The Office: Diversity Day, 1.02

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The Office: Diversity Day

Writer: B.J. Novak, Director: Ken Kwapis

Summary (DVD): A “Racial Tolerance and Diversity in the Workplace” seminar is anything but harmonious when Michael, ignoring the fact that his own inappropriate behavior necessitated the workshop, undermines the consultant. Guest star: Larry Wilmore.

The Office Diversity Day Michael Scott’s Chris Rock Routine

The Office Diversity Day Michael Scott’s School of Management

The Office Diversity Day Kelly Kapoor Slaps Michael Scott

The Office Diversity Day extras

The Office Diversity Day quotes

Michael: Good, I’d go with the rows, that’s a good idea.

Dwight: Retaliation. Tit for tit.
Jim: That is not the expression.
Dwight: Well it should be.

Jim: Solitaire?
Pam: Yeah, Free Cell.
Jim (pointing at Pam’s computer screen): Six on seven.
Pam: I know, I saw that.
Jim: So then why didn’t you do it?
Pam: I’m saving that, cuz I like it when the cards go pht-pht-pht-pht-pht.
Jim: Who doesn’t love that?

Mr. Brown: We need to celebrate our diversity.
Michael: Let’s celebrate.
Mr. Brown: Right. Okay.
Michael: Celebrate good times, c’mon! Let’s celebrate diversity, right?
Mr. Brown: Yes, exactly.

Michael: Here’s what we’re going to do. Why don’t we go around and everybody, everybody, say a race that you are attracted to sexually. I will go last. Go!
Dwight: I have two.
Michael: Nice.
Dwight: White and Indian.

Dwight: Can we steer away from gay people? Uh, I’m sorry, it’s an orientation, it’s not a race. Plus a lot of other races are also intolerant of gays, so … paradox.

Michael: How come Chris Rock can do a routine, and everybody finds it hilarious and groundbreaking, then I go and do the exact same routine, same comedic timing, and people file a complaint to Corporate? Is it because I’m white and Chris is black?

Mr. Brown: What is a hero to you?
Dwight: A hero kills people, people that wish them harm.
Mr. Brown: Okay.
Dwight: A hero is part human and part supernatural. A hero is born out of a childhood trauma, or out of a disaster …
Mr. Brown: Um …
Dwight: … that must be avenged. (Notice Jim in the background, nodding in mock agreement.)
Mr. Brown: Okay, um, you’re thinking of a superhero.
Dwight: We all have a hero in our heart.

Michael (reading form): I regret my actions. I regret offending my co-workers. I pledge to bring my best spirit of honesty, empathy, respect, and openmindedness — openmindedness, is that even a word? — um, into the workplace. In this way, I can truly be a hero. Signed, Daffy Duck. (Laughing hysterically) Oh, he, he’s going to lose it when he reads that.

Michael: Where’s my Oprah moment?

Michael: Okay, get as much done as you can before lunch, because uh afterward, I am going to have you all in tears.

Toby: Hey, we’re not all gonna sit in a circle Indian-style, are we?
Michael: Get out.
Toby: Sorry.
Michael: No, this is not a joke, okay? It’s offensive. And lame. So double-offensive. This, is an environment of welcoming. And you should just get the hell out of here.

Michael: Diversity … is the cornerstone of progress, as I’ve always said.

Michael: Hi, I’m Michael Scott. I’m in charge of Dunder-Mifflin paper products here in Scranton, Pennsylvania. But I’m also the founder of Diversity Tomorrow, because today is almost over. (Strikes a confident pose, leans elbow on one knee.) Abraham Lincoln once said, that if you’re a racist, I will attack you with the North, and those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace.

Michael: Is there a term besides “Mexican” that you prefer? Something less offensive?

Michael: Olympics of suffering right here!

Dwight: Um, Shalom, I’d like to apply for a loan.
Pam: That’s nice Dwight.

Michael: Stir the melting pot, Pam!

Pam: If I have to do this, based on stereotypes that are totally untrue, that I do not agree with, you would maybe not be a very good driver.
Dwight: Oh man, am I a woman?!

Michael: You’ll notice I didn’t have anybody be an Arab. I thought that would be too explosive. But, uh, no pun intended. But I just thought too soon for Arabs. Maybe next year, um, you know, the ball’s in their court.

Ryan: She’s cute, huh?
Jim: Yeah, you know, she’s engaged, but …

Michael (after being slapped by Kelly): YES! That was great! She gets it! Now she knows what it’s like to be a minority!

Michael: That would have really really showed him up, wouldn’t it, if I brought in some burritos, or, colored greens, or some, pad thai, love pad thai …
Stanley: It’s collard greens.
Michael: What?
Stanley: It’s collard greens.
Michael: Uh, doesn’t really make sense. Cuz you don’t call them collard people. That’s offensive.

Michael: Buena vista, Oscar.

Jim: Uh … not a bad day.

The Office Diversity Day deleted scenes

Michael: I came up with some terms of my own. Could you put these on the board? First one is inclusion. New attitudes.
Mr. Brown: All right.
Michael: Color blind.
Mr. Brown: Oh … nice.
Michael: Expectations.
Mr. Brown: Good!
Michael: Thank you. Sharing.
Mr. Brown: Great.
Michael: And … tolerance.
Mr. Brown: Beautiful.
Pam: Um … that spells INCEST.