The Office: The Injury, 2.12

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The Office: The Injury

Writer: Mindy Kaling, Director: Bryan Gordon

Summary: Michael burns his foot on his George Foreman grill, and Dwight’s concussion brings out his tender side. Jim takes Dwight and Michael to the hospital, where Michael tries to mooch off of Dwight’s CAT scan.

The Office The Injury extras

What Mindy Kaling says about ‘The Injury’

“It is full-on loopy: It starts with Dwight throwing up, there’s a Flowers for Algernon B story, Michael grills his foot. If it had just been weirdness for weirdness’ sake, it wouldn’t have really taken off. It was all about the framework — that’s a Greg thing: it can’t just be crazy — and the episode is really about injuries and people with disabilities. If you remember correctly, Michael decides that when people are mean to him, he’s going to pull, ‘Oh, you’re mean to people with disabilities.’ That’s why it’s so funny to me, because what happened to him is so stupid.”

“It was just a really great mix of Greg letting it get loopy and Steve being so grounded a person that he was able to say that monologue about how he didn’t have a butler and how he likes to wake up to the smell of bacon. It’s such a showcase for what Steve does so well. The other thing that still makes me laugh is something Mike Schur pitched for the end of the episode. In the hospital, someone asks Dwight what his middle name is and Jim says, “Kurt. I hate that I know that.” Mike wrote that line. I thought that was so funny.”

Source: Vulture

The Office The Injury quotes

Jim: Just say, really loudly, what happened.

Jim: You burned your foot on a Foreman grill.

Michael: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since, I don’t have a butler, I have to do it myself. So … most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then, I wake up, to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it’s good for me, it’s the perfect way to start the day. Today, I got up, I stepped onto the grill, and it clamped down on my foot, that’s it. I don’t see what’s so hard to believe about that.

Kevin: Can you hop?
Michael: I tried hopping, Kevin, and I bumped my elbow against the wall, and now my elbow has a protruberance. (Note it’s really called a protuberance.)

Jim (looking out the window): Dwight … you forgot your bumper!

Michael (on the phone with no one listening): Hellllo. Please don’t send Dwight.

Pam: You missed two big conference calls today, one with corporate.
Michael: Oh, did you explain why?
Pam: No, I didn’t mention that you cooked your foot.
Michael: Burned my foot, Pam. (While Jim pops the bubblewrap wrapping Michael’s foot) Please stop popping my cast. Thank you.
Jim: So where are you shipping your foot?

Pam: It’s just that before you said you didn’t want any special treatment.
Michael: I don’t … want any special treatment, Pam. I just want you to treat me like you would, a family member who’s undergone some sort of serious physical trauma. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.
Pam: Do you want some aspirin, because you seem a little fussy.

Dwight: Pam, I am assistant regional manager, and I can take care of him. Part of my duties are to…
Michael: What? Part of your duties are to what?
Dwight: What?
Michael: You just said that part of your duties are to … something.
Dwight: No I didn’t.
Michael: Yes you did. What is wrong with you?
Dwight: What is wrong with you?

Dwight: Oh, man, is that a Prism DuroSport?
Pam: You’ve seen one of these?
Dwight: Yeah, they’re like an iPod, only they’re better. ‘Cause they’re chunkier and more solid.

Dwight: Okay, see you later, Pan.
Pam (trying to process what Dwight just said): … Pan?

Pam: What.
Michael: Come here please.
Pam: Tell me before I come there.
Michael: I want you to rub butter on my foot.
Pam: No.
Michael: Pam, please. I have Country Crock.

Jim: So … I guess Pam and Dwight are friends now.
Pam: Oh god no, Dwight isn’t my friend. (Thinks for a second) Oh my god, Dwight’s kind of my friend.

Michael: No, no, no one is helping me out at all, Mom. No, I’m not going to call Jan. She’d just worry. Drive down here and make a big thing … who told you that? No, it was mutual! What is Pam doing chatting with you?

