desk.

  7. SOUP
    Instead of keeping his favorite Irish soup in the kitchen, he prefers to always have it at a one foot radius from himself. The potent odor is ultimate satisfaction!

    HIS MUG SHOT
    Creed, obviously, has always been a thief. When he was young (in 1784), he was arrested for stealing, what he believed to be, “diamond dust”. It was, in fact, eleven pounds of cocaine. He pleaded mentally unstable (which is, actually, very believable) and was sentenced to eight years in the state asylum.

    Had Michael Scott only run a background check on his employees (a company policy he has yet to follow), Creed Bratton would not be part of the Dunder Mifflin Corporation.

    He enjoys admiring his mug shot in his drawer because it is the only picture of himself when he was young. He quotes, “I was quite a fox!”.

    PAM”S PRISM DURO SPORT
    Last week, she left it in the break room.

    HIS PET LIZARD
    Arnold, Creed’s pet lizard (and best friend) lives in the drawer. What Creed doesn’t know is that Arnold sleeps (as well as doing other, much more disturbing, activities) on the mung beans.

  8. Obviously Creed’s desk is full of stolen items from the office from Post-it notes to Michael’s favorite Worlds Best Boss mug, which he must continually replace. However, digging deeper, we find a bottle of vodka (not uncommon in the office mind you) which helps him get through the day. Also, his collection of German folk music records which he plays when he feels like being alone (which is almost always). Finally, his first hand World War II memorabilia that he pulls out to brag to anyone who wants to listen about the good ol days.

  9. An inventory of the contents of Creed’s desk reveals much about the enigmatic man.

    Item: Dracula teeth
    Creed: “Sometimes little kids come to the office; I like to be prepared.”

    Item: Unopened Speed Stick Deodorant
    Creed: “Picked that up a while back; slipped it in the old sleeve-ola. Maybe I’ll give it a try.”

    Item: Stuffed in back: several crumpled Dunder Mifflin Quality Control memos
    Creed: “Oh, I usually make it up as I go along.”

    Item: Box containing locks of hair, old crumbling cigarettes, tour poster, a Drivers License, sets of keys
    Creed: “That’s just old stuff from the band. Gonna sell it on eBay.”

    Item: Restroom sign
    Creed: “It offended me, and no one would do anything about it. I marched with Dr. King, you know.”

    Item: Photo of Asian family holding a blond baby
    Creed: “Mama & Papa, and there’s me…feet all wrapped snug…toe was gone the next year. Wanna see?”

    Item: Gold tooth
    Creed: “That’s from the old days as a teenager in Coarsegold. Yep, we did our share of gold-digging.”

    Item: Photo of woman, signed on the back: ”It’s been a great 3 years! Love, Jill”
    Creed: “I don’t remember who that is.”

  10. c’mon. i think we all know the one thing that’s definitely in creed’s desk, right?

    i mean, obviously, there’s the beans. the old stench sprouts. and, sure, i suppose, there’s a mixed bag of odd-bird articles, like a year’s worth of toe nail clippings, or a torn out newspaper story with every 13th letter circled, or something.

    and, there’s probably things that jim, or kevin, or kelly, or the gray-haired chick “lost,” back in ’04 like a sandwich or one of their socks, or something. you know, things like that.

    i’m sure those things are there. but, along with all of that, there is one thing, we know, with metaphysical certitude, that is there. it is. you know it is. i know it is. in creed’s desk, there is, absolutely, a copy of the latest issue of jane magazine…. that he stole from kevin’s desk.

  11. -Stolen Chinese dice.
    -A mini gameboy on a key chain with only one game “Paper Boy”
    -Two Smerf guitar picks
    -‘Shrooms
    -A picture of Devon with drawn in devil horns that says “ha!”
    -A picture of Pam that says “Sandy”
    -About three Mexican chocolate bars
    -Some sort of metal pipe
    -The stolen photo of Meredeth topless
    -Batman and Robin action figures
    -A recipe for homemade “Tom Kha Gai”
    -An excerise video with an old woman sitting in a chair with a towl that says “Excerise for the Elderly”
    -Cherry chapstick

  12. No, no, no. You’ve got it all wrong. Obviously he stashes pictures of the receptionist in there.

  13. Creed’s top desk drawer contains a predictable mix of items: Dwight’s Mike Lieberthal bobble head doll, a hair clip of Pam’s, a rolled up poster of Angela’s entitled “Babies Playing Poker,” Kevin’s Scrantonicity demo CD and a T-shirt Michael once wore on a casual Friday that reads “Managers like it bossy.”

