Summary (NBC): After eleven years of writing, shooting, re-shooting and editing, Michael is finally ready to present his long-awaited action movie, “Threat Level Midnight,” to his coworkers and love interest Holly. But is he ready for their reactions? “Threat Level Midnight” stars Michael Scott as “Agent Michael Scarn,” Dwight Schrute as Scarn’s butler sidekick, and Jim Halpert as archnemesis “Goldenface,” along with many familiar faces from Michael’s past. Guest stars: Amy Ryan, Melora Hardin, Linda Purl, Rashida Jones, David Denman, Andy Buckley.
Michael: After three years of writing, one year of shooting, four years of re-shooting, and two years of editing, I have finally completed my movie, Threat Level: Midnight.
Jim: Threat Level: Midnight is the great lost film of Michael Scott. Pam: We’re all in it. From like years and years ago. It’s like a home movie. Jim: Yeah, if Michael Scott did your home movie.
Pam: Everything pointed to it being a comedy.
Pam: Let’s stay positive. And no laughing, no comments, just positive energy. And we’ll have a pure fun day. Okay? Creed: Thanks, Mom.
Michael: It’s got action. It’s got heart. It’s got symbolism. Holly: It’s got you. Michael: It’s got a lot of me.
Michael Scarn’s address: Scarn Manor 451 Hanover Lane Clarks Summit, PA 18411
Dwight: I play Samuel, Michael Scarn’s robot butler.
Michael: Dwight does not play a robot.
Michael: Goldenface. This make it personal.
Darryl: I gave up a lot of weekends because I thought it would be good for my daughter to see a black man as president. Even in a silly home movie. What a stupid waste of time.
Darryl (President): I own the stadium. I can’t see it blown up. It’s my retirement plan.
Darryl (President): Scarn, will you find these hostages and save the game? Michael: Heads I do it, tails I don’t. Best out of seven.
Michael: Looks like there’s going to be a clean-up on aisle five.
Jim (Goldenface): See, I’m going to lure him here. Then I’m going to kill everybody. Then I’m going to dig up Scarn’s dead wife. And I’m going to hump her real good. Jim: I did not love the dialogue. Or the character. I took the role to impress a receptionist. Who will remain nameless.
Stanley (narrator): Scarn didn’t know a hockey stick from a Slim Jim.
Creed (Cherokee Jack): Mop the ice.
Ryan: Oh your marks, get set… Jim (Goldenface): …die!
Michael: Nice try, Goldenface. Except you forgot one thing. To kill me.
Jim (Goldenface): Oh by the way: how’s your wife doing?
Dwight (Samuel): I’m intercepting a name. Jasmine Windsong. She works for Goldenface.
Dwight (Samuel): What I can’t figure out is, who is The Funky Cat? Michael: Not who, what. The Funky Cat is the hippest jazz club in town.
Dwight: He cut the part where my circuit board malfunctioned? Then what was the point of spilling the drink on me?
Jan (Jasmine Windsong): The hostages are under the stadium.
Michael: Check, please.
Pam: You have to let us go, Goldenface. We have families!
Jim (Goldenface): This is going to show them, that I mean business.
Michael: Far and away the most expensive shot of the movie. But it was intregral to the story.
Michael: The joke’s on you, Goldenface. That man was a wanted animal rapist.
Michael: Hey Goldenface. Jim (Goldenface): Yeah? Michael: Go puck yourself.
Michael: It’ll take a lot more than a bullet to the brain, lungs, heart, back, and balls to kill Michael Scarn.
Michael: Where had I gone wrong. All I wanted to do was start a family with my beautiful wife. But somewhere along the way, things got messed up.
Michael: Don’t ever change, Billy.
Michael: Goldenface is going to blow up the NHL All-Star game tomorrow.
Karen: Ever banged an entire bachelorette party, baby?
Karen: Why are you singling my line out, like a million years later?
Billy: Hey kid, hit G-9 on the jukebox.
The Scarn Well my name’s Michael Scarn and I’m here to say I’m about to do The Scarn in a major way You jump to the right and you shake a hand Then you jump to the left and shake that hand You meet new friends You tie some yarn And that’s how you do The Scarn
Packer: If doing The Scarn is gay, then I’m the biggest queer on earth!
Kevin: It’s like one of the best movies I’ve ever seen in my life.
Ryan: You should enter it in festivals. Kevin: Or carnivals.
Andy: Some people are really popping on screen.
Michael: This isn’t Ocean’s 11 where you get together with all your friends and you just have fun and you don’t care about how it turns out.
Michael: This has been my dream for eleven years. Eleven years that I could have been working on The Scarn Nebulus.
Michael: I have my book on business, Somehow I Manage. I have my HBO Comedy Special, Here I Go Again. Dot dot dot.
Michael: I’m sorry I called you a pain in the ass. I’m angry, and I love you.
Michael: I’m a huge Woody Allen fan. Although I’ve only seen Antz.
Michael: Don’t listen to your critics. Listen to your fans.
Michael: This one’s for you, Cherokee Jack.
Pam: Why is your face gold? Jim (Goldenface): Why do you care? Pam: I’m just making conversation.
Creed (Cherokee Jack): Take it out on the puck. All on the puck.
Andy (Billy): Hey! We got sports games again!
Michael: Oh yeah, I guess I did let him be a robot.
Andy: Whoa whoa whoa. Isn’t the president evil?
Tag Aw, yeah! Threat Level Midnight Makes all the girlies feel all right From Madonna to Madeleine Albright Threat Level Midnight It’s a threat A level A level level threat He’s the greatest hockey star I’ve ever seen yet Threat Level what? Midnight Threat Level who? Michael Scarn Threat Level why? Apartheid Gotta fight it, free Mandela Peace, I’m out