W: Lee Eisenberg and Gene Stupnitsky, D: Rainn Wilson
Summary (NBC): Michael suspects Donna (guest star Amy Pietz) is cheating on him and puts P.I. Dwight Schrute on the case. Meanwhile, Andy is frustrated when no one takes his customer’s complaint seriously.
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The Cover-Up quotes
Michael: Jim, are you clicking a detonator?
Jim: It’s a pen.
Michael: We’re just clicking on every level. Emotionally and sexually and… orally.
Michael: I’m actually having trouble focusing on my job. And I like it.
Michael: She is hot. She has a Pilates butt.
Michael: We went to a little Chinese bistro. P.F. Chang’s.
Michael: This is the real world. Not The Real World: Scranton.
Oscar: That seems quick. Even for lesbians.
Ryan: Does she keep her phone locked around you, Michael? Does she watch how much she drinks around you, Michael? Does she leave the room when she takes phone calls? Does she keep perfume in her purse? Does she shower before sex? Does she shower after sex? Does she…
Michael: You have a bad imagination. It’s stupid. I live in a fantasy world.
Michael: How much do you charge?
Dwight: A hundred dollars a day, plus expenses.
Michael: I’ll give you fifty. Money’s no object.
Dwight: You might not like what I find and you might not like how I find it.
Stanley: My doctor told me to cut out hot dogs. We all got problems.
Gabe: There’s no way that you guys have any almond butter, right?
Michael: It’s never too early for ice cream, Jim. But we didn’t have ice cream, so this is mayonnaise and black olives. It’s comfort food, all right?
Michael: I need to know. Otherwise, this thing is going to spiral out of amok.
Dwight: Hey, you know an exercise for two people that exercises the whole body? Tractor pulling.
Dwight: I don’t quit until something tears or pops.
Dwight: Can I feel your pulse?
Dwight: We both know why I’m here. To see. You. Naked. While. I’m. Naked.
Michael: Who eats eight protein bars?
Dwight: People who don’t trust egg whites.
Michael: You work at an adult arcade. You could have any man you want.
Michael: You are boner-ific.
Michael: Omigod, Vero Beach. Is that on the water?
Kelly: Claire’s? Zales? Ricky’s? Earrings Earrings Earrings? Fancy Girl? Platinum Cat?
Creed: Darnell’s a chump. I would have done it for anything. I’ve done a lot more for a lot less.
Pam: It’s Cece. She’s never going to do anything wrong.
Darryl: Still no plan.
Michael: Lowest of the low, that guy. Just a notch above Toby.
Gabe: That’s good for five bucks at Dunkin’ Donuts. Any Dunkin’ Donuts.
Michael: Spice Girls are opening for Weird Al. Front row. It’d be a great, great concert.
Darryl: I don’t want to prank anymore. Things get real. It’s not funny. I’m just going to be good, stay in my room, go to church, try to do one nice thing per day. I do not wanna prank. Any. More.
Michael: I’m the mistress?
Dwight: If they catch us, they will rape us.
In a poll conducted May 6-10, Tallyheads rated this episode: 8.23/10