The Office: Finale, 9.24-25

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The Office: Finale

Writer: Greg Daniels, Director: Ken Kwapis

Summary (NBC): Months after the airing of the documentary, the workers of Dunder Mifflin, past and present, gather for a wedding and a final round of interviews. Mysteries are solved, hatchets are buried, pranks are prunked. Guest stars: Mindy Kaling, B.J. Novak, Rachael Harris, Dakota Johnson, Joan Cusack, Ed Begley, Jr., Malcolm Barrett, Matt Jones, Andy Buckley, Michael Schur, Bobby Ray Shafer. One hour and 15 minutes long, starting 9/8c.

The Office Finale extras

The Office Finale rating

In a poll conducted May 16-20, 2013, Tallyheads rated this episode: 9.58/10

See all The Office Season 9 ratings.

The Office Finale quotes

Manually transcribed by tanster, 1:24am Friday May 17 :)

Dwight: Nobody buys DVDs anymore.

Dwight: PBS. The propoganda wing of Bill and Melinda Gates. And viewers like you.

Stanley: I’ve been looking forward to this day since I was 18 years old.

Kevin: At least I got chocolate.

Jim: I bike to work now. Saves on gas. Cheaper than a vasectomy. Good for the environment, too.

Angela: Those feet. They’re like the paws of an orangutan.

Pam: Now that she’s wearing sports bras, we don’t see her boobs as much.

Pam: There’s a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn’t that kind of the point?

Dwight: I always liked Devon.

Dwight: Turns out Creed was in the band, The Grass Roots, in the 1960s. During that time, the police say, he sold drugs, and trafficked in endangered species meat, and stole weapons-grade LSD from the military.

Jim: Dwight has made me his bestisch mensch. Which is Schrute for ‘best man.’

Jim: Tonight, only good surprises. Guten Pranken.

Clark: Great, now we have three hours to fill!

Jim: Mose has been weird? That’s so unlike him.

Andy: Oh I can so just sit here and cry!

Seth Meyers: Oh c’mon Baby Wawa.

Oscar: “A mistake plus Keleven gets you home by seven.”

Nellie: I live in Poland now. The Scranton of the EU.

Nellie: I thought I unfriended you.
Toby: Anyone can follow a Twitter feed.

Toby: I have six roommates. Which are better than friends, ’cause they have to give you one month’s notice before they leave.

Andy: A bear hug from my favorite mama grizzly.

Jim: You remember my two lap band surgeries, right? Neither do I. Guten Prank Number One.

Darryl: And it’s Athleap now.

Oscar: I’m a man. So I’m going to the bachelor party with the boys. I just have to remember how I acted before I came out.

Oscar: Whazzzzzzup?

Dwight: What, are you going to whack me, Jim?
Jim: No Dwight, you’ll be doing the whacking.

Dwight: A bazooka. You remembered.
Jim: Of course I did.

Jim: Guten Prank Number Two.

Dwight: We’ll have an onion loaf for the table, please.

Meredith: Shut up. Jakey?
Jake: Mom?

Meredith: Give them a good show, my little entrepreneur.

Pam: Woo hoo! Go Meredith’s stripper son!

Clark: Dwight, for the last time, she’s not a waitress!

Dwight: I think I ate too much bone marrow.

Jim: I think it’s time for you to bury the hatchet.
Dwight: Waste of a good hatchet.

Dwight: You can’t be anything but happy on your wedding day.

Dwight: Your Internet searches were so filthy, we had to throw out your computer.

Jim: Guten Prank Number Three.

Stanley: I guess this was worth being filmed nonstop for nine years.

Pete: No one recognizes me, but now all my friends call me Plop. So… thanks, PBS.

Jim: She pays me back every day, just by being my wife.

Dan: Pam, what was in that teapot letter?

Steve: Do you find that your life feels pointless now that nobody’s actually filming you anymore?
Toby: Yes.

Meredith: Yes, I was getting hammered. But hey, it was college.

Pam: It’s like a long book that you never want to end. And you’re fine with that, because you just never ever want to leave it.
tanster: Like Harry Potter?

Moderator: Next week at the Scranton Cultural Center, don’t forget, Irish step dancing semi-finals, winning team to mid-Atlantic!

Creed: Jeff Bomondo. I sell ceramic tile out of Newark. My wife’s name is Kathryn. I could show you my social security number if it helps.

Kelly: Are you like a manny now?

Ryan: So I was dating this girl. And one day, she went out to get a new charger for her e-cigarette. Never came back. Oldest story in the book.

Ryan: No, Kelly, he’s not named after a hip hop artist from 2011. It’s Drake, like a mix of Drew and Blake.

Dwight: Michael. I can’t believe you came.
Michael: That’s what she said.

Jim: Best prank ever.

Minister: As is traditional to the Schrutes, the lovers are standing in their own graves, as a reminder that this is the only escape from what they are about to do.

Nellie: Why are the graves so shallow?

Dwight: Complimentary hay hooks are placed along the aisles.

Jim: See, now you don’t owe me anything.

Pam: He’s just so happy to have a family plan.

Phyllis: Would a grump make this? It’s me! It’s me.

Ryan: I finally mastered commitment.

Michael: I feel like all my kids grew up. And then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream!

Pam: Dunder Miffln, this is Pam. Oh I’m sorry, Jim Halpert doesn’t work here anymore.

Pam: Jim was five feet from my desk, and it took me four years to get to him. It’d be great if people saw this documentary and learned from my mistakes.

Pam: It would just make my heart soar if someone out there saw this, and she said to herself, be strong, trust yourself, love yourself, conquer your fears, just go after what you want. And act fast, because life just isn’t that long.

Kevin: If you film anybody long enough, they’re going to do something stupid. It’s only human natural.

Dwight: Do I get along with my co-workers? First of all, I don’t have co-workers anymore. I have subordinates. So, have I gotten along with my subordinates. Let’s see. My supplier relations rep, Meredith Palmer, is the only person I know who knows how to properly headbang to Motorhead. Oscar Martinez, my accountant, is now godfather to my son. Angela Schrute, my former accountant, is now my wife. My top salesman, Jim Halpert, was best man at my wedding. And office administrator, Pamela Beesly Halpert, is my best friend. So yes, I’d say I have gotten along with my subordinates.

Andy: I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them. Someone should write a song about that.

Oscar: Seriously, you made a nine-year documentary and you couldn’t once show me doing my origami.

Creed: I still have my medal from that.

Erin: How do cameras work?

Jim: I sold paper at this company for twelve years. My job was to speak to clients, on the phone, about quantities and types of copier paper. Even if I didn’t love every minute of it, everything I have, I owe to this job. This stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing, job.

Pam: There’s a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn’t that kind of the point?

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