The Office: Conflict Resolution, 2.21

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Writer: Greg Daniels, Director: Charles McDougall

Summary: Michael plays office mediator, causing a variety of hidden resentments to erupt to the surface. No one is immune to hurt feelings, not even Jim and Pam.

The Office Conflict Resolution extras

The Office Conflict Resolution quotes

Jim: Yeah, I mean it’s inevitable, I definitely overhear some wedding preparation, but, I’m fine with it. She hears me arranging my social life. And we both have to hear Dwight order deer urine over the Internet, so it evens out.

Pam: There are a few people I decided not to invite, and that might make things kind of awkward but … it’s my wedding. And I don’t want anyone there who has called me a hussy.

Michael: Yes, thanks, Fantastic Sam’s. Adult Cut Plus. Comes with a shampoo and blow dry. We’re doing I.D. photos today. Gotta represent.

Dwight: Oh! What is on your face? Is that a disguise?
Phyllis (leaving the room): Excuse me.
Dwight: Clown paint.

Dwight: I.D. badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year, I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day, with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?

Michael: That’s a nice tie.
Ryan: Thank you.
Michael: That is … who makes that?
Ryan: Um, I don’t …
Michael: Do you mind if I wear that for the photo?
Ryan: Um … let’s um, let’s keep our clothes.

Oscar: I’d say if Jesus saw that, he’d freak out!

Michael: What’s the dealio?

Michael: So what, you’re having a little spat. I forget, are you guys dating?
Oscar: No.

Michael: What do you know about conflict resolution? Your answer to everything is to get divorced.

Michael: In this office, it is till death do us part. Assuming that we don’t get downsized.

Michael: My Shaolin temple style defeats your monkey style.

Michael: With win-win-win, we all win. Me too.

Angela: I got this poster for Christmas, and I feel I want to see it everyday. It makes me feel like the babies are the true artists, and God has a really cute sense of humor.
Michael: C’mon, seriously, that?
Oscar: I don’t like looking at it. It’s creepy, and in bad taste, and it’s just offensive to me. It makes me think of the horrible, frigid stage mothers who force the babies into it. It’s kitsch, the opposite of art. It destroys art, it destroys souls. This is so much more offensive to me than hardcore porno …

Angela: It was hand delivered, but, I did get a ‘save the date’ after all. (Looking at it) It’s not my taste.

Toby: Every Friday at 4, I have a standing appointment with Dwight, for him to file a grievance against Jim. I tell him that I’m sending them to a special file in New York. That box is the special file in New York.

Michael: This is from Kevin. He says Stanley uses his Miracle Whip without asking. Meredith complains that everyone talks too loud in the morning, and the lights are too bright.

Michael: Creed is sick of looking at the redhead all day, and wants a seat facing the receptionist.
Pam: Nice.

Toby: Actually, I have a separate folder for complaints against Michael.

Michael: How about the Phyllis/Angela dispute.
Angela: You already did me.
Michael (with Jim mouthing the words to the camera): That’s what she said.

Pam: I have this kind of big secret about Angela. And I’ve been really nice to her, and I haven’t told anyone, and … (shakes head) what the hell?

Michael: Here is a Kelly complaint. “Ryan never returns my calls.” Ah, join the club.
Ryan: My voicemail’s real spotty. Sometimes.

Jim: Dwight tried to kiss me.
Michael: What?
Jim: And I didn’t tell anyone, cause I’m not really sure how I feel about it.
Dwight: That is not true. Redact it. Redact it!

Pam: Hey, thanks for ratting me out!
Angela: I didn’t do it!
Pam: I find that hard to believe, considering you have problems with every single person in this entire office except Bobblehead Joe.

Michael: Someone complained that the men’s room is “whites only.” Stanley, you know that’s not true.
Stanley: I didn’t say that.
Creed: Then why is there a picture of a white man on the door?

Michael: And also, Phyllis, Stanley says that you cry too much and that bugs him.
Phyllis: Stanley and I are close, too.
Stanley: We sit close.

Jim: Well what does Roy think about everything.
Pam: I don’t know, I try not to bother him about this kind of stuff.
Jim: You mean, like your thoughts and feelings?
Pam: Yeah.
Jim (under his breath): Yeah.

Phyllis (to Angela): I don’t like you.

Michael: Okay, Ryan, you told Toby that Creed has a distinct old man smell?
Creed: I know exactly what he’s talking about. I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious, but they smell like death.

Michael: Alright Kevin, you are accused of making sexually suggestive remarks to Angela, that made her feel uncomfortable. Solution: Angela, you are to make sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin, that will make him uncomfortable.
Kevin: I accept your decision. (Angela has that ‘you gotta be kidding’ look on her face)

Dwight: I never smile if I can help it. Showing one’s teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.

Dwight: This is humongous. I am not a security threat. And my middle name is Kurt, not Fart.
Jim: What did I write … (grins)

Michael: You know your I.D. says you’re a security threat?

Michael: Cage matches? Yeah, they work. How could they not work? If they didn’t work, everybody would still be in the cage.

Michael (reading Dwight’s complaints): “Somebody replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert.” “Everyone has called me Dwayne all day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to.” “This morning I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer, and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed a murder. I think he may be the real murderer.” “Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the women’s room. When I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can.”

