GMMR asks Office fans …
Sunday, July 9th, 2006
Give Me My Remote asks this week’s iPod Giveaway question:
What new pranks would you like to see Jim pull on Dwight in Season 3?
You have until July 16 at 5pm Pacific Time to add a comment. Please follow the rules!
This post is now closed to comments.
66 | tanster Sun. Jul. 16, 2006 at 5:01pmJim is talking to Pam as usual, when Dwight enters. Both look over and upon seeing Dwight, go into their rehearsed conversation.
“So, yeah. I was watching the news last night, and there was this special about flesh-eating diseases,” Jim says.
Dwight interrupts Jim, “I saw that too. But I missed the end of it because I was in the bathroom.”
“Oh no, Dwight! You didn’t really go to the bathroom, did you?”
“Uh, yes I did. Why?”
“Well towards the end of the show they said that certain flesh-eating diseases have been recently found in the water of toilets and urinals. So when you flush the toilet that water gets on you.”
“Then I just won’t flush.”
“Even if you don’t flush, when you go the water splashes on you.”
“But, my skin seems okay.”
“They said it takes a couple of days to start. So from now on you have to go outside.”
“Oh my God.” Dwight then runs out of the office yelling, “I need some big leaves!”
As Jim and Pam begin to laugh, she asks him, “How did you know he went to the bathroom then?”
He replies, “Because I know Dwight…Oh my God!”
65 | Lacee Sun. Jul. 16, 2006 at 4:49pmJim’s roommate Mark’s mom (Claire) is a real estate agent. She agrees to help Jim pull off a prank on Dwight. Claire calls Dwight and tells him that she has a client looking for a beet farm but the offer is pretty low. Mose is in on the joke and says he wants to sell the farm and move the Las Vegas to become a Texas Hold’em dealer. Dwight, of course, refuses to sell.
64 | Thirsty Babies Sun. Jul. 16, 2006 at 4:28pmLimerick for Jim & Dwight
There once was a man who sold paper,
Who tried hard to invent a new caper.
Although Jim loved Dwight,
He SO loved a good fight,
And he already Jell-Oed his stapler.
Today, he needs a much better prank.
How about flour in the gas tank?
Dwight would be mad
(Which is, really, so sad)
As he tried to drive himself to the bank.
But no – we can do better than that.
How about a trick with Angela’s cat?
Perhaps teach it to fight?
Oh, poor, poor Dwight!
Surely the dojo has an extra mat.
But wait! Our trick should involve a beet.
And, of course, one of Creed’s four-toed feet.
We’ll cook up a stew
(Creed knows what to do)
And the look on Dwight’s face will be sweet.
Best of luck to our man Jim.
63 | Loaded Teapot Sun. Jul. 16, 2006 at 2:38pm(It’s so impossible not to like him).
Just don’t make Dwight cry,
Or spill soup on his tie.
He is still lovable…though quite dim.
Dear Corporate HR,
The HR department at DM-Scranton has not taken my grievances seriously for 2 years and for that reason I am now forwarding all correspondence directly to you in Corporate HR.
Jim Halpert tried to convince me today that I was going to be fired from Dunder-Mifflin. This morning I received an “official” notice informing me that I had violated the Electronic Communication Policy. It listed a series of vile websites and accused me of visiting those sites. It informed me that this occurrence would appear as a black mark on my official record and the next violation would end in termination. This afternoon I received another “official” notice containing similar accusations and details on how to appeal my termination case to Dunder-Mifflin.
I demand that Jim Halpert be reprimanded for his malfeasance!
Sincerely,
Dwight K. Schrute
*********
Pam gathers the interoffice mail to be sent to Corporate. She notices an envelope from Dwight to Corporate HR.
Two days later, Dwight receives a letter from Corporate HR.
“Dear Mr. Schrute,
62 | Elizabeth N Sun. Jul. 16, 2006 at 10:54amPlease be advised that we have reviewed your recent complaint and upon review have found that you have indeed violated our Electronic Communications Policy…”
I’m not much of a pranskter but here we go anyway.
