The Office: The Return, 3.14

Thursday, January 18th, 2007 | 533 comments


The Office The Return

W: Gene Stupnitsky, Lee Eisenberg, and Michael Schur,
D: Greg Daniels

Summary (NBC): Oscar returns from his long vacation with mixed emotions on whether or not he still wants to be a part of the office. Meanwhile, Andy takes advantage of recent events to get closer to Michael. Jim turns to Karen and Pam for help to stage a prank on a new target.

Icon courtesy of pessimistreader.


The Office The Return quotes

Dwight: For your convenience, I’ve broken it down into three parts — professional resume, athletic and special skills resume, and … Dwight Schrute trivia.

Dwight: I am ready to face any challenges that might be foolish enough to face me.

Dwight: How would I describe myself? Three words — hardworking, alpha male, jackhammer. Merciless. Insatiable.

Dwight: There’s nothing on my horizon except everything. Everything is on my horizon.

Andy (looking at Ryan): Big Turkey.

Andy: So here’s to the future. Andy and The Tuna.

Jim: I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win.

Andy: Addition by subtraction.
Michael: What does that even mean. That is impossible.

Michael: Addition by addition.

Kevin: Oh, hello Oscar. How was your gay-cation?
Oscar: That’s very funny.
Kevin: Yeah, I thought of that like two seconds after you left.

Andy: Gonna go home, get my beer on, get my Lost on.

Andy: Well, then I’ll take that as a “maybe.”

Andy: Things are going pretty good. Getting a lot of face time with the boss.

Angela: Certain events have transpired, and I’ve thought about certain things, and I’m sorry for the way those certain events transpired, and I would just like to make some changes about certain things, and certain situations, and certain accountants …

Kevin: Can I join, too?
Angela: Never.

Pam: Oh that wasn’t the night crew. That was Dwight.

Andy: Feel ya, dawg.

Michael: Love that Andy, right? Solid fellow, seems smart enough. Likes me a lot. A lot. Too much. Like a crazy person a little. Not super crazy, just … there’s something about him that creeps me out. I can’t really explain it. He’s always up in my bidness. Which is Ebonics for “being in my face and annoying the bejesus out of me.” I don’t understand how someone could have so little self-awareness.

Michael: Your gayness does not define you. Your Mexican-ness is what defines you. To me. And I think we should celebrate Oscar’s Mexicanity.

Michael: So Phyllis, I want you to go find firecrackers and a chihuahua. Pam, in the frozen food section, Swanson makes a delightful chimichanga.

Oscar: Why don’t you have me riding in on a donkey, into the office, like Pepe?
Michael: Ah, a burro, of course. If Oscar wants a donkey, let’s get him one.

Dwight: I will literally be standing right here if you need anything at all.

Andy: I think I could go for some tuna fish right about now.

Jim: Encourage him? I’m the victim, okay? He’s fishing for me.

Karen: … each file is password-protected with a different mythical creature …

Jim: Party pooper.

Michael: Who’s that sportscaster that bit that lady? Marv something? Andy is like Marv something. Great sportscaster, big weirdo creep.

Jim: Hey, Ryan. Do you want to pull a prank on Andy?
Ryan: Not right now. But ask me again ten years ago.
Jim: I liked you better as the temp.
Ryan: Me too.

Michael: Have any of you talked to Dwight?
Stanley: Oh sure, we talk all the time.
Michael: Really?
Stanley: No.
Michael: Don’t do that. It’s not nice.

Phyllis: Dwight had a big personality and I have a big personality, and a lot of times, when two people like that get together, it can be explosive.

Dwight: Have you heard of paper?
Staples Girl: It’s gonna be like that, huh?

Dwight: I have snow tires and chains. Plus exceptional hand-eye coordination.

Staples Girl: I don’t like him, his giant head, or his beady little eyes. That’s all I got to say on the matter.

Jim: Would you like to pull a prank on Andy?
Pam: I’m kind of in the middle of … yes, please.

Andy: Large Tuna, have you seen my cell phone device?

Andy: Where is my freaking phone?

Jim: You know what? Maybe it’s in the ceiling.
Andy: You know what? Maybe you’re in the ceiling!

Andy: I don’t trust you, Phyllis.

Andy: I forgot to tell you the plan for this Saturday: you, me, bar, beers, buzzed. Wings, shots, drunk. Waitresses, hot. Football, Cornell/Hofstra, slaughter. Then quick nap at my place, and we hit the tiz-own.
Michael: No. I don’t want to do any of that.

Andy: Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship.

Andy: That was an overreaction.

Dwight: That question is meaningless. Just go with the copy paper. It’s your funeral. See how that works out for you.

Michael: It takes a big man to admit his mistake. And I am that big man.

Michael: So maybe you should come back. You should come back. Please.
Dwight: I don’t want to do your laundry anymore.
Michael: We can talk about that.

Jim: Omigod. That’s half-inch drywall.
Pam: I think we broke his brain.

Michael: Ladies and gentlemen, may I present, Mr. Dwight Schrute!

Angela: Welcome back.

Michael: Okay, Dwight, you can let go of her hand. You’re going to break it.

Karen: Do you still have feelings for her?

Michael: I don’t want somebody sucking up to me because they think I’m going to help their career. I want them sucking up to me because they genuinely love me.

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  1. 473. SPTS  

    I have a feeling Karen will be gone within the next 3-4 episodes and Jim & Pam will spend the rest of this season ‘single’. Neither of them have been alone, so its the next best thing to keep the tension going, but not have outside people be part of the equation. I’m ok with that. I see them together next season.

