Writers: Halsted Sullivan and Warren Lieberstein
Director: Charles McDougall
Summary (NBC): After reading an article about China growing as a global power, Michael decides China must be stopped before they take over the US. Everyone in the office complains about Dwight’s building standards and Pam threatens to move Dunder Mifflin to a new building.
The Office China extras
- Learn more about Dwight’s handyman, Nate
- What one fan spotted behind the counter at Dwight’s Caffeine Corner
- Congratulations to Spleegan (90) for winning the iTunes Giveaway
The Office China rating
In a poll conducted December 2-6, 2010, Tallyheads rated this episode: 8.56/10
See all The Office Season 7 ratings.
The Office China quotes
Dwight: Twenty minutes a day, all feet, no hands, and I’ll have the pededexterity of a chimp and you’ll be sitting there like an idiot.
Jim: Thank you, hands. Nothing else in the universe can do what you do.
Hank: Welcome. Start your morning right with a burst of blueberry. Or try plain.
Dwight: Owning a building is a war between the landlord and the tenant. Not a literal war, unfortunately, but I am using the same tactics. I’ve surrounded the enemy and I’m slowing starving them. To save on electricity, I’ve installed a timer and motion sensors on the lights. It’s part of my green initiative. And by green, I mean money.
Michael: China is a sleeping dragon that is just beginning to stir.
Michael: Anybody read the news anymore?
Dwight: China is on the move.
Michael: I found that in the waiting room at the dentist’s office. This kid had the magazine I wanted to read. That’s the only one I could reach. And I read it. And then I read it again.
Michael: My whole life, I believed that America was number 1. That was the saying. Not “America’s number 2.” England is number 2. China should be like 8.
Andy: I wanted you to know that Michael and I are wearing the same tie today. It’s insane!
Darryl: You need to change your standard for what’s worthy of a text.
Darryl: There was a time when the only people who texted you were people you wanted to text you. Girls. And they’d all say the same thing. “I’m coming over, baby.” And I would text back “B.T.B.” Bring That Booty.
Stanley: Dwight, why is the toilet paper only half a ply?
Dwight: Oh, I’m sorry. Is that not good enough for your anus? Don’t get me started on how coddled the modern anus is.
Stanley: Don’t tell me how to do my business.
Jim: Which is you.
Dwight: “Which is you” is not a sentence.
Jim: I disagree with.
Pam: Hi Nate, it’s Pam Halpert.
Nate: Hey, Pam? Dwight’s being questioned by the police in connection with a string of dognappings.
Dwight: I would much rather see a smile from Kevin than save hundreds on plumping and electricity.
Erin: According to the Internet, the tallest man in the world is Chinese.
Michael: So much for keeping our secrets up high.
Erin: What’s America going to do?
Michael: I want you all to imagine a world in which America is not the number one superpower. Where forks are irrelevant. And where every man, woman, and child is expected to learn how to play the cello.
Michael: That’s what America is built on. Big ideas, blue jeans, the Grand Canyon.
Pam: An idea bigger than the Grand Canyon?
Kevin: An antacid that you only take once a week.
Michael: Once a week antacid is the idea to beat.
Erin: What if we all get together, and help each other and hire a new guy and we all kill him, but first we take out, like a hundred thousand dollar life insurance policy. I bet you guys like that idea, don’t you?
Erin: I think that’s what they’re doing to me. I can’t prove it, but I wanted to see their faces when I said it. I learned nothing.
Dwight: I say we bomb them. By 2020, they’re going to be the world’s largest economy and they’re getting a taste for protein. We’ll all starve.
Michael: Did you know that in China, there are 56 cities with over a million people? You know how many we have here? Nine.
Oscar: Michael, China’s agrarian. Urbaning fast? You betcha.
Meredith: Suck it, Oscar!
Jim: Well, on the plus side, all this worrying about China has made you smarter than Oscar, Michael.
Stanley: I will not work in a roach billboard.
Gabe: Oh my god. I can’t look at roaches.
Pam: Does anyone want to know where I’ve been for the last two hours?