These are a little less specific, but here we go:
61 | Liz Sun. Jul. 16, 2006 at 10:48amI would like to see something happen with Dwight’s bobblehead.
We know, obviously, that Dwight loves his bobblehead, so having Jim do something with it would be awesome.
Also, seeing something done to Dwight’s phone would be awesome, something that could lose is standing as such a great salesperson.
Starting with small droplets and leading to a progressively longer stream, Jim drips ketchup from the kitchen area to the men’s bathroom stall. He tells Dwight to investigate the ‘bloody’ trail.
Angela finds an offensive gift tagged ‘From Dwight’ on her desk.
Jim uses a toothpick to shove slivers of garlic into the mouthpiece of Dwight’s telephone.
Jim puts a ‘I heart gay porn’ bumper sticker on Dwight’s Camaro.
Jim uses water to evenly saturate the dark blue cushion of Dwight’s office chair. Dwight can’t see that it’s wet and doesn’t realize the situation until the water soaks through to his underwear.
Jim has Pam fill her candy container with, what looks like, regular jelly beans. Dwight comes to fetch some black ones and realizes too late that he just ate ‘prank candy’ that burns his mouth like fire for hours.
Jim steals the ball from Dwight’s computer mouse.
Jim attaches a noose to Dwight’s look-alike bobblehead and suspends it from Dunder Mifflin’s roof so that it hangs in Michael’s office window.
Jim cranks up the volume on Dwight’s computer then sends him an email with an attachment that, when opened, immediately begins playing obscene sounds of a moaning woman.
60 | Lori Sun. Jul. 16, 2006 at 2:49amInterestingly enough, both of my ideas handily involve promotional tie-ins and Dwight being given his 15 minutes of fame.
- Jim has knockoffs of Dwight’s bobblehead made and begins selling them around town and on Ebay. Oddly enough, they sell like hotcakes and Dwight starts being recognized on the street as ‘the bobblehead guy’ or more simply, ‘the bobblehead’. Dwight initially enjoys the attention but then is annoyed by it and threatens to sue Jim for using his name without his permission. Jim then tells him to examine the bobbleheads more carefully and the camera zooms in to reveal the bobblehead’s actual name to be “DWIGT.”
- Jim has to pull a file off of Dwight’s computer but accidentally stumbles upon a video file of a music video Dwight has made… starring himself. Jim uploads the video to YouTube and Dwight becomes an international phenomenon.
59 | Crystal Sun. Jul. 16, 2006 at 2:15amI would like see Jim put a mannequin in Dwight’s car, cover it up with clothes and ketchup. He has to do this after nightfall. Before, he and Pam are talking about how an escaped killer got out of prison and a woman dissapeared near Dunder-Mifflin.
The rest is history.
58 | Michele Sat. Jul. 15, 2006 at 11:45pmIt’s been established that Jim is great at impressions and Dwight is a big fan of “The Apprentice (”Performance Review”).” So, one morning Dwight checks his voicemail only to hear a message from “Donald Trump.” Trumps says he got a copy of his resume and is interested in meeting with him…in person. If he wants the job of a lifetime, he needs to come to New York NOW. Dwight drops everything and heads for the Big Apple (too bad he’s not in the office to see Jim and Pam high five each other). You can imagine the scene at Trump Tower several hours later as Dwight tries to get by security because he “has a high-level meeting with Donald Trump!”
57 | Brad Sat. Jul. 15, 2006 at 9:36pmWhen Dwight gets a client named Anita Corleone, Jim convinces him that she is the wife of well-known Mafia ringleader in Scranton. Since the city is so crime laden (ahem) Dwight believes him almost instantly.
With the help of Pam, Jim goes on to convince him that Anita is in love with him. They leave corny poems on his voice-mail (voiced by Pam), and even go so far as to send flowers and chocolates to the office. Angela notices, and after a not-so-secret fight in the kitchen, she leaves work early for the second time ever. Jim tells Dwight that he should break it off with Anita, not only to win Angela back, but also because Anita’s husband (the well-known Mafia ringleader) is sure to be after him. Panicked, Dwight agrees and calls Anita, insisting that they meet. When he confronts her (Jim and Pam watching eagerly from afar), he ends up leaving with a bruised face and one less paper sale.
