3.15: Ben Franklin
Thursday, February 1st, 2007
Written by: Mindy Kaling
Summary (NBC): Acting on bad advice from his friend Todd Packer, Michael brings two “adult” performers into the office — a stripper and Ben Franklin — in honor of Phyllis’s wedding shower. Meanwhile Karen confronts Pam about her past with Jim.
Icon courtesy of pessimistreader at LiveJournal.
Tidbits
- Reviews: TV Guide | Entertainment Weekly | Tori | Northern Attack
- Photos: Sparklies Gallery
- Buy Ben Franklin at the iTunes Store
Favorite quotes
Michael: Hello son. If you’re watching this, that means I’m already dead.
Michael: Yesterday I was scraping some gunk off my wall sockets with a metal fork, and I gave myself the nastiest shock. And when I came to, I had an epiphery. Life is precious. And if I die, I want my … son … to know the dealio. The dealio of life.
Michael: Number eight. Learn how to take off a woman’s bra.
Michael: You just twist your hand until … something breaks.
Michael: So get your suits to the dry cleaners, and get your hair did. And Karen, you might want to invest in a dress or a skirt of some kind, if you don’t already have one. This may be Phyllis’ only wedding ever. It’s my job to ensure that none of you look like ragamuffins.
Michael: I am instituting prima nocta.
Jim: Prima nocta, I believe from the movie, Braveheart, and confirmed on Wikipedia, is when the king got to deflower every new bride on her wedding night. So …
Michael: I’m sorry. I had a very different understanding as to what prima nocta meant.
Michael: It’ll probably be on a boat.
Michael: What’s up, spinstas?
Michael: Sort of a guys’ night out. A G-N-O, if you will. A guh-no. Actually, it’s more of a Guys’ Afternoon In. A G-A-I. A gai. Not … not it’s uh, not gay.
Michael: It’s a bridal shower for guys. A guy shower. An hour-long shower with guys.
Jim: Karen and I had a long … talk last night. And the night before that. And uh … every night. For the last five nights.
Pam: Something’s up with Jim and Karen. Not that I’ve been eavesdropping. It’s not really any of my business. But … I’ve gotten pretty good at reading the back of Jim’s neck.
Packer: Halpert! Tall, queer, handsome as ever. Hey everybody, it’s me, Jim. Hello, hello. Todd Packer.
Karen: Karen Fillipelli. Jim’s girlfriend.
Packer: Shut up! Shut it!
Karen: That’s rude.
Packer: Either this chick is a dude, or Halpert got scared straight!
Packer: And what kind of stripper did you get?
Packer: Have you ever even been to a bachelor party?
Packer: A stripper is Bachelor Party 101.
Michael: I can’t get a stripper here. Sexual harassment.
Packer: Get one for the girls, too. That evens it out. You know, separate but equal.
Michael: So that’s what that means.
Michael: We are still going to be having two parties, but each is going to get a little extra dose of naugh-tay.
Michael: Okay, coed naked strippers in this office. For realsies.
Angela: Under no circumstance should a man strip off his clothes in this office.
Meredith: Shut up, Angela!
Pam: Everything okay?
Jim: Oh yeah. Why?
Pam: Well, you seem a little tired.
Jim: Oh. Yeah, well, I guess there’s been a couple of late nights. Karen and I have been up talking.
Pam: You should get more sleep.
Jim: Yeah. I know I should.
Pam: Never ever underestimate the power of a good night’s sleep.
Jim: No, I’m sure you’re right.
Pam: When I get eight hours, compared to like, six hours, it’s like, big difference!
Jim: Really?
Pam: Oh yeah. Gotta get your REM cycle, going with the whole … sleeping … better than not.
Jim: Good advice, Beesly. Thanks. See you out there?
Pam: Yeah. Don’t fall asleep at your desk! (Under breath) Oh my god.
Dwight: Ruddy cheeks, thick calves, no tats, no moles. No tats. No … tats. Of course I want –
Jim: Stop. That’s disgusting.
Dwight: Leave me alone and get the male stripper.
Jim: Fine.
Dwight: I knew you would, Nancy.
Jim: Sally.
Dwight: Do you have any blonde women?
Ryan: He hasn’t even said a word yet. Just giggling.
Jim: Yep, SpongeBob SquarePants.
Michael: And you think that’d be sexy?
Jim: Michael referred me to a male strip club called Banana Slings. Instead, I called the Scholastic Speakers of Pennsylvania.
Michael: You wearing a thong?
Angela: Sparkling cider is very good.
Pam: I think that’s champagne.
Michael: Half pants, right, Mr. Franklin?
Ben Franklin: Knickers in fact, yes.
