The Office: Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager, 7.24

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The Office: Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager

Writer: Justin Spitzer, Director: Troy Miller

Summary (NBC): Dwight takes over as acting manager and applies draconian tactics to the office. Meanwhile, Gabe tries to win Erin back. Guest star: Kathy Bates.

The Office Dwight K. Schrute Acting Manager extras

The Office Dwight K. Schrute Acting Manager rating

In a poll conducted May 12-16, 2011, Tallyheads rated this episode: 8.81/10

See all The Office Season 7 ratings.

The Office Dwight K. Schrute Acting Manager quotes

Manually transcribed by tanster :)

Dwight: Mose, you’ll never guess where I am right now.

Pam: Do I at least get to go with you on this fantasy?

Jim: I find that the first hour of the day goes by a lot quicker than the second seven hours.

Dwight: Your copier code is a distinct 21-digit number that is unique to you and you only.

Jim: Question: if we’ve already fomented insurrection, may we be grandfathered in?
Dwight: Define foment.
Jim: You define foment.

Dwight: You stop me when I reach the diseased area.

Gabe: I need to get her back. I can’t be alone anymore!

Gabe: Andy, do you like being alone with me right now?

Dwight: What’s this? What’s The Fist?
Jim: Oh, it’s just a social club. You know, like the French Revolution or the Black Panthers or communism. It’s just a club. Guys talking, you know.

Jim: I hate when everybody calls us a rebellion.

Dwight: I would love to join The Fist.
Jim: And we would love to have you. But not today, unfortunately. It’s a bad day, what with Operation Overthrow and everything. But, I have noted it.

Andy: I have to show you this video. You’re going to love it. It’s Beyonce falling, with a fart mixed in.

Dwight: I will never be happier than I am right now. I will also never be less happy. I will be at my current maximum happiness for the rest of my life. Because I am manager of the Scranton branch of Dunder Mifflin. Acting manager.

Gabe: I don’t believe in horoscopes. I don’t believe in Christmas. I sure as hell don’t believe in God.

Gabe: But for all of the disbelief, I believe in us. I believe in love.

Erin: Dwight doesn’t trust robots to give us our messages.

Erin: Gabe was a great guy with so many wonderful qualities, but it was a challenge being touched by him.

Jim: Wow, you really embraced the whole Bond villain aesthetic.

Dwight: The gun is a Beaumont-Adams. Jo collects them.

Dwight: The piranha’s a rescue.

Dwight: The desk is a replica of Uday Hussein’s desk. I saw a picture in Newsweek.

Dwight: I need you to promise me that you’ll be on your best behavior.
Jim: I promise…ed other people that I’d be on my worst behavior.

Dwight: Don’t make me pre-fire you.
Jim: You wouldn’t dare.
Dwight: Watch this. You’re pre-fired! And when I’m promoted, you’ll be full-fired!
Jim: If you get promoted, and if you haven’t fallen in love with me by then.
Dwight: What?

Jim: If I had thought that there was a real chance that Dwight would be permanent manager, I would have pre-quit. And you might be saying to yourself, “Well, that’s pretty premature to think,” but I always say, “It’s better to be pre-pre-pre-prepared.”

Dwight: Everyone here thinks that you’re a joke.

Dwight: As your pale skin and severe bone structure imply, you’ll age swiftly and poorly.

Dwight: It’s a holster.

Pam: Dwight, are you carrying a gun?
Dwight: The holster was a gift from my great-uncle Honk.

Dwight: Why would I put a banana in my holster?

Andy: God! It’s so loud!

Oscar: My god. There is a hardwood floor underneath this carpeting. Why would they do that?

Andy: I can’t find perfect C.

Kelly: Dwight went on a shooting spree, and then he shot Andy in the head.

Dwight: No one saw the bullet leave the gun.

Oscar: I’ll look on WebMD. What are your symptoms?

Gabe: We really shouldn’t be without a receptionist. Now more than ever.

Toby: I’ve never used the gun violence forms before.

Dwight: Howdy, partners! It’s me, Gun Safety Dwight.

Dwight: What did Andy’s tie look like?
Erin: Navy blue, little red anchors.

Dwight: Managing you for this last week has been the greatest honor of my life, and if you ruin this, I will burn this office to the ground. And I mean that figuratively. Not literally. Because you guys are so, so important to me. I love you guys. But don’t cross me. But you’re the best!

Darryl: I don’t feel good about it, but he just kept calling himself a gunshot victim, and it got to me.

Kelly: Why did my temporary boss go on a shooting spree?

Angela: I want Pet Day back. No dogs.

Kevin: Put everything back in the vending machine. Except the fruit.

Pam: You have to get rid of all your weapons. All of them. Including killer fish.

Jim: When Jo’s here, can you work in “shagadelic, baby” at least three times in a conversation? Oh, and when I cough, can you do jazz hands?

Jo: Nobody let my dogs hump each other. They don’t seem to know they’re brothers.

Jo: Slow yourself down, there! Just like a man, wants to jump right into it while I still got my socks on.

Jim: Let me assure you, Dwight is firing on all cylinders.

Andy: You were in hysterics and my maternal instincts kicked in.

Dwight: Oh god, what am I touching? It’s moist.

Kevin: Knead it. Knead it like a pizza!

Jo: Beaumont-Adams is a girl’s gun. That just makes it plain stupid.

Jo: Stop asking yourself easy questions so you can look like a genius.

Jo: I love you, Dwight. But you don’t fit this job.

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