The Office: Counseling, 7.02

« Previous episodeNext episode »

The Office Counseling

Writer: B.J. Novak, Director: Jeffrey Blitz

Summary (NBC): Corporate assigns Michael to counseling with Toby. Dwight vows revenge on the Steamtown Mall after a shop owner snubs him. Meanwhile, Pam conspires to change her job title.

The Office Counseling extras

The Office Counseling rating

In a poll conducted September 30-October 4, Tallyheads rated this episode: 7.62/10

See all The Office Season 7 ratings.

The Office Counseling quotes

Dwight: There’s no good laugh for a regular idea.

Dwight: Welcome to the Sesame Avenue Daycare Center for Infants and Toddlers.

Dwight: You remember my cousin Mose.
Mose: Welcome, children.
Pam: Were you painting in the dark?

Dwight: To a child’s imagination, that’s Mr. Fork and Lieutenant Knife.

Dwight: We come fully equipped with a restroom, feeding trough, play bucket, and room for a plant.

Michael: This is the worst. I hate looking at your face. I want to smash it!

Michael: I made a mistake. I committed corporate punishment. My bad.

Toby: Michael has been assigned six hours of mandatory counseling with a trained professional. I actually have a degree in social work. I mean, I know a lot of people would ask a few standard questions, and check off a few boxes, but I’ve got a chance to do some good here.

Michael: We’re going to leave the blinds open so everybody can see what a big failure you are.

Dwight: Boycott the Steamtown Mall! Everyone, you heard me! Cancel all of your business with the Steamtown Mall!
Phyllis: The mall itself, or the stores in the mall?

Ryan: America’s one big mall.

Phyllis: I’m glad Michael’s getting help. He has a lot of issues and he’s stupid.

Pam: The unfair thing about working in sales is that your salary is almost all commission. So if you suck at sales, you make almost no money. I guess that’s fair.

Dwight: That mall is corrupt. They’re appearancist!

Kelly: You need to go back there and you need to ‘Pretty Woman’ their asses.

Creed: We should start our own mall.

Kelly: I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to just tune myself out.

Andy: No, you and I… and I.

Dwight: Apparently there is a famous Hollywood movie from the 1980’s, Beautiful Girl.
Andy: Pretty Woman.
Dwight: Apparently, it’s one of the best revenge stories of all times, in which this sex worker, who is the antagonist… that can’t be right. Andy? How does it…?
Jim: No, no. I want to hear you tell it.
Dwight: Okay, the sex worker is denied service at a fancy store because she does not look wealthy. She later returns dressed in all the “trappings” of extravagant wealth, but instead of going…
Andy: Julia Roberts goes into the store, and she’s like, “I was in here yesterday and you wouldn’t help me.” And the shop girl goes, “okay.” And Julia Roberts goes, “You girls work on commission, right?” And the girl is like, “yeah,” and Julia Roberts goes…
Kelly: “Big mistake! Huge!”

Pam: There are a few ways to get promoted. One is to wait for an opening and apply for it. That’s the main way. But this could work.

Michael: The other night, I was sitting at the table, eating my penis… I mean peas.

Michael: I was probed by an alien life force. A-L-F. ALF. You know, I might have actually been probed by ALF.

Jim: Today, we need your help turning Dwight into a gentleman.

Kelly: Your shirt and tie are disgusto barfo.

Dwight: Wait, less matching to appear more rich?

Michael: I was raised by wolves. I was 25 years old before I saw my first human being.

Erin: Disposable cameras are fun, although it does seem wasteful and you don’t ever get to see your pictures.

Erin: I don’t care if I forget today.

Toby: We can play something more complicated if you like.
Michael: This is plenty complicated.
Toby: So you have played it before?
Michael: I’ve played it once or twice with Jeff.
Toby: Who’s Jeff?
Michael: Jeff was my mother’s boyfriend, who she married.
Toby: So, her husband, your stepdad?
Michael: Yeah, yeah. I guess I never thought about it that way, though.
Toby: Did you guys do much stuff together?
Michael: Yeah. You know what? He took me to a baseball game once, I remember. It was weird, though. They took the pitcher out of the game. I felt really bad, because the pitcher wasn’t able to play with his friends anymore. But Jeff said that the manager was making a really good move, by taking the pitcher out. He really respected the manager.

