The Office: Initiation, 3.05

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the office initiation mose fear

Writer: B.J. Novak, Director: Randall Einhorn

Summary (NBC): Ryan goes out on his first sales call, but is taken aback by the odd series of challenges that Dwight puts before him along the way.

The Office Initiation extras

  • Review: Northern Attack
  • While standing in line for pretzels, Kelly tries to explain Lazy Sunday (The Chronicles of Narnia) to Michael
  • The song that Jim and Andy are singing is Lovefool by The Cardigans
  • The song that Kevin is singing “hey” to is Rock & Roll Part 2 by Gary Glitter (also known as “The Hey Song”)
  • Buy Initiation at the iTunes Store
  • According to Rainn Wilson in The Office Retrospective, the line “And just as you have planted your seed in the ground, I am going to plant my seed in you” wasn’t originally in the script, but improvised by him on the spot.

The Office Initiation quotes

Jan: I don’t care how your day was, Michael.
Michael: Wow. Well, okay, I don’t care how your day was, either, Jan. I was just asking you because you asked me. Why do you set me up like that …
Jan: Tell me what you did yesterday.
Michael: I … worked. And then I went home to my condo. And Carol came over. And we had sex. Is that what you want to hear?

Michael: Never ever ever sleep with your boss. I’m so lucky that Jan and I only got to second base.

Jan: Hi Pam.
Pam: Hi.
Jan: I’m great.

Pam: It’s weird. Jan used to treat Michael like he was a 10-year old. But lately, it’s like he’s five.

Dwight: So are you excited?
Ryan: Yeah.
Dwight: Very excited?
Ryan: Yes. I’m very excited.
Dwight: Extremely excited? (Ryan gives Dwight a dubious look.) Just very, that’s cool.

Ryan: I … have spent a year here. And I have to commit, or get out so … Dwight’s the top salesman in the company, and he’s taking me on my first sales call today. And um, I’m excited.

Dwight: I am very excited. Ryan hasn’t made a sale yet. But more importantly, he hasn’t made an ally yet. Is he going to be a slacker/loser/wiseass like Jim was, or is he going to join the Dwight Army of Champions?

Ryan: So where’s the sales office?
Dwight: When you are ready to see the sales office, the sales office will present itself to you. Your journey begins now.

Michael: Hey hey hey, I love Jell-o puddin’ pops!

Dwight: Do you know where we are, temp?
Ryan: I know where we’re not.

Andy: Can you stand up, and talk to me over … there?

Andy: I’m acting my heart out here.

Pam: Once a year, they bring in a little cart, and they give away free pretzels. It’s really not a big deal. To some people it is.

Dwight: And just as you have planted your seed in the ground, I am going to plant my seed … in you.
Ryan: I don’t think you know what you’re saying.

Dwight: It smells pretty bad, doesn’t it?
Ryan: Uh-huh.
Dwight: It’s called bull crap, and a client can smell it from a mile away.
Ryan: Gotcha.

Stanley: I wake up every morning in a bed that’s too small, drive my daughter to a school that’s too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little, but on pretzel day … well I like pretzel day.

Kelly: Who invented cupcakes, right?

Bob Vance: Whatta pair of Marys.
Stanley: This is pretzel day.

Ryan (talking to himself): “Hey Dwight, you’re a great salesman. Can you teach me?” “Sure Ryan, I’ll make you kneel in cow manure. And I’ll abandon you in a beet field.” “Oh that sounds great Dwight. I really appreciate that. Thank you so much for your mentorship.”

Dwight: Congratulations, resourceful salesman. You have passed the second challenge. Welcome to Schrute Farm!

Jim (singing): Love me, love me, say that you love me, fool me, fool me, go on and fool me …

Karen: This is not a proportionate response.

Andy (singing): I don’t care ’bout anything but you. Whatever happened to those guys?

Dwight: It is time for your next test. You have planted the beet seed. You have walked the long lonely walk of loneliness.

Michael: Hi. Please tell me you have a sweet pretzel left.
Pretzel Guy: We do.
Michael: Thank god.
Pretzel Guy: And we have 18 different toppings. We have sweet glaze, cinnamon sugar, chocolate, white chocolate, fudge, M&Ms, caramel dip, mint chip, chocolate chip, marshmallows, nuts, toffee nuts, coconut, peanut butter drizzle, oreos, sprinkles, cotton candy bits, and powdered sugar.
Michael: Is there any way that you can do all, all of them?
Pretzel Guy: The works, you got it.
Michael: All right! Thank you!