Michael (reading Dwight’s complaint): “This morning, I knocked myself in the head with the phone.”
Jim: That actually took awhile. I had to put uh more and more nickels into his handset, til he got used to the weight, and then I just … took them all out.

Michael (reading Dwight’s complaints): “Every time I typed my name, it said ‘Diapers.'” “By the end of the day, my desk was about two feet closer to the copier.”
Jim: Yeah, I just moved it an inch every time he went to the bathroom. And that’s how I spent my entire day that day.

Michael: The Japanese have this thing called shiatsu massage, where they dig into your body, very hard. And it is very painful. And apparently, some people throw up. But the next day they feel great. I’ve never had one. They sound awful.

Dwight: I have a girlfriend.
Jim: Sure, you do, Dwight.

Michael: It was really hard getting a good picture of 15 people. He would not give me a discount, and eight tries added up. But, I’m sort of an expert at Photoshop, so it turned out fine in the end. When people work together, there is going to be conflict. You can’t outrun your problems. And that is why the idea of a cage match is so universally appealing. But here’s the thing about cage matches. Sometimes you have to open the cage. And that is something Toby will never understand.

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67 comments

  1. The episode itself was great, I really liked it. But I don’t know if I can deal with the Office without Jim. And that bit of next weeks episode where Jan asks him if he’s told anyone yet, I was like NO!!!!

    But otherwise, I’m a HUGE Toby fan, so the fact that he was such a big role rocked. His picture thing was soooo funny.

    I literally can’t wait till next week.

  2. I was amused at Oscar’s reasons for hating the jazz-baby poster. I think at one point he said he found it even more offensive than hardcore porn.

  3. It was nice to finally see Jim called Pam out about Roy. Even though she didn’t get it.

  4. Creed’s comment about the bathroom being whites only quite possibly could have been the funniest moment in television history.

    Well maybe that’s an exaggeration, but it was still pretty darn hilarious.

  5. This episode was great, but next week I think Jim confesses his true love for pam and stays at the scranton branch.

  6. Wow….what a fantastic episode….I think the best was when Jim was describing all the pranks he pulled on Dwight.

  7. I liked when Oscar said he found the poster more offensive than hardcore porn – I assumed the porn comment was referring to Kevin’s workspace! haha!

    Very glad to see an episode featuring pretty much all of the minor characters. Creed is so awesome.

  8. this episode was hilarious. the part when they cut to jim for a split second and you see him say “thats what she said” under his breath when michael says it had me rolling. creed just got bumped up my list of cool mother fuckers.

  9. Wow! So much to take in! Dwight being pushed so far to the edge that he dominates Michael. Pam feeling betrayed by Jim. “Angelight” almost being exposed. Great use of all the characters in this episode!

  10. Wow, that was a great episode! A little darker than the others I felt, but very funny and very insightful. A lot was revealed in this one.

  11. The episode was definitely hilarious, but you could tell something was wrong with Jim the whole time. He was definitely down, and you could tell he is not too happy with the way things are going to turn out if he doesn’t do anything (wedding, work with dwight still, etc.). In Jenna Fischer’s blog, she mentions that Michael, Pam, and Jim will not be in the “webisodes” that will air during the summer because “the storyline in the season finale will not allow for it.” Who knows what that means, but she also says that everyone is returning to film Season 3. All that with Jan asking Jim if he’s told anyone yet (preview for next week), who knows what is going to happen.

    Great episode, but they better not leave us the whole summer with Jim and Pam broken up. That would just not be right. All the other actors were hilarious this week also, by the way.

  12. This episode was awesome and totally set stuff up for next week. I love Toby so much and just.. D: Jim. I totally knew it was him who complained about Pam & not Angela. \o/

  13. When Dwight commented on Phyllis’ makeup, I could not stop laughing. But man, I feel bad for Jim. Dwight and now Pam are not too happy with him and he might be considering the transfer? Weird. One thing I don’t understand is that if it supposed to be a “mockumentary”, how does the camera follow him to the corporate offices in New York? (A flaw in the writing?) But I loved how this episode finally involved everyone in the office and did not just focus on Jim & Pam or Michael’s stupidity (although both were included).

    Another good part was when Creed went in for the photo shoot and after getting his picture taken, he turned to the side like a jail photo shoot. Hilarious.

  14. Here is my thought on Jan and Jim’s conversation. I think he interviews with her and mentions his feelings for Pam (maybe accidentily) and that’s what she talks about during the finale. At least I hope so.

  15. I agree with Barry, loved Toby in this one. I died when he said “just take it!” and he was already out of his chair when they snapped the picture.

    Was filled with serious dread at the thought of Jim leaving. (Followed by deep depression.)

    Pissed at Pam for being so clueless, but I guess that’s the point. Great performances by all.

  16. Dwight’s huge laminated security badge rolled me. Also, Jim’s psyops on Dwight, like putting coins in his phone handset, then taking them out so he hit himself. This is classic stuff.

  17. Does anyone else want to smack Pam? Okay, I know, it’s just a TV show…….

  18. All I can say is thank God for TiVo- I laughed myself into an asthma attack several times. Most severly with “this morning, I knocked myself in the head with my phone”.
    Although maybe that is because I had to sedate myself for what came at the end? Hmmm.

  19. I look so forward to the show. The episode was hysterical, however, there is no way I can function without Jim………

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