3.01: Gay Witch Hunt
Thursday, September 21st, 2006
Written by: Greg Daniels
Summary: When Michael unintentionally outs a gay employee, he stumbles through a sensitivity mine-field. Also, we find out what happened with Jim and Pam.
Tidbits
- NBC videos: 2-Minute Replay | Deleted Scenes
- Read James’ Northern Attack recap.
- Read about the gaydar detector and other props from the episode at John’s MySpace blog.
- Would you believe that Angela was originally written to be even harsher? Read all about it in Angela’s blog.
- Here is the full transcript of ‘Gay Witch Hunt’ courtesy of TwizTV.
- Notice the end credits include “promotional consideration furnished by HP”? Read more about that here.
- Buy Gay Witch Hunt at the iTunes Store.
Favorite quotes
Ryan: Yeah, I’m not a temp anymore. I got Jim’s old job, which means at my 10-year high school reunion, it will not say “Ryan Howard is a temp.” It will say “Ryan Howard is a junior sales associate at a mid-range paper supply firm.” That’ll show ‘em.
Jim: You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.
Pam: Me too. I think we’re just drunk.
Jim: No I’m not drunk. Are you drunk?
Pam: No. (Jim reaches in for another kiss.) Jim.
Jim: You’re really going to marry him. (Pam nods.)
Jim: Okay.
Dwight: False. I do not miss him.
Toby: Okay, I am telling you, Oscar is an actual homosexual.
Michael: You don’t call retarded people “retards.” It’s bad taste. You call your friends “retards” when they’re acting retarded. And I consider Oscar a friend.
Michael: Maybe we could go out for a beer, sometime, and you can tell me how you do that to another dude.
Oscar (flabbergasted): That sounds like a great, wonderful idea. Let’s do that.
Angela: It explains so much.
Oscar: Yeah, I’m gay.
Jim: I can’t say whether Dunder Mifflin paper is less flammable, sir, but, I can assure you that it’s certainly not more flammable.
Andy: Steer clear, Big Tuna. Head for open waters.
Jim: I don’t think any of them actually know my real name.
Andy: I went to Cornell. Ever heard of it?
Andy: I sang in the a cappella group, Here Comes Treble.
Michael: Yeah, I’m sure everyone would appreciate me treating them like they were gay.
Michael: What about Angela? She’s hard and severe. She could be a gay woman.
Dwight: Jim told me you could buy gaydar online.
Jim: Gaydar, um, I think they have it at Sharper Image.
Jim: I miss that.
Roy: Chicken or fish?
Pam: We still had to pay for all the food. So we froze it. But I’m…I’m doing well. I have my own apartment, and I’m taking art classes, and I have lunch for the next five weeks.
Roy: I gotta win her back.
Stanley: I got them a toaster. They called off the wedding and gave the toaster back to me. I tried to return the toaster to the store, and they said they no longer sold that kind of toaster. So now my house has got two toasters.
Kelly: That is so cool that you’re gay. I totally underestimated you.
Oscar: Yes, I am super cool. I am an accountant … at a failing paper supply company. In Scranton. Much like Sir Ian McKellen.
Angela: Sure, sometimes I watch Will and Grace. And I want to throw up. It’s terribly loud. But I do like it sometimes when Harry Connick, Jr. is on. He’s so talented.
Andy: I need to know who put my calculator in Jell-o, or I’m going to lose my freaking mind!
Michael: I watch “Queer as F*ck.”
Jan: That’s not what it’s called.
Michael: “Gay Pride Parade.” It’s not like, “Gay Shame Festival.”
Michael: The company has made it my responsibility today to put an end to 100,000 years of being weirded out by gays.
Michael: Gay porn, straight porn, it’s all good.
Oscar: What are you doing?
Angela: Watching some of your friends.
Michael: I don’t care if you are gay, or straight, or a lesbian, or overweight, just get in here! Right now!
Michael: We’re all homos. Homo sapiens.
Creed: I’m not offended by homosexuality. In the sixties, I made love to many, many women. Often outdoors, in the mud and the rain, and it’s possible a man slipped in. Would be no way of knowing.
Michael: And I take that as a compliment.
Dwight: What about Phyllis? She makes absolutely no attempt to be feminine.
Michael: I am coming out hetero.
Oscar: This has been the worst, most backwards day of my life.
Oscar: I don’t want to touch you! Ever consider that? You’re ignorant. And insulting. And small.
Dwight: Michael appears to be gay, too. And yet he is my friend. I guess I do have a gay friend.
Michael: We’re not in the playground anymore. There are new rules. We have to be mature, but we can’t lose the spirit of childlike wonder. What is love, anyway? Maybe it’s supposed to break all the rules. Like me and Jan. Or Oscar and some guy. Life is short. When two people find each other, what should stand in their way?
Michael: I’m glad today spurred social change. It’s part of my job as regional manager. But you know what, even if didn’t, at least we put this matter to bed. That’s what she said. Or he said. Oh, there’s Gil, Oscar’s roommate. I wonder if he knows.
