24-Hour Contest: Say What? #2

The Office

What to do: fill in what Kevin is saying and what Stanley is thinking!

To submit an entry: add a comment to this post with your text.

Rules: 15 word limit per bubble. U.S. only, ONE ENTRY PER PERSON, correct spelling/punctuation/grammar, valid email address required.

Prize: I’ll pick one winner to receive a Target Office goodie.

Deadline: 9am PT tomorrow, July 5th. You only have 24 hours!

Related link: results of Say What #1


  1. Kevin: I never thought I would like cartoon p*rn… but whoever made this watermark rocks!

    Stanley: Mmm hummm, freak.

  2. Kevin: Why is that guy in my chair?

    Stanley: I hope this means Kevin is getting fired.

  3. Kevin: They spelled Scrantonicity wrong.

    Stanley: Who cares? Nobody is going to show up anyway.

  4. Kevin: That guy stole my M&Ms!

    Stanley: Unless the M&Ms are on a pretzel, I don’t care.

  5. Kevin: Hey Stanley, is that my Cool Whip I smell on you?

    Stanley: Mmhmm, dumbass. But I’m still not investing in Malone’s Cones, so shut your yap.

  6. Kevin: Who do you thinks hotter? Pam or Karen?

    Stanley: Only 264 more days until the next pretzel day.

  7. Kevin: I can’t afford that medicine. Maybe I’ll make one harmless wager on a basketball game.

    Stanley: This is awful. Maybe I’ll give up pretzels. Nah. Sometimes I think crazy things.

  8. Kevin: I’ve got to delete a lot of stuff, a lot of stuff

    Stanley: Hes got to delete a lot of stuff, a lot of stuff

  9. Kevin: Who IS that guy sitting behind me?

    Stanley: I don’t know and I don’t care.

  10. Stanley: What is that God-awful smell?

    Kevin: Uh-oh. I think I burnt my cheese quesadillas again.

  11. Kevin: Stanley, I thought we fired that guy two years ago. Why is he back?

    Stanley: Hmmmm, maybe if I pretend to read this memo he’ll leave me be.

  12. Kevin: Oh crap.
    Stanley: Why do they keep CC-ing me on things that have nothing to do with me?

  13. Kevin: What does this memo from Michael mean?

    Stanley: Unless it’s about him leaving or pretzels, I do not care!

  14. Stanley: 254 more days until pretzel day…

    Kevin: four down: where you live, four letters…hmmmm earth??? no that’s not it.

  15. Kevin: I should have never mentioned those anal fissures….

    Stanley: Are we really putting out memos for everyone’s medical issues?

  16. Stanley: I wake up every morning in a bed that is too small, Drive my daughter to a school that is too expensive, then I go to work to a job which I got paid too little for kevin staring at me all day.

    Kevin: I so rather be in Prison.

  17. Kevin: Maybe I shouldn’t have taken my shoes off. Oh, shoot.
    Stanley: So that’s what smells worse than Michael’s B.O…

  18. Kevin: I thought Dwight was banned to send out memos.
    Stanley: I didn’t know he could form sentences. Hmm…

  19. Kevin – Hey?? Why did Dwight send us these memos on proper nutrition?

    Stanley – Yeah, like a beet diet will do me any good!

  20. Kevin: “Oh no, I knew I should have listened to Martin more closely when he was talking about insider trading”

    Stanley: Ugh, I don’t care about this, where are my crosswords?

  21. Kevin: Corporate is going to ban crossword puzzles?

    Stanley: What’s next? No more pretzel day?!

  22. Kevin: “One, two…ah crap, a fifteen line memo. I guess Stanley won that one, too.”

    Stanley: “Heh heh, easiest $50 I’ve ever made.”

  23. Kevin: What? They cancelled pretzel day?!
    Stanley: They cancelled pretzel day.

  24. Kevin : I think all of these jokes Michael made are funny. . . . .

    Stanley : I do not think this is funny.

  25. Kevin: A memo on food regulations?
    Stanley: They can’t force me to drink diet water!

  26. Stanley: What is this no trans fat foods allowed nonsense?

    Kevin: I hope they don’t get rid of the Twinkies.

  27. Kevin: Stanley, I don’t want you to panic, but I just realized it, and I think that guy sitting behind me has been stalking me.

    Stanley: Probably just someone from the mob here to get back their money.

  28. Kevin: So, The Hulk actually KNOWS Iron Man?

    Stanley: A seven letter world for “idiot”? M-I-C-H-A-E-L?