  2. 472. withsolittleselfawareness  

    Allison, I am with you about ‘The Return’ of JAM and the pranks!

  3. 471. Alison  

    Gracias Mark. Hey- does anyone else think the title “The Return” was not only about Dwight & Oscar coming back…but more specifically about the return of Jim & Pam (at least their pranks)?

  4. 470. mark  

    re: the Ben Franklin sales method. If I recall correctly, the salesperson draws a two-column table, with “Pros” on one side and “Cons” on the other. Salesman helps the prospect fill in the Pros to be gained, and then lets the prospect list the Cons. In the end, when the Pros inevitably outweigh the cons, the table makes the case for closing the sale.

  5. 469. Alison  

    Another thing (I’m bored)… Jim tells karen he still has feelings for pam. Then when everyone is in the conference room w/the pinata, Karen isn’t there & jim is back to his usual spot-next to pam. It made me think that Jim decided he would rather be single & able to hang with Pam like he used to, then to date karen & not be able to spend so much time with Pam. In other words, he’d rather have a little Pam than a whole lotta someone else. I have too much time on my hands. :(

  6. 468. ljm  

    I noticed that split second shot to Pam, also. She should take advantage of Jim and Karen’s issues, but knowing Pam she won’t. She’ll probably feel bad about, thinking it’s her fault, and stay away! I’m all for an hour every week. So many great scenes from the producer’s cut that didn’t make it to the half-hour segment!

  7. 467. Alison  

    I agree. At first I thought it was just a general shot of Pam, but after watching it a few times I think it’s very intentional & that one second of film means a lot. She obviously doesn’t know what Jim & Karen said, but hopefully she gets that they’re having issues & makes her move.(but I doubt it)

  8. 466. Vance  

    About the phone prank w/ Jim and Pam – some people were wondering why Pam was even included in the prank, b/c it seemed all she did was hold on to it…but after seeing it again, she probably was able to find out Andy’s phone number so that they could call it when it was in the ceiling…

  9. 465. i don't work in this van  

    I don’t know if anyone else has said this, but I was just watching the episode for the 3rd time and noticed that right before they show Karen walking into the conference room to talk to Jim they shoot to Pam. I really didn’t pay attention the first time, but after watching it again and seeing her eye line I think she’s watching Karen go into the conference room. Anyone else notice that? Maybe it is wishful thinking on my part or maybe she did witness the tension and knows something is up. We can only hope, right? I want Jam back!

  10. 464. DTemp  

    i found that site too. thats just the intro to the article. it means nothing. you have to sign up for the site to read the rest of the article. boo.

  11. 463. Alison  

    This is what I found…what the hell does it mean?

    Ben Franklin provided one of the best sales methods ever used to date! In fact, this method is even named after him. I’m sure many of you have used this method without realizing that it is called a “Ben Franklin.” It is one of the easiest-to-use sales methods and has proven time and again to be an effective method to close more sales.

  12. 462. DTemp  

    knot4ewe (462), what exactly is the ben franklin sales method? anyone else know?

  13. 461. Coroporate Booty  

    do you think that Andy called Ryan “Big Turkey”, because he ate a turkey sandwich for lunch?

  14. 460. God  

    I know Jim telling Karen he still has feelings for Pam can’t HELP their relationship, but I wasn’t really under the impression that it was over between them.

    In my sheer boredom I saw on Wikipedia (yes, i know the MOST reliable source of course!) someone wrote that “it is implied that he and Karen broke up”.
    Hmmm? I really don’t know where they’re gonna take this…

  15. 459. (Officenerd)  

    Am i the only one who is haveing a REALLy hard time downlodeing it on iTunes? It says it’s going to take 2 hours!!!!

  16. 458. Pam-a-lam-a-ding-dong  

    The end of Karen and Andy is soon!

    I still can’t believe Andy punched a hole through half inch dry wall. (tear) And now he is on his way to “management” training.

    Oompa loompa, doompadee dossum, Andy is now gone, which is totally awesome. Why was he gone, he was such a nice guy. He he was not, he was a total douche. Doompadee doom.

    I agree Andy seems to be submerged in the chocolate river.

    On a lighter note…. wow, Jim admitted to having feelings for Pam! Wha-Wha-Whaat?!? Do I hear some JAM action in the near distance? (crosses fingers)

    As for Karen… burn the bizzatch!

  17. 457. Alison  

    I was thinking…on “Friends” Ross & Rachel was a huge thing. They had tension for a season or so, and finally got together. The writers didn’t drag it out too long, the show was still good. So the writers should make a go of it & give me at least 1 ccrazy Jam love scene. I read too many romance novels…

  18. 456. E  

    Yay for Jam! Year for Dwangela! Yeah for Karen being gone! Yay for everything! This show was all yays. It was too happy, and I am noticing that the humor is steadily disappearing (though I absolutely loved the prank!!!)

    I really, really, really hope Jam doesn’t terminate in Ben Franklin. I would probably have an emotional breakdown if Jim stayed with Karen. I still have the jitters from Jim saying “yes.” I am so happy!!!

  19. 455. Stefanie  

    382 leah:
    I was thinking the EXACT same thing! If Pam and Jim dance together at Phyllis’s wedding, I will just die!!! =D

  20. 454. Coroporate Booty  

    has anyone noticed that Karen really like edamame

    she was eating them in the Diwali episode, and she had a bowl of edamame on her desk during last nights episode

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