1.05: Basketball
Tuesday, April 19th, 2005
Written by: Greg Daniels
Summary: Michael and the office take on the warehouse staff for a supposedly friendly game of hoops, but the stakes are high and tempers eventually flare, especially when Michael calls an abrupt end to the game.
Favorite quotes
Michael (making hand gesture): The hand strikes … and gives a flower.
Dwight: So we need someone to work this Saturday and I think that that should be (flings tie over his shoulder) … Jim.
Jim: God, this is so sad. This is the smallest amount of power I’ve ever seen go to someone’s head.
Pam: My fiancé has plans for us this Saturday. So I really hope Dwight doesn’t make me work. Maybe I should sleep with him. I’m kidding, kidding. Totally kidding.
Michael: And this is Roy. Roy dates Pam. You know, the uh, the best lookin’ one upstairs.
Ryan: Yeah yeah.
Michael: You still getting it regular man? Huh? I mean, I can tell her it’s part of the job. (Roy laughs nervously.)
Jim: Pam gets a little down. Her toaster oven broke. Uh, which she got at her engagement shower. Um, for a wedding that still has yet to be set. And that was three years ago.
Michael: Okay, so let’s put together a starting line-up, shall we? Stanley, of course.
Stanley: I’m sorry?
Michael: Um, what do you play, center?
Stanley: Why “of course”?
Michael: Uh …
Stanley: What’s that supposed to mean?
Michael: I don’t know. I, I don’t remember saying that.
Jim: Uh…I heard it.
Michael: Well, people hear a lot of things, man. Um … other starters … me, of course. I heard it that time.
Michael: Yes, this is business. The, uh, the business of team building and morale boosting. Uh, who else?
Oscar: I can … help out if you need me.
Michael: I will use your talents come baseball season, my friend. Or if we box.
Dwight: Can I be team captain?
Michael: No, I’m team captain.
Dwight: Can I be team manager?
Michael: No, I am the team manager. You can be assistant to the team manager.
Dwight: Assistant team manager?
Michael: No.
Pam: Please don’t throw garbage at me.
Jim: I’ll do it. Wear a little … flouncy skirt if you want, and …
Michael: Yeah, I bet you would. Just try not to be too gay on the court. And by gay I mean, um, you know, not in a homosexual way at all. I mean the uh, you know, like the bad-at-sports way. I think that goes without saying.
Pam: Maybe Angela would cheerlead.
Michael: Ooh, yeah, right.
Phyllis: I’ll do it.
Michael: Oh, yuck, that’s worse than you playing.
Michael: Blessed be those who sit and wait. You made it! Suit up, you’re on the team!
Jim: You gonna wish me luck?
Pam: Yeah, you’re gonna need it.
Jim: Whoa, is that trash talk from Pam?
Pam: I’m just saying, Roy is very competitive.
Jim: Oh.
Pam: And he wants to take the wave runners to the lake this Saturday, so…
Jim: Well, I’m going to the outlet mall on Saturday, so if you wanna save big on brand names … (Pam laughs) … and Roy has to work, which he will, because I’m also competitive, you should feel free to come along.
Pam: Um, I think I’m gonna be up at the lake …
Jim: I think I’ll see you at the mall … yeah.
Michael: Uh, Pam? You kind of have your foot in both camps here, why don’t you do the, jump ball okay?
Roy: Don’t listen to him Pam. Trust me, tip it my way or you’re sleeping in the car.
Michael: Who am I, am I Michael Scott? I don’t know. I might just be a basketball machine.
Ryan (after Dwight steals the ball away): Same team, Dwight.
Michael: Like coming in an extra day is gonna prevent us from being downsized. Have a good weekend.
Tidbits
Brian Baumgartner talks about his free throw prowess in his TV Guide blog:
I hit approximately 14 shots in a row in our first take of that sequence, and I have been told we had to edit them out for time. I believe that on the Season 1 DVD they show me make many more. The exact number has become a bit of lore around the set, but suffice it to say, I did make all the shots that were shown in the episode and quite a few more.
Read more here.
I missed the first couple of years of “The Office” and am catching up with the repeats on TBS. The 5k for Rabies episode was my favorite until I saw the basketball one. I laughed so hard I wasn’t making any sound. This is, by far, the funniest show on TV today.
13 | WorkingforStanleyNickles Wed. Apr. 2, 2008 at 8:36am“Is that like the robot”
12 | steve stone Wed. Nov. 14, 2007 at 8:57amA great episode with Michaels’ awful basketball skills being the highlight
i just love the reveal of Dwight’s headgear…always cracks me up
11 | Beatriz Sun. Sep. 23, 2007 at 1:57pmYou also have to love it, of course, at the little moment where a sweaty Jim runs by Pam and as the camera focuses you can see her lick her lips.
10 | Sarah Tue. Aug. 7, 2007 at 3:08ammy favourite bit was when michael did the “football is like rock, its all BOW BOW BOWWWW but basketball is like jazz its badabing bahading badabing *shows michael doing the move on the court and singing then Roy comes along and takes the ball and scores*
PMSL MUCH??
9 | Karlz Thu. Apr. 12, 2007 at 3:59amYES PLEASE
I laughed so hard at this episode, I almost paralized myself.
8 | Jason Mon. Dec. 11, 2006 at 1:38pmbest episode
7 | Afganistanani Fri. Dec. 1, 2006 at 1:44pmAnother classic moment in this episode: michael doing like 3 minutes of (ridiculous, needless to say) preparation for his freethrow (a result of calling a totally tickytack foul on Roy), then missing the backboard altogether. So damn funny!
6 | skip_intro Thu. Nov. 2, 2006 at 2:33pmJim’s reactionary expression to Michael’s “gay” comment never fails to make me laugh. One of my favorite lines of the series is in this episode
Michael: “Grumble, grumble, but you would follow me to the ends of the earth, grumbling all the way, like that dwarf from Lord of the Rings.”
Dwight: “Gimlee.”
Michael: “NERD! That is why you are not on the team.”
That cracked me up to no end when I first saw it, because even though I knew the dwarf’s name like Dwight did, I am aware that it is pretty nerdy.
5 | Sarah Thu. May. 4, 2006 at 8:47pmI love the situation Michael gets himself in when he calls Jim gay, and says “yuck” to Phyllis cheerleading. Also Jim’s expression is too good.
4 | Adam Wed. Apr. 12, 2006 at 9:43amOne of my favorite esisodes.
3 | SOINMN Thu. Mar. 9, 2006 at 9:28pmOne of the best comments in the entire run so far has to be when Michael sees Stanley actually begin to dribble and says “you’ve got to be kidding me”. I laughed for a week!
One of my favorite episodes. :)
2 | JOJOFACE Sat. Feb. 25, 2006 at 6:48pmOne of the most hysterical scenes in this episode is Dwight trying to drink water through his head guard and almost drowning.
That, and stealing the ball from Ryan. “Same team, Dwight.”
1 | tanster Tue. Feb. 21, 2006 at 7:12pm