Jim: Oh my god, I’ve been playing Zombie Soccer for two hours?
Phyllis: I like being in the same building as Bob. Keeps me honest.
Kelly: Is the nail place Koreans or whites?
Kelly: Good. And the dry cleaners?
Kelly: Michael, how do I create a new tab?
Michael: Try Control P.
Oscar: That’s Print.
Michael: Not if the printer isn’t hooked up.
Kelly: Oscar, it must be killing you that Michael is smarter than you.
Jim: Around here, Oscar is known as “Actually.” Because he will insert himself into just about any conversation to add facts or correct grammar. He really does fit that old stereotype of the smug, gay Mexican.
Darryl (reading text on phone): “Megan Fox. Question mark.” What’s that mean?
Darryl: You’re one bad text away from getting blocked.
Andy: Yes. But one good text away from a high five.
Kevin: I wish for a million wishes.
Dwight: Yeah, no, I’m not a genie. I’m just talking about…
Kevin: Then see you later, building.
Jim: Haven’t you noticed that I don’t bring up the Tour de France around him?
Michael: To be safe, I should learn everything about everything, but I don’t have time. Okay, okay, I’ll just learn about China and science and geography and math and literary.
Jim: No politics?
Michael: I’m pretty good on politics.
Michael (impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger): “California is bankrupt. And California, California.”
Dwight: Parlay. My office. Five minutes.
Creed: Pirate code. He wants to meet.
Pam: So everyone here knows pirate code?
Creed: I understand it. I can’t speak it.
Dwight: Why do you even need soap? Are you that bad at going to the bathroom?
Dwight: Moving is one of the most stressful things you can do in life. You’ll probably just take it out on your kid. Jim will turn to the drink. The family will fall apart. And twenty-five years from now, Cece will become world famous. For stripping.
Pam: That’s a sad story. I have another one. We move, the other tenants follow, the bank takes the building, takes your farm, takes your car, and beats the crap out of you. Penniless, you die, and my daughter Cece dances on your grave. Fully clothed.
Ryan: Where is Tibet?
Ryan: Who is Mao?
Andy: Damn it, Michael. You are moments away from the smackdown of your life.
Michael: I could talk about boobs.
Andy: Michael, I have to tell you something. It’s from Rocky 2.
Jim: Thank you.
Andy: This guy doesn’t just wanna win, you know, he wants to bury you, he wants to humiliate you…
Michael: Wait, wait, wait, how long is this going to take?
Andy: I’m like a quarter of the way through.
Michael: Is it going to be worth it?
Dwight: There’s no building. This can only mean one thing.
Nate: Building’s underground.
Dwight: She was lying.
Dwight: I can’t wait to do to Pam, what I just did… to Pam.
Dwight: Oh, you’re a funny guy, Pam.
Pam: I don’t want to fail. Again.
Nate: “I wasn’t here.” It’s a pretty common saying. You may want to log it away for future use.
Oscar: People use China as the bogeyman for all their problems. In the 1980s, it was Japan.
Oscar: Do you really think that manufacturing is a relevant indicator of where the world economy is heading in 2011? Do you know the comparative expansion of say, the information sector? I say that’s far more relevant. Wouldn’t you?
Pam: You’re breaking the law.
Dwight: Impossible, I love the law!
Pam: No more cutting the tampons in two.
Dwight: I see I’ve underestimated you. And I didn’t think that was possible.
Dwight: Nate, re-ply the paper.
Nate: I don’t think it goes that way.
Dwight: Re-ply it!
Erin: Fire him. No. Show mercy.
Michael: A lot of people say, that if you dig long enough and hard enough, you will get to China. And that may be true. But what they don’t tell you is that if you dig long enough and hard enough in a conversation, you get to a friend. So here is to conversation. Raise your cups on high.
Dwight: They say the best vampires don’t bleed their victims dry.
Dwight: I was not motivated by compassion. I have no compassion. Make sure you got that. “Not motivated by compassion.”
Darryl (reading text on phone): “Come to parking lot. Crazy pigeon action.”
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