Creed’s desk drawer must-haves
Tuesday, July 25th, 2006
From Conflict Resolution:
Michael: Okay, Ryan, you told Toby that Creed has a distinct old man smell?
Creed: I know exactly what he’s talking about. I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious, but they smell like death.
This week’s iPod Giveaway question is:
Besides mung bean sprouts, what else do you think Creed keeps in his desk drawer and why?
You have until Tuesday, August 1st at 11:59pm Pacific Time to add a comment. Please follow the rules!
P.S. To see past weeks’ iPod Giveaway entries, click here.
This post is now closed to new comments.
56 | tanster Wed. Aug. 2, 2006 at 12:00amAside from the usual junk that guys keep in their desk drawers (receipts from lunch that never get written into the checkbook, rubber bands that are so old that they snap if you try to put them around anything, various sized paper clips, pens that have run out of ink, etc.), there are a few other interesting items in Creed’s desk. Upon opening the bottom right drawer (top right is reserved for the mung bean sprouts, of course), you’ll find well-worn copies of two books: James McGregor’s “One Billion Customers: Lessons from the Front Lines of Doing Business in China” alongside “Chinese Etiquette & Ethics in Business” by Boye Lafayette De Mente. Creed’s love for the Asian culture, along with his desire to bring his own quality assurance skills up to par with his Chinese counterparts, make these books a constant source of encouragement and challenge. But if you hear him chuckle from his desk at lunchtime while reading a book, you’ll find neither of those in his hands. Yeah, that would be “The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook,” which he lifted from Dwight’s desk drawer.
55 | Brad Tue. Aug. 1, 2006 at 11:27pmAmong the various items in Creed’s desk is a picture which reveals Creed’s past. The picture is of a man standing in an office holding an orange bucket above his head. The orange bucket has duct tape as labels. On one of the labels the title, “The Billy Cup” is written in marker. On another label are the initials, J.V.C. and the year 1999. This picture is the only reminder that Creed keeps of his past, his life before the Federal Government placed him into the Witness Protection Program.
After the band went bust in the early 80’s, Creed found himself in search of a job. He became a Quality Analyst testing various forms of software. In the late 90’s, he landed a job in an office which played games whenever they released the software. Creed called everyone Billy, and to honor his quirkiness, his officemates created “The Billy Cup”. The last year before J.V.C. became Creed, he won “The Billy Cup”.
There are still remnants of J.V.C embedded in other items in Creed’s desk, including a gallon-sized Ziploc bag full of medications and a bag of popcorn to pop at 10:15 am.
54 | Elizabeth N Tue. Aug. 1, 2006 at 10:07pmAmong other items (like the mung beans), Creed has a monthly ritual of stealing at least one item from each person’s desk in the office. At the end of the month, he begins the process again. Here is this month’s collection:
From Ryan: A mix tape with a post-it note marked, “From Michael”
From Jim: A coupon for fabric softener
From Kelly: The “Spicy Curry” Dundie Award
From Oscar: A note from Dwight. It says, “Remember the favor you owe me? You’re going to help me get back at Jim.”
From Angela: The 2009 Preliminary Report for the Party-Planning Committee
From Kevin: Another copy of American Pie 2 (The other is at Creed’s apartment.)
From Meredith: A bottle of Diet Coke (Creed assumed it was laced with whiskey. Sadly, just diet coke.)
From Toby: A file of redacted complaints concerning Angela and Dwight
From Stanley: A picture of Stanley’s daughter he used to have hanging next to his desk (Creed doesn’t see what Michael made a fuss about.)
From Phyllis: An almost finished knitted oven mit for Pam as a wedding gift
From Pam: He’s trying to figure out who Pam is so that he can steal something from her.
From the Red Head: A “Save-the-Date” invitation enclosed in an enveloped marked “To Jim”
From Dwight: A very ugly bobblehead (Dwight has been noticeably stressed searching for the missing figurine. Of course, Jim is the suspect to Creed’s amusement.)
From Michael: A notebook of poems including “Ode to Jan,” “The Boss of My Heart,” and “Rejoice! Gould is Gone!”