Oscar: I was going to quit, but Jan offered me a three-month paid vacation and a company car. All I had to do was sign something saying I won’t sue. Gil and I are going to Europe. Kids, sometimes it pays to be gay.
I just realized the same guy (Mr. Brown) who does the speech on the Diversity Day episode is the same guy in this one doing to same speech at Stamford! I never noticed that before.
273 | Ashley Sat. Sep. 27, 2008 at 2:00pmI love the part where Michael and Jan are in the conference room and Michael brings up the possibility of Oscar and Angela having a gay affair, only to be told by Jan that that would be impossible. It’s a perfect example of the Michael-Jan awkwardness that I love!
272 | Matt Sat. Oct. 28, 2006 at 2:38pmAHHH! I can’t believe its on! :P No one cares do u? Maybe I should go to the chat room for this. LOL!
271 | Erin Thu. Oct. 26, 2006 at 5:32pmOMG! do u relize that there is only like 2 minutes until the 1st season 3 rerun. SQUEE!
270 | Erin Thu. Oct. 26, 2006 at 5:28pmI just wanted to comment on how most people think season 3 is a dissapointment so far.
I was looking at the highest rated episodes, sitting atop 1 and 2 are “Casino Night” and “Dundies”. Both episodes involvings the only JAM kisses of the show. Even 3.Christmas Party and 4.Booze Cruise both have significat JAM moments. Down way at the bottom is 31.The Carpet, which has no physical JAM interaction at all. Therefore, i think most viewers here rate the shows based on JAM.
In Season 3 since JAM is not physical together anymore, most of the viewers are going :( :( :( .
just my 2 cents.
269 | steve Thu. Oct. 26, 2006 at 12:21pmI. Miss. JAM! Tears.
268 | Rennyroo Mon. Oct. 23, 2006 at 6:14pmuch. repeat on my birthday. a bad sign.
267 | Word. Thu. Oct. 12, 2006 at 10:34pmCarly wrote:
“well, agent michael scarn, i think the reason ryan stayed on is because he is one of the 5 main characters and one of the better writers on the show”
Yeah I see what ur saying Carly. I think BJ is a very funny writer. And he’s considered a “main” character. I actually like the Ryan character and would like to see some more screen time for Ryan. But unlike the other characters I think the show would survive if Ryan was written off the show. Ryan could easily be written off realistically and BJ could still be a writer for the show. Anyway I’m sure they will explain more in depth why Ryan stayed eventually. It will probably have something to do with Kelly, although he will hate to admit it.
266 | Agent Michael Scarn Tue. Oct. 10, 2006 at 3:45pmReruns make me cranky >:(
265 | The Anti-soccermom Mon. Oct. 9, 2006 at 9:56amwell, agent michael scarn, i think the reason ryan stayed on is because he is one of the 5 main characters and one of the better writers on the show
264 | Carly Fri. Oct. 6, 2006 at 4:44pmCaught the epidose yesterday. I loved it. I thought they handled the JAM thing brilliantly.
My only beef was that I thought Ryan staying on was a bit of a stretch. A smart, ambitious guy like him, who’s clearly miserable at dunder mifflin. Why would he possibly stay? I guess they will dedicate some explaining to that later.
As always the best parts of this show are the subtle parts, you have to watch a few times to catch. For instance there was a part where Pam turns to Ryan as if he were Jim, and Ryan just stares back at her and says …”What?.” Brilliant! Stanley dead asleep in the conference room during the big meeting. Brilliant!
I love that Jim is in that other office now, it adds a whole other dimension to the show. I have a feeling he is going to mess around with the girl who sits behind him. The one that made the comment about his trademark goofy face to the camera. Just a hunch.
Overall a very funny episode as well. A great start to the season.
263 | Agent Michael Scarn Wed. Sep. 27, 2006 at 9:03amI’m really surprised by some of the negative reaction to GWH. I really loved it - I laughed through the whole thing and I even really enjoyed the changes. It was kind of exciting to see a new dynamic and a new location with new people. I’m as big a JAM fan as anyone, but they can’t be rushed together or there wouldn’t be much of a story, would there?
Ed Helms is pure fantasticness - I’m so excited about his character. I also really enjoyed Rashida Jones’ talking head - it was fun to see someone not impressed with Jim’s trademark moves that we all love to watch. My biggest laugh (and there were many) was probably Roy’s DUI mugshot. My god that was good. I was so relieved to see the fallout from “the kiss” in May - i.e. Pam not getting married. The dialogue immediately after the kiss? Heartbreaking.
Yes this episode was uncomfortable, edgy, and at points just mean. But this is why we love this show people. It is not Everybody Loves Raymond (can I get an amen for that?). They take risks and we as an audience are better for it. Do you really want a show that ignores the realities of life and in which everything is neatly forgiven and forgotten in the last five minutes? I don’t. I prefer to squeal with uncomfortable delight while Michael inches slowly towards Oscar’s face. I like that I felt SO badly for Michael once Oscar launched into his tirade, even though he totally deserved it.
