The Office: Counseling, 7.02

Thursday, September 30th, 2010 | 106 comments


The Office Counseling

W: B.J. Novak, D: Jeffrey Blitz

Summary (NBC): Corporate assigns Michael to counseling with Toby. Dwight vows revenge on the Steamtown Mall after a shop owner snubs him. Meanwhile, Pam conspires to change her job title.

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In a poll conducted September 30-October 4, Tallyheads rated this episode: 7.62/10

The Office Counseling quotes

Dwight: There’s no good laugh for a regular idea.

Dwight: Welcome to the Sesame Avenue Daycare Center for Infants and Toddlers.

Dwight: You remember my cousin Mose.
Mose: Welcome, children.
Pam: Were you painting in the dark?

Dwight: To a child’s imagination, that’s Mr. Fork and Lieutenant Knife.

Dwight: We come fully equipped with a restroom, feeding trough, play bucket, and room for a plant.

Michael: This is the worst. I hate looking at your face. I want to smash it!

Michael: I made a mistake. I committed corporate punishment. My bad.

Toby: Michael has been assigned six hours of mandatory counseling with a trained professional. I actually have a degree in social work. I mean, I know a lot of people would ask a few standard questions, and check off a few boxes, but I’ve got a chance to do some good here.

Michael: We’re going to leave the blinds open so everybody can see what a big failure you are.

Dwight: Boycott the Steamtown Mall! Everyone, you heard me! Cancel all of your business with the Steamtown Mall!
Phyllis: The mall itself, or the stores in the mall?

Ryan: America’s one big mall.

Phyllis: I’m glad Michael’s getting help. He has a lot of issues and he’s stupid.

Pam: The unfair thing about working in sales is that your salary is almost all commission. So if you suck at sales, you make almost no money. I guess that’s fair.

Dwight: That mall is corrupt. They’re appearancist!

Kelly: You need to go back there and you need to ‘Pretty Woman’ their asses.

Creed: We should start our own mall.

Kelly: I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to just tune myself out.

Andy: No, you and I… and I.

Dwight: Apparently there is a famous Hollywood movie from the 1980’s, Beautiful Girl.
Andy: Pretty Woman.
Dwight: Apparently, it’s one of the best revenge stories of all times, in which this sex worker, who is the antagonist… that can’t be right. Andy? How does it…?
Jim: No, no. I want to hear you tell it.
Dwight: Okay, the sex worker is denied service at a fancy store because she does not look wealthy. She later returns dressed in all the “trappings” of extravagant wealth, but instead of going…
Andy: Julia Roberts goes into the store, and she’s like, “I was in here yesterday and you wouldn’t help me.” And the shop girl goes, “okay.” And Julia Roberts goes, “You girls work on commission, right?” And the girl is like, “yeah,” and Julia Roberts goes…
Kelly: “Big mistake! Huge!”

Pam: There are a few ways to get promoted. One is to wait for an opening and apply for it. That’s the main way. But this could work.

Michael: The other night, I was sitting at the table, eating my penis… I mean peas.

Michael: I was probed by an alien life force. A-L-F. ALF. You know, I might have actually been probed by ALF.

Jim: Today, we need your help turning Dwight into a gentleman.

Kelly: Your shirt and tie are disgusto barfo.

Dwight: Wait, less matching to appear more rich?

Michael: I was raised by wolves. I was 25 years old before I saw my first human being.

Erin: Disposable cameras are fun, although it does seem wasteful and you don’t ever get to see your pictures.

Erin: I don’t care if I forget today.

Toby: We can play something more complicated if you like.
Michael: This is plenty complicated.
Toby: So you have played it before?
Michael: I’ve played it once or twice with Jeff.
Toby: Who’s Jeff?
Michael: Jeff was my mother’s boyfriend, who she married.
Toby: So, her husband, your stepdad?
Michael: Yeah, yeah. I guess I never thought about it that way, though.
Toby: Did you guys do much stuff together?
Michael: Yeah. You know what? He took me to a baseball game once, I remember. It was weird, though. They took the pitcher out of the game. I felt really bad, because the pitcher wasn’t able to play with his friends anymore. But Jeff said that the manager was making a really good move, by taking the pitcher out. He really respected the manager.

Toby: It’s working! I’m doing it!

Angela: Don’t forget the pipe.

Michael: When I hear myself say it, it just sounds ridiculous.

Michael: You can’t help people. You couldn’t help your marriage!

Michael: Thank you, doctor, take two of these and call me in the morning.

Pam: If I can pull this off, it will be the scam of all scams. And yet, very helpful to everyone.

Darryl: I saw a TLC show on Kate Walsh’s home office. All corkboard.

Pam: The first lesson of watching World Poker Tour at 2am: you play the opponent, not the cards.

Jim: Is that what you were here for? A crystal wizard? I like it.
Dwight: It is a pewter wizard holding a crystal.

Dwight: I’m here for one thing: revenge.

Dwight: You made a big mistake. Huge!

Michael: You don’t make a mistake on purpose, Toby. Then it’s no longer a mistake.

Ryan: Psychiatrists tend to be more crazy than their patients. Therapists are whores. Psychiatry is a narcissism machine. I learn more from Dr. Seuss than Dr. Freud. Earth: you don’t have to be crazy to live here, but it helps. I don’t know, just use the best one.