56 | Lauren Sat. Jul. 15, 2006 at 6:19pmJim should get a giant cardboard cut-out of Dwight’s “worst fear”, and place it on the bathroom door when Dwight goes to the restroom. So when Dwight comes out, the cut-out will fall on him.
Believe me, it works very well! I put a six-foot cut-out of Tom Cruise against the bathroom door, and my sister just freaked out.
55 | Katherine Sat. Jul. 15, 2006 at 6:09pmI’d love to see Jim pretend he’s Dwight all day (dress up like him, get called Dwight, sits at his desk… the whole nine yards) just so Dwight could see how annoying he is. It would also be nice to see Michael conspire with Jim on a prank because it would effect Dwight even more.
Other little pranks I’d like to see Jim do:
54 | HYP3R6IR1 Sat. Jul. 15, 2006 at 3:37pm-Switch two keys on the keyboard (m and n for example) and let Dwight go all day being confused.
-Put a marquee screen saver that says something like “Dwight Smells” (or some other childish thing) with a password lock.
-On a rainy day, put all those little cirle paper leftovers from the whole puncher in his umbrella so when he goes to open it up, they fly all over.
The fax machine beeps, and begins printing. Pam glances at the first page and smiles. When Dwight comes to defile the jelly bean bowl, Pam hands him his fax. Dwight glances at the letter on the front page, and sinks away to the couch, where he tries to conceal his fax as he reads: “Thank you for choosing Brides By Mail! We have received your payment, and Svetlana will be arriving on Russia Air flight 872 on July 19. Below you will find a copy of Svetlana’s application and personal interests.” Dwight reads on, his bride-to-be is 38, has a 9-year-old son, and enjoys weightlifting.
53 | Stella Sat. Jul. 15, 2006 at 2:14pmAs he returns to his desk, Jim looks up. “So, congratulations, Dwight. Pam told me you’re getting married. Admirable thing to do, taking on a widow and her child like that.”
“You did this to me!!” Dwight accuses Jim.
Angela looks up from her desk. Dwight grows red, and quietly calls the number on the fax, which is Jim’s cousin’s number – who helped send Dwight the fake fax. Dwight learns that even if it was a joke, it is too late to back out of the deal. He panics because Svetlana is arriving this week.
Out of ideas edition:
Jim changes the passwords on all of Dwight’s electronics… for example, his new voicemail password is c**k in a shoutout to the British Office.
Dwight begins receiving calls at work from “men seeking men” who have read his ad in the Scranton Times-Tribune. Jim can only raise his eyebrows when Dwight, confused, notes that the ad may have been placed by a “satisfied customer.”
52 | Allison Fri. Jul. 14, 2006 at 9:24pmAfter yet another of Dwight’s power trips focused on his position as Asst. Regional Manager, Jim finally decides to show Dwight who has more power. Jim, now good friends with the camera crew, convinces them not to film any scenes with Dwight. Though annoyed, Dwight doesn’t care too much at first because he hates getting caught doing anything embarassing, like smiling, on camera. Eventually, though, he notices that Michael won’t speak or listen to him. This is, of course, because Michael is a glutton for the camera’s attention and doesn’t want to waste time with Dwight if he can’t get into the limelight. Jim informed Michael that Dwight objected to the camera’s presence as a violation of privacy. Because Michael won’t go near Dwight, Dwight cannot explain that he has no problem with the cameras. As the day goes on, Dwight performs increasingly desperate acts to get on camera to prove to Michael that he doesn’t care about the privacy rights. For instance, he does the macarena in the break room at lunch and sings “Oops, I Did It Again” to a client over the phone. The camera crew is filming all of these scenes from behind corners and such so that Dwight doesn’t know that he’s really on camera. In a final act of desperation and even to Jim’s utter surprise, Dwight strides over to the the accounting department, picks up Angela, and gives her a kiss. Michael, watching all of this, strolls out of his office and says, “Dwight, can I speak with you for a minute?” Dwight responds, “I did it for you, Michael.”
