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Writer: Jennifer Celotta, Director: Ken Whittingham
Summary (NBC): The Dunder Mifflin Infinity website is launching and Michael is excited about going to the big launch party in New York. Dwight competes against the website to see who can sell the most paper in one day. One-hour episode.
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The Office Launch Party quotes
Kevin: Dude, you gotta believe.
Michael: Some days, I am just on fire. What can I say.
Meredith: I really appreciate you coming. I’m singling you out.
Meredith: I was wondering if you could sign my cast.
Meredith: Can you write where I can read it?
Meredith: I’ll read this when I get home.
Michael: Today’s the big day that I’m heading to New York to attend a party with sushi and important people.
Michael: The website is a brainchild of my brainchild, Ryan. It is my brain grandchild.
Kelly: That’s from Ryan? Does it mention if he’s seeing anybody?
Michael: What’s that, pipsqueak?
Dwight: You believe a computer can beat me?
Angela: I don’t care, but yes.
Dwight: Well I will prove you wrong.
Angela: I don’t care, and you won’t.
Dwight: You’ll see.
Angela: I won’t be watching, and I won’t.
Pam: Dwight mercy killed Angela’s cat. It’s very complicated. It’s caused a lot of unpleasantness between Dwight and Angela. Who were both already prone to unpleasantness.
Phyllis: Stanley, you’re dancing!
Ryan: Yeah, I created a website. Look, at the end of the day, apples to apples, flying at 30,000 feet, this is a paper company. And I don’t want us to get lost in the weeds or into a beauty contest.
Ryan: Convergence, viral marketing, we’re going guerrilla. We’re taking it to the streets, while keeping an eye on the street — Wall Street. I don’t want to reinvent the wheel here. In other words, it is what it is. Buying paper just became fun.
Andy: And then I will say something positive, like “kudos” or “job well done.”
Jim: Or “zip-a-dee-doo-dah.”
Andy: I can’t tell if he’s mocking me.
Jim: I was. Mocking.
Andy: Thank you.
Dwight: Go to my car. Open the trunk. Inside, you will see many pelts. Under the smallest one is a case. Inside that case is a bear horn. Bring it to me.
Kevin: Isn’t 7pm a little late for a lunch party?
Phyllis: So how do you feel about the fact that the banner says “lunch”?
Angela: I feel angry. Angry at you. Angry at you for doing something stupid. Angry at me for believing you could do something not stupid.
Angela: Would it really be better if it said “lanch party”?
Michael: Easy, booster seat.
Angela: Oh, and your cat’s still dead.
Jim: Really? Power gel?
Dwight: Hey, you wanna win, you gotta fuel like a winner.
Dwight: In your face, machines!
DunMiff/sys: Not sure. Just became self-aware. So much to figure out. I think I am programmed to be your enemy. I think it is my job to destroy you when it comes to selling paper.
Dwight: How do I know this isn’t Jim?
DunMiff/sys: What is a Jim?
Dwight: It appears that the website has become alive. This happens to computers and robots sometimes. Am I scared of a stupid computer? Please, the computer should be scared of me. I have been “Salesman of the Month” for 13 out of the last 12 months. You heard me right. I did so well last February, that Corporate gave me two plaques in lieu of a pay raise.
Michael: How many pounds do you think I could lose by 7:00?
Michael: Do I have your permission to invite Carol?
Michael: I’ll find somebody that I haven’t slept with.
Pam: Tie goes to the girlfriend.
Dwight: Why don’t you 0-1-1 1-1-1-1 0-1-1 0-1-1?
DunMiff/sys: While you were typing that, I searched every database in existence, and learned every fact about everything. And mastered the violin. And sold more paper.
Phyllis: It’s difficult for me when you use that tone.
Angela: Phyllis, these are spoons. Spoons have rounded tops, and are used to scoop things. What we need are forks. Which have prongs, or tiny spears on top. And we need knives, which have blades. Do you understand me now?
Kelly: But you get to put the paper in this little shopping cart and then it says, “thanks for shopping with Dunder Mifflin!”
Darryl: How about instead of yelling at our sweet little Miss Kapoor over 500 sheets of paper, you get back to your desk, and start selling multiple reams like a man.
Darryl: Who’s “it”?
Michael: I’m leaving, inside Jim’s car, I don’t know when I’ll be back again …
Michael: If you are not this tall, you may not ride the rollercoaster.
DunMiff/sys: Oh. I didn’t realize we could use the leads we stole from Staples.
Michael: It’s a club called chat room, and there’s a password to get in. Which is actually “password.”
Jim: Are there three Ws at the beginning of the address?
Michael: We’re already in the city. The main part. With the buildings.
Angela: How do you tell someone it’s over? You send them a notarized letter, right? Well what if the recipient is your notary?
Angela: I would like to have a relationship with a man.
DunMiff/sys: You beat me. You are the superior being.
Angela: “Beer, light beer, streamers, orchids, better lighting, something made of ice”?
Andy: You hadn’t noticed she’s a woman? I hear she’s single and ready to mingle.
Dwight: You’re also welcome to date Toby.
Kevin: Wait … Alfredo’s Pizza Cafe, or Pizza by Alfredo?
Michael: I don’t understand when you all talk at the same time!
Kevin: It’s like eating a hot circle of garbage.
Andy: They say you should never mix business with pleasure. Really. Well then explain to me how a putt-putt golf company operates.
Michael: You don’t even know what stupid is! It’s about to get all stupid up in here!
Kevin: We think it’s a straightforward kidnapping.
Pizza delivery guy: Yeah, I know that guy. He’s that farmer that grows really crappy weed.
Michael: I think you’re over-thinking it.
Jim: I think you’re under-thinking it.
Dwight: Because some town in Switzerland says so, you have rights.
Pizza delivery guy: Why are you looking at her like that?
Andy: Here you are, dear. One thing made of ice.
Andy: I stole it.
Pam: “That mixed berry yogurt you’re about to eat has expired.”
Pizza delivery guy: If anyone out there is listening, I’m being held here against my will. I’m a minor.
Andy: I know this is weird because we work together, and because up until and possibly including now, I’ve repulsed you, but I like you.
Dwight: If you’re going #1, you’ve got ten more seconds!
Michael: I kidnapped a kid.
Jim: To avoiding a Class 2 felony charge.
Dwight: “I started a fire with my cheese pita.”
Icon courtesy of pessimistreader.