2.21: Conflict Resolution
Thursday, May 4th, 2006
Written by: Greg Daniels
Summary: Michael plays office mediator, causing a variety of hidden resentments to erupt to the surface. No one is immune to hurt feelings, not even Jim and Pam.
Favorite quotes
Jim: Yeah, I mean it’s inevitable, I definitely overhear some wedding preparation, but, I’m fine with it. She hears me arranging my social life. And we both have to hear Dwight order deer urine over the Internet, so it evens out.
Pam: There are a few people I decided not to invite, and that might make things kind of awkward but … it’s my wedding. And I don’t want anyone there who has called me a hussy.
Michael: Yes, thanks, Fantastic Sam’s. Adult Cut Plus. Comes with a shampoo and blow dry. We’re doing I.D. photos today. Gotta represent.
Dwight: Oh! What is on your face? Is that a disguise?
Phyllis (leaving the room): Excuse me.
Dwight: Clown paint.
Dwight: I.D. badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year, I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day, with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?
Michael: That’s a nice tie.
Ryan: Thank you.
Michael: That is … who makes that?
Ryan: Um, I don’t …
Michael: Do you mind if I wear that for the photo?
Ryan: Um … let’s um, let’s keep our clothes.
Oscar: I’d say if Jesus saw that, he’d freak out!
Michael: What’s the dealio?
Michael: So what, you’re having a little spat. I forget, are you guys dating?
Oscar: No.
Michael: What do you know about conflict resolution? Your answer to everything is to get divorced.
Michael: In this office, it is till death do us part. Assuming that we don’t get downsized.
Michael: My Shaolin temple style defeats your monkey style.
Michael: With win-win-win, we all win. Me too.
Angela: I got this poster for Christmas, and I feel I want to see it everyday. It makes me feel like the babies are the true artists, and God has a really cute sense of humor.
Michael: C’mon, seriously, that?
Oscar: I don’t like looking at it. It’s creepy, and in bad taste, and it’s just offensive to me. It makes me think of the horrible, frigid stage mothers who force the babies into it. It’s kitsch, the opposite of art. It destroys art, it destroys souls. This is so much more offensive to me than hardcore porno …
Angela: It was hand delivered, but, I did get a ’save the date’ after all. (Looking at it) It’s not my taste.
Toby: Every Friday at 4, I have a standing appointment with Dwight, for him to file a grievance against Jim. I tell him that I’m sending them to a special file in New York. That box is the special file in New York.
Michael: This is from Kevin. He says Stanley uses his Miracle Whip without asking. Meredith complains that everyone talks too loud in the morning, and the lights are too bright.
Michael: Creed is sick of looking at the redhead all day, and wants a seat facing the receptionist.
Pam: Nice.
Toby: Actually, I have a separate folder for complaints against Michael.
Michael: How about the Phyllis/Angela dispute.
Angela: You already did me.
Michael (with Jim mouthing the words to the camera): That’s what she said.
Pam: I have this kind of big secret about Angela. And I’ve been really nice to her, and I haven’t told anyone, and … (shakes head) what the hell?
Michael: Here is a Kelly complaint. “Ryan never returns my calls.” Ah, join the club.
Ryan: My voicemail’s real spotty. Sometimes.
Jim: Dwight tried to kiss me.
Michael: What?
Jim: And I didn’t tell anyone, cause I’m not really sure how I feel about it.
Dwight: That is not true. Redact it. Redact it!
Pam: Hey, thanks for ratting me out!
Angela: I didn’t do it!
Pam: I find that hard to believe, considering you have problems with every single person in this entire office except Bobblehead Joe.
Michael: Someone complained that the men’s room is “whites only.” Stanley, you know that’s not true.
Stanley: I didn’t say that.
Creed: Then why is there a picture of a white man on the door?
Michael: And also, Phyllis, Stanley says that you cry too much and that bugs him.
Phyllis: Stanley and I are close, too.
Stanley: We sit close.
Jim: Well what does Roy think about everything.
Pam: I don’t know, I try not to bother him about this kind of stuff.
Jim: You mean, like your thoughts and feelings?
Pam: Yeah.
Jim (under his breath): Yeah.
Phyllis (to Angela): I don’t like you.
Michael: Okay, Ryan, you told Toby that Creed has a distinct old man smell?
Creed: I know exactly what he’s talking about. I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious, but they smell like death.
Michael: Alright Kevin, you are accused of making sexually suggestive remarks to Angela, that made her feel uncomfortable. Solution: Angela, you are to make sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin, that will make him uncomfortable.