51 | Sam Fri. Jul. 14, 2006 at 4:19pmJim actually agrees with Dwight when he states that Kelly needs to read “He’s Just Not That Into You.” A pause, as both realize the magnitude of the moment. Jim glances at the camera.
J: That was pleasant.
D: In case you’re wondering, we did NOT just bond.
J: Oh, I think we did. So, paintball this weekend?
D: We cannot be friends after all we’ve been through together.
J: All the more reason we should be – all we’ve (uses air quotes) “been through together.” So, paradox.
D: Don’t mock me.
J: There’s a change in the air. It’s like when Mary Poppins is about to show up and the leaves are swirling around and stuff.
D: (Gives him a look of disgust, then looks at his watch) It’s now 11:52. Lunchtime.
J: That’s a little early for lunch.
D: Yeah, well, when I come back at 12:52, you are not to breathe another word about this.
J: We’ll discuss it later.
D: Shut up.
We see Dwight walking to his car. The wind has picked up and leaves are, indeed, swirling around the parking lot. Dwight kicks one of Jim’s tires.
Talking head:
50 | Kristen Fri. Jul. 14, 2006 at 3:12pmJ: The leaves? Pure luck.
Convince Dwight that he’s won the Pennsylvania Beet Farmers’ Association Beet Farmer of the Year Award and that he’s going to have to make YET ANOTHER public speech in front of tons of people. The letter states that the awards ceremony is held at a Scranton hall, but it’s actually a minority-focused job fair. Jim gets the rest of the Office to go to the speech on their lunch break and they get to watch Dwight reprise his dictatorial speech making skills.
Pam would tell Dwight that Michael’s been working on his family tree and tracing back his ancestors and leave a copy of a fake heritage report tracing Michael’s ancestors back to the Schrutes. Dwight is excited and wants to confront Michael about being family, but Jim convinces him he should throw Michael a surprise party with all of the Schrutes at the beet farm.
Send Dwight a ransom note demanding certain things for the return of Michael Scott, who has been kidnapped. First the kidnapper asks for all of his bobblehead collection, then he wants a plate of Angela’s cookies, and finally $3,000 from Dunder-Mifflin petty cash. Michael is in New York for a meeting with Jan.
49 | Kristina Fri. Jul. 14, 2006 at 9:49amJim fills out several subscription cards and Dwight starts receiving a shocking array of fetish-oriented adult magazines at work, along with Modern Maturity and Boy’s Life.
Pam tells Angela she overheard Michael say corporate suspects her office romance, and if they get caught they’ll be fired. Jim, meanwhile, convinces Dwight he can’t keep a woman without frequent public displays of affection, even at work.
Jim calls Dwight pretending to be an FBI agent chasing a ring of “paper pirates” moving off-quality printer paper through Dunder-Mifflin. They need Dwight to sniff out the bad guy on the inside. Eager to rejoin law enforcement, Dwight jumps at the chance to spy on his coworkers.
Dwight shows up for work and finds his desk covered in gift wrap and a big sign reading “Don’t open before Christmas!”
Pam buddies up to Angela and finds out her pet peeves with men. Jim buddies up to Dwight and offers him dating advice, specifically to do everything Angela hates. She thinks roses are whore-ish, so Dwight starts bringing her a dozen long-stems. Of course, Jim convinces Dwight that Angela loves any gift that’s green, her favorite color.
48 | Brian Thu. Jul. 13, 2006 at 9:16pmI think it’d be hilarious to have Jim remove all of the keys from Dwight’s keyboard and hide them around the office. Maybe mock up a little treasure map to help to find them or something. Of course, he’d keep all of the vowels for the obvious Wheel of Fortune jokes.
Jim: “Would you like to buy a vowel, Dwight?”
47 | Trent Thu. Jul. 13, 2006 at 9:12pmDwight: “No, Jim, I wouldn’t. Give me my keys.”
Jim: “Do you want A, E, I, O, or U?”
Dwight: *beat* “E. Most commonly used letter.”