Dwight: Hmm, you like candy?
Angela (looking nervously at the camera): It’s alright.
Dwight: Cuz you’re sweeter than candy.
Angela: What is wrong with you?
Dwight playfully spanks Angela before running away.

Toby (watching Ryan eat string cheese): Wow, you just dive right in.
Ryan: You know, around age 12, I just started going for it.

Michael: Get Ryan. (Groans) He needs to lift me, and he needs to clean me up a little bit. Bring a wet towel.
Toby: Ryan is uh … (Ryan makes neck-slitting motion) … dead.
Michael: No he’s not.
Toby: Dead.
Michael: I just saw him.
Toby (shaking head): No.

Jim: Do you think Dwight’s being a little weird today?
Pam: No. He’s actually been really nice, and helpful.
Jim: And … that isn’t weird.
Pam: Wow.

Michael: I am the only one here who has a legitimate disability. Although I’m sure Stanley has had his fair share of obstacles.
Stanley: I’m not disabled, and neither are you.
Michael: Okay… (flings crutch across room) … what does this look like to you, Stanley?
Stanley: Mailboxes Etcetera.

Michael: Imagine if you had left Stevie Wonder on the floor of that bathroom instead of me.
Phyllis: Oh … we wouldn’t. We love Stevie Wonder.

Dwight (looking up at Creed): Dad?

Billy Merchant: Sorry I’m late, somebody parked in the handicapped parking space.

Billy Merchant: I’m the properties manager of this office park.
Michael: You are so brave. You are so brave.

Michael: Let me ask you something. How longs it take for you to do something simple, everyday, like, like brush your teeth in the morning.
Billy Merchant: I don’t know, like thirty seconds?
Michael: Oh my god. That’s three times as long as it takes me.

Jim: I want to clamp Michael’s face in a George Foreman grill.

Michael: Did you see … “Born on the Fourth of July”? I was under the impression that Billy would be more like that guy.

Ryan: I found the pudding cups you wanted at a gas station in Carbondale!
Michael: You did it, look at you! And with the plate and the napkin … very nice. Thank you Ryan.
Ryan: You’re very welcome.
Michael: Did you get the yams?
Ryan: No. The gas station in Carbondale did not have fresh yams!
Michael (sighing): Ahh, okay. I’ll just have the pudding.
Ryan: You sure?
Michael: Yeah.
Ryan: Okay.
Michael (eating pudding): You know what, I feel better. Ryan brought me some chocolate pudding, and his kindness healed my foot.

Ryan: I ground up four extra-strength aspirin, and put them in Michael’s pudding. I do the same thing with my dog, to get him to take his heartworm medicine.

Pam: I just want to say goodbye, okay?
Dwight: I’ll be back. I mean …
Pam: Yes, I know, but it’s going to be different.
Dwight: Why?
Pam: It’s … just hard to explain.
Dwight: Oh Pam (flicks her nose), you’re adorable.
Pam: Oh my goodness … come here (hugs Dwight).
Dwight: Oh … huggy hugs!

Michael: The rules of shotgun are very simple and very clear: the first person to shout shotgun when you’re within the sight of the car gets the front seat. That’s how the game’s played. There are no exceptions for someone with a concussion.

Dwight: Where are we going?
Jim: We’re going to Chuck E. Cheese.
Michael: Chuck E. Cheese? Oh god, I’m so sick of Chuck E. Cheese.
Jim: We’re going to the hospital Michael.
Michael: I know. Just sayin’ …

Michael: Give me the bottle or you’re fired!
Dwight: You can’t fire me, I don’t work in this van!

Michael (filling out form): Dwight, what is your middle name?
Dwight: Danger.
Michael: Something with a k …
Jim: It’s Kurt. Wow, I’m so sad that I know that.

Doctor: Does the skin look red or swollen …
Dwight (smirking at the camera): That’s what she said.