Kevin: I accept your decision. (Angela has that ‘you gotta be kidding’ look on her face)
Dwight: I never smile if I can help it. Showing one’s teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.
Dwight: This is humongous. I am not a security threat. And my middle name is Kurt, not Fart.
Jim: What did I write … (grins)
Michael: You know your I.D. says you’re a security threat?
Michael: Cage matches? Yeah, they work. How could they not work? If they didn’t work, everybody would still be in the cage.
Michael (reading Dwight’s complaints): “Somebody replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert.” “Everyone has called me Dwayne all day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to.” “This morning I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer, and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed a murder. I think he may be the real murderer.” “Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the women’s room. When I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can.”
Michael (reading Dwight’s complaint): “This morning, I knocked myself in the head with the phone.”
Jim: That actually took awhile. I had to put uh more and more nickels into his handset, til he got used to the weight, and then I just … took them all out.
Michael (reading Dwight’s complaints): “Every time I typed my name, it said ‘Diapers.’” “By the end of the day, my desk was about two feet closer to the copier.”
Jim: Yeah, I just moved it an inch every time he went to the bathroom. And that’s how I spent my entire day that day.
Michael: The Japanese have this thing called shiatsu massage, where they dig into your body, very hard. And it is very painful. And apparently, some people throw up. But the next day they feel great. I’ve never had one. They sound awful.
Dwight: I have a girlfriend.
Jim: Sure, you do, Dwight.
Michael: It was really hard getting a good picture of 15 people. He would not give me a discount, and eight tries added up. But, I’m sort of an expert at Photoshop, so it turned out fine in the end. When people work together, there is going to be conflict. You can’t outrun your problems. And that is why the idea of a cage match is so universally appealing. But here’s the thing about cage matches. Sometimes you have to open the cage. And that is something Toby will never understand.
Tidbits
- Read more about Conflict Resolution at Jenna’s TV Guide blog!
- Here’s a simple wallpaper of the Photoshopped photo.
- Read James’ Northern Attack recap.
no nickel prank :[
65 | Den K Thu. Mar. 20, 2008 at 8:49pmis there any actual show that shows the nickel prank?
64 | Kearra Mon. Mar. 10, 2008 at 2:33pmYeah, I’d definitely get that picture in a poster print too! Its so hilarious.
63 | Lena Fri. Jun. 23, 2006 at 11:44amLena, I’d like to know, too! (I’ve requested this picture over in the stuff to buy thread.)
62 | tanster Thu. Jun. 22, 2006 at 3:19pmDo you know where I can find a bigger picture of the photoshopped group pic? I love it!
61 | Lena Thu. Jun. 22, 2006 at 3:04pmah, found it.
it seems i had lost my i/emotive voice there for a while, as well. turns out it had rolled under the couch.
60 | ferd farkel Thu. May. 11, 2006 at 10:17amyes, and tanster you played toby perfectly. now….
just how does one aquire the suit their grandfather was buried in anyway?
59 | ferd farkel Thu. May. 11, 2006 at 3:34amIt was really all just an act…to demonstrate the theme of “Conflict Resolution.” Yep. That’s what it was.
Now if Tanster would be so kind as to open up the complaint file she keeps on all the members here, we can get all these little things resolved!
58 | the Foolish Sage Wed. May. 10, 2006 at 2:37pmFerd Farkel and Foolish Sage, thank you for a thought-provoking discussion, and for concluding it as gentlemen and scholars.
I don’t see a need to delete the comments. :)
57 | tanster Wed. May. 10, 2006 at 2:33pmferd wrote: “i would be fine with tanster deleting the whole exchange. would you agree?”
Whatever. If that seems best, fine. I usually am OK with letting my warts be on display, helps me grow. But if you think that would be more productive, I’m good with it. I’d be glad to rewrite and resubmit my thoughts in a less personally directed way.
56 | the Foolish Sage Wed. May. 10, 2006 at 1:55pmi would be fine with tanster deleting the whole exchange. would you agree?
55 | ferd farkel Wed. May. 10, 2006 at 11:26amI bow before Mr. Farkel…basic Internet etiquete that I know well but nonetheless forgot here. My apologies!
And beside, he trumped me forever by working in a win-win-win reference! Touche!
54 | the Foolish Sage Wed. May. 10, 2006 at 10:33amI’ll ignore Fred’s “go get your own forum” whine…because this is the Internet, so that goes with the territory.
Sorry I tried to bring a little depth to the discussion of what makes this show tick. Perhaps, Fred, you would be better off watching Gilmore Girls. “Oh, when will Rory dump that nasty, nasty Logan?”