53 | Sam Tue. Aug. 1, 2006 at 9:23pmOk, so we all know Creed has a mild case of kleptomania, but he does surprisingly “care” about not getting fired, so he keeps the good contraband at home. His desk drawer, on the other hand - a wasteland. He keeps a now deflated blowup doll that was once in the warehouse, but that’s about all concerning Dunder Mifflin property.
52 | Joseph Tue. Aug. 1, 2006 at 8:53pmCreed has an assortment of condiment packages on top of a framed picture of Bob Dylan with a message on it:
To Creed, the most wild cowboy I know. Hope your head heals, that jukebox just didn’t know what was comin’ to it.
Keep rockin’
-Bob
There are also numerous Post it notes filled with lists including, but not limited to: favorite foods, worst war movies, best on screen death scenes, “US states I’d blow up”, names for his supplies (his stapler is Jack), and an untitled, numbered list with what seems to be other office employees on it: The top three are:
1)The Temp
2)The Sassy Blond
3)Chatty Sally (got to be Kelly, right?)
There’s also a necklace made of what seems to be baby teeth.
“Yeah, they’re mine. I keep them for good luck.”
Aside from the mung beans, Creed’s desk is completely empty. Occasionally he has Ryan’s stapler in the bottom drawer. Ryan takes it back at the end of each day.
Creed thinks it’s a game.
51 | Lauren Tue. Aug. 1, 2006 at 5:39pmAs Ryan sits down at his desk, he notices that the cup of coffee he was drinking has suddenly disappeared. Looking around, he spies it in Creed’s hand, and watches with amazement as Creed proceeds to drink his coffee and read the morning paper. Frustrated, he turns back to his computer and decides to do another job search on Monster.com. About an hour later, Creed grabs his jacket and leaves the office. For what, who knows? It’s only 10:30. Ryan reaches across to retrieve his coffee mug, which he’s pretty sure he’s not going to use anymore when he smells something awful coming from Creed’s desk. Despite his better judgment, Ryan opens the drawer to find the mung beans Creed had been talking about, along with some other curious items. Including: 7 Baby Ruths, a Quality Assurance Report from 1976, 17 paper footballs, Michael’s magic 8 ball, some incriminating photographs of the redhead, and a lockbox. When asked about it later, Creed replies, “Oh you never can be too careful. I keep all my personal items locked up. People will steal anything.”
50 | Catherine Zeta-Jones Tue. Aug. 1, 2006 at 2:27pmCreed has many different things in his desk.
49 | Liz Tue. Aug. 1, 2006 at 6:39amTo name a few:
The Obituaries from 20 years ago.
Oragami armadillos made out of 1 dollar bills
A dead iguana
A pocket knife
Matches
And a tape measure
Items found in Mr. Bratton’s drawers upon investigation of lurking horrible stench:
-ID Card of Dwight stating that he is high security risk, however Creed’s own photo has been glued on top of Dwight’s
-Copy key to a Chrysler Sebring (Interesting because Creed doesn’t own a car)
-Lint Collection
-Keys removed from keyboards around the office: N, O, V, E, and D (We’re not sure what it means, but we think it spells something)
-13 Origami Cranes
-Pages 24 and 57 to Threat Level Midnight starring Agent Michael Scarn
Finally found in bottom of Mr. Bratton’s desk, the culprit of the horrible stench:
-Jar of “soup” taken from Michael’s office
48 | Lacee Mon. Jul. 31, 2006 at 8:34pmOne rainy Thursday, Dwight noticed that it was nearly 11 AM, and Creed’s desk was still empty. It was not unusual for him to wander into work an hour late, but 11 AM was unacceptable. After thoroughly questioning Pam, his suspicions were confirmed: Creed was skipping work, and had not even bothered to call in sick! Dwight knew it was time for a serious investigation. Since Creed didn’t have a phone number or home address listed in his files, Dwight had no choice but to search Creed’s desk drawer for clues.
The drawer’s contents left a frustrated Dwight with no leads as to Creed’s whereabouts:
-a small travel pillow, clearly stolen from an airplane, as “Air China” was on the tag
-16 plain M&Ms
-a small cat figurine
-one of Kelly’s pink sweaters
-a small bottle of tonic water
-an ice hockey trophy
-5 moldy bologna, tomato, & ketchup sandwiches
-a baggie of Northern Lights Cannabis Indica (even after his drug testing experience, Dwight assumed it was a blend of Italian spices).