Ryan (as Mose darts by): What was that?
Dwight: Pay no attention to the spirits that haunt this hallowed ground.
Ryan: Is that your cousin Mose?
Dwight: Yes.

Dwight: What is the greatest danger facing Dunder Mifflin?
Ryan: Outsourcing and consolidation of the competition.
Dwight: Wrong. Flash floods. What is the true cause of Robert Mifflin’s suicide?
Ryan: Depression?
Dwight: Wrong. He hated himself. What is the Dharma Initiative?

Angela: I’m sure Dwight will protect him.
Kelly: I don’t know. Dwight’s so weird.
Angela: He is not weird. He’s just … individualistic.
Kelly: No, he’s a freak.
Angela: You’re a freak!

Dwight: What is Michael Scott’s greatest fear?
Ryan: Um, loneliness. Maybe women.
Dwight: Wrong. He’s not afraid of anything. Also, I would have accepted “snakes.”

Dwight: Fear is what it’s all about. You cannot sell while undergoing fear. You need to vanquish fear! One must wrestle fear to the ground. You will now wrestle my cousin Mose!

Dwight: Ryan, you don’t have to wrestle him. Ryan, just get in the coffin.

Mose: Bye Ryan. (To Dwight) He seemed nice.
Dwight: Where are all the animals?

Dwight: Mose is sorry, too. Look, he sent over a basket with eggs, and some fatback bacon, and look, something he whittled!

Dwight: I wanted us to be a team. An unstoppable team.

Dwight: Screw gun! The sales call!

Dwight: Michael always says “K-I-S-S.” “Keep It Simple, Stupid.” Great advice, hurts my feelings every time.

Michael: I am officially streamlining the efficiency of this corporation.

Pam: Did you have a lot of sugar today, Michael?

Michael: I think we can get a lot done, don’t you? On paper, at least. And we are, after all, a paper company. Are we not, are we not, are we not? Are you with me, are you with me? Thank you very much.

Ryan: They really didn’t like me.
Dwight: They did not. They didn’t have to say it to your face.

Dwight: Not everything’s a lesson, Ryan. Sometimes you just fail.

Dwight: You know what, they’re going to be screwed once this whole Internet fad is over.

Dwight: Temp, temp, temp, temp … Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, Ryan!

Dwight: Just think, that temp agency could have sent you anywhere.
Ryan: I think about that all the time.

Pam: Jan’s making me keep a log of everything Michael does all day.
Jim: Wow. Do you think … you could send me a copy of that?
Pam: Yeah, totally.

Pam: Everything’s pretty much the same here.
Jim: Oh good.
Pam: A little different. What time is it there?
Jim: What time is it here? Um, we’re in the same time zone.
Pam: Ah yeah, right.
Jim: How far away did you think we were?
Pam: I don’t know. It felt far.
Jim: Yeah.

Jim: Shut up. Mavis Beacon doesn’t even type 90.

Jim: How do you confuse “28 Days” with “28 Days Later”?
Pam: Because I got it at Blockbuster and they don’t put the pictures on the box.

Jim: Yes, fancy new Beesly would make that up. New apartment, new stories …
Pam: Oh yeah, my fancy new apartment. I have one bedroom, one bathroom, and a closet.
Jim: And how many kitchens?
Pam: I have one kitchen.
Jim: Wow, you got totally taken for a ride, Beesly!

Jim: How are you going to cook every meal of the day in one kitchen?

Stanley: 364 days. Til the next pretzel day.

253 comments

  1. The face on Michael when he gets everything on his pretzel…..awesome!
    the conversation with pam and jim…perfect!

    best episode this year so far!

  2. is anyone else sad to realize that the great john krasinksi has a fatal flaw–he can’t hold a tune in a bucket! happy birthday to him anyway.

  3. I honestly yelled at the TV for one of them to call the other back, much to the dismay of my roommate, and one of my other friends who watches the show with me (after the convo).