Michael: Mr. Franklin, I would say you are probably one of the sexiest presidents ever.
Ben Franklin: Well, actually, I never was president.
Michael: Yes, but Ben Franklin was.
Jim: Have you ever seen a stripper before?
Dwight: Yes. Jennifer Garner portrayed one on Alias. It was one of her many aliases.
Jim: Yeah. Me neither.
Dwight: Okay. I specifically ordered a stripper.
Karen: Mr. Franklin, do you have a girlfriend?
Ben Franklin: I have a lovely wife, Deborah.
Pam: But don’t you have girlfriends in Paris? Like, a lot of them?
Ben Franklin: Ah, well, that is a gray area of my life.
Ryan: Is this the same grill you grilled your foot on?
Michael: No. yes.
Ryan: Oh gross.
Michael: But I got all the foot off of it.
Karen: Oh, Ben Franklin tied a cherry stem in his mouth!
Pam: Do you wear boxers, briefs, or pantaloons?
Michael: Guys! Beef. It’s what’s for dinner. Who wants some man meat?
Jim: Michael, Dwight would like your man meat.
Michael: Well then my man meat he shall have.
Pam: I was confused by your phrasing.
Pam: I’m not into Jim. Yeah.
Elizabeth: Hi guys! I hear there’s an important meeting here.
Roy: I’m not really into strippers. You know what I find sexy? Pam’s art. She’s an artist. And I appreciate that. It’s very moving. And … sexy. The art.
Michael: You smell nice. Like Tide.
Elisabeth: You want me to answer phones, with my clothes on.
Dwight: We hired you for three hours work, and we’re gonna get it.
Elisabeth: Ooh, I love your poster.
Angela (about ready to faint): Thank you.
Ben Franklin: You know, I invented electricity.
Pam: I know.
Ben Franklin: Well, I’m sensing a little electricity right here.
Pam: Didn’t Ben Franklin have syphilis?
Ben Franklin: Yes. But I don’t. My name is Gordon.
Pam: Oh …
Ben Franklin: These things only serve to upset the women. They are the gentler sex.
Michael: Wow. Ben Franklin, you’re really kind of a sleazebag.
Michael: Stripper? Could I ask you a question? About women? Um … should I tell my girlfriend that you danced up on me?
Elizabeth: Secret secrets are no fun. Secret secrets hurt someone.
Michael: Wow. Thank you.
Dwight: Who is the king of Austria?
Ben Franklin: Joseph the Second.
Dwight: Who is the king of Prussia?
Ben Franklin: Friedrich Wilhelm the Third.
Dwight: Who is the kind of England?!
Ben Franklin: Why, the tyrant King George, of course.
Dwight: I don’t care what Jim says. That is not the real Ben Franklin. I am 99% sure.
Pam: God, I need a boyfriend. You know, Ryan, I’m totally ready to be set up with one of your business school friends. Whenever.
Elizabeth: Oh my god. I would get so fat if I worked here.
Pam: Yeah? I lose my appetite all the time.
Elizabeth: You could strip, you know.
Pam: Thanks.
Michael: So you don’t want to end our relationship?
Jan: I’m closer to firing you.
Michael: That is so sweet. You are the best G-D girlfriend in the world.
Michael: So you know who turned out to be kind of a creep? Ben Franklin. And Elizabeth the stripper? Gave me great advice. Which rhymed. Really makes you wonder how Ben Franklin can become president but someone like Elizabeth can’t.
I used to be ambivalent about Ben Franklin, but I rewatched it recently and I absolutely love the BEn Franklin Character!
Chocolate!! Where did you acquire it? That’s a delicacy in the Amazon!
492 | What Did Jan Say? Thu. Jul. 17, 2008 at 2:38pmThis is a great episode, good job Mindy!
491 | Mrs. Michael Scott Sat. Jun. 14, 2008 at 10:06pmGD Girlfriend means “GOD DAMN” or perhaps “GOSH DARN” “You are the best ‘GOD DAMN’ girlfriend in the world”
490 | Jomar Kukmar Wed. Aug. 29, 2007 at 9:37amOk, so help me out, what does G-D girlfriend mean? I hope this doesn’t make me feel stupid.
489 | BenA Tue. Jul. 24, 2007 at 11:35pmThe Ben Franklin episode is one my favorites! i laughed so hard at Jim talking about getting a stripper from “Banana Slings” and also Elizabeth the stripper on a very nervous and uncomfortable Michael’s lap–classic. Watching that epi hooked 2 of my friends on the show.