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  1. 106. DoDa  

    was the part at the end where ryan was saying the quotes scripted or did he just come up with that and they decided to use it

  2. 105. Meghan  

    I definitely got a few good laughs out of this episode. I loved it when Michael howled into the pillow. My dogs hearing it and jumping up made it even better (: I also agree with those who like the new “take charge” Pam. However, I didn’t like the fact that she wanted to be the Office Administrator. I know it was because she’s bad at sales. But going from sales to OA is a step down. She should have made herself the Assistant Regional Manager. And that would have allowed for some bickering between her and Dwight over who gets the ARM! And being an OA myself, I know this job sucks! So that part was a little unrealistic for me, but it was a good episode overall (:

  3. 104. Stapler  

    I don’t think anyone commented on Michael saying he was raised by wolves during his counseling session with Toby! It just cracked me up when he howled into the couch cushion, made his hands into claws, and growled! He’s crazy!

  4. 103. Hardcore Parkour  

    FINALLY, got to watch Counseling and I can’t believe the people that didn’t like it! “I was eating my penis”,,,,,,,,, I mean peas. Spit my drink out almost over the entire computer. Dwight’s ill timed “good morning”, thank yous were hilarious. And just having a 3 people talking head with Jim, Nard Dog, and Dwight was great, having Jim wanting Dwight to explain Beautiful Girl/Pretty Woman. Just thought it was another great episode.

  5. 102. Mindy(mindysfavshow)  

    @97 Me too! Go Owls and Toby

  6. 101. Langston  

    Aside from seeing Mose again this episode wasn’t at all that good. It felt uneven and there wasn’t enough Toby/ Michael scenes and the Dwight subplot wasn’t as funny as I expected it to be.

  7. 100. Janae  

    Dallas- Meredith comprises the supplier relations department, making her the de facto department head.

  8. 99. Dallas  

    In this episode, Meredith signs for Pam as a “department head.” What dept. does she head up? I’m curious… haha.

  9. 98. Tristan  

    I really liked this episode of the Office. I think it’s great that the writers are already making a transition this early in the season for Michael. Having Michael take counseling sessions with Toby was a brilliant idea; we will slowly see a change in Michael throughout the season I think, and, by the time he leaves at the end of season 7 I think he’ll be more self-aware and enlightened about himself. It’s obvious that Michael has psychological problems dating back from his childhood and this episode highlighted it thanks to Toby.

    Also, I found myself surprisingly liking the more “take charge” Pam. I thought it was so funny when she was getting all the signatures from everyone and hip thrusting in front of Meredith. Maybe Pam could a potential candidate as manager after Michael’s departure?

    And, the best part of the episode was Jim and Andy helping Dwight become more like “Beautiful Girl” as said by Dwight. That part had me laughing out loud for a good minute. It was good to see Mose again and the cold open was the funniest cold open in a long while.

  10. 97. Lauren  

    Toby’s degree is from Temple University. We went to the same college! Haha, thanks writers, for repping my alma mater!

  11. 96. Janae  

    #68, Rebecca, and #95, Albert, you both hit the nail on the head. The storylines have become such a stretch away from finding humor in the mundane, which is what made this show so amazing and innovative. And as Rebecca said, the characters have become caricatures, and there is a BIG difference between the two. The fun quirks in different personalities have become central to the characters, again moving away from the nuanced comedy in order to get bigger laughs (in my opinion).

    Bottom line, this episode exemplified what I’ve thought for a long time – the writers are asking the audience to make way too many logical leaps for it to be enjoyable anymore, and it makes me very sad. Still, my hopes remain high for this season, because I’m too invested in the characters to ever stop watching.

  12. 95. albert  

    The office should stick to the comedic tension they created earlier in the shows when they played the characters close enough to reality that it made for AMAZING comedy based on that tension. This episode had some of this with Toby and Michael’s relational posture, but the Pam and Dwight sub plots are so unrealistic they lose all the qualities that made the show (and their characters) so great in the past.

  13. 94. daniel  

    What point were they trying to get across in the end? Michael has a psychological issue to him which makes him the way he is? And what was the point of Ryan?

  14. 93. Brigette  

    Well said, #87 Allen…BLEH!

  15. 92. Michael  

    Dwight and Angela have had their sex agreement for the entire summer and she’s redeeming her 1st pass just now in this episode? Sorry, just a small, stupid chronological thing I caught.

  16. 91. mr.dude  

    I think I had too high of expectations for the Michael/Toby storyline, as their interactions are one of my favorites gags on the show, but still pretty good. I liked when Toby got him to open up and then Michael caught on and got upset. Dwight looked like Zach Galifianakis (who I think would be great for a guest appearance) from his role in Dinner for Schmucks. The Pam thing was a little out of character but I guess that’s the evolution of “Fancy New Beesley” or Halpert or whatever stage she’s in now. I would love to know what she was saying while hip thrusting at Meredith’s desk. Pretty good ep all in all.

  17. 90. Michelle  

    This was such a well-written episode. Nice work, BJ!!

  18. 89. albert  

    Mose was hilarious though, “welcome children” and painting in the dark!

  19. 88. marie  

    As a long-time office fan, I have to say I was seriously disappointed in this one. I had very high hopes for the counseling sessions, as usually Michael/Toby interactions are priceless. Unfortunately, I don’t remember laughing at all. I didn’t think the Pam storyline was in character, and the Dwight storyline seemed really out of place and forced. I hope they go back to reality-based office interactions of the old days (a la Sexual Harassment). I hate to say I think the writers have run out of ideas and the show is losing its edge.

  20. 87. Alien...BLEH  

    I absolutely LOVED this episode! It was just classic The Office. The Office is a mockumentary, not a documentary. Things are based in reality, but are not meant to be reality. Thus, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it being a little like a sitcom. I think the writers strike a perfect balance between office life realism, entertainment, and satire. Thank you.

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