W: B.J. Novak, D: Matt Sohn
Summary (NBC): Michael gets kicked out of the bar when he whips out all the stops to impress a friend of Jim and Pam’s. Meanwhile, Andy and Erin do their best to keep their relationship under wraps. Dwight rethinks his pre-natal contract with Angela.
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Michael: Anyone who does more than 25 pushups …
Dwight: … and one girl pushup …
Michael: … gets to go home!
Michael: Well it’s not exactly fair. He’s got all this weight that’s helping him go down.
Oscar: Yeah, we talked this morning and we talked at Christmas. So … a little momentum there.
Darryl: Look, just be straight with me, man. You can be gay with Matt, just be straight with me.
Phyllis: I love going to bars with Bob. I tend to wear something low-cut, get men to flirt with me, and Bob beats them up. What?
Jim: I gotta tell you, this baby is amazing. She gets me out of everything. And I, and I love her. I also love her very much.
Erin: Talk to me that way again, and I’ll cut your face off!
Kevin: When a new mom hears a baby cry, her you-know-whats fill up with you-know-what. And then her shirt gets … you know. That would be funny.
Isabel: A girl like me is why a guy like you comes to a place like this.
Dwight: I love repartee.
Isabel: Do you?
Dwight: Usually means there’s a battle scene coming.
Julie: He doesn’t act like a boss at all. If I had a boss like that, we’d never get anything done.
Hide: My brother, good head, bad heart. Good head, bad heart.
Michael: Hi, I’m Date Mike. Nice to meet me. How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Dwight: Universal donor.
Dwight: Height, advantage Isabel. Birthing hips, advantage Isabel. Remaining child-bearing years, advantage Isabel. Legal obligation, advantage Angela.
Isabel: You are amazing at this. How did you get so good?
Dwight: Whacking moles.
Bouncer: We got a problem?
Michael: Yes. Homelessness.
Michael: I’ve written all of it. In my head. If you’re really interested, it is called “Somehow I Manage.”
Michael: Read it? I own it.
Andy: What movie? Black Snake Moan?
Andy: This is not what I want my relationship to look like.
Andy: Hi ladies and gentleman, my name is Andrew Bernard and I’ve been on two dates with Erin Hannon, and they went well. And there will probably be more. Thank you.
Andy: I’m a total drama queen.
Hide: My big secret: I kill yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!
In a poll conducted March 25-29, Tallyheads rated this episode: 8.43/10