At 11:24, Creed walked in, pulled out the travel pillow, and took a nap. When questioned later, he couldn’t remember why he was late for work.
47 | Stella Mon. Jul. 31, 2006 at 5:26pmLackawanna Sheriff’s Department
11/11/07
Official List of Items Confiscated from Creed Bratton’s Desk at Dunder Mifflin, Scranton.
78. Three pieces of petrified wood from Arizona’s Petrified Forest
79. Newspaper clipping from the 1952 Roswell Crash, autographed by KR33D
80. Self-portrait watercolor signed by Pam Beesly.
81. Original video tape of the Apollo moon landing. The blue screen is clearly visible instead of the space and earth shown on TV.
82. Ben Gay
83. HR representative Toby’s fruit filled hookah.
84. A zip-loc bag containing formaldehyde and a toe.
85. Jar of urine marked “For Emergency Use Only”
86. Compromising pictures of Lance Bass, Rosie O’Donnell and Tom Cruise
87. A file folder marked “TOP SECRET”, containing the recipe to Coca-Cola
88. $728,650 in Bellagio Poker Chips
89. Gumball Dispenser with 72 “Greenades”
90. Wedding picture of the receptionist with the groom’s face cut out.
91. Bucket of sand marked “Nose of the Sphinx”
92. One Hartsfield-Jackson Airport Defibrillator
93. A purse with a tag that says, “Thank you for your purchase - Katie”
94. 64 joints in a Crayon box
95. Pepto-Bismal
96. 8453 Florida ballots from the 2004 Presidential Election
Pg. 4 of 19 (Continued)
46 | Joseph Mon. Jul. 31, 2006 at 5:09pmJerky (Emergency food supply)
45 | Sean Mon. Jul. 31, 2006 at 1:40pmCat figurines (Stolen from a coworker’s desk over time)
Business card of a lawyer (Just in case he needs to get out of jail)
Asian pornographic materials (Very offensive; reminds him of his touring days)
Binoculars, Q-Tips, Vaseline (We don’t know why he has these but figure it can’t be good)
$0.53
Change of clothes (For when he comes to work wearing yesterday’s outfit)
Dell Magazines Variety Puzzles & Word Games (All puzzles are unfinished because of his short attention span)
Bubblegum lip gloss (Stolen from Pam’s coat pocket)
Creed hides a PSP that he uses whenever he is bored, which is most of the time! He ‘found’ it lying around one day at The Office. It was kind of a busy day, for some reason it seemed like everyone’s baby sitter was sick, it seemed that every one’s kid was at The Office. Except that they were all girls, go figure… When he ‘found’ it, he wasn’t too sure what it did but couldn’t help but to get it, then he found out that it was very cool. This black little device is the only thing that he can think of ever since he ‘found’ it. He even watched Spiderman II during the sexual harassment film that Toby played for them. He makes several trips to the men’s room where he usually spends several minutes ‘taking care of business’ along side his PSP. It is even keeping him from making his usual runs to the vending machine! There has not been a day that he has not used it since it came into his life!
44 | Veronica Mon. Jul. 31, 2006 at 11:44amUnderneath all of the sprouts and paperwork, we might find a hidden compartment in Creed’s desk. While the contents thereof might seem odd to some, to Creed they make complete sense. 1) A shamrock keychain-the one thing in there that was supposed to be his in the first place. 2) One of Angela’s cat figurines. It looks a little bit like Buddha. 3) Nail clippers, for all nine toes. 4) An extra pair of socks. Not quite sure where he picked those up. 5) Scrantonicity’s tryout video-he thinks Kevin has potential. 6) A potato gun, with an actual potato. Can you imagine if he were deranged? 7) A napkin with directions to the soup kitchen on one side and Jimi Hendrix’s signature on the other. 8) $3,000 in cash. We all know it was Creed.
43 | Gretchen Sun. Jul. 30, 2006 at 10:09pmOn a particularly boring Friday afternoon, Michael suddenly declared “Summer Spring Cleaning Day” to get a jump on the spring tidying that happens each January. Creed was on vacation, so Michael decided that Ryan would be cleaning out Creed’s odiferous desk. Ryan suspected this assignment had something to do with not returning Michael’s many, many, many voicemail messages. Resigned to his fate, he began his task and was taken aback by what he found:
The “Save the Date” card addressed to Kelly. He couldn’t figure that one out—Creed didn’t even know who Pam was. Maybe because the stationery was pretty?