  29. Stanley: I’d like some PDA with a pretzel right about now…
    Kevin: I wonder what kind of M&M I should eat next?

  30. Kevin: Wait, so Holly actually thinks I am mentally retarded?!
    Stanley: Man, I wish it were pretzel day…

  31. Stanley: Gaynatomy is not a word. Why do I work for this lumax?

    Kevin: Gaynatomy? Oh, I am so using that one on Oscar.

  32. Stanley: Not another one of these inane “five families” meetings.
    Kevin: Uh oh. I think W.B. Jones has it in for me.

  33. Kevin: Gotta cut back on the Miracle Whip…
    Stanley: Yep. *heavy mental sigh*

  34. Kevin: Oh no, not another watermark.

    Stanley: Idiot. That’s just pretzel grease from my hands.

  35. Kevin: I think that Stanley hates me

    Stanley: I just want to do my crossword

  36. Kevin- Oh, I bet Stanley is pissed about this “no word game puzzles at work” memo.

    Stanley- Why do they keep giving me memos that have nothing to do with me?

  37. Kevin: This sucks! They’re making me get rid of my M&Ms.

    Stanley: Mmmhmm……Who cares?

  38. Kevin: this letter looks like a man wearing a hat
    Stanley: that’s a T, kevin.

  39. Kevin: How can Michael have put M&Ms on the banned food list?

    Stanley: I can’t believe Michael wrote ‘colored greens’ on this encouraged list of foods.

  40. Kevin: Does food taste different when you’re black?
    Stanley: If I didn’t need this job, I’d strangle you with my tie…

  41. Kevin: I hope Stanley remembers it’s Scrantonicity 2!, not Scrantonicity.

    Stanley: Wine,tub,murder mysteries… Sounds like a good weekend.

  42. Kevin: He said I was dull…

    Stanley: I do not get paid enough for this.

  43. Hey, I just realized that I made a mistake in the wording of my entry. Rather than Cool Whip, I should have written Miracle Whip. Here is my revised entry (original entry #7):

    Kevin: Hey Stanley, is that my Miracle Whip I smell on you?

    Stanley: Mmhmm, dumbass. But I’m still not investing in Malone’s Cones, so shut your yap.

  44. Kevin: “The men’s room is being shut down because of clogged pipes!”

    Stanley: “Oh gee, I wonder why.”

  45. Kevin: So wait, we weren’t supposed to gamble with company money?
    Stanley: He better have enough money to pay me.

  46. Kev: “Awesome. Michael just sent out a memo. Next Tuesday is pretzel day.”
    Stanley: “Finally.”

  47. Kevin: Stanley, was that you?

    Stanley: Kevin’s feet smell like ass.

  48. Kevin: This is so not good. Why can’t we get a new microwave with petty cash?

    Stanley: Only half an hour to go…

  49. Kevin: We need a Middle-aged black man with sass, big butt, and even bigger heart?

    Stanley: Are you serious? I just wanted a raise. How did Michael Scott call my bluff?

  50. Kevin: Stanley, I think there is a strange man sitting at the desk directly behind me.
    Stanley: Just eat your m&m’s and let me do my work.

  51. Kevin: Umm… who is that weird guy sitting behind me?

    Stanley: I do not know and I do not care.

  52. Kevin: Stanley, have you seen the key to the petty cash drawer?

    Stanley: Yo money yo problem.

  53. Stanley: Hmmm…another memo and still no news on who will be in the spinoff.

    Kevin: Spinoff? If Holly leaves, I WILL QUIT. True love only comes around once, sometimes twice.

  54. Stanley: Man, why does HR have to make these memos so complicated and pointless?

    Kevin: What does yours say? Because Holly made it simple for me.

  55. Kevin: “We can’t have food at our desks because it’s a health hazard? What about M&Ms?!”

    Stanley: “As long as it doesn’t affect Pretzel Day, I could care less. “

  56. Kevin says: I bet you $75 dollars that you can’t finish that crossword puzzle in 2 minutes!

    Stanley thinks: …I bet you $75 dollars that you can’t finish this crossword puzzle in 2 days…

  57. Kevin: It’s official. Angela got Michael to prohibit hateball forever. Now what will we do???
    Stanley: Why do people keep CC’ing me on things that don’t concern me?

  58. Kevin: Uhh, that’s not what that’s used for Stanley.

    Stanley: That’s what she said.

  59. Kevin: “I knew I shouldn’t have eaten Pizza by Alfredo’s just because Michael bought it.”

    Stanley: “Me either. Your breath smells worse than Phyillis’ stinky perfume.”

  60. Kevin: Why is there a picture of a race car on here?

    Stanley The Manley: Where is my trash can?

  61. Kevin: “I’ll bet you $200 that you get downsized before me.”

    Stanley: “I’ll GIVE you $200 if I can get downsized before you.”