488 | amom22 Sat. Jul. 14, 2007 at 12:03pmgood one, not my fav., liked the beginning with michael lol, Jim getting Ben Franklin lol, and the ending with Dwight testing ben franklin if it was really him..lol
487 | becky Thu. Apr. 26, 2007 at 9:52pmI like when Todd Packer is in the office with Michael and he breaks the pencil to show his anger…..haha love that packer!
486 | Mrs. Michael Scott Thu. Mar. 22, 2007 at 12:01pmMarksiwel and Jonk:
Andrew Daly (of MAD TV fame) played Ben Franklin. Here’s his IMDB page: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0198408/
Jackie Debatin (who has been on every TV show to man apparently; look at her IMDB page!) played Elisabeth. Here’s her IMDB page: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0213339/
I had to do some research, too, because like Marksiwel said, I couldn’t place where I’d seen Ben Franklin before and it was driving me “Andy Rocking Robin” crazy! ;)
485 | Laurie Sun. Feb. 18, 2007 at 9:14pmwhen i first heard about angela spitting out the champagne and pregnancy i just brushed it off like well she is hardcore religious and drinking isnt really shined upon but when the stripper commented on her “offensive” according to oscar poster and she looked at it and saw the babies it really makes you think
484 | 99%sure he isnt ben franklin Thu. Feb. 15, 2007 at 6:57pmDid anyone else notice that when Pam was talking about sleep in the break room with Jim, there is a bag of chips behind her in the vending machine called ‘Specials’? Is it a hint ?!?!
P.S. There were also Pork Rind chips too, so maybe it wasn’t an intentional nod to the whole JAM thing. Although Jim does love his Ham sandwiches.
Pork? Ham? Anyone?
483 | Big Tuna Wed. Feb. 14, 2007 at 12:38pmAnybody know the actress’ name who played Elisabeth the Stripper? I know I’ve seen her before, but I don’t know where. Thanks.
482 | Jonk Sun. Feb. 11, 2007 at 8:54pmanother reason angela could be pregnant is when dwight put the stripper and she fanned herself off and looked like she was going to be sick, if you remember earlier michael said the stripper smelled like tide, and when your pregnant can’t you sometimes smell things stronger, or things make you feel sick. but this could also be becasue she was a stripper and angela would just do that.
481 | Nicole Sun. Feb. 11, 2007 at 9:22amrar728,
See, I interpreted that scene differently. I guess it could go either way. I’m sure Angela wouldn’t admit in front of her officemates that she was on the pill. But I could also see Dwight being happy that Angela wasn’t on the pill (he’s probably thinking “great, field hands for the beet farm!”).
This is what I love about this show! It’s not all just fed to you with a spoon. Sometimes in life, people say things that you can’t quite figure out.
480 | m3k1 Thu. Feb. 8, 2007 at 7:23amWho Played Ben Franklin, it is driving me crazy, “Andy Rocking Robin” Crazy, I just want to punch a hole in a wall.
WHO PLAYED HIM! TELL ME!
479 | Marksiwel Thu. Feb. 8, 2007 at 4:44amOH and about Karen: keep in mind she was NOT here during the first 2 seasons with the whole JAM relationship. She has no idea how much they liked (or LIKE) eachother, so she has to go with what Pam said: it was nothing big, and it’s over now.
478 | Emily Wed. Feb. 7, 2007 at 8:49pmIn response to the Dwangela pregnancy:
Have you noticed that Dwight is maturing as the season moves along? Look at how he acted last season. He’s such a different person now. He acts more and more like an adult every episode now that he has found someone that he truly cares about. And Angela HAS been known to surprise us sometimes (such as LIKING Dwight in the first place, haha!), so a pregnancy is something I could DEFINITELY see in the near future.
477 | Emily Wed. Feb. 7, 2007 at 8:45pmYeah I don’t understand Karen… Jim is obviously still in love with Pam so why would they still be together? If I were her I wouldn’t still be with him if he was openly in love with her. I like Karen and all, but I am honestly just waiting for her and Jim to split !
476 | Mariah Wed. Feb. 7, 2007 at 7:54pmOk, i don’t know if someone said this or not already but here goes:
Why was karen so confident that the kiss between Jim and Pam meant nothing. Especially since he told her that he still had feelings for Pam.
475 | Dwangela Makes me Laugh Wed. Feb. 7, 2007 at 7:17pmAm i the only one that thought that was just a little bit weird?
m3k1,
In Dwight and Angela’s conversation about whether she was taking any prescription drugs, I took her look to mean, “Duh, of course I’m on the pill.” I think Dwight even looks somewhat relieved after that, if I remember correctly.
474 | rar728 Wed. Feb. 7, 2007 at 1:53pmHe did say GD girlfriend. No doubt.
473 | tmdunderhead Tue. Feb. 6, 2007 at 2:27pm