The Office: Jury Duty, 8.13

« Previous episodeNext episode »

The Office: Jury Duty with Rainn Wilson (Dwight Schrute) and Angela Kinsey (Angela Martin)

Writer: Aaron Shure, Director: Eric Appel

Summary (NBC): After Jim returns from jury duty, Dwight questions him on every detail of his case. Meanwhile, Angela and the senator (guest star Jack Coleman) welcome their new baby.

The Office Jury Duty extras

The Office Jury Duty rating

In a poll conducted February 2-6, 2012, Tallyheads rated this episode: 8.12/10

See all The Office Season 8 ratings.

The Office Jury Duty quotes

Manually transcribed by tanster :)

Andy: Oh yeah, Mayor Stress? Well watch this! And then? We dance. Oh how we dance.

Andy: Sex also works.

Andy: Tuna Wrap! Hand roll!

Dwight: Can’t believe they let someone like you serve on a jury. Makes me question the whole judicial system.

Erin: Oooh, the case of the hit and run. That’s exciting!

Dwight (as Jim): He apologized, and I just really want him to like me!
Jim: We’re best friends, actually. We’re going wine tasting next weekend if you want to come.

Erin: Angela had the baby!
Kevin: Is it black? ‘Cause that would be hilarious.

Kevin: Did I win the pool?
Erin: No. Right month, wrong year.

Kevin: Oscar’s the dad, I’m Oscar’s dad, and Angela’s my mom.

Gabe: I love maternity wards. It’s the perfect blend of love and horror. Things can go so wrong, or so right.

Meredith: Titillate us.

Stanley: My wife got to the TV first. Had to sit through damn Rizzoli and damn Isles.

Jim: I never considered that my week off would make everyone else’s job harder. Least I could do is give them a good story!

Toby: We used to recreate the various stranglings with empanadas from Ernesto’s.

Dwight: I was in Los Angeles last year. Jim tricked me into thinking I’d won a walk-on part on NCIS. But, that’s not important.

Dwight: I saw food trucks everywhere! Everyone in Los Angeles eats from them! And nobody calls them restaurants.

Kevin: Got that, bimbo?
Erin: Got it, bimbo.

Kevin: Philip is so fat!

Kevin: You didn’t prepare me for a big giant fat baby!

Erin: He’s more than substantial. He’s a monster!

Dwight: The fact is, you never said he was on a bicycle.

Dwight: You have the right to remain silent! You have the right to beg for mercy! You have the right to request judgement by combat! Dwight’s Rights!

Andy: What’s up, gangstas?

Dwight: He was lying the whole time, so he could go do yoga, or go canoeing, I don’t know what this pervert likes.

Andy: Dwight, not everything is a conspiracy theory.

Andy: Dwight, take a chill pill.

Andy: You ever heard of a Connecticut Cover Up?
Jim: No.
Andy: You know why you never heard of it? Covered it up.

Andy: They used to call me King Tut because I’m so good at keeping things under wraps.

Andy: My nickname was actually King Butt. Because I had a king-sized butt.

Dwight: He remembers Toby, the most forgettable man in the known world.

Creed: Usually I’m a burrito guy, but you won’t tell, I won’t. Wink, wink.

Andy: Hey, Murder She Wrote, how about we drop the whole Murder She Wrote thing. Okay?

Phyllis: I’m sorry, do you have any American Mexican food?

Andy: I’m not Rumplestiltskin, Jim. I can’t keep spinning gold out of your $#@!

Andy: I don’t even know what the truth is anymore.

Kevin: I’m going to call him Little Kevin.

Erin: Is he really five pounds? Because I squat with five pounds. This feels like more than that.

Angela: I was under so many drugs, I felt like I was at a James Taylor concert or something.

Senator Lipton: If it’s anything like that gorgeous wrapping paper, then you hit it out of the park.

Kevin: I got Little Kevin “Call of Duty.”

Oscar: I don’t even know which thread to follow.

Dwight: Oh, it’s happening. It’s really happening.

Dwight: Here we are. So long, clump mate.

Dwight: I always thought I was going to defeat you somehow. But you’ve defeated yourself.

Gabe: You’ve reached Gabe Lewis. I’m currently indisposed. Leave me a message. Ciao!

Dwight: Call me immediately. That means ASAP.

Dwight: I’m going to find Gabe, tell him what Jim did, and let the little stickler do what he does best. Stickle.

Angela: Pajamas aren’t supposed to be baggy, right? It’s not the barrio.

Oscar: The only premature baby in this room is the baby this baby ate.

Angela: We had just seen “Thor,” and there was way too much wine in my chicken piccata.
Oscar: Chicken marsala.

Erin: Angela will make you cut your fingernails. It’s not worth it!

Dwight: What a beautiful child. Prominent forehead, short arms, tiny nose. You will lead millions. Willingly. Or as slaves.

Dwight: That baby is a Schrute. And unless somebody taught Mose sex, that baby is mine.

Pam: Wow, I really thought I’d be more excited to be here.

Creed: Angela’s back with her baby!

Andy: He’s licking on my finger, just like my cat does.

Ryan: Why am I shorter than the table that I’m standing next to?

Angela: Every baby looks just like you. Your face kind of looks like a baby.

Dwight: I kissed you with the force of a thousand waterfalls.

Dwight: I just might be his father.

Darryl: I have a kid. Last week, Jim at home? That was no vacation.

Dwight: The office looks different now. Smaller. Maybe I just feel bigger.

Dwight: Kids drive us dads crazy. Sometimes I feel like they’re raising us. Am I right?

Icon provided by pessimistreader.