  62. Kevin: Don’t look now, but there’s a guy right behind me…I’ve never seen him before…

    Stanley: He’s an extra. Keep an eye on the marketable memorabilia. And the craft service table.

  63. Kevin: Do you really think that Holly isn’t into me?

    Stanley: Did I stutter?

  64. Kevin: And then I told Holly, “I like pie.” And she said …

    Stanley: I wish acting I was from the streets would make him leave me alone too.

  65. Kevin: Uh oh, Michael sent someone in to check the content on our computers.

    Stanley: Goodbye, Kevin.

  66. Kevin: According to this memo, we’re still going to have to fight for our parking spaces.

    Stanley: Yeah? I’m still fighting for my sanity.

  67. Kevin: I could use a bacon, egg and cheese McGriddle.

    Stanley: More like a bacon, egg and cheese McGIRDLE.

  68. Kevin says: Hey Stanley, can you believe how ridiculous this memo is?
    Stanley thinks: Wow, I’m surprised he can actually read it.

  69. Kevin: “Awesome! Our new Health Plan includes a Gym Pass.”

    Stanley: “Pass.”

  70. Kevin: Does your’s say your getting fake “fired” again, Stanley?
    Stanley: I do not think that is funny anymore or ever, Kevin.

  71. Kevin: I’m not gonna win this bet with Jim, am I?
    Stanley: Words can not express how much I don’t care


  72. Kevin: So you really think Michael’s getting fired for that whole “burning a scarecrow with Toby’s face on it in the parking lot to commemorate the month he has been gone” thing?

    Stanley: Did I Stutter?

  73. Kevin: Stanley, there’s a strange guy behind me.
    Stanley: And I’m still the only black man in the office.

  74. Kevin: Holly sends memos way more than Toby did. And she’s HOT.

    Stanley: This new woman’s going to find out there is no way to improve this place.

  75. Kevin: Stanley did you get the same love letter/memo from Holly?!?!?!?!?!

    Stanley: Leave me alone, damnit.

  76. Kevin: What did you put down for number A?
    Stanley: What is he doing in accounting?

  77. Kevin: So…what do you think I should do about Stacy?

    Stanley: What’s a six-letter word for “grouchy, like a dwarf”

    (by the way, tanster, I want to play along but I’ve already won recently so I don’t want to be considered for the prize–thanks for making this site so fun!)

  78. Kevin: Stanley, what are these $1.99 charges on your expense reports?
    Stanley: You just realized I put my crosswords as an office expense?

  79. Stanley: A LOLCAT presentation tomorrow? Who would be interested in this?

    Kevin: Hey Stanley, this memo says we are going to have a LOLCAT presentation tomorrow! NICE!

  80. Kevin: I hope Angela doesn’t notice I took the Petty cash? Go Pistons!!

    Stanley: I wonder if I give Kevin 200 Stanley Nickels he will go away?

  81. Kevin: There is a STRANGER in our office.
    Stanley: That idiot doesn’t know he was fired in season 2 . . . damn this place.

  82. Kevin: Cinnamon and sugar, white chocolate…No, white chocolate WITH sprinkles…

    Stanley: This idiot actually thinks he’s gonna be ahead of me in line on Pretzel Day.

  83. Kevin: Why does this new health care plan not cover anal fissures?
    Stanley: Why have you chosen to sit by me when you know I have absolutely no interest in what you have to say or what your intentions are?

  84. Kevin: “But I thought Devin was fired. Why is he sitting behind me?”

    Stanley: “Why does this fool think I care?”

  85. Kevin: I wonder what I can get from the top row of the vending machine with this button…

    Stanley: I wonder what a 5 letter word for moron is… K-E-V-I-N?

  86. Stanley: Did I stutter?!?

    Kevin: I just wanted to know if you were gonna eat that.

  87. Kevin: Did you see the memo Michael sent out? What do you think –

    Stanley: Who cares. Now let me get back to my crosswords.

  88. Stanley: Mmmhhmmmm. Typical.

    Kevin: Dwight banned bananas? Darn it – I like bananas!

  89. Kevin: Whoa Stanley, look they are cancelling pretzel day due to the crappy economy.

    Stanley: I knew I should have taken that job in Utica

  90. Kevin: “Why does everyone else’s memos have bigger words than mine?”

    Stanley: “Holly’s definitely using a thesaurus. These memos are really helping with my crosswords.”

  91. Kevin: Another office costume party… Should I be the Kool-Aid man, an M&M, or Sting?

    Stanley: I’ll be going as an office worker doing a crossword puzzle. If I go.

  92. Kevin: I am starting to pay everyone in M&Ms instead of dollars!

    Stanley: I do NOT think that is funny.