  4. I’m going to have “Lovefool” stuck in my head for the rest of the night. Brilliant episode – the cold open was particularly marvelous.

  5. That ‘Bye Pam’ ‘Bye Jim’ sounded so official!! Like something you would hear at the end of a movie with NO SEQUEL!
    I loved this episode, especially the Mavis Beacon reference.

  6. Honestly, just when i think the office couldn’t get better, it did. I think that everyone did an amazing job. I loved angela and kelly tonight, as well as Dwight,Mose,Ryan, even the pretzel guy i dont care this episode rocked!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im so hyper:P

    LOVE ME LOVE ME…

  7. Michael’s schedule:

    1.Told Cosby joke
    2.Stood in pretzel line

    LOVED this episode… classic Office

  8. Dwight and Kelly are so over the top in this episode. I’m getting a little tired of them taking up so much air time compared to last season. However, I’m glad that Stanley finally got a chance to be on screen for a little bit. And I’m so glad that Pam and Jim got to talk…not so that they can get back together…I honestly don’t care. I just am tired of the lack of chemistry between everyone on the show. And to be honest I think it’s because John K holds the cast together. Oh well, maybe it will be better next week…it IS getting progressively better.

  9. Very good ep.

    Ryan hasn’t made a sale, so since early June, they’ve been without Jim’s sales, and added no new ones. Michael is being watched. Things just don’t look too good for the Scranton branch.

  10. For some reason I thought that the whole Scranton office or a significant part of it was going to go to Dwight’s beet farm, not just Ryan and Dwight. Oh well. There were some funny Dwight and Ryan moments (I really liked the Mindtrap brain teasers opening and them downing boilermakers and Dwight switching mid-sentence from temp to Ryan), but for the most part I didn’t find “initiation” stuff that entertaining, as it seemed like a lot of Dwight stuff that we’ve seen before. I also thought that a lot of scenes had a lot of potential that was pretty much wasted. I did like the squeaky chair segments, which I thought were pretty funny (especially when Jim broke into Lovefool by The Cardigans. Whatever happened to those guys? They’re one of my favorite bands, based almost solely on their 3 albums they’ve made post-Lovefool, most notably Gran Turismo, which is one of my favorite albums of all time), the pretzel day stuff was mostly good, as I really liked Michael’s freaking out when he thought Phyllis was cutting in line, and Michael ordering all the toppings for his pretzel (and the ensuing sugar high and crash) was great, but the whole Stanley living for pretzel day thing was pretty outlandish. The Jim and Pam conversation was great, even though the end was really depressing. I miss them interacting each week. Also, did Melora Hardin change her hair or make-up or something? I thought she looked even hotter than usual.

  11. Yeah, they’re without Jim’s sales but Michael always comes back with the big sales (Hammermill, and this one in this episode). They must help. Also, who would’ve thought that Ryan would have trouble making sales. Didn’t see that coming.

    I thought it would have been nice if the Pam/Jim conversation continued on their cell phones on the way out of the building. But I guess we can’t have everything.

    Loved Andy lip-syncing along with Jim.

  12. I don’t think you know what you’re talking about…

    HAHA

    I loved this one. Stanley was perfect!

  13. Great episode, the season gets better and better every week…for the first time, the Stamford branch reminded me a lot of the Scranton branch. The sqeaky chair, “Lovefool”…hilarious.

    So doesn’t it seem that Michael, no matter how much he slacks off, always gets the big sale at just the right time? No way they’ll fire him or close the Scranton branch.

    LOVED the JAM interaction…been salivating for that for a long time. It was brilliantly done. So awkward at first, I actually cringed. But they so easily fell back into their banter, it was only when they were interrupted by Ryan and Dwight that the magic moment was broken. I do NOT want Jim to end up w/ Karen, but if they merge and he is dating her for awhile, I can’t wait to see how they play that little love triangle…or would that be a love square w/ Roy? Huh.

  14. I love, love, loved this ep. But after watching it, I find myself torn. I got so used to Jim and Karen that I started having a little Jim/Karen love, but after that Jam convo, I love Jam more than ever. I don’t know which I want! *Cries*

    Honestly, one of the best eps of the season. The Jim singing had me on the FLOOR! I think I liked last week’s a little better, but this week’s rocked major socks. :D

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