Of course, in the real world, we would all love to see Pam and Jim live happily ever after. All I was saying is don’t waste your time wishing for that to happen on this show, because it would ruin what the show is all about.
We’ve been through two seasons now. Has any character changed or grown in any significant way? Has anyone come to any self-realization through the situations that have happened? In standard comedies, the main character(s) always grow or change in some way. Take for example Northern Exposure, one of my favorites from the past. The starting premise of Joel’s character was that he was a hard-nosed New Yorker who could never be at home in the Alaskan wilderness. Yet as time went by, Alaska (and the people of Cicely in particular) got to him. By the time the show ended, though he went back to NY, he went back as a true Alaskan.
I don’t see anything similar ever happening on Office. It would break the rhythm of the show. This is not heartwarming comedy, and it is not meant to be. The only way anyone ever escapes the hell of the office is to get fired, so in a way the random guy who got downsized earlier this season was done an unknown mercy. Is that “existential”? Sure. But it’s what makes the show funny. As I said before, the greatest comedies have all been based on the tragedy of life…which is why Office is among the greatest.
We now return you to our regularly scheduled Office Tally discussion: “Do you think Dwight and Angela should go to Chilis on their first real date?”
53 | the Foolish Sage Wed. May. 10, 2006 at 4:43amyour premise sounds a little slow. you may want to round that out with some character development, humor, add a love interest or two. you know, just to make it something people will want to come back for every week.
your post suggests you see the show working on just one level. that’s fine because that is how you enjoy the show. but you seem to be criticizing others for enjoying the show as they see it.
the writers arent sitting around moaning “why dont these idiots see my work for the existential masterpiece that it is.” they sit down and discuss and write and rewrite into the show every week the very things you are criticizing people for enjoying about it. blame them.
go get yourself a writers forum.
52 | ferd farkel Wed. May. 10, 2006 at 4:09amYou disagree, Fred?
51 | the Foolish Sage Tue. May. 9, 2006 at 5:00pmspeaking of trapped in your own private hell…
50 | ferd farkel Tue. May. 9, 2006 at 4:25pmI’m curious as to why so many people treat this show like it’s the Gilmore Girls. “Oh, I hope Jim and Pam finally get together.” “Oh, Dwight shouldn’t be so mean to Phyllis.”
I understand the sentiments, but let’s realize that the whole thing that makes this show work, it’s whole comic premise, is that all of these people are hopelessly trapped in their own private hells…themselves. They never will change or grow. That’s not what the show is about. The greatest comedies of all time have been based on human tragedy, and Office works so well because it is based on the greatest tragedy of all, being trapped with other human beings who, just like us, are hoplelessly destined to repeat their same sins over and over again.
49 | the Foolish Sage Mon. May. 8, 2006 at 5:08pmI just sat here and read through all the comments about last Thursday’s show. I agree with just about everything I read. When Phyllis was getting her picture taken, I thought she looked really nice with her make-up. I forget what Dwight said to her, but he should not have said anything because it hurt her feelings. I really hope that Jim and Pam get together next week. How can we wait until next season? PLEASE don’t make us wait until next season!!! Everyone in the show were great as usual. I love to see all of them. Creed turning sideways was really funny. I have trouble remembering all the names of everyone in the office, but love all of them. Waiting until Thursday night like everyone else………
48 | Helen Mon. May. 8, 2006 at 1:36pmI was amazed by this week’s episode. I’m a huge fan of the BBC version and didn’t think that the US one would be able to live up to the original, but now I can’t decide which one I like more. They’re really two different shows now. The character development this season has been unreal, culminating with this episode. Granted, the BBC version was only planned out as 12 episodes. I feel like the writers have much more freedom in this version and they’re doing a great job with it.
Almost every single line in this episode was hilarious, but my favorite one wasn’t. It was just fantastic writing:
“When people work together there is going to be conflict. You can’t outrun your problems.” - “Hi Pam, it’s Jim. Um, I have a doctor’s appointment in the city…”
I definitely don’t think that Jim and Pam will be together when this season ends nor will she call off the wedding. I do think Jim might transfer only to get reassigned to Scranton in the future due to the imminent downsizing. Hopefully the cameras follow him wherever he goes.
p.s. - did anyone else catch the background conversation between michael and stanley during “bobblehead joe”?
47 | Ryan Mon. May. 8, 2006 at 3:39amthis episode was awesome. some of the funniest lines and a great set-up for next week’s finale.
46 | Eric Williams Sun. May. 7, 2006 at 7:17am