    But the drawer below reveals Creed’s true persona, the one he desperately protects. There are size 16 red shoes, greasy face paint, ruffled shirts, rainbow-striped pants and dozens of spongy foam noses – the essentials of a man whose free time is spent feeding an inner passion no amount of drugs or mung bean sprouts could satisfy. Creed Bratton is Dunder the Clown, a classically trained mime with a bag of tricks learned from a decade-long stint in the Moscow Circus.

    He hides his shame from the world, diverting attention by stealing, lunching at soup kitchens and pretending to forget his co-worker’s names. Because if they ever know the truth, it would sound the death knell of Dunder the Clown.

  14. Things he’s stolen from his coworkers over the years and weren’t edible, of course some pot. (Honestly who else would have left the dubie in the parking lot?) I think a picture of him and the band back in the day. And some kind of lotion to rub on his toe. (Every since he lost half of it, the nub tends to get dry and cracks easily.)

  15. Creed’s desk drawer stash –

    The Scranton Times-Tribune and The South China Morning Post – he watches the obituaries and arrests for people he knows. Sometimes he looks for himself.

    Bottle of Xanax – to help take the edge off.

    Two foil packets of Sen-Sens – he enjoys the old-fashioned breath freshener because it tastes like licorice and soap; an oddly distinct flavor that reminds him of his youth.

    Chinese to English dictionary – he forgets the occasional word.

    Spare tie and extra change of underwear – soup can be dangerous.

    Black and white photograph of The Grass Roots – to remember the good ‘ol days.

    Chopsticks – he enjoys being reminded of home, although it’s quite a task eating soup with chopsticks.

    Post-It note with his name, shelter address, and phone number – sometimes he forgets.

    Kevin’s DVD of American Pie 2 – although he considers it to be his favorite movie, he’s never watched it.

    Moldy peach pits, dead ink pens, and an empty bottle of Old Spice – he thinks it should be the janitor’s job to throw them out.

    Approximately $3000.00 in cash – he can’t recall where he acquired it.

    Loaded handgun – for the day he snaps or when the cops finally locate him.

  16. Man, I’m not even gonna bother entering after some of these last few enteries, lol.

  17. Man, I’m not even gonna bother entering after some of these last few enteries, lol.

  18. — The bloody glove that somehow ended up in Dwight’s desk drawer. Hopefully, Jim will continue to pretend he put it in there as a gag and no one really figures out that Creed is the real killer.

    — Hot sauce packets from that receptionist’s lunch a few years ago. Ya know, in case he needs hot sauce.

    — A Devon voodoo doll. That thing worked so well that Creed will adapt it for the next round of layoffs.

    — Top secret dossiers on all the Dunder employees. You should never trust anyone who is that quiet. It’s probably a sign he is keeping notes on you.

    — Cream cheese to mix the mung beans in for a nice spread on his morning bagel.

    — Schrute Farms beets.

  19. * Eye mask, foam board, plaid shirt, slightly torn and stained boxer shorts- for when he sleeps over at the office

    * A nut and bolt- a somber reminder of the iron lung he needed to use throughout his childhood

    * A pair of glasses Dwight has been looking for all month- Jim’s not the only prankster in the office

    * An emery board- for his finger and toenails

    * A blue yogurt lid attached to a string of paperclips- Creed, however, did not place in any Office Olympic events

    * Poker chips

    * 2 5 lb. dumbbells

    * Shamrock keychain with key labeled “Dunder-Mifflin Supply Closet”- although the key chain ended up in another employee’s hands after Yankee Swap, once he found out Oscar bought it for him (no, he isn’t Irish) he felt even less guilty reclaiming it

    * Large pine cone- from a giant sequoia at Yosemite National Park

    * A picture of his proudest possession- his Vance Refrigeration refrigerator

    * Yellowed “New York Times” clipping of a glowing review of “The Grass Roots”

    * Framed gold record- from 1968

    * Women’s panties- circa 1968

  20. Creed definitely has pot in his desk, and probably not really hidden (Creed: I stopped caring a long time ago) He has a mini tv, which he stole (Creed: yep, stole that from the Radio Shack over on Washington Ave.), and the stash of candy he stole from the vending machine, and the smut magazines. But Creed has been at Dunder-Mifflin a LONG time – he was hired by Ed Truck after all – and he is not a clean person, so I’d imagine part of Creed’s desk is like a time capsule. What would you find if you looked deep into Creed’s drawers? A 1979 Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue with Christie Brinkley on the cover, with anatomical enhancements drawn in black marker, a Sony Walkman, which he stole, with a cassette of Cyndi Lauper’s “She’s So Unusual” (Creed: that came with the walkman…), and, of course, some old, yellowed rolling papers long forgotten.

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