I’m prepared to go where the writers take us - I trust that I’ll enjoy the ride. Haven’t been disappointed yet.
262 | Nicole Wed. Sep. 27, 2006 at 7:02amBig Tuna, I thought Kelly looked preggers too!
261 | Elisabeth Tue. Sep. 26, 2006 at 11:21amgosh..if only the producers of the show would read this–
BRING JIM BACK TO SCRATON! it seriously is not the same :(
260 | missing Jim :( Sun. Sep. 24, 2006 at 5:34pmThis episode on my first watch was very intense. Now that I’ve had a good 10 viewings I feel prepared to state my opinion.
The episode was great.
The writers did an excellent job handling the task at hand. That task was explaining where “The Office” is ~5 months after this kiss. They did just that while allowing the story to expand and have more depth. A few of the dynamics are different but the plot and characters we’ve all come to love are all here. Characters have grown since we last saw them, Jim with his tuna sandwich and Pam with the move on to her own place, but at heart they remain the same people. Had the show just completed the JAM relationship build up there would be no office for us to watch and enjoy. They would have gotten together and both grown to their potential, Pam would go to art school and do what she loves and Jim would actually apply himself doing something he enjoys. All of you doubting this episode need to understand where the story has been and where it needs to go before claiming the show is dead and leaving it behind.
Now that I’m done bashing the people afraid of change I have a few quick viewing questions, did Kelly look pregnant? When she walks on camera to talk to Oscar, it could be the shirt, she looks like she has a belly. I doubt something that “big” would have been left out of this episode but perhaps.
259 | BIG Tuna Sun. Sep. 24, 2006 at 4:02pmOh yeah. Its gonna be downsizing. Its always been inevitable. Jim will move back to Scranton, and Andy and Rashida Jones (who needs a character name) will come with him. Maybe even Josh Porter, too.
BTW, I actually really liked Rashida Jones’ one talking head. I think she’ll be a fun character to watch develop, as will Andy be.
258 | J Sun. Sep. 24, 2006 at 1:36pmJ
I personally loved this episode. I think everyone needs to realize that if the writers resolved every issue and answered every question in one episode, there really wouldn’t be a show. We live in an attention defecit disorder society and it’s hard to be patient these days, but i really think that if we just hang tight, things are gonna get really good!
What do you think…..Scranto/Stamford downsizing merger to bring Jim back? A la the British version?
257 | Jason Sun. Sep. 24, 2006 at 10:13amI was looking over some of the comments about the first show, and agree with alot of them. It just does not seem the same with Jim in the other office, but I think that he will be coming back to Scranton. I hope that Oscar does not leave the show [he said about going on a 3 month vacation]I would really miss him. The gaydar thing was just what Dwight needed, I am glad that he thinks he and Oscar are the same. That is just what he deserved. I am glad that Phyllis and Bob are engaged, I don’t understand the way Angela feels about Oscar. I even felt bad for Roy, even though last season he was more of a jerk. I guess he realizes what he has lost, and he said that he is going to try to win her back. But I still hope that Pam and Jim get back together. All the actors on this show are great, but I didn’t care for the new office that Jim is now working. It just isn’t the same without Jim in Scranton but I believe the writers of the show will get him back. Looking forward to Thursday……Helen
256 | Helen Sun. Sep. 24, 2006 at 9:17amWow — the whole Michael/Oscar kiss was IMPROVISED. Incredible!
Read about it in Jenna’s latest blog.
255 | tanster Sun. Sep. 24, 2006 at 12:03amI don’t think I am saying it was suppose to be bad, I think I am saying that it was better than MOST TV, just not up to it’s usual standards. I basically agree with Metalidoom33, it is much more dependent on Jim than I imagined it would be - don’t misunderstand, this is a GREAT ensemble and everyone provides something fabulous to the mix, but this episode made me realize how much the interplay between Jim/Michael/Dwight and to an extent Pam/Jim/Michael/Dwight. Obviously it wouldn’t work if Michael was gone or Dwight was gone or if Pam was gone either. So in essence I am saying that the dynamic is off, and I am hoping they figure out a way to resolve the issue quickly.
I think it’s elitist to assume that those of us who do like the JAM stuff only like the show for that reason. We love the show because it’s so incredibly funny and well done and well written, etc. But this episode was not up to par. Yes it was funny, but it would have been so much funnier if Jim were in the Scranton office and Ed Helms is okay - but he’s no replacement for the interaction with Dwight. Rashida was…annoying and I’m not sure why she needed a talking head at all.
I await with eager anticipation episode two - but I am afraid that the writers may be slightly misguided for the first part of this season because they might only just now be figuring out that they’ve made a mistake. Those of us who did not like this episode as much as most of the rest of the office episodes are saying that we want the quality of the show to stay where it has been. They’ve spoiled us by being excellent and that’s what we’ve come to expect.
254 | Lezlee Sat. Sep. 23, 2006 at 10:56pm