The instructions for the refrigerator Creed won. Ryan had seen Creed studying it quizzically at work, as though it described a Magical Machine of the Future.
Betsy the Blow-up Doll (deflated), who usually lived in the warehouse. He didn’t even want to know.
A mung bean cookbook written Mandarin. That kind of explained the sprouts in Creed’s desk drawers.
A pile of poker chips like the ones used on Casino Night. Souvenirs of his victory?
Oh, no. A prosthetic (and presumably fifth) toe. Ryan theorized that this was only used for special occasions. Ick.
42 | smart little cookie Sun. Jul. 30, 2006 at 7:38pmInside Creed’s desk drawer is every employee’s Secret Santa gift from every single year he’s worked at Dunder Mifflin (because he REALLY loves stealing things, guys)… except for Angela’s baby poster of course. Asked why his collection was incomplete, Creed answered “What kind of weirdo do you think I am?”
41 | Crystal Sun. Jul. 30, 2006 at 1:48pm1. Guitar Pick always at hand in case he needs to prove his musical abilities
40 | heidi Fri. Jul. 28, 2006 at 8:03pm2. Soup kitchen coupons/vouchers
3. Poker chips
4. Black Jelly beans (remember the episode where Dwight asked who took them all??? well Creed did)
5. Jim’s Medal from the Office Olympics (take note that after that episode it was not wrapped around his desk lamp like it is shown in the actual episode…i don’t doubt that creed took that too)
6. Cans of soup to make in the kitchenettte
Alright, hold your breath for as long as you can. We’re going in!
1. A cell phone with 72 voicemail messages, which we doubt is actually his. Sure enough, we ask Creed and he confirms that it’s Ryan’s. “I heard him say he was just going to change his number.”
2. An envelope that has Pam’s name written on the front. But is that Creed’s writing? Nope, it’s Jim’s. Excitedly, we ask for the story on this, eager to know what’s inside. “I thought it would be fun to pickpocket and that one was very easy. What’s inside? Oh, I don’t know. Some love letter. Isn’t Pam the one from corporate?”
3. A picture of an attractive Asian woman. “My third wife. We don’t really get along. Truthfully, I just don’t like being married. She doesn’t either. But it’s such a hassle to get a divorce.”
4. A corn-husk doll that looks like it’s been used for voodoo purposes. It’s a woman with red hair. Creed smirks.
The bottom layer of the desk drawer holds an assortment of guitar picks, one of which is imprinted with “Scrantonicity” in tiny letters, and about 37 handmade paper “hateballs” mixed with M&Ms.
39 | Kristen Fri. Jul. 28, 2006 at 4:06pm***List of people who were not assured that Dunder-Mifflin paper is high quality
“You have to keep your enemies close, after all.”
***Father’s day card from Hong Kong
“That joker, Wa-Du!”
***Inhaler
“That time in an iron lung was no picnic. Hate to do that again.”
***Bottle of Night Swept
“Thought I’d snag this and replace it with a little mung bean juice. We’ll see who stanks now, Michael.”
***Binoculars
“If they insist on seating me this far away from the receptionist, it’s an essential item.”
***”Guarding Against Frostbite”
“Dwight brought this in one day. Don’t want to lose anymore toes.”
***Plaid shirt
“I like to keep this here for emergencies. Luckily Jim didn’t want it.”
***Accounting books
“Yeah, I made some replacement balance sheets. Let’s see what happens with this one.”
***Miscellaneous things stolen from everyone
38 | Kristina Fri. Jul. 28, 2006 at 12:12pm“…Gin from the redhead’s desk, coupons for Auntie Anne’s pretzels, hot schoolgirl photo, purple belt, black jellybeans, the temp’s business school ID, a photo of Tom Hanks on the piano from Philadelphia, a book of IQ tests, whatever Devon left in his desk, some cat figurines, DVDs of American Pie and Prince of Tides, this captain’s hat, couple of yogurt lids…”
A hacksaw.
A severed house arrest ankle braclet.
A severed toe.
Hmm … interesting.
37 | Trent Fri. Jul. 28, 2006 at 6:35am