  93. Kevin: I don’t have a date for Friday.
    Stanley: What else is new?

  94. Kevin: My engagement is totally over.
    Stanley: I’m going to be buried with that toaster.

  95. Kevin: Stanley would you like to play bass in Scratonicity II?

    Stanley: Not for all the pretzels in the world

  96. Kevin: Sweet. Scrantonicity’s been asked to play at this year’s Christmas party!

    Stanley: I’m gonna need an extra glass of wine that night.

  97. Kevin: Corporate has banned cooking in the office?

    Stanley: 2,920 days until retirement.

  98. Kevin: Can you believe Michael is making us have another racial awareness meeting?

    Stanley: hmm…

  99. Stanley: So pretzels are now $2 each. Well I don’t care, I’m still getting that pretzel.

    Kevin: Hmmm…so I can buy a pretzel…or a large bag of M&M’s. I can’t decide…

  100. Kevin: Hey Stanley, did you hear the news?…

    Stanley: (Sarcastically) You mean the same news, Kevin, that is printed on this memo, which I am holding in my hand? Mmmhmm…

  101. Kevin: Is it Alfredo’s Pizza or Pizza by Alfredo’s that is the hot circle of garbage?

    Stanley: How many more days left until Pretzel Day?

  102. Kevin: Hey… Did you use my Miracle Whip without asking?
    Stanley: Always do. I enjoy the tangy zip of Miracle Whip.

  103. Kevin: “Stanley, why does Dwight think we should all talk like Yoda now?”

    Stanley: “Now I really wish Michael had actually fired me.”

  104. Kevin: How many M&ms can you fit in your mouth?
    Stanley: This memo says urban people shouldn’t eat M&Ms

  105. Kevin: Dwight’s lighting fireworks after work. This is awesome.
    Stanley: Why didn’t I go to Utica again?

  106. Stanley: Michael could learn a thing or two from reading my emails.

    Kevin: …A LOT of stuff.

  107. Kevin: “Have you seen this memo banning candy from the office? I swear I will quit.”

    Stanley: “I don’t care as long as I curl up with some red wine and OfficeTally.”

  108. Kevin: Is that what I think it is?
    Stanley: Yes. You touch it. You die.

  109. Kevin: Oh man. Stanley, I could get in so. much. trouble.
    Stanley: (I do not care.)

  110. Stanley: It’s about time they banned that OfficeTally chat room here.

    Kevin: But… but…. I’m oh so addicted. How will I make it through my day now!?

  111. Kevin: Do you think this new insurance plan will cover, uh, anal fissures?

    Stanley: I’ll give you 1000 Stanley Nickels if you never say those words to me again.

  112. Kevin: Holly is coming back for season five… This. Is. Awesome.

    Stanley: Must. Have. Pretzel.

  113. Kevin: It looks like some of our holidays will not be off. This is not a good thing.

    Stanley: Pretzel Day stays. I’m good.

  114. Stanley:(Annoyed) Jim and Pam were kissing in front of my car… Again.

    Kevin: I can’t believe I missed it.

  115. Kevin: You like the dirty joke about the blonde and the webbed toe?

    Stanley: I don’t care for it, but I found 12 down for my crossword puzzle.

  116. Kevin: I have to tell you something Stanley. I think I’m in love with you.

    Stanley: Sorry, I already have a love in this Office, it’s this crossword puzzle.

  117. Kevin: So… we CAN’T file the Foot Massager under “Luxury Sales”?

    Stanley: ..Lord bring me Pretzel Day.

    heh, i know, US only but.. i just wanted to participate :-)

  118. Stanley: Why does everyone bother me.

    Kevin: Whats he got there, it looks interesting.

  119. Kevin: Stanley, this memo from corporate says that cross-word puzzles are NOT valid business expenses.

    Stanley: (Neither is your salary….)

  120. Stanley: Free sunglasses day is not as good as free pretzel day!
    Kevin: I just got the news. I’m sorry, man.

  121. Kevin: So…62+81=….147?
    Stanley: 147 days until the next Pretzel Day.

  122. Kevin: Holly sent you a “Getting to know me” memo too… did everyone get these?? Man…

    Stanley: Just a noisy, upturned broom with a bucket for a head, just ignore it…

  123. Kevin: Psst! Hey Stanley, who is that guy sitting behind us? I’m hiding my M&M’s.
    Stanley: Hopefully my immediate replacement.

  124. Kevin: Stanley, I have never seen such a big sales receipt.

    Stanley (thinking): That’s what she said.

  125. Kevin: This is a BIG deal, Stanley. Do you really not know how big this is?

    Stanley: Why is Michael always sending memos in which I care nothing about?

  126. Kevin: Does this mean no more m and ms?

    Stanley: As long as the pretzels stay…

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