Writer: Caroline Williams, Director: Ken Whittingham
Summary (NBC): Phyllis regrets giving Michael an important job at her wedding after several embarrassing moments. Pam has flashbacks of her own wedding planning when she sees Phyllis’s decorations.
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The Office Phyllis’ Wedding quotes
Jim: Hey Dwight, do you want an Altoid?
Dwight: My mouth tastes so bad all of a sudden.
Michael: Phyllis is getting married, and I am in the wedding party. She’s asked me to push her father’s wheelchair down the aisle. So basically, I am co-giving away the bride. Since I pay her salary, it is like, I am paying for the wedding. Which I’m happy to do. It’s a big day for Phyllis. But it’s an even bigger day for me. Employer of the Bride.
Pam: Phyllis ended up using the exact same invitations as Roy and me. So it was kind of like being invited to my own wedding. And I was like, wait, I thought I called that off.
Dwight: Hello, Angela.
Angela: Hi, Dwight.
Dwight: You look as beautiful as the Queen of England.
Angela: Thank you. Don’t linger. Break left.
Dwight: The Schrutes have their own traditions. We usually marry standing in our own graves. Makes the funerals very romantic. But the weddings are a bleak affair.
Pam: Also ‘Pam and Roy.’
Michael: There she is! I swear, Phyllis, you are as beautiful as the first day you started work at Dunder Mifflin.
Phyllis: Thanks, Michael, that’s sweet. Same as when you said it outside.
Michael: If you need to vomit, that is okay. I did.
Michael: Phyllis, did you break wind?
Michael: Wow, that is … that is pungent.
Michael: You might be surprised to learn that I have only been to one other wedding.
Michael: … and the irony is that, after the ceremony, that dog peed on everything. And nobody said boo.
Dwight: Why are all these people here? There’s too many people on this earth. We need a new plague. Who are all these people?
Dwight: I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally. I bought a ticket for Grizzly Man and went into the wrong theater. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theater, but I kept waiting. That’s the thing about bear attacks. They come when you least expect it.
Kelly: I look really good in white.
Pam: That’s my dress!
Michael: This is b*llsh*t.
Michael: Me walking Phyllis down the aisle was supposed to be the highlight of the wedding. And now, the wedding has no highlight.
Michael: I got news for you, Albert. If that’s your real name. Show’s not over.
Angela: Congratulations, Phyllis. You look lovely. Your dress is very white. So white my eyes are burning.
Phyllis: Thanks, Angela.
Michael: If you ever lay a finger on Phyllis, I will kill you.
Bob Vance: If you ever lay a finger on Phyllis, I’ll kill you.
Michael: Agreed. No fingers will be laid on Phyllis.
Kelly: Are you all right? This must be so awful for you.
Pam: What do you mean?
Kelly: Well, this was supposed to be your wedding.
Pam: Oh, um, no, that’s um, it’s actually fine.
Kelly: There’s no way it’s fine, I’m sorry. If I was you, I would just like freak out, and get really drunk, and then tell someone I was pregnant.
Pam: Okay, that’s a lot of good ideas. Thanks.
Michael: What can I do to make it more perfecter?
Kevin: No, this is not our first wedding. This is the third wedding that Scrantonicity has played. We also played our bassist’s wedding, and our guitarist’s wedding.
Kevin: I’m supposed to ask if anyone has seen Uncle Al. He is old, and has brown eyes and dementia. His family is very concerned. It’s a very serious situation.
Randy: Phyllis, you’re a wonderful woman. And you’re a hell of a bowler!
Michael: My name is Michael Scott. Webster’s Dictionary defines wedding as “the fusing of two metals with a hot torch.” Well you know something? I think you guys are two metals … gold metals. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Michael Scott, Phyllis’ boss. To quote from The Princess Bride, mare-widge!
Michael: Phyllis and Bob, their celebrity couple name would be … Phylob. You look at her, and she’s kind of matronly today. But back in high school, I swear, her nickname was “Easy Rider.”
Michael: I hate you!
Jim: When are we going to get to see some of those famous Beesly dance moves?
Pam (laughing): I’m pacing myself.
Jim: C’mon. Get out there! Give the people what they want!
Pam: Oh, I’m such a dorky dancer.
Jim: I know. It’s very cute.
Jim: Hypothetically, if I thought Pam was interested, then … no, it’s totally hypothetical.
Dwight: You’re a real-life wedding crasher, and I must bounce you. I’m sorry, it gives me no pleasure.
Jim: Here’s a non-hypothetical. I’m really happy I’m with Karen.
Toby: Toby. Yeah!
Uncle Al: The Celtics were a great team.
Michael: Dude, keep it together. I listened to you for a half an hour, even though most of that stuff went right over my head.
Phyllis: You found Uncle Al!
Michael: Yeah, yeah, he’s kind of a weirdo.
Michael: They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash, that you’re lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say that’s crazy. I say, let them eat cake. Margaret Thatcher said that. About marriage. Smart broad.
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