OfficeTally

Written by: B.J. Novak

Summary: When the office is evacuated during a fire emergency, Dwight becomes jealous over Michael’s attention to Ryan, while Jim leads the group in a telling game of “Desert Island” and “Who Would You Do.”

Favorite quotes

Jim: What, how did you get this number? Stalker!

Pam: Katy and Jim met in the office, and now I guess they’re like going out or dating or something. And, uh, I don’t know, you know, they’re just, she calls him, and they, you know, I’m sorry, I feel like I’m talking really loud. Am I talking really loud?

Michael: Wanna be a manager?
Ryan: Uh, no actually, uh, what I want is to own my own company.
Michael: That is ridiculous.

Michael: I’m like Mr. Miyagi and Yoda rolled into one.

Michael: Do you know who that is?
Ryan: Fozzi Bear?
Michael: Mmm, no. That was Yoda.

Michael: There are ten rules of business you need to learn. Number one, you need to play to win, but … you also have to win to play.

Dwight: Michael and I have a very special connection. He’s like Batman, I’m like Robin. He’s like the Lone Ranger, and I’m like Tonto. And it’s not like there was the Lone Ranger, and Tonto, and Bonto.

Angela: Arms at your side! Arms at your side!

Dwight: This is not a test! Can you leave?
Phyllis: Oh, you say that every time.
Dwight: DO YOU WANNA DIE!?

Dwight: Remove your stockings, okay? They’ll melt right into your flesh. Stay below the smoke line. Let’s go! Clear out, stat! Stat means now!

Michael: Women are equal, in the workplace, by law. So I let them out first, I have a lawsuit on my hands.

Michael: Adapt, react, readapt, apt. Alright? That’s rule number two.

Ryan: I don’t want to be, like, a guy here, you know? Like, Stanley is the crossword puzzle guy, and Angela has cats. I don’t wanna have a thing here, you know, I don’t wanna be the something guy.

Phyllis: Um, the Da Vinci Code.
Angela: The Da Vinci Code. I would take the Da Vinci Code. So I could burn the Da Vinci Code.
Dwight: Okay, great, that’s gonna keep you warm for like, seven seconds. Question: is there firewood on the island?
Jim: I guess?
Dwight: Then I would bring an ax, no books.
Jim: No, it has to be a book, Dwight.
Dwight: Fine. Physician’s Desk Reference.
Jim: Nice. Smart.
Dwight: Hollowed out. Inside, waterproof matches, iodine tablets, beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket, and … in case I get bored, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. No, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Question: did my shoes come off in the plane crash?

Michael: Rule number four, in business, image is everything. Andre Agassi.

Meredith: Legends of the Fall, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Legally Blonde, Bridges of Madison County …

Pam: Well I kind of like Legally …
Jim: Wait, wait, wait, Pam, no. Do you understand the, the game is Desert Island Movies, not Guilty Pleasure Movies. Desert Island Movies are the movies you’re going to watch for the rest of your life! Forever! Unforgivable.
Pam: I take it back.
Jim: Unforgivable.
Pam: I take it back!
Jim: Good.

Michael: When I was Ryan’s age, I worked in a fast food restaurant, to save up money for school. And then … I lost it in a pyramid scheme, but I learned more about business, right then and there, than business school would ever teach me, or Ryan would ever teach me.

Michael: I did not go to business school. You know who else didn’t go to business school? LeBron James, Tracy McGrady, Kobe Bryant. They went right from high school to the NBA, so … so it’s not the same thing, at all.

Jim: Pam, get us back into it. Five movies, go ahead.
Pam: Okay, um, Fargo, um, Edward Scissorhands, Dazed and Confused …
Jim: Ooh, definitely in my top 5.
Pam: Yes, in my top 3, so suck it.

Pam: You know, I bet Ryan thinks to himself, I wish I were a volunteer sheriff on the weekend.
Dwight: He doesn’t even know that I do that.
Pam: You should tell him.
Dwight: Oh yeah Pam, right. That’s going to help things, just talk it out. I hope the war goes on forever and Ryan gets drafted.

Dwight: Oh Jim, I’m not going to quit. Then Ryan wins.

Jim: Um, Kevin, hands down. Yeah. He’s really got that teddy bear thing going on, and afterwards, we could just watch bowling.

Michael: Well, I would definitely have sex with Ryan. ‘Cause he is going to own his own business.

Roy: You’re all gay!

Michael: I didn’t say it to him. I said it about him.

Dwight: Apparently, in business school, they don’t teach you how to operate a toaster oven. Because some smart, sexy, temp left his cheese pita on oven instead of timing it for the toaster thing!

Ryan: I can’t believe I started … the fire.

Katy: First, Legally Blonde.
Pam laughs. Cut to Pam talking to the camera.
Pam: I forgot what a super-nice girl Katy is. It’s just … good for Jim. They are so cute together. And um, what an adorable car.

Dwight: Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television, North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe. RYAN STARTED THE FIRE!

Tidbits

• Read more about The Fire in Jenna’s MySpace blog and B.J.’s TV Guide blog!
• The song playing on Dwight’s radio as he sits dejected in his car is “Everybody Hurts” by REM.

Posted in The Office Quotes, The Office Season 2