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Writer: B.J. Novak, Director: Jeffrey Blitz
Summary (NBC): Michael is fascinated with a woman modeling a chair in an office supply catalog. Kevin and Andy team up to win back Dunder Mifflin’s stolen parking spaces.
The Office Chair Model extras
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The Office Chair Model quotes
Jim: Today, we saw a junkyard dog attacking the bones of a rotisserie chicken.
Andy: I lost a penny out of my loafers, Oscar.
Kevin: As God as my witness, I will quit if this is not fixed.
Pam: Some of us like the walk more than others.
Pam: But instead you found something to distract you from ever picking out a chair.
Pam: I definitely remember your dinner party.
Michael: I’m optimistic. Because every day I get a little more desperate, and desperate situations yield the quickest results.
Creed: When Pam gets Michael’s old chair, I get Pam’s old chair. Then I’ll have two chairs. Only one to go.
Michael: Use the woman on page 85 as a template.
Andy: I left my cell phone in my car.
Phyllis: Call us when you get there so we know you’re okay.
Kevin: If I had somebody to set you up with, Michael, then I’d take her for myself.
Michael: You don’t deserve her.
Michael: Oh, hello, Oscar Mayer weiner lover.
Michael: Hmm, feisty. So she’s not jolly or sassy? Not like a jolly sassy opera singer?
Michael: Catcher or infield?
Michael: Would an average-sized rowboat support her without capsizing? It bothers me that you’re not answering the question.
Michael: I am a catch, and I am not going to be the one to get away.
Dwight: Write legibly, people.
Michael: What part of shorn’t don’t you understand, Kevin?
Michael: Listen, don’t forget to fill out those cards. My love cards.
Stanley: There’s nobody I hate enough to write her name on this card.
Phyllis: Well, I’m setting Michael up with my fat friend anyway. He can just deal with it.
Michael: Okay, “Wendy: hot and juicy redhead.”
Dwight: Michael, you shouldn’t have to settle. This is my pledge to you. I will find her, and I will bring her to you. And as God is my witness, she shall bear your fruit.
Michael: That sounds good. Go get her.
Michael: First, go to Wendy’s, get my food, come back, and then go.
Dwight: As dead as every dead animal who has ever died.
Jim: Michael, you didn’t even know her.
Michael: Try not to be so hurtful, Jim.
Michael: Oh really? What’s her name? “Burger King”?
Michael: I don’t think I’m ready. Is she hot?
Pam: Whatever, I just can’t take Michael like this.
Michael: No question about it, I am ready to get hurt again.
Kevin: Bill Cress is super old and really mean.
Michael: Behold our bachelorette. Give her a 10 for looks, and a 3 for her ability to describe herself.
Michael: Is who a Michael what?
Michael: It was like talking to the sweet old lady on the bus.
Margaret: That’s incredibly rude.
Michael: Now you ruined it.
Andrew: Andrew Bernard is the name of me.
Kevin: It’s just nice to win one.
Michael: I’m a man of intensity. Of, of cool, and youth, and, and passionately.
Jim: You just got yourself kicked out of your apartment.
Jim: Who’s going to take you in. You’re messy. You’re a klutz. You spill everything.
Pam: I’m not gonna move in with anyone unless I’m engaged.
Jim: Have I not proposed to you yet?
Jim: When it happens, it’s going to kick your ass, Beesly. So … stay sharp.
Pam: I’ve been warned.
Jim: I am not kidding. Got it a week after we started dating.
Dwight: You know what you need? Closure.
Michael: You’re right. What do you mean, though?
Dwight: I guess you could say she died of blunt force trauma and blood loss.
Dwight: You wait ’til next year’s chair catalog comes out and find someone who’s still alive.
Jim: Will you wait for me one second while I tie my shoe?
Pam: I hate you.
Michael: Bye, bye, Miss Chair Model Lady,
I dreamt that we were married and you treated me nice,
We had lots of kids,
Drinking whiskey and rye,
Why’d you have to go off and die?
Why’d you have to go off and die …
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