Toby: It’s working! I’m doing it!

Angela: Don’t forget the pipe.

Michael: When I hear myself say it, it just sounds ridiculous.

Michael: You can’t help people. You couldn’t help your marriage!

Michael: Thank you, doctor, take two of these and call me in the morning.

Pam: If I can pull this off, it will be the scam of all scams. And yet, very helpful to everyone.

Darryl: I saw a TLC show on Kate Walsh’s home office. All corkboard.

Pam: The first lesson of watching World Poker Tour at 2am: you play the opponent, not the cards.

Jim: Is that what you were here for? A crystal wizard? I like it.
Dwight: It is a pewter wizard holding a crystal.

Dwight: I’m here for one thing: revenge.

Dwight: You made a big mistake. Huge!

Michael: You don’t make a mistake on purpose, Toby. Then it’s no longer a mistake.

Ryan: Psychiatrists tend to be more crazy than their patients. Therapists are whores. Psychiatry is a narcissism machine. I learn more from Dr. Seuss than Dr. Freud. Earth: you don’t have to be crazy to live here, but it helps. I don’t know, just use the best one.

Icon provided by pessimistreader.


  1. Wow, that was an excellent episode. The Office was, no doubt, on its game tonight. I loved every storyline from Michael connecting with Toby, Pam and her new position,and Dwight’s new “look” (haha)
    The writers are kicking it up a notch with Steve Carell leaving and I’m throughly enjoying it!

  2. Loved it! Michael and Toby were so funny together!

    -Lt. Knife and Mr. Fork…and Mrs. Fork-

  3. I thought this was a good episode although I didn’t laugh as much as last week. Pam’s story line was funny and Dwight “Pretty Woman” Schrute was hilarious. Oh and I agree with Erin, disposable cameras are SO wasteful. LOL

  4. I haven’t rooted for Jim in a long time, but I always love seeing him and Dwight team up, that was by far the best storyline tonight! And Pam was amazing, I’m so happy she got the job.

    Erin and her camera, Mose painting in the dark/the daycare, “fancy” Dwight, Ryan’s talking head…so funny. I think this was one of B.J.’s best to date. The season just keeps getting better and better.

  5. I have to admit that was a pretty weak episode. It just wasn’t very funny. I figured the intereaction between Michael and Toby would have been much more entertaining but it just seemed to drag on instead. And the Dwight storyline seemed a bit random. Still not bad overall, I just have very high standards for the show I guess.

  6. I loved it! Funnier than last week. The Toby/Michael storyline was my favorite. Their facial expressions were spot on and so, so entertaining to watch. So far, very happy with the direction S7 is going!

  7. I’m with you, Louis. I thought this episode was really weak (after a solid opening episode). I laughed maybe once at the Michael-Toby stuff, and even less at Dwight and Jim. The Pam stuff was okay, but also not great.

    Did love Erin’s line about the cameras. That was priceless.

  8. Pretty good episode, though not as good as last week’s. i normally don’t really like Toby too much, but I loved him so much in this episode. I LOVED seeing Mose!!!! The daycare…. so….. odd :-) I loved Kelly’s line about how she just tunes herself out since she talks so much. :-) The new Dwight…. his hair basically made that look. Very nice.

  9. Put me in the “funnier than last week” camp. Dwight vs Steamtown Mall was kinda dumb, but everything else worked for me. Good start to the season.

  10. Bleh, I missed tonight’s episode. I’ll have to watch it tomorrow. I’m excited because it sounds like it was pretty good. :)

  11. I did laugh a lot at this episode, but I think they cut the show to like 20 mins, and it seemed like it was over before you knew it. A lot of great one liners in this episode though, can’t wait to use them.

  12. Best cold open ever! I love everything about this episode. Michael flipping Toby off made me feel sad for Toby though.

  13. Kelly: “I talk a lot, so I’ve just learned to tune myself out.”

    Loved that line SO MUCH. I wasn’t thrilled with the episode, but I’ve also been watching a lot of Season 2 and 3 lately, and those were just perfection. Still have high hopes for the rest of the season tho :)

  14. The daycare bit will go down as one of my favorite moments in office history hands down. i was not the biggest fan of the toby/michael bit…just a little bland at times considering its potential. Great ep overall!

Comments are closed.